rockorbe2002 Reviews

Rise of the Planet of the Apes (2011)

excellent remake

[8/10 · 23 March 2012]

all i can say is the "rise of the planet of the apes" was a way better remake than "planet of the apes." the characters were well chosen. the cgi was well balanced. Cesar in particular has a good balanced to where he still is a chimp but gradually becomes more humanized. even if he's an obvious cgi, he does blend pretty good in the scenery. James Franco does a superb job as will Rodman, a scientist who through Cesar tries to find the cure for Alzheimer's. his desperation is genuine. the beautiful Frieda pinto also excels as his love interest Caroline Ariana who shows genuine sympathy. all were good. however, the most outstanding character went to john Lithgow as will's father charles. i mean, who knew? lithgow went from playing selfish, buffoonish, eccentric dick Solomon in 3rd rock from the sun (a series i freaking love) to playing a man with Alzheimer's. he gives his character a good touch of respect, dignity, and humanity, showing the desperation of someone who tries hard to adjust to life but due to a crippling disease, cannot manage. his bond with Cesar is specially touching, as if Cesar was real. his death, even if predictable, becomes heartbreaking, a forlorn hope. in fact i checked the Wikipedia entry for the movie and apparently lithgow didn't get nominated for any award for supporting actor, including the Oscars. that's a travesty. i hope that in the future the academy will consider characters like this for nomination more.

by the way, keep up the good work IMDb, but your preview sucks. just an honest opinion

Viva la Bam (2003–2006)

dumb white kids doing dumb white stuff

[3/10 · 2 May 2010]

the title of my review says it all. while jackass was funny in not just the stunts, but the perceived randomness of the stunts themselves. viva la bam, on the other hand, is reduced to the same bland stupid things rich suburban kids do on their spare time. except they get paid for it, of course. definitely not a good example for the kiddies, especially when, among other things, you have a dad who gets beat up by his son constantly, a drunk, morbidly obese, unintelligible, and just gross uncle, and you have your main character wreck his own lamborghini. it turned into your typical teen dumbass show. suddenly i want to go rent both jackass movies.

The Garbage Pail Kids Movie (1987)

what the hell!!

[1/10 · 2 May 2010]

this is it! officially the worst movie I've ever watched. and im not just saying it out of the moment. absolutely the worst. the fact that i didn't stop watching it after 10 minutes means i have a strong sense of resistance. besides the fact that the kids themselves make chucky from "child's play" look like a care bear and they're disgusting as hell, this movie contains the two stupidest plots ever integrated into a film. the first: the state home of the ugly. not making this up. i don't even think Hitler's eugenics program would have come up with such a thing. second: the bullies harrasing the main character, dodger, use him and the kids to (again, not making it up) run a scheme to make what the 80's considers "fashionable" clothes and sell them. for one, while the colombians were shipping tons upon tons of blow over here, these "thugs" were getting rich off of these. lame. and come on, even by 80's standards, these clothes were ridiculously wretched. then again, it WAS the 80's. oh well (shrug). that, and actually having the garbage pail kids actually have skills. lol. if you are gonna watch this and if you're of legal age, i highly recommend having some booze around. just saying.

Cheaper by the Dozen (2003)

you call this a family film??

[4/10 · 30 July 2009]

well, this movie starts out not bad. we have a giant family. well, not exactly octomom or jon & kate, but this is a massive 12-member family. seems a peaceful family with a hardworking dad and loving and nurturing mom. although you already notice something wrong with this picture. a big family and none of the kids do any chores whatsoever. from here the movie takes a plunge. the dad takes his dream job of coaching division 1 football, not only he does it for himself, but for his family's well being. the message doesn't sit well with the kids who do ANYTHING to avoid it. notice that looks like the movie portrays the father as selfish although its the kids who don't give a damn, always whining, not obeying rules, etc. etc. and then the mom decides to pursue her dream of publishing a book. not gonna happen, with a bunch of brats and a father who cannot fend for himself. in the end, the kids get their way. in conclusion, this movie, far from giving "family values" portrays a interesting point: kids get what they want, especially if there's 12 of them. they're immature, misbehaved, bratty, whiny. among them, the older jock son who bitches about not wanting what he wants. dude, you're old enough, get a job you little prick! hilary duff, as always annoying. the parental figures, well, they were more like submissive figures. surprisingly, the best performance went to ashton kutcher, who i find usually annoying but this time his character was funny. so i see why people recommend this for the family, since it seems like this is how they raise their own families.

Keeping Up with the Kardashians (2007–2021)

what is this?

[1/10 · 23 March 2009]

what's up with this crap? i was watching a whole episode. that's right a WHOLE episode. it dawned on me. have TV producers and executives lost wits and ideas. they let any rich bratty family on TV and their fame lies on Kim's ass (which is not bad), their extravagance, and the fact that patriarch Robert kardashian bailed out o.j Simpson and i even found out, on wikipedia no less, that o.j is Kim's godfather. i guess crime does pay. but going back to the subject. this particular episode features the elder kardashian sister throwing a fit cause mommy doesn't show up for a shoot and on top calls mommy a bitch. now, in my days (and bear in mind, im in my 20's, about the same age as some of the kardashian brats) disrespecting your parents like that, even if your parents were wrong, you got a slap in the face. but what does mommy kardashian do? she sends bratty a feel-better bouquet. now WHAT THE HELL IS THAT? if that's not an indication of screwed-up parenting, then i don't know what it is. next episode had the other kardashian sister posing for Peta. it just shows that these girls have no talent whatsoever other than what puberty gave them and they got cash to fix that. otherwise, you all know who the government will be bailing out next. this show sucks, if you want reality, you'll be better watching Kim's porno flick, which i hear is way better than Paris Hilton's. way to go E! entertainment. you just sunk yourselves deeper into your own creative manure.

My Super Sweet 16 (2005– )

why?

[10/10 · 9 October 2008]

if you want a review of modern American society, look no further than mtv. what they feature is utterly saddening (although i do have a weakness for, and do enjoy, jackass). but my super sweet sixteen is probably of one the worst. (ill get to the other mtv shows later.) to begin, we start at some rich girl's (or rarely, boy's) mansion and she's planning a massive sweet sixteen party where she gets anything she wants. a $50000 country club? check. a $500 dress? check. a $100000 audi? (and it better not be used) check. what's sad is, the parents have their hands tied. they don't seem to care that they could be well taking their estate into bankrupcy, just to please some stupid brat.

what is the lesson in all of this? first of all, mtv is full if hypocrites. i mean, how do they launch anti-drug and anti-smoking propaganda, when in their shows, they promote rudeness, debauchery, heavy drinking, lavish spending, materialism, etc? second, this program shows how parenting has changed over the last decade or so. gone are the days when parents were respected authority figures. now, especially with all these modern gadgets coming out, kids don't feel like they should earn anything and feel like they don't need to respect anything. and you can't even try to put some disciplined without being labeled old-fashioned, or even worse, be acussed of child abuse. and we complain why our beloved country is falling down in all senses of society. so sad.=-{ by the way, the 10 star rating, that's me just being sarcastic, before you all get all pissy at me.

Delta Farce (2007)

The only farce was that this comedy doesn't have comedy

[2/10 · 12 September 2008]

this movie i saw as a mistake. see, i was vacationing in Mexico, and there, we saw the Spanish title for this movie in the local theater without seeing the poster and thought we were gonna see tropic thunder. big mistake, i say. for starters, who the hell told the blue collar squad, specially that fatass named larry the cable guy, that they're cut for movies? it tries to give some chuckles by using hot but dumb blonde chicks and hick redneck jokes, with no results. then we have these idiots going to reserve training. granted, reserve forces are more relaxed than active duty, but these idiots treat it as a vacation. no doubt REAL reservists and guardsmen will not be amused. then there's the whole "i think were in iraq" crap. Jesus, they're your stereotypical patriot warmongering hicks who supposedly follow the war, how can they assume that iraq has, i don't know, MOUNTAINS?! and they see two Mexican peasants and because they have brown skin, they assume them to be iraqis! and anyone who has gone to a real rural Mexican town knows this movie is full of crap, cause Mexican towns don't look like this! it looks more like a set for a speedy gonzales cartoon. all in all, this movie fails for its gross humor lack of geographic skills and outdate racial humor. yeah, accuse me of taking this too seriously but ill tell you this, superbad, pineapple express, talladega nights, now those were funny. not surprisingly we walked out of this godawful pieces of cowcrap. in the end, it wasn't about being pro or anti war or loving or hating rednecks. it's about trying to have a good time at the movies and having it ruined. p.s. the reason i gave this 2 stars is that this in not AS bad as larry the cable guys other "crapsterpiece" health inspector.

Cool as Ice (1991)

Drop the hero, give ice a zero!

[2/10 · 12 April 2008]

the reason I'm putting a spoiler warning is because I'm currently watching cool as ice on you tube. well, call me lazy, but it's just easier to watch the separate clips on you tube than actually having to look for a copy of the film. and it's not like universal is gonna sue me over a film they'd rather not have made. on that note to IMDb, you could also use a "crappy film" warning as well, if you don't, shame on you.

let's begin our little dissection by starting at a warehouse somewhere in the USA. we see Naomi Campbell "singing." i cant blame the directors for not having a dubbed voice for Campbell, especially after the Milli vanilli and c&c music factory fiasco, though they wish they could have, since Campbell not much sings as just squeals, making a sound akin to a squeaky door. we see a bunch of people dancing, which the scene ain't too bad, though seeing ice dance, it's just funny. a few things to notice is ice's rat tail (groovy), the license plate that says "state of mind" (is that next to Nevada) and the fact that even though he is sorrounded by a black posse, he gets all the attention, thus his buddies are relegated to being the stereotypical token black characters.

among other things that i noticed, this film tried to hard to be "artistic", but it's just weird, among other things: peanut butter and sardine sandwiches, ice's quote jacket, how he jumps a 5foot fence without a ramp, the "drop that zero line", how a lot of the actors in this movie haven't appeared in any other movies since. heck, i wouldn't be surprised if half the cast committed ritual harakiri for putting themselves in shame.

well, I've just reached the half ways part of this movie. ill wont give more spoilers out, though i hope the lines written above serve as a warning. yes, this movie sucks, or as the ice would say it, yep yep, this movie sucks! he put the rap community in shame. with that said, i wouldn't blame suge knight for actually trying to kill him, if that ever happened.

Children of Men (2006)

very scary movie

[9/10 · 11 April 2008]

the thing that really got me from this movie is, there were absolutely no children! i mean, imagine yourself walking by a park devoid of children running around play and screaming. well, children of men really makes you believe that. clive owen plays the hero, in this case a very human hero, human in the sense that he seems to have pessimism and lack of self esteem. heck, for a hero, he seems to be somewhat of a pansy (then again, if you were part of a human race slowly going to extinction, you would be pessimistic too). but when his ex (played by maria mcerlane) shows him a young black girl who miraculously becomes pregnant, his hopes for survival goes up and helps the young girl escape a Britain full of racial hate to a group of underground scientists. definitely a must see if you're into the whole doomsday stuff.

Rambo (2008)

the perfect goodbye for a decent franchise

[7/10 · 11 April 2008]

i have to agree. this movie did have a crapload of violence that parents SHOULD definitely consider passing up this flick for the sake of their children. for the rest of us, you'll get a big dose of shooting and blood and guts. if you treat it for what it is, it's a very good action flick. the storyline is quite weak though, since it's very predictable what's gonna happen to those missionaries. this one is not as quite as good as rambo III (my favorite in the series) but gives first blood a run for its money and clearly outperforms first blood II. highly recommended if you have blu-ray and a decent size plasma or hdtv.

Good Luck Chuck (2007)

good luck....i saw it for free

[3/10 · 10 November 2007]

this movie was just bad. it wasn't funny in any level, except for jessica alva's occasional goofiness, and even that got old. this one have too much nudity, even by modern movie standards. if you're a horny teen who just hit puberty, you might enjoy this, otherwise it's gonna disgust you. and what's up with the guy's fat buddy? he's gotta be one of the worst sidekick characters ever. he's ugly, annoying, rude, a total loser and douchebag, he seems to live his sexual fantasies through his hunk friend, and he seems to be the kind of guy who doesn't get laid unless he gives his number....credit card, that is. and what's up with the three-breasted woman in the end? was it a tribute to that one alien chick with the three boobs on total recall, or they just decided to add some college frat humor. and if you wanted to see jessica alva naked, you'll be disappointed. for all the nakedness in this movie, the closest alva comes to being naked is that scene where she takes off her robe and there's a glimpse of her breasts. in short, this movie isn't "comedy" and isn't "romantic." god, even porno movies are more romantic than this!

Soul Plane (2004)

racist trash

[1/10 · 21 April 2007]

i was just gonna say this movie sucked and that was gonna sum up the movie, but the nice folks IMDb have decided that i need to have at least 10 lines in order to submit... sheesh (lol). well, i just have to say, whoever did this movie was just plain high. this movie just doesn't make sense, and thats bad, even by contemporary bad Hollywood comedies (example, date movie, van wilder2, epic movie). first of all, how can a man that gets stuck in a latrine get a multimillion dollar settlement? even that doofus woman who burned herself with that mccoffee and sued mickey d's didn't get so lucky. then just seeing an airplane with lowrider hydraulics. me being an aircraft mechanic just found it silly. then that part where that "Texas air" jet with the longhorns (one dumb stereotype) passes by and the white folks seeing a lowrider jet going past them, decide to "lock" their windows for fear of getting mugged (another silly stereotype). one thing that some folks here have failed to mention is the fact that snoop plays a pilot who had to choose either to go to jail or be a pilot. for crying out loud!! someone must have been trying to pull a joke on affirmative action or something. the rest of the movie pretty much talks for itself. i mean, when a black audience hates a black comedy it tells you something about this movie. not only blacks got stereotyped (see the Texas air line). hell i was even disgustingly surprised when BET dared to show this movie. either they just didn't comprehend how bad this movie is or they didn't know what else to feature for their late night schedule. horrible movie.

Material Girls (2006)

a self biography of the duffs

[1/10 · 31 March 2007]

what can i say? this is just exactly what i expected from a duff movie. except that now her sis appears. holy crap!! for whoever wanted a duff reality show, this is it. this is how the duff sisters apparently behave in their private life. as a pair of rich brats. and it is the typical duff movie. long story short, the characters lose all their money and become paupers. and that's when this gets so out of hand. both girls cant cook, cant wash dishes, cant iron clothes. this is a bad case of the rich blonde klutz girl gone terribly bad. as for the rest of the movie, i don't know. i only saw it to the part where hilary's character falls in love with that poor dude. of she most likely, like in any of her movies, she got the guy. hell, even my girlfriend fell asleep watching it. and she wanted to watch it. my best advice: buy a bootleg copy of it. hehe!