chris-726 Reviews

London Has Fallen (2016)

Ever wondered what goes on inside the mind of Trump voter?

[1/10 · 28 January 2017]

Anyone wondering how 63% of white men and 53% of white women voters in the US came to vote for Donald Trump might like this trip into the 'don't own a passport, never left my red state' fantasy land of Fox news.

Gerard Butler does a passable Sean Hannity impression - I think Morgan Freeman is doing Bill O'Reilly. Those who remember the Fox News claim that the entire city of Birmingham was a police no-go area will find the depiction of London here to be eerily familiar.

Londoners might enjoy a good chuckle, though this is much less convincing than 28 Weeks Later. Some of the climactic effects are destined for 'how not to do this' CGI highlight reels of the future.

I hope everyone involved felt their time was worth it in light of later 2016 events.

Ashes to Ashes (2008–2010)

Closely compared to it's predecessor

[7 February 2008]

I just managed to watch the end of Life on Mars before Ashes to Ashes started tonight and the 80s spin off is waaayyyy better

..acting, direction, script...

To be fair I'm such a massive fan of US HBO level TV this might yet be all relief that Ashes to Ashes isn't another cringing disappointment and it might yet descend into period cop cliché like LOM but I have to say it's great fun so far.

It's funnier, more OTT, taking itself a lot less seriously, helped by the fact that Life on Mars could only be an inferior version of The Sweeney.. and the new one is a vast improvement on Dempsey and Makepeace.

But most of all because it's completely aware of the events of Life on Mars and has an extra layer of complication, making its a lot less like saddo nostalgia TV (like a pretentious Heartbeat) and more like A Matter of Life and Death.

and it still has the northern coppers! I missed Liz White from the earlier series but Keeley Hawes (from Spooks/MI5) makes for a much more interesting central relationship with Gene Hunt. Philip Glenister looks like he's in heaven (?)

The Descent (2005)

Scariest movie since...

[8/10 · 13 November 2005]

I'm a major horror film buff. I was actually at the Dead By Dawn Festival in Edinburgh this year listening to (director) Neil Marshall talk. Nice, funny guy. Loved the stories about his previous film DOG SOLDIERS, a movie destined to be THE Italian JOB of British horror movies.

But the endless re-runs of THE DESCENT trailer put me off. Its just a humourless chick flick about cavers right? It can't seriously be good yeah? Shamefully I've just caught this on DVD and I'm struggling to remember anything as efficiently scary made recently. It uses darkness like the best of BLAIR WITCH, the character dynamics of ALIENS and has the black heart of STRAW DOGS Comparing DOG SOLDIERS to DESCENT is like comparing DUEL to JAWS. (I don't say that lightly - JAWS is my favourite movie) When it gets moving THE DESCENT is less like a roller-coaster ride and more like being in a lift dropping down a mineshaft You know the acid test? When a confirmed horror film nut has to turn the lights on when he goes upstairs. When this movie crosses the Atlantic you won't know whats hit you..

Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World (2003)

I've read the books

[30 July 2004]

Reading a lot of comments here about pacing, strangeness of plot, strangeness of characters, strangeness of language…

Well whatever you think of the movie I think this is one of the most faithful adaptations of a source novel I can think of. Any criticisms thrown at the movie can be applied as equally to the books in my view.

The Doctor is a strange character, an Irish rebel who loathes authority but loathes Bonaparte all the more. Bettany is brilliant.

Aubrey is also an odd hero – probably toned down a bit for the film – a magnificent leader of men and fantastic tactician who is actually a hopeless social inadequate complete with hopeless jokes (you're not supposed to be laughing WITH the weevils joke – you're supposed to be laughing AT it) who is a complete liability on land. Russell Crowe tries his best but is too heroic – he needs to more like Boris Johnson!

The plot – beginning and ending knowhere? With only brief battles at beginning and end? Again just like the books which often end in even stranger places and plot points. Most of all – the impenetrable language (toned down for the movie) sets you amid the detail in a totally vivid completely & alien world which you can nevertheless relate to as these men built the world we live in now

For a movie fans point of view Peter Wier maybe went to far slavishly adapting the books, but give the guy a break, look at his track record (TRUMAN SHOW etc) If I were a producer I'd let him do whatever he wants with whatever budget.

From an O'Brian fans point of view this is much better than anyone could reasonably expected and I can only say to those that enjoyed MASTER AND COMMANDER that if more come in the series in the same vein (wait until you see the various wives and families, the damn Yankees, the battles in the south atlantic, the adventures in the Indian Ocean, the spy plots in France and London, the feasts…) you're in for a real treat.

Note – this is an adaption of two novels – Master and Commander, and The Far Side of the World (hence the title) & enemy ship in The Far Side of the World is actually an american ship :-)

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003)

'None Shall Pass!"

[12 July 2004]

'Monty Python and the Holy Grail'. King Arthur vs The Black Knight. 'None shall pass!' Remember that? That's the last time I remember slapstick levels of comedy limb-lopping before seeing the remake of 'Texas Chainsaw Massacre'

Before I go any further I'm not a knee-jerk 'the original is always better' type. I saw the originals of 'Dawn of The Dead' and 'The Ring' long before the remakes and yet late into a long pub session I have been known to admit I prefer the remakes (I like the hint of political satire in the new Dawn and the creepy sub-plot involving horses in the American Ring)

So the new TCM is crap? Well no – if you've not seen the original and don't care it might well be terrifying. Its certainly very uncomfortable viewing. All the implied violence, gore, torture and abuse hinted at in the original movie without ever being seen is dragged out endlessly before your eyes in the new version. And it has none of the originals crazy humour that gives even a hint of sympathy to the rural family.

In fact you've no sympathy for anyone. The incredibly fit, thin, spotless (in the 70's?) tourists face off against the genetically degenerate locals with an almost Nazi level of attention paid to the physical differences between the two (no sign of the irritating tourist in the wheelchair from the original – in fact in the new version they're all just irritating). There are rampant levels of 'I'll just walk into the abandoned filthy meat factory on my own' stupidity and some silliness involving a dead body.

Perhaps the daftest thing is the way chainsaws and even a hatchet perform almost like light sabres, not only severing limbs with ease but also cauterising the wounds instantly. No-one bleeds to death in this movie or goes into shock – which is probably just as well as a realistic portrayal of the torture shown here would probably make it completely unwatchable.

On the plus side its well directed, well acted and looks fantastic. The very end almost is up with the original and hints to the debt that 'Blair Witch Project' owes to it. Perhaps that's that real difference between the two – The original TCM would make a great double bill with Blair Witch. The only move I can see the remake going with is 'Straw Dogs', and I guess if you are in a mood for pitiless torture and abuse with a rural twist it might make for an interesting evening

The Big Lebowski (1998)

Never mind the movie do the drinking game

[2 June 2004]

Just because no-one else has mentioned this I suppose I'll have to.

You basically match the characters in the movie - shot for shot - with White Russians. (Kaluha, Vokda, milk)

You'll get through about 11 in total (I think - memory is a little hazy) which doesn't sound too much but they do come in sudden batches. For this reason large amounts of pre-mixed White Ruskies will lesson the panic drinking and mixing. My ex-girlfriend moaned for weeks about the effects of dried Kaluha on our coffee table (whats a coffefs table for anyway if its not for coffee liqueor drank by the pint?)

I've done it at least three times and it is such a local favourite I'm been thinking of doing something similar with MILLERS CROSSING (shot of Irish whisky every time you see a hat fall..)

Great, great movie. Has anyone here mentioned Julianne Moore?

Final note: Intolerable Cruelty is hugely underrated!

Full Throttle (1995 TV Movie)

Petrolheads will love this.

[7/10 · 27 November 2003]

Obviously there are not many serious motor racing fanatics reading IMDB or this would have a lot more comments. Screened in 1995 this is still talked of as perhaps the best motor racing drama ever made for UK tv (period or otherwise).

Rowan Atkinson is of course a motor racing nut in his spare time and is a regular attendee and racer in classic events in the UK. He is serious in this interest and much to his credit this is an entirely serious and effective recreation of an incredible true motor racing story from the 1930's.

The dominance of the British Bentley team in european racing is coming to an end. The dastardly Germans have created a thing called a "supercharger" (or "blower") which enables their Mercedes "silver arrows" to out-power the giant, normally aspirated Bentley cars.

The answer is to fit a "blower" to a Bentley but the stuffy head of the Bentley factory won't have it. It takes a private driver (RW - convincingly daring and dashing) and his mad little team to create the "Blower Bentley" and the story of how the private Bentley team and the works team take on the might of Mercedes at Le Mans one final time is straight from a Boys Own annual.

If you are a sports fan or a car nut I would highly recommend this. If you an an Atkinson fan it it shows an unexpected talent for straight acting but don't expect Rat Race.

The Matrix Revolutions (2003)

Heres hoping for an origami unicorn somewhere

[4/10 · 12 November 2003]

roll up roll up for the fesvtial of films that screwed a great movie series for you. Beginning in the 1930s we have ABBOT AND COSTELLO MEET FRANKENSTEIN. Moving to the 80's we have HIGHLANDER 2 : THE QUICKENING followed by THE LIVING DAYLIGHTS. Onto 2 not classic superhero movies SUPERMAN 4 : THE QUEST FOR PEACE and BATMAN FOREVER. And before I move onto MATRIX REVOLUTIONS i'd just like to namecheck ALIEN3, THE AVENGERS and PEARL HARBOUR just for a sense of completeness. All the above movies kill the original material so dead that it is years before you re-discover an interest in them and wonder what turned you off them do much.

Such was the build in in RELOADED, interesting new characters, clever plot twists and great action, that is is crushing to find that in REVOLUTIONS it was actually all going NOWHERE. The new characters were just padding and the great plot twists are forgotten. The ambiguous ending? haha. The multi-dimensional dialogue and premise that had serious philosophical papers written on it vanishes in REVOLUTIONS to be replaced by PEARL HARBOUR with robots. Its mystifying actually. I thought I'd dreamed it when the credits rolled.

In THE MATRIX you are so involved you want to jump into the screen and fight Agent Smith yourself. In REVOLUTIONS several people I was watching with were actually rooting for Agent Smith at the end! (A lousy action sequence BTW - a climatic fight that does not come close to any of the fights in the first movie)

First two movies ended with pounding entirely appropriate Rage Against the Machine music over the final credits - the REVOLUTIONS does not and it would be entirely out of place if it did such is the change of tone -REMs Shiny Happy People would be more in tune. After my constant moaning about the Ewok moments at the start of RELOADED someone asked me after if it was as bad as RETURN OF THE JEDI. Well actually I think REVOLUTIONS is quite a bit worse than PHANTOM MENACE..

In ending I would plead with MATRIX fans to avoid REVOLUTIONS like the plague - its not an utter disaster (Monica Bellucci's t*ts are ok) but it does make everything remotely connected to it seem a lot worse.

On a plus note, copies of ANIMATRIX and ENTER THE MATRIX will be v heavily discounted over the next year or so and are well worth picking up. ENTER THE MATRIX can be a bit ropy in places but also great fun and most of ANIMATRIX is pure class. Watch them instead and make your own ending up.

Matrix scores - Before seeing Revolutions THE MATRIX ***** ANIMATRIX **** ENTER THE MATRIX *** THE MATRIX RELOADED ****

After seeing Revolutions THE MATRIX **** ANIMATRIX *** ENTER THE MATRIX * THE MATRIX RELOADED **

Finally there is one persistant nagging doubt - one of the US reviews said "How can something that started so cool end up so dorky?" and it does seem v odd that something that promises so much intelligent thought can end up looking so almost willfully stupid. I half suspected BLAIR WITCH 2 to be purposefully terrible as part of some fiendicously clever ploy to lull the audience into a false sense of security (it wasn't).

Here's hoping - please god - that there is a hidden clue somewhere in MATRIX REVOLUTIONS which, like the origami unicorn in BLADE RUNNER, turns the whole plot of this movie on its head and reveals the incredibly cheesy dialog and hilarious death scenes (of characters you once really cared about) to be obvious theatrical panderings to another level of Matrix inmates..

Gosford Park (2001)

stays with you

[8/10 · 26 July 2002]

I was far from an Altman fan before seeing GOSFORD PARK - In 1980 I remember avoiding the Chuck & Di's wedding in the 80's by going to see POPEYE. (Not a great day) Re-watched MASH though after seeing this and I think Altman is growing on me.

I sympathise with other posters over the accents. It's difficult to pick out the dialogue as it is without knowing the lingo.

Don't be put off though because this is a rich, rewarding movie that will stay fresh on many levels. It passes as a murder mystery but almost a spoof of that genre - more like MURDER BY DEATH. It's a great comedy also but most of all its a brilliant social & historical thriller.

Strange how some US posters are fawning over the virtues and manners of the characters in this film. GOSFORD PARK is all about showing the rest of the world the real horrors of the class system. It's depicting a world of polite slavery on its last legs and Altman does the job of justifying the US War of Independence with a million times more braincells than Mel Gibson's THE PATRIOT.

GOSFORD PARK is not meant to be some pretentious Agatha Christie experience. It's THE SHOOTING PARTY (the pre-war allegory with very similar premise and setting from 1984) with a heart.

Batman Forever (1995)

How To Kill A Movie Franchise Stone Dead

[24 May 2002]

Like the sequel to Highlander this horrible HORRIBLE experience will put you off watching the PREVIOUS movies in the series - let alone any future ones.

The worst theatrical Batman feature since the second movie serial of the 1940's and the worst Joel Schumacher movie (personally I think its even worse than the next in the series - the much reviled BATMAN AND ROBIN) it is particularly bad if you were a fan of both Batman and JS before this.

Trying to be positive - I'd have to say Carey is good as the Riddler.

Aside from that the other cast members are terrible and the plot even worse than previous entries. Two-Face finally appears as little more than Joker Mark 2 and most depressing of all the world of Gotham established by Tim Burton and Anton Furst ("hell erupting through the streets") is chucked out of the window to be replaced by the very campiness that they tried so hard to get away from.

The Statue of Liberty appears with "GOTHAM" written accross its forehead. This is the level of imagination on display.

Shackleton (2002)

worst of the ice is skated over (sorry !)

[23 January 2002]

The build up to being stuck on the ice is fantastic but the really miraculous parts of are covered in the final 20 minutes and the end seems hopelessly rushed.

Events at home are never tied up the end and seem a pointless distraction in retrospect. Branaugh could have been a bit more restrained but is mostly good. Not enough is seen of the other members of the expedition - but there is plenty of Shackletons wife and mistress weeping.

The heartbreaking end to the sled dogs is played for laughs - which I think sums up how far this is away from the real mindset of the moment.

(Incidently I have seen and am a big fan of Longitude)

Black Books (2000–2004)

Definately Tedist (with added Withnail)

[18 January 2002]

Watching the Channel4 re-run at the moment. (Aparently there is another series on the way but for a series thats won a BAFTA the lack of pubilicity is amazing)

The most immediate thing fans of Father Ted will appreciate is the casting and the direction. Its a sign of perfect comic timing and performances when you've seen the same scene over and over and it just gets funnier.

The other thing will be the idiotic surrealism - for instance Manny in episode one swallowing and absorbing The Little Book of Calm. Completely stupid in a recognisably Craggy Island fashion.

I'm not one to say Black Books is better than Father Ted but there is one thing BB has in its favour and that is the familiar miasma of drunken excess and bleery eyed London squalor you will probably have seen before in WITHNAIL & I (And maybe Jeffry Bernard Is Unwell). Craggy Island is a great setting but for extra contrast between the irratingly pompous and the militantly pi**ed a bookstore is London is pretty much spot on.

I know - I used to work at Forbidden Planet !

The Lost World (2001)

A pleasant surprise

[8/10 · 28 December 2001]

Basically the Walking with Dinosaurs effects team working with BBC Drama.

I may have been full of the Christmas spirit(s) but this seemed to be the best BBC drama I've seen for a while and as far as I know quite faithful to the book. Characters more engaging than the animals (unheard of movies like this) and here's hoping Hoskins as Prof Challenger returns soon.

Plunkett & Macleane (1999)

A worthy successor to The Duellists ...

[5 December 2001]

as its the first film directed by Jake Scott - son of Ridley.

Unfairly savaged by the UK critics in 1999 it will not disappear into obscurity like some of the Merchant Ivory rubbish it was unfairly compared with.

Highlights - The music is awesome. The strange period vocal pieces are by The Tiger Lillies, whose contributions towards the SHOCKHEADED PETER stage show are highly recommended. The general score by Craig Armstrong is up with his best and is never used more effectively than in the breath-taking dance scene, choreographed against stately 18th spectacle. You can almost hear the imagination of the film critics snapping in the background.

The direction and photography are pure Scott brothers. Like The Duellists every frame could be a painting.

The writing - Charles McKeown, who co-wrote Brazil and Baron Munchausen with Terry Gilliam, contributed to the screenplay and it shows.

Finally - the acting is uniformly great but a special mention to Liv Tyler whose accent is spot-on for me (again the critics seemed to expect Emma Thompson) and who creates a very cool and elegant character without seeming out of place.

I have yet to meet someone who has viewed this film and can explain the reception it got on release.

The Navigators (2001)

Not as good as Land and Freedom...

[4 December 2001]

but still excellent and required viewing if you're a commuter in the UK.

A documentary aired in the UK on the same weekend as this revealed that some of Mrs Thatchers advisors wanted to rip up the UK's entire railway network (the oldest in the world) and turn the tracks into roads. The eventual distallation of this attitude to public transport is seen here.

Fair, not preachey, very realistic and occasionally very funny. It reminded me of a UK tv drama of the 80's called "Boys From the Blackstuff" - which as you'll know if you've seen it is very high praise.

1941 (1979)

Before you judge - compare with Pearl Harbour

[7/10 · 16 November 2001]

I've never been to LA in my life and I'm a real supporter of this movie. Don't think I agree with the "1%" theory - its more like 20% of movie buffs are fanatical supporters and the rest hate it. Was the ratio similar with "Its a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World" I wonder ?. Perhaps there is a mini-genre of cameo packed, totally overblown, stupid slapstick ("EPIC SLAPSTICK" ?) movies... but I can't think of any more.

Favourite bit - Dan Ackroyds on-the-fly impression of THE FLY

Pearl Harbor (2001)

Dude, Wheres My P-40 ?

[1/10 · 14 November 2001]

... but a lot less funny and entertaining as that might suggest.

I like the era - Speilbergs "1941", FF Coppollas "TUCKER", "THE ROCKETEER" and the sequel to Chinatown "THE TWO JAKES" are some of the best looking films I know.

Unfortunately PEARL HARBOR is a lot less historically convincing than even THE ROCKETEER - which is based on a comic itself based on the saturday morning serial "King of the Rocketmen". The vintage planes look nice - the P-40 fighters especially but such stupid s**t happens in them you'll be groaning through the flying sequences.

Course it IS directed by a Brit and those who've not seen it (like me yesterday) might be tempted to think its being willfully idiotic - like a period "DUDE WHERES MY CAR?" but the seriousness given to the attack scenes undermines any comedy and on a small screen the "spectacular attack" looks like a computer game anyway. 1941's better for laughs AND action.