Change Your Image
kelbyedmonson
Reviews
The Final Conflict (1981)
Terribly unconvincing Antichrist
I've seen weeds grow in my garden that are scarier than him.
Even to 1981 standards, this is still an embarrassing movie to watch.
There's a severe lack of charisma, evilness, and believability in the character who plays Damien.
Damien is supposed to be the son of the devil, and yet he doesn't have the evilness that Adolf Hitler has in his pinky finger.
Everything is very cliché, cheesy, and a preschooler can know that this guy is not evil enough.
The story is decent, and made me think about whether or not Jesus returns as a baby.
The movie actually made me read scripture and Revelations to know whether or not the story is accurate or flawed.
Indeed, the story is inaccurate and flawed.
Still, the movie made me think.
Overall, I'm afraid I cannot recommend this movie.
I'm afraid I'm more evil than him.
The Gambler (2014)
Well then....
This is a story about a college professor that, for some reason, thinks it's a great idea to repeatedly hit his balls with a hammer over and over.
It's literally about a story of a guy... who... for no great reason chooses to borrow money over and over again to gamble.
The acting is okay. Mark is usually great in all the flicks he does.
But this story just doesn't make sense.
He needed to pay off a lender, so he borrows money from a different lender to pay off the previous one... but instead gambles it all away.
And he does this REPEATEDLY throughout the film.
That's it.
That's all he does.
The games that he plays are not even that great -
He only plays blackjack, roulette, and a little bit of sports betting.
No poker and no other games.
I feel like I watched a hot mess. The story is very blah.
The end.
Molly's Game (2017)
Grand waste of my time.
This is all about the story of a woman. She yimmer-yammers as the narrator the entire duration of the movie.
It's predictable, the acting is subpar, and it's not believable that any of these people even know what poker is.
This movie is not about poker. If you watched the Rounders before watching this film, you'll feel the same way. Empty.
I'll admit, some of the story is good.
But nothing is believable.
I spent around $4 to watch it. I could have spent $4 on a fork to pluck my freakin eyes out.
Her monotone voice drive me crazy.
If you're a woman you might like this.
It's sooooo inspiring. Hahahaha.
Rounders (1998)
If you want to watch a movie about poker, this is the one.
The movie was surprisingly a lot better than I thought it was going to be.
Of course what's better than Matt Damon and Edward Norton in their younger years?
Believe me, this movie hits the points of getting into deep crap and trying to pull yourself out of it.
*** Isn't that what Poker is all about??? ***
You're never up the entire time during a game of poker, and neither are you in life.
This movie was beautifully directed and has a vast wealth of important life lessons and quotes.
Aren't important life lessons to be made from Poker itself?
Can't you gather those same lessons playing poker?
Yes, yes you can.
And yes, the film can be a little predictable at times, as some of the music really makes it obvious.
But I don't see it enough of a problem to take away a whole star from the review. The acting makes up for it.
You're going to enjoy this movie if you play poker.
Hell or High Water (2016)
I would like to save you the trouble:
I'm not gonna lie - the first scenes were pretty good and I had a lot of fun with it.
Some comedy mixed with the bank robbery scenes. I had hope.
But I wish I had stopped there. It seemed like the beginning hooked me.
The first and last scenes were the best, but everything in between was crap.
It's like the film expects you to like it middle way through and just "go with it."
I wasn't buying it.
Also, the musical score was terrible. Very cringy scenes that try to make you bond with the characters.
The music alone lowered this rating by a couple stars.
It made me feel like a low IQ mouth breather from the middle of nowhere. Made me feel dumb as dirt.
There was some good acting, and there was some bad.
The story was okay, but then there were other details that didn't make sense. FOR INSTANCE-
At the END of the film, after the younger and older brother murder people at the bank, and then murder a TEXAS RANGER, somehow the younger brother wasn't a suspect? What the hell???
You would think he would be NUMERO UNO on the FBI's most wanted list.
The fact that the younger brother wasn't a suspect made the entire film loose credibility.
It's so hard to resonate with any of the characters because it seems like they all don't have brains in their heads. The younger brother doesn't seem to think for himself at all.
Not to mention they murder innocent people at the end at a bank. Hard to resonate with murderers.
And the reason for stealing the money isn't even that great ANYWAY!!
Get this - it was to pay off his house for the younger brother's EX and her children! And the children didn't even have any respect for their father anyway!
It's like... okay, MURDER innocent people so your divorced wife and her kid can have a house on an oil field.
Overall, I regret seeing this movie besides seeing some of the action packed parts. The action in the first and last scenes were very realistic.
ALSO - for the reviews that compare this to No Country for Old Men - you should NEVER compare this movie to that one. NEVER EVER.
This movie doesn't touch that movie with a stick.
No Country is a classic. But this film belongs in a stinky dumpster.
If you like stinky dumpsters, then go watch this movie.
Beerfest (2006)
If this movie doesn't make you thirsty for BEER, I don't know what will!!!
This over-the-top comedy featuring an all star cast is a must see for audiences of all ages.
I was a teenager when I was watching this, and had never drank a beer before.
There is a lot of sarcastic humor in this film, which may not appeal to the dumb-minded.
As an adult, whenever I feel I can't complete the beer that is in front of me, I remember Beer Fest, and I drink that beer like I am training for a world beer competition.
In case you didn't know it already, this film is about BEER.
So what is up with Great GamGam? And what is a ZJ?
There's only one way to find out, and that is to watch this fantastic film.
The Last Duel (2021)
Absolutely phenomenal film
Although this movie lost a point for not being able to watch it more than once, this film is indeed a one and done movie.
Shocking, this movie filled me with emotions from beginning to end.
Screaming for him to win the fight.
This film has incredible acting, and wonderful perspectives of the main characters.
This film portrays just how horrible it was to be a woman back in the 1300s.
I am very glad I was not born a woman, and I'm very glad I was not born in the 1300s....
I am trying my absolutely hardest not to spoil the film, it is best with no spoilers.
Do not read any reviews with spoilers if you want to watch it.
But I can assure you that it is worth watching it from beginning to end. I know it's a long movie, but it's worth it.
This film deserves a 9 out of 10.
Hall Pass (2011)
Oh man, this could have been a lot funnier...
What... did an old man make this film?
Yes, it's the year 2023 and it's the first time I've seen this movie.
However, even movies made back then were a lot funnier.
You ever seen Superbad?
If I was a 70 year old in an assisted living, MAYBE I would get a laugh.
However I just couldn't do it.
Usually Owen Wilson films are classics and a hell of a lot funnier.
I'm not sure why else to say.
There was a close up of a black man's cock. It was rather unnecessary, and I feel like they only put that in there to secure a rated R rating.
The cock was giant and girthy, and really confirms that Africans have the largest wiener.
The Exorcist: Believer (2023)
Very disappointing.
Literally every single disturbing scene in the movie is in the trailer.
I don't know what they were thinking when making this movie.
The 1973 version is much better than this one.
There was nothing new or entertaining.
This movie wasn't scary.
I don't know what more to say.
The movie was incredibly long, yet there is no material worthy enough to fill it.
The movie stinks.
The movie is poo poo.
I am trying to fill in the required characters for this review, and I am having difficulty...
But seriously, everything in the movie is in the trailer.
Will directors ever create a scary movie ever again?
Beau Is Afraid (2023)
Aster thinks this is a comedy???
Boy that couldn't be further from the truth.
My husband and I almost walked out of the theater, as the boring, silent, monotonous, pretentious, meaningless, soulless and cruel movie was playing.
I didn't appreciate it, but I wanted to so badly.
This wasn't a rewarding film to watch.
So much potential was wasted on this film.
What did Aster think was so funny?
Was his brain really so fried on shrooms that he thought the audience would side with him?
After Midsommar, I KNEW this film was going to be good.
Now I feel like a fool for having hyped up this movie before I watched it.
I only watched it once, yes, in a movie theater.
Perhaps another view would help me appreciate it more?
But I don't want to see it again unfortunately.
Maybe I will someday...
Boy, what a depressing film.
Cocaine Bear (2023)
Worst movie ever.
Worst movie I've ever seen in my entire life.
There are movies that came out 20 years ago with far better CGI than this. The acting was horrible.
They don't show hardly any of the kills, and they end up killing off the best actors.
Waste of money, waste of time, clever marketing.
I should of seen it coming, and I did.
I had this weird feeling it was going to be terrible.
This was nothing more than a money grab.
Nothing about this movie was great.
There is now a hole in my wallet where my money used to be.
My spouse hates me now.
I don't know what more to say.
Save yourself the trouble and embarrassment and don't watch this movie.
That '90s Show (2023)
A show FOR Gen Z, BY Gen Z.
God I was hoping I wouldn't have to write this review. But here we are....
The try hard acting isn't great. I was hoping they would hire more professional actors.
The only thing I like about the show are the original stars - you know em.
I don't accept any of the new stars- they aren't authentic.
This show was clearly not meant for the ones who enjoyed That 70's Show.
It was a different time, a good time. But never again.
Kitty looks a bit aged, Red looks aged, Donna looks VERY old, and Eric has... well... he's miraculously stayed exactly the same.
Throwing all these kids together that look like Gen Z and having them try to do the same things that the stars in That 70's Show did in the past... really does not work.
Smile (2022)
What are you doing reading the reviews???
This is in my top favorite horror movies of all time.
It sucks though... I am imagining an evil entity ready to pounce on me at any given moment in my own house. This movie messed me up a little bit.
My advice to you is to stop reading the reviews if you haven't seen the movie yet. These reviews mean absolutely nothing because most people don't have a clue what they're talking about.
Let yourself be the judge and watch the damn movie.
Also, try to avoid trailers or any spoilers about the movie.
That will help traumatize you.
This movie is fantastic to watch with a friend... in the dark... with the volume blaring.
I really hope they make a sequel someday.
The Watcher (2022)
The Watcher case remains unsolved...
What a wild ride.
For what it's worth, I was not expecting to enter a show with this much dread. It is shocking, and mind scrambling.
The acting is fantastic, the dialogue is top notch, and you get to relate to the majority of the characters. Though the ending left a lot to be desired, that should not be any reason to deduct more than one star. That is why I rated it nine out of 10 stars.
If you're interested in this show, just watch it.
What do you have to lose but a little of your time?
Fasten your seatbelts, the first couple episodes will have you thrown into chaos.
The other episodes will have to attempting to piece everything together.
I recommend watching it. It's an experience that will keep you guessing.
Ted K (2021)
Wasn't too terrible.
I know my killers. And I know about Ted Kaczynski.
Let's start out with the good:
The cinematography was very great, and I enjoyed the originality of how the film was presented. The actor playing Ted was very good, the sound was good - especially of the sounds that angered Ted.
If anyone has studied mental illness, Ted may have had a type of autism, where sounds can upset someone to the point of a psychotic meltdown. I believe this could have been the case with Ted K.
I felt somewhat of an uncanny familiarity between myself and the character of this film when watching this movie. I hold a lot of the same anger Ted felt about people.
The explosions seemed real, and it didn't look like they didn't use too much CGI which is a good thing. Computer effects can ruin a movie.
Now the bad:
There needed to be more facts and chronology.
I was disappointed when it never showed a bomb being put onto an aircraft, and how they had to make an emergency landing because instead of exploding, it was smoking.
It didn't show any gruesome aftermath of the victims. The film could have went into more detail about the bombs he was making, and also what exact type of injuries the bombs inflicted.
You couldn't really keep track of any kill count. The victims names weren't really mentioned.
If there was more of a factual representation of this film, I would have probably given it 9 or even 10 stars.
Overall, this film wasn't as bad as it could have been, but it missed an opportunity to make it more factual, chronological and grim. There needed to be more details, and maybe less of an artistic flare.
The Batman (2022)
Meh.
Your typical run of the mill Batman movie.
Nothing new. Not even the characters are new.
Same characters, such as Catwoman, the Penguin, and the Riddler. None of them had any depth, not making you feel emotional about any of them.
Robert Pattinson really pulled off the Batman feel; sorrowful, stoic, mysterious...
But none of the other characters had depth. Even Alfred wasn't deep, just another actor filling in the spots of one of the same Batman characters.
There is a lot of CGI in this film, and a lot of it wasn't convincing.
The whole movie seemed bland and predictable.
I really wish they would come up with a different villain... one that NONE of us saw coming.
One that is deeply scary. Make it rated R for us.
The majority of Batman fans are older anyway.
Overall, I wouldn't watch this film again.
It's 3 hours long for gods sake - it doesn't mean it's good. Disappointing really.
Some things didn't make much sense either, like there was one scene where these guys were going to shoot up a planned event. They all brought bolt action rifles and a shotgun.
Who in this age brings out bolt action rifles?
What is this, the 1950's? Are they too scared to show an AR15 in this movie? Are the creators of this film woke? Meanwhile Batman has state of the art technology, freaking hidden cameras inside of contact lenses for gods sake, and you tell me the best thing a criminal can bring is a bolt action?
I don't get it. Too much smoke and mirrors, no character depth or development, just another film to cater to brainless mainstream masses.
Freddy Got Fingered (2001)
Horrible. I love it.
For those going into this movie seriously, I feel sorry for you.
This movie is specifically designed to be dumb. Just roll with it, you'll be okay.
The story is horrible and the movie jumps around quite a bit.
Tons of cringy and sarcastic parts in this movie.
And I'm trying my best to make this review at least 150 characters, otherwise I can't post it.
All good? Thank you.
Cyrus (2010)
Definitely not a comedy
There's a story here. A weird and uncomfortable one if you can't relate. There isn't much humor at all.
I don't think I laughed once.
But this is more of a story - for both stepfathers and sons.
The acting is okay. I would not watch this movie again.
Monster (2003)
Astounding
This is the type of movie where you really have to experienced some of the pain to relate to the characters.
This movie was amazing.
And very very sad.
Jackass Forever (2022)
Wasn't as bad as I thought it would be
Well, it was another great Jackass movie.
The new stars did well for their first movie.
I wouldn't mind actually going to see a jackass where only the new stars are in it.
There were way more penises involved than I ever imagined.
Go see the flick, you and your family should get a good laugh.
The Promotion (2008)
Entertaining and relatable.
There was just enough comedy to keep me watching.
Keep in mind that this is an older comedy, so if you are expecting someone to put their balls on someone's drum set, this movie is a bit tamer than that.
This Game's Called Murder (2021)
I want my money back.
Way worse than I thought it would be.
I don't know if I was hoping for a cult classic or what...
Stupid and terrible. Story was not believable, every act was cringy, and I could not enjoy it even though I wanted to.
So question is... who will refund my $4.99?
Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues (2013)
Disappointed.
I watched this in theaters and again with the unrated version on my television.
The original Anchorman is at least 10 times better than this film. Much of the comedy in this film is mashed together and too absurd to be taken seriously or grab your attention.
Much of the humor gets very stale and you start to feel awkward the longer you watch it.
I had a few laughs in this film, but I'd thought it would have been a lot better considering so much time has passed between the first Anchorman.
I believe this film is tailored for the unrated version, as that is where I was able to laugh the most.
All in all, I think this film does the original an injustice, and I hope they don't make another one.
Mr Inbetween (2018)
It's not very often I like a show.
I am not Australian.
In fact, when they started talking in an Australian accent, I got a little turned off. But I kept watching.
It took a few episodes to really make me feel like I could relate to the main character.
Every single episode feels fresh, almost like you didn't need to even watch the previous episode.
The show does not sugarcoat things, you'll see your fair share of murder, uncomfortable situations, and sadness. And that is what I like. Because shows need to be realistic. And I think this show has enough of it.
This was the first show in many years to make me cry.
This show is hard to compare to other shows, but I suppose it has a Breaking Bad feel to it. And Breaking Bad is one of my favorites.
So please, if you have the time, watch at least the first three episodes. Give it a shot. You may actually really really like it.