uhafmd Reviews

The Blob (1988)

The Problem With Remakes

[7/10 · 5 March 2024]

When a director decides to remake a movie, he's saying "I can do better." To me, this immediately raises a warning flag, especially if the original is a classic.

So right from the start I was biased against Chuck Russell's 1988 remake of 1958's classic, "The Blob."

But I was pleasantly surprised.

Rather repeating the previous production scene by scene, Russell takes a new approach. Yes, the creature is still a Blob. And yes, it's still spreading. But this time it's more aggressive--and much gorier. Which is to be expected, given today's tastes in movie-goers.

Another pleasant surprise was the replacement of the hero with a heroine. It's nice to see women portrayed as other than helpless decorations for leading men.

SPOILER ALERT!

The biggest change was when the meteor turned out to be not only man-made but (big surprise) a government germ-warfare experiment gone horribly awry.

All in all, good clean fun! I highly recommend it.

It Came from Outer Space (1953)

When Sci-fi Was King!

[8/10 · 10 February 2024]

No CGI, low-tech special effects, everything revolved around the characters and the script.

And that was where Universal Studios ruled! Realistic characters, great dialog, and excellent acting all combined to make a good movie.

Even the gyrocopter was a nice touch.

And of course, as with all disaster/alien invasion movies, it all begins with the government ignoring a scientist.

Sadly, they don't make movies like this anymore. Nowadays it's all CGI and FX, with little plot and poor dialog. Sci-fi movies today are what Autotune is to music: just about anyone with a reasonable budget can churn out garbage.

In short, this movie is one of the best.

The Burning Dead (2015)

Sci-fi/Horror Films Aren't Popular These Days

[5/10 · 14 January 2024]

I knew before I watched this movie exactly what I was getting into, nor was I disappointed. Let me explain:

It's common these days to take minor character actors and make them the leading man or woman. In this case, Danny Trejo is finally getting his well-deserved due.

With a minimum investment, almost anyone with a plot and a bunch of semi-talented friends can make a decent picture.

Or only halfway decent.

And THAT, mes amis, is why I liked this film. I grew up in the golden age of sci-fi. When not only films like "The Day The Earth Stood Still" and "The War of the Worlds" were made but also "Plan 9 From Outer Space."

This movie was reminiscent more of the latter than of the former. And by that, I mean it didn't require much thought to enjoy it.

2001, Star Wars, Star Trek and all of the rest of modern movies are more sophisticated and, therefore, require more thought. Further, they rely on FX and CGI rather than plot. Which I agree may be an over-simplicaton, but I'm writing this review and you're not.

What I'm trying to say is this: Take away the excellent Special Effects and the great CGI from the major Sci-fi films, and you're left with this film.

The Crawling Eye (1958)

One of my favorites!

[10/10 · 30 October 2023]

I generally watch it once a year, along with "Serenity" and "The Princess Bride."

I first watched it in the early '60s with my two younger brothers. At various times, we were both horrified and rolling on the floor in laughter.

The appearance of the Eye was always preceded by a fog gathering at the base of the mountain and slowly creeping up the mountainside.

Ultimately, I had nightmares for the next month.

Jump ahead to 1972. My brothers and I were in Alaska and we hiked up the Crow Pass Trail to where the Forest Service had an A-frame cabin to rent. The cabin was above the tree line, so we had to pack in a gallon of fuel oil to use in the stove.

The first night, we were sitting on the porch, drinking coffee and passing a joint back and forth. We were all feeling no pain.

As we were looking down at the valley below, we noticed a fog was forming. It thickened and started creeping up the mountains.

My brother John said, "It's the Crawling Eye fog!"

We didn't get very much sleep that night.

All in all, a great classic movie.

Chupacabra vs. the Alamo (2013 TV Movie)

A fun romp, filled with innacuracies

[5/10 · 28 June 2023]

First, there is no "State Patrol" in Texas. The state police force is The Texas Department of Public Safety, aka The Texas Rangers. And as far as blowing up the Alamo, Texans would rather see the entire state infested with chupacabras than blow up the Alamo, the so-called Cradle of Texas Liberty. Rather than liberty, the rebels at the Alamo were fighting for the "freedom" to own slaves, which was illegal in Mexico--of which San Antonio was a part.

Still, it was nice to see still shots of the places my friends and I used to smoke marijuana back in 1968. Anyway, a great fun movie despite the historical mistakes.

Game Camera (2013)

So Tired of This Tired Genre

[2/10 · 6 June 2023]

I tried. I honestly tried to like it, despite it being of the overwrought (and overwrote) "found footage" genre. The first one was "The Blair Witch Project," and they blew that one by announcing in advance of its release that is was fake. Since then we've seen a plethora of cheap copies, all determined to make a buck by jumping on the wagon train to fame and fortune. Some with success (think: Cloverfield) and some that should have sunk with hardly a splash (think: this movie).

I'm reminded me of what the late Dorothy Parker said in another context: "This is not a book to be set aside lightly. It should be hurled with great force."

I'm happy to say that I didn't waste a perfectly good bowl of popcorn on this one.

The Hunting (2021)

Critic Reviews Are Higher Than Viewer Reviews

[6/10 · 12 May 2023]

I used to decide whether to watch a movie based on viewer reviews. Lately I've started reading critics' reviews as well. Viewer Reviews are primarily based on "Did I like it?" Critic's Reviews are much more nuanced, explaining why they did or didn't like it.

Critic's Reviews often trace the history and development of the movie's theme, and how it does or doesn't add to the continuing development of it.

I enjoyed the movie primarily because in many ways, it hearkened back to the early days of werewolf Movies. Think Larry Talbot (Both Lon Chaneys), or The Creature From the Black Lagoon (Ben Chapman on land, Rico Browning underwater) or even Hajuro Nakajima and Kasumi Tezuka inside that silliness rubber suit as the ORIGINAL Gojira/Godzilla.

So I was both pleased and amused by the creature's costume.

A lot of movies in the genre contain end-of-the-reel spoilers. I won't say what this one's is, but I especially enjoyed the fact that it has not one but 2 spoilers.

Black Dawn (2005 Video)

Once again, Steven proves himself.

[2/10 · 19 December 2022]

And what he proves is that no matter how old, fat, and slow he gets, he will always have Steamroller Productions to churn out his boring and unbelievable plots. And why, you ask? Because who do you think created and owns Steamroller Productions? You guessed it! None other than our very own Steven Seagal!

Other than that, it's your usual beat-em-up if they can't take a joke Steven Seagal vs. All the bad guys in the world boring production.

My verdict? As someone wise once said, "For those who enjoy this sort of thing, this is the sort of thing they will enjoy."

It is, in a word, eminently forgettable.

The Secret of Skinwalker Ranch (2020– )

About What You'd Expect From Utah

[6/10 · 18 August 2022]

What I kept in the forefront of my mind while I was watching this was the fact that this happened in Utah. You know, the state that was founded by the followers of a religion that was "revealed" by a convicted horse thief and fraud. So I'm inclined to be skeptical about anything that comes out of the state.

With that in mind, I looked into the history of Skinwalker Ranch and discovered that there really isn't any history. The tales of phenomena only go back as far as the previous owners. The family before that never reported anything out of the ordinary ever happening.

We're living in an age where fantasy, truth, lies, and reality have been combined in the media to the point where it's impossible to separate fact from fiction.

In a way, this was simply another Blair Witch Project, only more slick and more highly produced.

Having said all that, it was very well done and worth watching.

Shark Season (2020)

Michael Madsen must have lost a bet.

[4/10 · 9 August 2022]

Normally I'm a Michael Madsen fan. He's a talented and versatile actor. But in this movie, I can only assume one of 3 things:

1. He made the movie because he lost a bet.

2. He took pity on the director.

3. He was blackmailed by his agent into taking on this role.

Otherwise I can't see any reason for him agreeing to be in this clunker of a movie.

Age of Dinosaurs (2013)

About What You'd Expect...

[3/10 · 29 July 2022]

Pretty much what you'd expect from The Asylum. No surprises, nothing original. Still, a fun watch. Just don't expect anything close to Jurassic Park and you won't be disappointed.

Bull Shark (2022)

Like a glass of water.

[3/10 · 12 July 2022]

Have you ever been to a wine tasting? You know how between wines, you rinse your mouth out with water and then spit it out? Well, this movie is like that. If you've just watched a really good horror movie and you want to watch something really dumb to get all the scarey thoughts out of your mind so you can sleep at night?

If so, this is the movie for you!

The Forest (2017)

I Couldn't Stop Watching This

[9/10 · 6 July 2022]

Once in a great while a series comes along that is so riveting that I can't stop watching it.

This is such a series. It is absolutely riveting. I hope to see more from this production team.

The Unnamable (1988)

Not an entire waste of time.

[3/10 · 1 July 2022]

Review of "The Unnameable." Lovecraft is hard enough to bring to the screen, since most of what is terrifying in his stories takes place in the minds of his characters and, therefore, in your, the reader's mind. And considering that the original story was only six pages long, the writer and director of this movie had very little to work with. Consequently, they had little original material from which to work.

Which might explain why they couldn't decide what era the movie was set in. To judge from the clothes, I'd say that it was set in the 1920s, but from much of the dialog I'd have to go with the 70s or 80s. "Psych" was from the latter period, and I'm reasonably sure that people in the 20s, even college students, didn't throw curse words around casually.

And why do all the shoes sound as if they were tap shoes? Speaking of shoes, the Nikes were quite an anachronism.

It's pretty hard to make a Lovecraft story into a movie; it's almost impossible to do it and make it into a comedy. This movie succeeded at both.

Cold Ground (2017)

A Cross Between "Sasquatch" and "The Blair Witch Project."

[1/10 · 28 June 2022]

It failed on both counts. "Found video" has become a cliché and too predictable. They all end the same way: everybody dies. The only surprises involve who's going to die first and how. I watched this until the end, hoping for something new or different. No such luck.

Cold Skin (2017)

At Last! A Thinking Person's Horror Film!

[10/10 · 28 June 2022]

An excellent premise. The Nameless Man is a great narrator, at times verging on the poetic. I almost gave up on watching it at first, out of boredom. But I couldn't bear the thought of not knowing what happens next!

A great adaptation of the novel.

Shark Attack 3: Megalodon (2002 Video)

Do Sharks Really Roar?

[4/10 · 18 June 2022]

Because the ones in this franchise sure do! I love me a good shark movie, and the cornier the better. This series doesn't disappoint. It goes even better with a bowl of popcorn and a couple of beers.

Final Destination 5 (2011)

Yet Another In A Long Line Of Enjoyable Sequences

[8/10 · 4 June 2022]

The original was an interesting take on the classic "Appointment in Samarra." It showed that you can't cheat death.

All the sequels were simply examples of the great Rube-Goldbergesque ways the screenwriters came up with to kill off the survivors.

San Andreas (2015)

Not A Bad Sample of the Genre

[8/10 · 10 March 2022]

I suppose every action movie hero has to do the obligatory disaster movie. This movie is The Rock's offering to the tradition. There's not really anything different in this script, but the cast does an excellent job of breathing new life into this one.

It held my interest right to the storybook ending.

Killer Crocodile (1989)

That's an hour and a half of my life I'll never get back.

[3/10 · 20 January 2022]

Ever since "Jaws," the presence of the creature has always been announced by the "dum dum, dum dum" theme. That motif was the high point of the movie.

Spaghetti westerns are one thing; spaghetti creature features are something else entirely.

10/31 (2017)

Its Has It's Moments

[6/10 · 27 December 2021]

Ever since "The Exorcist," makers of cheesy horror movies seem to think that the best way to add scary music is to use cheap knockoffs of Mike Oldfield's "Tubular Bells." Guys, that was almost 60 years ago! Can't you come up with something more recent?

The criteria by which I judge all horror movies is simple: would this have scared 10-year-old me? All five episodes would have done the job.

Don't Look Up (2021)

Exactly what you'd expect from politicians at the end of the world

[8/10 · 24 December 2021]

First, "graphic sex and nudity" turned out to be a shot of a baby being baptized and maybe a brief shot of a naked breast, so if you're looking for more, you'll be sorely disappointed.

That being said, it's about what you'd expect: the government is more concerned about the potential riches that can be harvested from the potential planet-destroying threat from the heavens. Like all good disaster movies, it begins with politicians ignoring or pooh-poohing the scientific experts in hopes of financial gain.

Sorry, folks-there's no fairy-tale happy ending: the earth gets destroyed.

Dog Soldiers (2002)

A Real Nail-Biter!

[8/10 · 10 December 2021]

Forget about the flaws others have mentioned. What it comes down to is this: does the movie work? Well, it kept me in suspense, and scared me. It also managed to hold my attention from start to finish.

Ghosts of War (2020)

Great Concept Until The End

[3/10 · 31 December 2020]

An interesting premise, and it kept me glued to the screen until the very end...when it lost me. I started writing this review while the movie was still playing, and was going to rave over it and rate it 10 stars.

Then came the abrupt and unsatisfactory ending. It as if nobody knew how to end it, and the director said, "Screw it. I ain't got nothing! Let's cut it right here."