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Witness Number 3 (2022)
Key witness?
Trailer promised a show which was hardly original - key witness wants to do right thing and is subjected to evil intimidation- but the story fell apart quickly. We are expected to believe she is the key witness to a murder and the police desperately need her to get a prosecution.
The problem is she didn't really see much. She caught a brief glimpse of the suspect walking with a man whose face she never saw. She didn't see a weapon, she didn't see any actual crime being committed.
Why the police would think she was a key witness for the prosecution, in fact essential to getting a conviction is incredible. The most they could possibly say is that she caught a glimpse of the suspect walking past with an unidentified man wearing a hoodie similar to a man who subsequently turned up murdered. Hardly proof beyond reasonable doubt.
Once this became evident, there wasn't really any point continuing to watch it.
Football Focus (2001)
Unwatchable
Football focus? This drivel is more 'diverse' 'thought provoking' touchy feely Guardian readers tripe. Now what would be good would be a programme concentrating on what's going on in the game, looking at upcoming games and tactics with some scuttlebut about what's happening re possible team changes, performances and insights into the teams. I'm not interested in what music the players like, how they cope with the hideous racism that is apparently so rife (on twitter?) that these humungously well paid and hero worshipped 'stars' so bravely combat by taking the knee and caring for their mental health.
I no longer waste my time with this dross. Would rate it zero stars if I could.
Holding (2022)
Disappointing
I was looking forward to this based on the trailers and the main character. I have now watched 2.5 episodes and watch a disappointment it is. It isn't funny enough to be a comedy and it isn't dramatic enough to be a drama.
The main character seems permanently bemused but even worse is the black detective. Not because he is black but because he is a poor actor and his character doesn't actually do anything despite apparently being so much smarter than the village cop.
Apart from shoehorning in a black character (who incidentally is also gay and seems to have packed an awful lot of clothes for someone not expecting to stay) it's difficult to see why his character is in this at all. Oh and he takes his clothes off a lot
He isn't the only superfluous character. To be perfectly honest the show is full of them. They add nothing of interest but I suppose it gives a few actors a job. It just isn't worth watching. Oh and I forgot the lesbian teachers, one of whom has a son who seems to be of south east Asian heritage and Mrs Doyle out of Father Ted, who similarly adds precisely nothing to the dull drawn out tale.
The village cop asks the black 'supercop' where he is from and he says he is a Dubliner. Two points here. 1 the Dublin accent is very distinctive and nobody in Ireland would need to ask a Dubliner where he came from, however as point 2 is that the black detective not only does an appalling Dublin accent, he does an appalling Irish accent it makes the question unintentionally apt.
The whole thing is just a dull, disjointed mess and although I gave it my best shot, 2 and a half episodes is all I could take.
After Life (2019)
Loved series 1
Thought series 1 was great. Funny and moving in parts so I was really looking forward to series 2. Alas, I'm no prude and don't usually mind swearing, but I find the c word really unpleasant and can never see any reason for using it except in exceptional circumstances.
In the very first episode of series 2 it is used repeatedly and seemingly for no other reason than to shock. I wasn't shocked, I served in the armed forces and there is probably not a single swear word I haven't heard or at times used, but I was genuinely disappointed.
It's such a shame as I think it could have been a series I would have enjoyed, but I'm not going to sit and listen to language like that. Ricky can chuck the f word around and that doesn't bother me. Although when used too much, as it often is in modern comedies it just become tiresome and frankly shows a lack of imagination. But the c word? No not for me.
I rate series 1 as an 8 and series 2 as a 3 so overall I think 5 is a fair mark.
The Witchfinder (2022)
It's just not funny.
Endured episode 1. This just isn't funny. I know comedy is subjective but there are some things that are genuinely funny to the majority of people. I just cannot believe some of the reviews praising this dross. How on earth can anyone say this rubbish had a brilliant script and fabulous comic timing? Beyond belief.
I for one will not be wasting anymore of my time on this. It is so poor that BBC will almost certainly make a second series just to spite everyone.
Vera (2011)
Past its sell by date
The early series were quite good, apart from some awful north east accents, Vera's amongst them. We live in the north east so to be honest watched it more for the locations than anything else. It's often amusing to see them driving across the Tyne Bridge one minute and then the High Level the next.
The series started to go downhill when the excellent David Leon (Sgt Joe Ashworth) a good actor and a real Geordie left to be replaced by. Kenny Doughty who is pretty wooden in comparison.
The supporting cast of detectives never seem to add much to the plot other than to carry out Vera's often screechy orders and I find it hard to believe that in such a small team they would all always call her maam even in the close quarters of their office.
What is particularly amusing is to see how, as the series progress more and more ethnic minorities are shoehorned in. In later series whenever they are going to see 'the bloke who runs the youth club' or 'the owner of xyz business or some random witness they are almost always black or asian despite (with the exception of the west end of Newcastle), Tyneside and particularly Northumberland having probably the lowest percentage of non white residents in the country.
It's interesting too that while the programme makers are keen to have as many minority actors as possible, they are far less keen on having genuine Geordie and Northumbrian (and no, they are not the same) actors.
The plots are pretty pedestrian and despite the long run, character development is threadbare and we know pretty much nothing about them as people. In particular the character of Kenny, the eldest and longest serving member of the team is one that could have been made much more of than just the occasional 'yes maam' that he is reduced to. Oh, and Vera's habit of calling everyone Luv is definitely not normal Geordie vernacular.
Time to retire Vera pet.
Crime (2021)
Gave up after episode 3
Started watching this as the trailer looked good. Episode one had some by now predictable references to toxic masculinity and feisty female cop but this is par for the course. By episode 3 the angst of the main character was getting boring. They introduced an obnoxious , racist political type who, surprise surprise supported the union of the UK so was clearly a baddie. The dialogue became increasingly silly. The scenes where the compulsory neanderthal white male cop lead the suspects solicitor through the building were ludicrous and Ken Stott's superintendent character had a bizarre meltdown.
Sorry, but enough is enough for me. I'm going to watch some old episodes of Taggart and Rebus for some quality, realistic crime drama without the p.c. Baggage and emotional angst.
COBRA (2020)
Witless
Never left a review before so this is a first for me. So far I have watched 2 episodes and am hugely disappointed.
To start with the plane crash. The pilot tells ATC that they spent too long over France and as a result have only 30 minutes fuel left. This plane eventually crashes on the A1 near Newton Aycliffe (which the series Chief Constable of Northumberland should be told is in County Durham, so what's he doing there?). This means the plane had to have flown past at least 7 airports, including Gatwick, Heathrow,Stanstead, Luton. East Midlands and Leeds Bradford! Absurd.
They kept waffling that the glide paths weren't working, as if fully trained pilots are incapable of finding huge airports and landing a plane. Even in the context of this programme that is plainly ridiculous given that no other planes crash.
So the crash itself was absurd. Then the plane hits the motorway and breaks up into neat chunks about 30 or 40 metres from each other.
Then our heroic Northumberland CC turns up,out of his force area, apparently the only cop there and clambers around a plane rescuing a baby.
He then seems to wander around, by himself going to an immigration detention centre housing asylum seekers but also dangerous criminals! Although this is a 'powder keg' he leaves without contacting the Durham police (of course he doesn't - the writers obviously don't even where Durham is) or mobilizing any riot police (despite the phones and vehicles all working) and of course this causes problems later.
Bizarrely this plane crashing on the A1 appears to cut off Northumberland from the rest of the country, not sure what happened to the A19 or even the M6, from which you can cross over to Northumberland on several roads including the A69.
This CC then gets a call from aforesaid detention centre and rather than send a full compliment of riot police, (and incidentally the detention centre doesn't think to escalate the issue to the prison service which could have sent trained prison officers from several northern prisons including Durham) he,along with a civil servant who has arrived by helicopter, drives to the centre and rescues the governor.
This CC seems to have no senior officers to assist him, doesn't appear to command and control from a central HQ and even worse doesn't seem to have any actual police officers. The poor bloke has to do everything himself!
As for the cliched side stories, so hackneyed and dull. There is so much else I could say about this rubbish but I just can't be bothered. I'll watch episode 3 as other review have mentioned how after being without power for a couple of days, we primitive savages in the North apparently go on the rampage.
I know this is fiction and a certain amount of dramatic licence is normal, but really, the writers and producers should at least have a basic knowledge of the geography of Britain. They clearly don't even know where Northumberland is or that we have more than one road!
There are some 10 star reviews for this series. For the life of me I have no idea how anyone could award this tripe anything like that. My 3 stars re generous and if episode 3 is as bad s some of the reviews say it is I might have to revise that score.