This episode is the highlight of the series so far. The infamous tape has now surfaced in the worst way possible. Rand (Seth Rogan) and his business associate Miltie (Nick Offerman) are quickly becoming victims of their own success. Their mail order website is bringing in a roaring trade but at an unexpected cost. Like a herpes rash, it's being spread a little too far and wide. Piracy is rampant and it isn't long before Pam stumbles on it. The battle lines are now drawn. Tommy is forced to defend the honor of his wife as he procures some "help" from the underworld. It makes for an incredibly intense game of cat and mouse. Can't wait to see how it ends - next episode!
Reviews
18 Reviews
Have you ever seen a talking Johnson?
2 February 2022
The first episode laid the groundwork but this one is truly a piece of art. Episode 2 delves deeper (no pun intended) into the relationship between Pam and Tommy. There's not much of a plot here per say, just pure chemistry between the two lovebirds. Lily James is an incredible actress. She doesn't just play Pamela Anderson, she for all intents and purposes IS Pamela Anderson. Tommy Lee says it best; "You make Jenna Jameson look like a 4!". He's right. He also talks to his penis but that's a WHOLE other subject entirely.
Urge
(2016)
Drugs are bad and so is this film.
5 June 2016
Warning: Spoilers
I've been interested in watching this for a while now because I'm an avid follower of Pierce Brosnan's work. Let's just say that I immediately regretted that decision. When he told his agent that he was looking for more award winning projects, I don't think he meant the Golden Razzies. Although with that said, his scene-chewing performance was about the only thing worth watching in this insipid excuse for a film.
Right from the opening credits, the film's pretentiousness literally smacks you in the face. If the director thinks that people 'artistically' stroking themselves in red latex suits is supposed to captivate the audience (I'm not joking), then I suggest they go back to film school. It doesn't get much better either when we're introduced to a filthy rich business tycoon and straight up sociopath in Neil (Danny Masterson). He's rude, disparaging and has absolutely zero tact. He's extremely unlikable and as I'm sure you can guess, surrounds himself with equally worthy company. His yuppie clique of friends (Danny, Denise, Joey and Vick) and reluctant assistant Theresa (Ashley Greene) decide to catch a chartered flight to a private island where they will embark on a wild weekend of sex, drugs and rock n' roll.
That's where we meet a charming yet enigmatic man (Pierce Brosnan) who offers to provide the group with an experience of a lifetime. It's a newly created drug called Urge and it's designed to unlock your innermost suppressed desires (or so the trustworthy drug dealer says). The only caveat is that it can only be used once with no apparent explanation as to why. This presents a big problem for the group with whom balance and moderation are completely foreign concepts. A recipe for disaster? I think so! Not satisfied with the recommended dosage, our circle of geniuses decide to go on a complete bender the likes of which Charlie Sheen can only dream about. Mayhem ensues as expected and the plot begins to morph into an unofficial sequel to the 'Final Destination' series. The only oddity in all of this carnage is Jason (Justin Chatwin) who seems to feel no effect from the drug. As the whole island descends into madness, Jason becomes the sole voice of reason. What is this experiment all about and why has the mysterious man taken such a keen interest in him?
I won't reveal the ending but it is about as lame as the build-up to it. This film is borderline unwatchable and is only salvaged by the brief appearances of Brosnan as the Luciferic villain. He rarely takes these types of roles so if you are a fan of his, it may provide some small delight in this otherwise gigantic pile of turd. Skip this and watch the far superior Limitless (2011) instead.
1.5/5
Right from the opening credits, the film's pretentiousness literally smacks you in the face. If the director thinks that people 'artistically' stroking themselves in red latex suits is supposed to captivate the audience (I'm not joking), then I suggest they go back to film school. It doesn't get much better either when we're introduced to a filthy rich business tycoon and straight up sociopath in Neil (Danny Masterson). He's rude, disparaging and has absolutely zero tact. He's extremely unlikable and as I'm sure you can guess, surrounds himself with equally worthy company. His yuppie clique of friends (Danny, Denise, Joey and Vick) and reluctant assistant Theresa (Ashley Greene) decide to catch a chartered flight to a private island where they will embark on a wild weekend of sex, drugs and rock n' roll.
That's where we meet a charming yet enigmatic man (Pierce Brosnan) who offers to provide the group with an experience of a lifetime. It's a newly created drug called Urge and it's designed to unlock your innermost suppressed desires (or so the trustworthy drug dealer says). The only caveat is that it can only be used once with no apparent explanation as to why. This presents a big problem for the group with whom balance and moderation are completely foreign concepts. A recipe for disaster? I think so! Not satisfied with the recommended dosage, our circle of geniuses decide to go on a complete bender the likes of which Charlie Sheen can only dream about. Mayhem ensues as expected and the plot begins to morph into an unofficial sequel to the 'Final Destination' series. The only oddity in all of this carnage is Jason (Justin Chatwin) who seems to feel no effect from the drug. As the whole island descends into madness, Jason becomes the sole voice of reason. What is this experiment all about and why has the mysterious man taken such a keen interest in him?
I won't reveal the ending but it is about as lame as the build-up to it. This film is borderline unwatchable and is only salvaged by the brief appearances of Brosnan as the Luciferic villain. He rarely takes these types of roles so if you are a fan of his, it may provide some small delight in this otherwise gigantic pile of turd. Skip this and watch the far superior Limitless (2011) instead.
1.5/5
The Tall Man...
27 January 2014
Warning: Spoilers
Frustratingly, our detectives have hit yet another wall in the case. Armed with damning evidence from the destroyed church, Cohle and Hart decide to scale up their investigation into the traveling revival group. What they find is a church not unlike many churches in the American South. Fiery teachings of the 'old-time' gospel lead by a charismatic preacher named Joel Theriot (Shea Whigham). Observing Theriot's dozens of loyal congregants, Cohle irreverently comments to an irritated Hart that "nobody here is going to be splitting the atom". Inquiring further, Cohle and Hart question Theriot's involvement in the church burning and the whereabouts of his staff members around the time of Dora's disappearance. It appears that Theriot's motivations are all too altruistic as he explains how vandals destroyed the church back in Eunice, Louisiana.
With alibis for all of the church staff, Cohle and Hart attempt to canvass any acquaintances of Dora's at the church. One member describes a tall man who may have attended the church with Dora. The man had a distinctive marking on his face that could have been the result of a burns injury (perhaps a meth lab explosion?). Another thin lead is something that our detectives can ill afford at this pressurizing time. Tensions are further inflamed when Hart finds Cohle talking to his wife while he is not home. The implied anger from Hart here is that Cohle is replacing him as the man of the house in his absence. Insecurity is running deep in the Hart household as Martin fears the prospect of being replaced and Maggie fears the prospect of her husband becoming increasingly less transparent with her. Later when out on a dinner date, Hart rather embarrassingly spots his other lover Lisa (Alexandra Daddario) being wooed by a younger man. Enraged by what he sees as a personal affront, Hart seeks retribution later that night by attacking the man in Lisa's apartment. The action seals the end of his torrid affair with Lisa and forces him to contemplate the future of his marriage.
Back in the interview room, Rust Cohle describes the "the locked room" as the place in our minds where we hide our true motivations and intentions. Cohle has an adept ability to access and comprehend this place when he interrogates suspects. He may not have any viable suspects for this case yet but extensive research into death records has revealed the supposedly accidental drowning of another woman named Rianne Olivier. Under closer scrutiny, Rianne's death appears to have the same trademarks as Dora Lange's murder. Following up on the lead reveals a boyfriend named Reginald Ledoux whom Rianne ran away from home with before her untimely demise. A background check on 'Reggie' reveals statutory rape charges, drug manufacturing charges (meth/LSD) and a current parole violation. Cohle and Hart are like two hungry wolves waiting to pounce on their prey. Have they finally found the prime suspect that will help them crack the case before their time runs out?
These last three episodes have been slowly building up to a grand resolution. What Hart earlier described as the "throw down in the woods". The most crucial question on my lips right now is; Is Reginald Ladoux the 'Tall Man' aka the monster at the end of the dream?
4.5/5
With alibis for all of the church staff, Cohle and Hart attempt to canvass any acquaintances of Dora's at the church. One member describes a tall man who may have attended the church with Dora. The man had a distinctive marking on his face that could have been the result of a burns injury (perhaps a meth lab explosion?). Another thin lead is something that our detectives can ill afford at this pressurizing time. Tensions are further inflamed when Hart finds Cohle talking to his wife while he is not home. The implied anger from Hart here is that Cohle is replacing him as the man of the house in his absence. Insecurity is running deep in the Hart household as Martin fears the prospect of being replaced and Maggie fears the prospect of her husband becoming increasingly less transparent with her. Later when out on a dinner date, Hart rather embarrassingly spots his other lover Lisa (Alexandra Daddario) being wooed by a younger man. Enraged by what he sees as a personal affront, Hart seeks retribution later that night by attacking the man in Lisa's apartment. The action seals the end of his torrid affair with Lisa and forces him to contemplate the future of his marriage.
Back in the interview room, Rust Cohle describes the "the locked room" as the place in our minds where we hide our true motivations and intentions. Cohle has an adept ability to access and comprehend this place when he interrogates suspects. He may not have any viable suspects for this case yet but extensive research into death records has revealed the supposedly accidental drowning of another woman named Rianne Olivier. Under closer scrutiny, Rianne's death appears to have the same trademarks as Dora Lange's murder. Following up on the lead reveals a boyfriend named Reginald Ledoux whom Rianne ran away from home with before her untimely demise. A background check on 'Reggie' reveals statutory rape charges, drug manufacturing charges (meth/LSD) and a current parole violation. Cohle and Hart are like two hungry wolves waiting to pounce on their prey. Have they finally found the prime suspect that will help them crack the case before their time runs out?
These last three episodes have been slowly building up to a grand resolution. What Hart earlier described as the "throw down in the woods". The most crucial question on my lips right now is; Is Reginald Ladoux the 'Tall Man' aka the monster at the end of the dream?
4.5/5
It keeps getting darker...
20 January 2014
Warning: Spoilers
Without any new leads, Cohle and Hart decide to continue questioning friends, family and known associates of Dora Lange in the hopes of sparking a fresh break in the case. It appears that a common theme is developing surrounding Dora's initial disappearance. Her connection with a traveling church group is starting to raise a red flag for the detectives. While the case is exposing sinister overtones, the personal lives of our lead detectives is beginning to unravel. Martin Hart's family man facade is cracking under the pressure of the case. He candidly admits to marital infidelity in the interview room which he explains helps him decompress the issues he faces at work. It seems my original assessment of Hart's flawless ability to separate his personal life with his work life was an overstatement. Both Hart and Cohle share a dark side which may galvanize our opinion of them for the rest of the series.
It is soon revealed that Cohle was institutionalized in a psychiatric hospital back in 1993 after he shot dead three drug cartel members during a deep undercover operation that went terribly awry. The psychological damage caused by Cohle's extensive drug use while working in narcotics division may have permanently altered his perception of reality. In a chilling moment, Cohle displays his violent streak towards two non-compliant witnesses who fail to reveal the whereabouts of a local brothel that Dora worked at. Later at the 'Bunny Ranch', the discovery of Dora's diary yields vital new clues about her association with the church. Dora's bizarre ramblings about a king and his children shed some light on her state of mind. All clues point to the church and with a new address to follow up on, the detectives are optimistic about making further headway on the case. Unfortunately for them, their supervisor Major Ken Quesado (Kevin Dunn) seems all but impressed by their findings venting his frustration at the lack of suspects. Pressure from his superiors is threatening case reassignment for Hart and Cohle. With time against them, our detectives must find some answers before the case goes cold.
The episode ends with an ominous scrawling on the wall of the burnt out church that Dora attended. The image shows a naked women who is bound and has antlers attached to her head. The trail for the killer/s of Dora Lange has just heated up but whether Hart and Cohle can handle what they find is a whole other question entirely.
4.5/5
It is soon revealed that Cohle was institutionalized in a psychiatric hospital back in 1993 after he shot dead three drug cartel members during a deep undercover operation that went terribly awry. The psychological damage caused by Cohle's extensive drug use while working in narcotics division may have permanently altered his perception of reality. In a chilling moment, Cohle displays his violent streak towards two non-compliant witnesses who fail to reveal the whereabouts of a local brothel that Dora worked at. Later at the 'Bunny Ranch', the discovery of Dora's diary yields vital new clues about her association with the church. Dora's bizarre ramblings about a king and his children shed some light on her state of mind. All clues point to the church and with a new address to follow up on, the detectives are optimistic about making further headway on the case. Unfortunately for them, their supervisor Major Ken Quesado (Kevin Dunn) seems all but impressed by their findings venting his frustration at the lack of suspects. Pressure from his superiors is threatening case reassignment for Hart and Cohle. With time against them, our detectives must find some answers before the case goes cold.
The episode ends with an ominous scrawling on the wall of the burnt out church that Dora attended. The image shows a naked women who is bound and has antlers attached to her head. The trail for the killer/s of Dora Lange has just heated up but whether Hart and Cohle can handle what they find is a whole other question entirely.
4.5/5
Reasonable Doubt
(2014)
An exercise in generic filmmaking...
19 January 2014
Warning: Spoilers
Reasonable Doubt had the potential to be an absolutely riveting thriller. On paper the film has an intriguing narrative that juxtaposes the moral choices of two seemingly ordinary men. Dominic Cooper is Mitch Brockden, a prosecution attorney who makes the ill-fated decision one night to drive his car home after a session of heavy drinking. Distracted by the presence of police, Mitch hits a man crossing the road. Instead of helping the man Mitch tries to avoid accountability for the incident by fleeing the scene. Mitch selfishly attempts to justify that his actions served the best interests of his career and family. Not so differently is another supposedly innocent man named Clinton Davis (Samuel L. Jackson). Innocent by the fact that he is soon charged with the hit and run offense. Racked by the guilt of his crime, Mitch assigns himself to the case in order to sabotage the prosecution argument against Clinton. After the successful acquittal of Clinton, all balance seems restored until Mitch decides to delve a little bit deeper into Clinton's past history and his connection with the victim. In a chilling revelation, Mitch discovers that Clinton's family was murdered before his very eyes in a sadistic home invasion years earlier. Deranged by the event, Clinton seeks private justice against those criminals who he deems likely to re-offend. It seems that the victim of the hit and run was actually a convicted child molester who was escaping from the torturous clutches of Clinton. In a twist on conventional thrillers, we are presented with a moral quandary about whom the real villain is. Is Mitch's callous and deceptive actions to save himself from guilt any less villainous than Clinton's justification for murdering the most reviled criminals in the community?
Unfortunately that is where my interest in the film ends. A promising narrative on paper doesn't always translate to an excellent execution on film. By the time the final half rolls by the film devolves into a cliché predictable mess, shifting from moral ambiguity to straight out schlock with plot holes galore. It is frustrating to see potential character development being squandered by inept writing. The concept of having two antiheroes as the main characters was what kept me watching. Samuel L. Jackson's role as Clinton was by far the best performance in the film even with such poor character development. His presence felt extremely menacing but unfortunately his character lacked a sympathetic angle which could have helped me relate to his anger and feel pity for his suffering. Dominic Cooper's performance was surprisingly one dimensional considering how dynamic of an actor he really is (watch the Devil's Double). It pains me to say this but he needs to fire his voice coach because his American accent was absolutely terrible.
Year after year these generic thrillers keep getting made even though they offer nothing refreshing or new to the genre. While the film itself is merely mediocre, it still baffles me why writers and directors feel the need to wrap their films up in a nice neat package. It is not only disrespectful to the audience but it does an injustice to the subject theme.
2.5/5
Unfortunately that is where my interest in the film ends. A promising narrative on paper doesn't always translate to an excellent execution on film. By the time the final half rolls by the film devolves into a cliché predictable mess, shifting from moral ambiguity to straight out schlock with plot holes galore. It is frustrating to see potential character development being squandered by inept writing. The concept of having two antiheroes as the main characters was what kept me watching. Samuel L. Jackson's role as Clinton was by far the best performance in the film even with such poor character development. His presence felt extremely menacing but unfortunately his character lacked a sympathetic angle which could have helped me relate to his anger and feel pity for his suffering. Dominic Cooper's performance was surprisingly one dimensional considering how dynamic of an actor he really is (watch the Devil's Double). It pains me to say this but he needs to fire his voice coach because his American accent was absolutely terrible.
Year after year these generic thrillers keep getting made even though they offer nothing refreshing or new to the genre. While the film itself is merely mediocre, it still baffles me why writers and directors feel the need to wrap their films up in a nice neat package. It is not only disrespectful to the audience but it does an injustice to the subject theme.
2.5/5
Down the rabbit hole we go...
18 January 2014
Warning: Spoilers
If film director David Fincher had a time machine that could take him back to the year 1995, I'm positive that he would have scrapped his idea for releasing Se7en and instead opted to produce a series exactly like this one. True Detective is a unique hybrid that seems less in the tradition of television crime dramas that tend provide instant gratification and more tailored towards the conventions of the cinematic medium. The first episode invites the viewer on a journey that follows the lives of detectives Rust Cohle (Matthew McConaughey) and Martin Hart (Woody Harrelsen) as they navigate through a particularly perplexing homicide case. A woman named Dora Lange is found bound and ritualistically murdered in a field in rural Louisiana. Told retrospectively through a series of interviews from the year 2012, both Cohle and Hart account for the events that occurred following their assignment to the Lange case back in January 1995. From the very first interview with Detective Hart it is clear that the other detectives interviewing him are more than a little interested to know about the relationship that he had with Cohle. Known as the "taxman" by the other detectives, Cohle is a highly intellectual but introverted man who is well known for his ability to take notes and draw conclusions from even the minutest details in the crimes he investigates. Cohle also comes across as an extremely unhinged, pessimistic and emotionally disturbed man who we come to discover is carrying the demons of a deceased child and a broken marriage. Cohle's characteristics seem to put him at constant odds with his fellow colleagues including Hart who can't seem to rationalize his lack of faith in humanity. Angered by Cohle's utter indifference to the world around him, Hart comically exclaims that the car should be "a place of silent reflection from now on".
Hart is a straight forward detective who appears capable of separating his personal life with the testing conditions he faces at work. Pressure from Hart's wife (Michelle Monaghan) forces him invite a reluctant Cohle to dinner. Unfortunately for Hart, Cohle makes a terrible first impression by arriving at the house completely intoxicated. Hart's worst nightmare is realized now that his work relationship with Cohle has struck a very personal nerve. Their partnership is further strained when they begin to face pressure from the media and religious leaders in the community to solve the case with haste. The case it seems has negative connotations that extend all the way up to the governor's office. Back in the interviewing room it is revealed that the investigators asking the questions are currently working on a more recent case that appears to have the exact same modus operandi as the 1995 homicide of Dora Lange. Cohle explains that this cannot be possible as the true perpetrator had already been caught back in 1995. Ending on a cliff-hanger, we are left asking how Cohle and Hart caught the murderer back in 95' and what the 2012 re-emergence of the case means for their original investigation.
I feel that the dynamic between the personalities of these two characters and the case which seems to bear little clues but which holds their fragile relationship together is creating a series which has a strong driving force. I am personally excited to see the next episode as I am genuinely curious to see how all of these different timelines will come together. I don't want to say this prematurely but True Detective feels like a crime series done right for once. Please enter the rabbit hole with me as I follow the series with reviews of each episode. The next one will be shorter in length I promise!
4/5
Hart is a straight forward detective who appears capable of separating his personal life with the testing conditions he faces at work. Pressure from Hart's wife (Michelle Monaghan) forces him invite a reluctant Cohle to dinner. Unfortunately for Hart, Cohle makes a terrible first impression by arriving at the house completely intoxicated. Hart's worst nightmare is realized now that his work relationship with Cohle has struck a very personal nerve. Their partnership is further strained when they begin to face pressure from the media and religious leaders in the community to solve the case with haste. The case it seems has negative connotations that extend all the way up to the governor's office. Back in the interviewing room it is revealed that the investigators asking the questions are currently working on a more recent case that appears to have the exact same modus operandi as the 1995 homicide of Dora Lange. Cohle explains that this cannot be possible as the true perpetrator had already been caught back in 1995. Ending on a cliff-hanger, we are left asking how Cohle and Hart caught the murderer back in 95' and what the 2012 re-emergence of the case means for their original investigation.
I feel that the dynamic between the personalities of these two characters and the case which seems to bear little clues but which holds their fragile relationship together is creating a series which has a strong driving force. I am personally excited to see the next episode as I am genuinely curious to see how all of these different timelines will come together. I don't want to say this prematurely but True Detective feels like a crime series done right for once. Please enter the rabbit hole with me as I follow the series with reviews of each episode. The next one will be shorter in length I promise!
4/5
Solo
(I) (2013)
Jennifer Lawrence visits Camp Crystal Lake
23 October 2013
Warning: Spoilers
Let me pitch you an idea, please tell me if it sounds familiar at all. Here goes: A young outcast named Gillian is desperately trying to cope with the emotional trauma of her sister's death (*cough* drowning accident *cough*). As part of her therapy for coping with the pain, she decides that she wants to be a... camp counselor. Like all new camp counselors, she first must listen to campfire tales of horror. One story in particular grabs her attention. It's about a little girl named Jason Voorhees (oops I mean Janie) who accidentally "disappeared" from the camp several decades ago. Don't worry, in order to avoid copyright issues we'll avoid using the words "drowned" and "distracted counselors" from now on. Anyway, there's this island in the lake which the girl supposedly haunts from time to time. Therefore it only makes sense that Gillian, a mentally unstable suicidal teen, is marooned on that very same island as part of her initiation. However fear not for our young heroine is never left alone at any point. She is always under the watchful eye of the resident counselor and hornbag Marty who sneaks across to the island. Like every other sexed up male character from bygone horror movies, Marty comes across with the pretense of being friendly even though it is obvious what his true intentions are. However, he doesn't get the chance to do much before the party is interrupted. It seems that Gillian and Marty aren't the only people (or things) living on the island and it doesn't take long before the real stalking begins.
Clearly, the film has borrowed more than a few creative elements from the Friday the 13th series. At times, it is effective especially early in the film. However in an effort to come across as somewhat original, Solo departs from the usual slasher formula and attempts to twist the concept. Is it purely psychological or is the threat actually tangible? As far as the acting is concerned, our lead actress Annie Clark who bears a striking resemblance to Jennifer Lawrence was surprisingly able to carry the film through its short running time. Annie clearly has talent and I hope to see more feature films from her in the future. Veteran actor Daniel Kash also has a decent turn as the psychotic camp counselor although the film fails to develop his character sufficiently. Overall, the film only managed to capture my imagination and attention span for fleeting moments. If you want psychological terror in an isolated setting, I'd recommend that you watch Eden Lake instead of this.
2.5/5
Clearly, the film has borrowed more than a few creative elements from the Friday the 13th series. At times, it is effective especially early in the film. However in an effort to come across as somewhat original, Solo departs from the usual slasher formula and attempts to twist the concept. Is it purely psychological or is the threat actually tangible? As far as the acting is concerned, our lead actress Annie Clark who bears a striking resemblance to Jennifer Lawrence was surprisingly able to carry the film through its short running time. Annie clearly has talent and I hope to see more feature films from her in the future. Veteran actor Daniel Kash also has a decent turn as the psychotic camp counselor although the film fails to develop his character sufficiently. Overall, the film only managed to capture my imagination and attention span for fleeting moments. If you want psychological terror in an isolated setting, I'd recommend that you watch Eden Lake instead of this.
2.5/5
Kiss of the Damned
(2012)
Still a better love story than Twilight...
1 April 2013
Warning: Spoilers
All jokes aside, Xan Cassavetes' directorial debut is destined to become a cult classic. From the opening shots of the lonely mansion by the lake, the film sets a tone that has you hooked. Cassavetes uses the long empty corridor, the endless staircase, and the empty lake foreshadowed by the overcast weather to put the viewer in exactly the right mood for what's to come. Her unique style of directing skips any unnecessary prologue and tells the story through the interactions between her characters. We first meet Djuna (Joséphine de La Baume), a neurotic introvert who spends her nights scavenging the forest for animals and watching romantic movies. It is her love of the latter that causes her to cross paths with a handsome young man named Paolo (Milo Ventimiglia) in a video store one night. From the moment their eyes meet for the first time, both characters form an undeniable chemistry.
However, Djuna has a secret that could force an end to any possible relationship. She's a blood-sucking vampire who lusts for the innocent flesh of mortals. Paolo's naivety to such detrimental truths draws him closer to Djuna despite her rejection of his advances. Like a fly caught in a spider's web, eventually Paolo's persistence reaches a deadly apex. He discovers the truth behind Djuna's dilemma, but instead of running for the hills like one would expect, his infatuation remains undeterred. He would rather be cursed as a vampire forever than live a life, regretting the love he denied. Immortal love happily ever after, right? WRONG! Paolo and Djuna's romantic harmony is soon disrupted by the arrival of Djuna's sister, Mimi (Roxane Mesquida). From the moment Mimi steps foot in the door, trouble looms like a dark cloud. Mimi is loud, obnoxious, psychotic and exudes a sexual presence that threatens to uproot Djuna's bond with Paolo. Wherever they go, Mimi sticks out like a sore thumb. She lacks regard for social etiquette at a formal gathering of vampires, she openly hunts for human victims in public areas, and she hosts sex parties in Djuna's home without her approval. Mimi is the epitome of a villainous vampire. She lacks the moral fiber that the other vampires cling to and consciously attempts to undermine their ethics.
Events begin to spiral more and more out of control until the final shocking act. Xan Cassavetes must be highly commended for her first effort here. She treads a thin line that borders on vampire exploitation but never crosses it. She intersects horror and romance genres effortlessly without the film ever becoming self-parody. Her use of atmospheric scenery, shot selection, lighting, and an eerily effective score are impeccable. There were moments where I thought I was watching Kubrick's Eyes Wide Shut. To those whose opinion of vampires has been tarnished by the Twilight series, please watch this film to see it done correctly for once.
3.5/5
However, Djuna has a secret that could force an end to any possible relationship. She's a blood-sucking vampire who lusts for the innocent flesh of mortals. Paolo's naivety to such detrimental truths draws him closer to Djuna despite her rejection of his advances. Like a fly caught in a spider's web, eventually Paolo's persistence reaches a deadly apex. He discovers the truth behind Djuna's dilemma, but instead of running for the hills like one would expect, his infatuation remains undeterred. He would rather be cursed as a vampire forever than live a life, regretting the love he denied. Immortal love happily ever after, right? WRONG! Paolo and Djuna's romantic harmony is soon disrupted by the arrival of Djuna's sister, Mimi (Roxane Mesquida). From the moment Mimi steps foot in the door, trouble looms like a dark cloud. Mimi is loud, obnoxious, psychotic and exudes a sexual presence that threatens to uproot Djuna's bond with Paolo. Wherever they go, Mimi sticks out like a sore thumb. She lacks regard for social etiquette at a formal gathering of vampires, she openly hunts for human victims in public areas, and she hosts sex parties in Djuna's home without her approval. Mimi is the epitome of a villainous vampire. She lacks the moral fiber that the other vampires cling to and consciously attempts to undermine their ethics.
Events begin to spiral more and more out of control until the final shocking act. Xan Cassavetes must be highly commended for her first effort here. She treads a thin line that borders on vampire exploitation but never crosses it. She intersects horror and romance genres effortlessly without the film ever becoming self-parody. Her use of atmospheric scenery, shot selection, lighting, and an eerily effective score are impeccable. There were moments where I thought I was watching Kubrick's Eyes Wide Shut. To those whose opinion of vampires has been tarnished by the Twilight series, please watch this film to see it done correctly for once.
3.5/5
The Child
(2012)
The Child is a waste of your precious time...
10 March 2013
Warning: Spoilers
What can be said about this movie? For the people who don't like long reviews I'll save you the effort & just sum it up with the sentence "read the title of this review". I hope that is suffice. Now to people who prefer for me to explain the movie in detail & why I didn't like it, here goes. So the story is set in Germany, why? Who knows, I'm still trying to figure that one out. The plot follows a strange terminally ill boy who claims to have not only been reincarnated but also has vivid memories of his former life as a brutal serial killer. This is never explained. So along comes Robert Stern (Eric Roberts), a big shot defense lawyer who was once the partner of the boy's mother/guardian named Carina (Sunny Mabrey). For whatever convoluted reason, Carina wants Robert to help explore her son's twisted thoughts by uncovering the victims he supposedly killed in his past life. Initially skeptical, Robert quickly jumps on board when the bodies start piling up. I also forgot to mention that he is also being extorted by a mysterious entity who is holding his wife & supposedly dead child captive but it's not worth explaining because it contributed nothing to the overall plot.
So roughly, for the next 90 minutes we watch the boy follow one clue after the next while they begin to uncover a child pedophilia ring. Here is where I give a warning to some sensitive viewers. Pictures of naked children are actually shown in one scene. I couldn't believe my eyes but it's true. Also an old man acts sexually towards the boy as he 'grooms' him for what's to come. I thought it was done in poor taste by the director. However it is a European film so I guess strong sexual themes are to be expected. The second half of the film is a prolonged & bloated mess where there are ridiculous plot twists that extend well beyond the realm of disbelief. Another point to add is that the end credits were 20 MINUTES long. I swear, the film makers must have included half of the German phone directory among the list of credits.
From beginning to end, this movie couldn't decide what plot it wanted. Was it the plot about the terminal kid trying to cope with his impending death; was it the one about Eric Roberts dealing with the death of his newborn or was it a tale about a serial killer who needed two lives to exact his revenge? It's a shame to see decent actors like Eric Roberts and Peter Greene waste their obvious talent on this pointless drivel. Regardless, both of these actors gave solid performances under the conditions & made this film at least mildly bearable to watch.
2/5
So roughly, for the next 90 minutes we watch the boy follow one clue after the next while they begin to uncover a child pedophilia ring. Here is where I give a warning to some sensitive viewers. Pictures of naked children are actually shown in one scene. I couldn't believe my eyes but it's true. Also an old man acts sexually towards the boy as he 'grooms' him for what's to come. I thought it was done in poor taste by the director. However it is a European film so I guess strong sexual themes are to be expected. The second half of the film is a prolonged & bloated mess where there are ridiculous plot twists that extend well beyond the realm of disbelief. Another point to add is that the end credits were 20 MINUTES long. I swear, the film makers must have included half of the German phone directory among the list of credits.
From beginning to end, this movie couldn't decide what plot it wanted. Was it the plot about the terminal kid trying to cope with his impending death; was it the one about Eric Roberts dealing with the death of his newborn or was it a tale about a serial killer who needed two lives to exact his revenge? It's a shame to see decent actors like Eric Roberts and Peter Greene waste their obvious talent on this pointless drivel. Regardless, both of these actors gave solid performances under the conditions & made this film at least mildly bearable to watch.
2/5
Chapter Two is in need of a re-write
2 February 2013
Warning: Spoilers
After the exciting thought-provoking pilot, I'm afraid to say that this follow-up episode is a major let down. The episode is plagued with poor character development that is the direct result of an underdeveloped script & constant annoying flashbacks that explain very little. It seems like there is a distinct possibility that the rest of the series will follow a formulaic pattern whereby Ryan Hardy goes from one macabre crime scene to the next without much direction (at least until there is a big reveal). This series is in serious danger of falling into an 'intellectual wasteland' where the writers just invent new plot points as they go. It's hard to understand the motivations of Joe Carroll & his cult followers. Is Carroll controlling their minds? Are they aware of their actions? What is the point of all these random killings? The series is hinting on some overarching plan by Carroll but this episode does nothing to explain or uncover this. The whole premise of this show would have worked far better as a standalone episode in a sci-fi show like the X-files rather than a whole drawn-out series like this one. Carroll would have been characterized as a mind-reading psychopath crossed between Charles Manson, Hannibal Lector & Sutter Cane. Fox & Scully would have had a field day out!
Another annoying point I must make about this episode is the unscrupulous effort by the writers to include a villainous gay couple who may or may not be faking it in order to win the trust of Carroll's target victims. What were they thinking? This is offensive on so many levels but what else can you expect from Fox? I'm hoping the next episode isn't just another rehash of the pilot & gives us more clarity about Carroll's intentions (however far-fetched they may be). If anything will keep me coming back to this show, it will be the interactions between Kevin Bacon & James Purefoy. They are the perfect casting choices for their respective roles but even they won't be able to save this show if we get too many episodes like this one.
2.5/5
Another annoying point I must make about this episode is the unscrupulous effort by the writers to include a villainous gay couple who may or may not be faking it in order to win the trust of Carroll's target victims. What were they thinking? This is offensive on so many levels but what else can you expect from Fox? I'm hoping the next episode isn't just another rehash of the pilot & gives us more clarity about Carroll's intentions (however far-fetched they may be). If anything will keep me coming back to this show, it will be the interactions between Kevin Bacon & James Purefoy. They are the perfect casting choices for their respective roles but even they won't be able to save this show if we get too many episodes like this one.
2.5/5
11-11-11
(2011)
This is NOT a doomsday film!
6 November 2011
You may or may not have bought into the false advertising campaign that is targeting young horror fans who think that they are going to see some apocalyptic event that occurs on the 11-11-11. If you are part of this target group, I am telling you now that you will most certainly be disappointed. This film is a slow-paced, methodical character-driven piece about the conflict between faith-based ideologies. Don't be tricked into thinking that this is going to be some exciting or thrilling popcorn adventure in the same vein as some of the other high budget apocalyptic films out there. Director Darren Lynn Bousman has himself said that he wanted to explore his own spiritual beliefs and conceptions about existence through this film.
We begin by following Joseph Crone (Timothy Gibbs), a popular novelist who is tormented by the death of his family through constant reoccurring nightmares and hallucinations. As seemingly random events begin to unfold in his life, Joseph struggles to cling onto any real purpose of his continuing existence. As he rapidly descends into a state of self-seclusion, he discovers a pattern in which all the events in his life are taking place. They appear to always happen at the set time of 11:11 am/pm. When his estranged pastor brother Samuel (Michael Landes) rings to tell him about his dying father, Joseph immediately travels to Barcelona. Here is where the story will perhaps turn south for most people. We spend a good 40 minutes of the film trying to decipher strange supernatural clues as we are subjected to long-winded seemingly pointless dialogue scenes. For some this may be incredibly boring, especially since the fact that apart from a few jump-scares and men in goblinesque costumes, the film is basically devoid of any horror or suspense. As the day of 11-11-11 approaches, events get weirder and weirder until the finale where a huge revealing twist is attempted but comes off looking incredibly schlocky.
Overall I'm pretty sure this film will flop badly. Due to its misleading nature, I feel that many people are going to rightfully flame this film in general. In my opinion it would have served better as a psychological drama about the descent of a rational man into madness. The twist would have been Joseph's self-realization that 11-11-11 has no meaning and it is just another number. Unfortunately the film favors a more unrealistic and perplexing ending that wasn't needed. There are however some redeemable qualities to the film such as the philosophical themes surrounding religion vs. society and also the talent of Timothy Gibbs to carry the film until the end despite many major flaws. I recommend that you watch this when it comes out on DVD so you can make up your own mind but I suggest that you consider the limitations of the budget (which couldn't have been more than $2 million).
2/5
We begin by following Joseph Crone (Timothy Gibbs), a popular novelist who is tormented by the death of his family through constant reoccurring nightmares and hallucinations. As seemingly random events begin to unfold in his life, Joseph struggles to cling onto any real purpose of his continuing existence. As he rapidly descends into a state of self-seclusion, he discovers a pattern in which all the events in his life are taking place. They appear to always happen at the set time of 11:11 am/pm. When his estranged pastor brother Samuel (Michael Landes) rings to tell him about his dying father, Joseph immediately travels to Barcelona. Here is where the story will perhaps turn south for most people. We spend a good 40 minutes of the film trying to decipher strange supernatural clues as we are subjected to long-winded seemingly pointless dialogue scenes. For some this may be incredibly boring, especially since the fact that apart from a few jump-scares and men in goblinesque costumes, the film is basically devoid of any horror or suspense. As the day of 11-11-11 approaches, events get weirder and weirder until the finale where a huge revealing twist is attempted but comes off looking incredibly schlocky.
Overall I'm pretty sure this film will flop badly. Due to its misleading nature, I feel that many people are going to rightfully flame this film in general. In my opinion it would have served better as a psychological drama about the descent of a rational man into madness. The twist would have been Joseph's self-realization that 11-11-11 has no meaning and it is just another number. Unfortunately the film favors a more unrealistic and perplexing ending that wasn't needed. There are however some redeemable qualities to the film such as the philosophical themes surrounding religion vs. society and also the talent of Timothy Gibbs to carry the film until the end despite many major flaws. I recommend that you watch this when it comes out on DVD so you can make up your own mind but I suggest that you consider the limitations of the budget (which couldn't have been more than $2 million).
2/5
River of Darkness
(2011)
I'll save you the eternal torment...READ THIS CAREFULLY!!!
6 February 2011
Warning: Spoilers
Do you love seeing your favourite WWF/WWE/TNA star battle it out against a bunch of hillbilly swamp-things? If you do, please hide your innocent mind from this giant regurgitated turd of a film...Do you want something to laugh at? Please just watch re-runs of "Friends"... Are you sadomasochistic & get pleasure out of the pain your eyes & ears experience when you watch a really horrible film? PLEASE I BEG YOU, SPARE YOURSELF FROM THIS HELL!
Alright let me calm down & explain myself before you all think I'm going off on a tangent. The premise of this story is quite simply explained; a country town (by a river- go figure) suddenly becomes plagued with a series of unexplained slayings. This is where Kurt 'the wannabe rock' Angle steps in as the simpleton hick sheriff who is entrusted with the task of solving these brutal homicides as well as expressing deep emotions at key points & delivering the correct lines from his script on cue (much like his fake wrestling persona I suppose). Anyhow, our buff sheriff with his years of detective work finds himself with no other option but to walk around town brandishing the confidential & explicit crime scene photos to every dog & his aunt in hope of, of uhmm...a confession? Heck maybe he thinks he can get the truth out of one of those demonic redneck fisherman from I Know What You Did Last Summer? So as the plot progresses we find out that the bodies have carvings of the term "HIX" written on them (I would make a joke out of that but I can't be stuffed), anyway the sheriff finds out that this is the last name of a weirdo recluse named Harvey Hix who headed a group of vigilantes that murdered the Jacobs brothers, played by Kevin Nash & Psycho Sid Vicious (don't worry they have no real back story other than being two 6' 10" hobos who never had pro-wrestling careers to begin with).
Actually I think that is a touch mean spirited comment by me, I should really praise all of those pro-wrestling fans out there who spend every waking moment of their lives supporting their heroes in films like this. Now enough of the sentiment & back to the plot; so the brothers have been summoned from their watery graves after 30 years because God makes rules about releasing souls after a set time so that they can exact their revenge on the townsfolk who had nothing to do with their deaths- much like how Jason Voorhees takes out his anger issues on those innocent teens at Camp Crystal Lake; actually no sorry my apologies, that exciting comparison is not what this film is like. So anyway that covers about 40 minutes into the plot & I basically daydreamed for the rest of the time so I can only assume that everything ended peacefully with enough room for a sequel.
In the very least I think it's safe to class this film as a direct-to-VHS bargain bin trash-fest. However I think that summary is a little too classy & upbeat to truly summarise this seething pile of goat spew accurately. Believe me guys I have seen some bad films; if you don't believe me just look at the list of films I have already reviewed. The actors in an Ulli Lommel film give more heartfelt, genuine performances than most of the actors in this one. Even I struggled to get through it without needing to fast forward through the horribly stagnant dialogue. I have to say without a doubt that this film was the longest 80 minutes I have ever spent watching any film. Don't even buy it if it's the price of a nickel because that metal will be worth more to humanity in the long run than this will be in an eternity!
0.5/5
Alright let me calm down & explain myself before you all think I'm going off on a tangent. The premise of this story is quite simply explained; a country town (by a river- go figure) suddenly becomes plagued with a series of unexplained slayings. This is where Kurt 'the wannabe rock' Angle steps in as the simpleton hick sheriff who is entrusted with the task of solving these brutal homicides as well as expressing deep emotions at key points & delivering the correct lines from his script on cue (much like his fake wrestling persona I suppose). Anyhow, our buff sheriff with his years of detective work finds himself with no other option but to walk around town brandishing the confidential & explicit crime scene photos to every dog & his aunt in hope of, of uhmm...a confession? Heck maybe he thinks he can get the truth out of one of those demonic redneck fisherman from I Know What You Did Last Summer? So as the plot progresses we find out that the bodies have carvings of the term "HIX" written on them (I would make a joke out of that but I can't be stuffed), anyway the sheriff finds out that this is the last name of a weirdo recluse named Harvey Hix who headed a group of vigilantes that murdered the Jacobs brothers, played by Kevin Nash & Psycho Sid Vicious (don't worry they have no real back story other than being two 6' 10" hobos who never had pro-wrestling careers to begin with).
Actually I think that is a touch mean spirited comment by me, I should really praise all of those pro-wrestling fans out there who spend every waking moment of their lives supporting their heroes in films like this. Now enough of the sentiment & back to the plot; so the brothers have been summoned from their watery graves after 30 years because God makes rules about releasing souls after a set time so that they can exact their revenge on the townsfolk who had nothing to do with their deaths- much like how Jason Voorhees takes out his anger issues on those innocent teens at Camp Crystal Lake; actually no sorry my apologies, that exciting comparison is not what this film is like. So anyway that covers about 40 minutes into the plot & I basically daydreamed for the rest of the time so I can only assume that everything ended peacefully with enough room for a sequel.
In the very least I think it's safe to class this film as a direct-to-VHS bargain bin trash-fest. However I think that summary is a little too classy & upbeat to truly summarise this seething pile of goat spew accurately. Believe me guys I have seen some bad films; if you don't believe me just look at the list of films I have already reviewed. The actors in an Ulli Lommel film give more heartfelt, genuine performances than most of the actors in this one. Even I struggled to get through it without needing to fast forward through the horribly stagnant dialogue. I have to say without a doubt that this film was the longest 80 minutes I have ever spent watching any film. Don't even buy it if it's the price of a nickel because that metal will be worth more to humanity in the long run than this will be in an eternity!
0.5/5
King of the Avenue
(2010)
Would you sell your soul to be 'king' ?
21 October 2010
Warning: Spoilers
Have you ever wanted to be the best at something but always knew you never would be? What would you do in order to achieve the success & recognition that you think you deserve? These are the questions that are about to plague Taz (Simon Rex); an ambitious young, but slightly egotistical drug baron who is walking in the footsteps of his once kingpin father, Norman (Ving Rhames). Taz lives somewhat of a double life peddling his dope, women & money on the side whilst trying to maintain a family man facade. The biggest problem in Taz's life right now is Dunnie Jnr. (Cesar Ferriat), the current "king of the avenue" (or in other words-leader of the gang). He is the only man standing between him & what he refers to as his "birthright". Anyway one night, Taz wakes up to see the Devil seated before him. The Devil tells him that Dunnie Jnr. is not just planning to kill him but he is also planning to murder his wife & son. The Devil then propositions Taz; let the current reality take its course or seize the opportunity to become the next 'king of the avenue' (yeah I know I should probably trademark that term) by resurrecting his dead father as a demon & ultimately damning his soul for all eternity. Let's just say, the decision he makes won't surprise you...
Anyway I need not expand on the plot anymore than that because up until that point, the film was actually a promising crime drama. I prefer to remain positive about all this but I truly find it hard to fathom why a self-respecting director would choose to turn his film into a schlocky thriller when he has already established something different & definitely more realistic in the first 25 minutes of his film? Also please don't get me started on the script (which was written by the director Ryan Combs)...it was so shockingly bad that most scenes in the latter part of the film show Ving Rhames with an undeniable smirk on his face like he can't get a bad joke out of his head! I don't see Ving Rhames as a particularly bad actor so all I can say is; he must be in this project for the cash. I also have a need mention that all the narration sequences with Simon Rex are just the repeatedly spoken thoughts of what he & all the other characters have already exchanged through their dialogue- yet another insult to the audience's intelligence!
Perhaps I have become too used to watching high-budget films that are so technically perfect that any other indie flick like this that even aspires to compare is looked at by me as inferior? However with that said I do think most people will agree with me on this point that the plot unnecessarily morphed into an abysmal mess after what was a very good introduction. Simon Rex was pretty mediocre as Taz & most of the time played a very unconvincing character through the choices he made. I can't say much for any of the other cast members because they all played such cliché crime & friend/family figures that I never really had any emotional investment in them. In total honesty I couldn't have cared less what happened in the end of this film...I was just happy to see the credits rolling!
Now with all that said & done if the Devil himself visited me right now & gave me the choice of either surrendering my soul to him or watching this film over & over again for the rest of my natural life...I would probably have to think a little harder than usual about it.
1.5/5
Anyway I need not expand on the plot anymore than that because up until that point, the film was actually a promising crime drama. I prefer to remain positive about all this but I truly find it hard to fathom why a self-respecting director would choose to turn his film into a schlocky thriller when he has already established something different & definitely more realistic in the first 25 minutes of his film? Also please don't get me started on the script (which was written by the director Ryan Combs)...it was so shockingly bad that most scenes in the latter part of the film show Ving Rhames with an undeniable smirk on his face like he can't get a bad joke out of his head! I don't see Ving Rhames as a particularly bad actor so all I can say is; he must be in this project for the cash. I also have a need mention that all the narration sequences with Simon Rex are just the repeatedly spoken thoughts of what he & all the other characters have already exchanged through their dialogue- yet another insult to the audience's intelligence!
Perhaps I have become too used to watching high-budget films that are so technically perfect that any other indie flick like this that even aspires to compare is looked at by me as inferior? However with that said I do think most people will agree with me on this point that the plot unnecessarily morphed into an abysmal mess after what was a very good introduction. Simon Rex was pretty mediocre as Taz & most of the time played a very unconvincing character through the choices he made. I can't say much for any of the other cast members because they all played such cliché crime & friend/family figures that I never really had any emotional investment in them. In total honesty I couldn't have cared less what happened in the end of this film...I was just happy to see the credits rolling!
Now with all that said & done if the Devil himself visited me right now & gave me the choice of either surrendering my soul to him or watching this film over & over again for the rest of my natural life...I would probably have to think a little harder than usual about it.
1.5/5
Bad Ass
(2010)
Corrado isn't as "bad ass" as we are led to believe...
16 October 2010
Warning: Spoilers
Corrado is one of those films that come along every so often that leaves you torn as to whether you truly loved or despised it. On both a technical and plot standpoint this film is mediocre at best. Perhaps my biggest gripe with the technical side of this film is the editing. Time & time again I see this kind of editing happening with low-budget independent features where scenes are cut into then cut out of very abruptly. What I mean by this is, most of the scenes in this film begin & end with a fade-in/out effect which I admit is not technically "wrong" but what does happen is it becomes a device for disjointing or unbalancing particular scenes within the context of the plot. There are some quality action scenes in Corrado where the tension is building to a climatic point only to be ruined by a fade out effect. The funniest thing that makes this all fit into perspective with what I am saying is; the credits for this film started rolling at the 73 minute mark! The editors didn't need to hack this film to all hell; in fact wouldn't they have served better preserving as much footage as possible in order to make this more than just a barely feature length film?
Anyway as for the plot, lets just say the idea is as weak as a stack of cards...we have this dime-a-dozen macho hit man named Corrado (Johnny Messner) who is sent an assignment to hit a high profile 85 year old crime boss who already has one foot in the grave. Even though the hit quite obviously poses a high risk to his own health, Corrado's overzealous attitude leads him to believe that he is capable of pulling it off so he can claim the $500,000 prize. However this is not what makes the plot weak, no, it is what actually happens when this cold-blooded, calculating killer bumps into the nurse (Candice Elaine) caring for the old man. Instead of doing his job & popping both of them, Corrado suddenly develops a conscience & decides to rescue her from the clutches of the mobster's psychotic son, Paolo (Tom Sizemore) who is hell-bent on blaming her for the murder regardless. So as they get chased around LA County by Paolo's goons, Corrado begins to open up more of his humanity towards the nurse (for reasons unknown) as he unveils the horrific past event that shaped his life.
With all that said, Corrado (the film) is not a piece a crap, believe me, I've had my fair share of that don't you worry! The positives in this film can be noted through the standard of acting, script-writing & plot themes that constantly keep this film edgy & non-stagnant. I as one commend Tom Sizemore for allowing his own acting status to be put to one side by investing his time in a little low-budget feature like this where he can 'let go' as an actor & become the full embodiment of his psychotic, alcoholic, womanising character (in true method fashion). Another one of my commendations goes to the title character himself, Johnny Messner. This guy has the physical attributes/presence, the accent/language & persona that makes him a plausible tough guy hit man. Johnny Messner is an actor that is going from strength to strength & while the plot in this film didn't utilize his most natural "bad ass" talents, I can say that his own characterisation of 'Corrado' was spot on!
Now as I said earlier, the script is actually one of the positive factors in this film. From the very outset you could tell that the writer of this film was trying to make an impression on his viewers. The beginning narration paints Corrado as a no nonsense guy who compares peoples' "unfulfilled promises" as the "bounced cheques of my World". Writer-Director Adamo P. Cultraro obviously knows his way around this kind of crime-styled action genre with his witty off-the-cuff dialogue & his fearless attitude towards using profanity laced tirades (something which most writers fear being discredited for).
The last point I want to make (in an already long review-sorry) is the plot theme that really saved this film from total disaster in the final act. Instead of this film going for a sentimental/happy ending, what the director has cleverly tried to do is tie in an all-important yet mostly overlooked theme, that being; does violence vs. Violence really solve any problems? In all honesty, I probably would have trashed this film had it not been; for lack of a better term, 'brave' enough to throw out the male bravado crap in the finale & actually aim for something that the audience can meaningfully take away from their viewing experience.
So do I recommend this film? Yes but on one condition. Don't watch it expecting the highest calibre of acting, story telling or production value. If you love low budget actioners that have less-than-likable characters, crazy plot twists & a social message thrown in at the end...this is the film for you!
2/5.
Anyway as for the plot, lets just say the idea is as weak as a stack of cards...we have this dime-a-dozen macho hit man named Corrado (Johnny Messner) who is sent an assignment to hit a high profile 85 year old crime boss who already has one foot in the grave. Even though the hit quite obviously poses a high risk to his own health, Corrado's overzealous attitude leads him to believe that he is capable of pulling it off so he can claim the $500,000 prize. However this is not what makes the plot weak, no, it is what actually happens when this cold-blooded, calculating killer bumps into the nurse (Candice Elaine) caring for the old man. Instead of doing his job & popping both of them, Corrado suddenly develops a conscience & decides to rescue her from the clutches of the mobster's psychotic son, Paolo (Tom Sizemore) who is hell-bent on blaming her for the murder regardless. So as they get chased around LA County by Paolo's goons, Corrado begins to open up more of his humanity towards the nurse (for reasons unknown) as he unveils the horrific past event that shaped his life.
With all that said, Corrado (the film) is not a piece a crap, believe me, I've had my fair share of that don't you worry! The positives in this film can be noted through the standard of acting, script-writing & plot themes that constantly keep this film edgy & non-stagnant. I as one commend Tom Sizemore for allowing his own acting status to be put to one side by investing his time in a little low-budget feature like this where he can 'let go' as an actor & become the full embodiment of his psychotic, alcoholic, womanising character (in true method fashion). Another one of my commendations goes to the title character himself, Johnny Messner. This guy has the physical attributes/presence, the accent/language & persona that makes him a plausible tough guy hit man. Johnny Messner is an actor that is going from strength to strength & while the plot in this film didn't utilize his most natural "bad ass" talents, I can say that his own characterisation of 'Corrado' was spot on!
Now as I said earlier, the script is actually one of the positive factors in this film. From the very outset you could tell that the writer of this film was trying to make an impression on his viewers. The beginning narration paints Corrado as a no nonsense guy who compares peoples' "unfulfilled promises" as the "bounced cheques of my World". Writer-Director Adamo P. Cultraro obviously knows his way around this kind of crime-styled action genre with his witty off-the-cuff dialogue & his fearless attitude towards using profanity laced tirades (something which most writers fear being discredited for).
The last point I want to make (in an already long review-sorry) is the plot theme that really saved this film from total disaster in the final act. Instead of this film going for a sentimental/happy ending, what the director has cleverly tried to do is tie in an all-important yet mostly overlooked theme, that being; does violence vs. Violence really solve any problems? In all honesty, I probably would have trashed this film had it not been; for lack of a better term, 'brave' enough to throw out the male bravado crap in the finale & actually aim for something that the audience can meaningfully take away from their viewing experience.
So do I recommend this film? Yes but on one condition. Don't watch it expecting the highest calibre of acting, story telling or production value. If you love low budget actioners that have less-than-likable characters, crazy plot twists & a social message thrown in at the end...this is the film for you!
2/5.
The Penthouse
(2010)
National Lampoon Presents: Sex, Drugs & A Penthouse Full Of Rejects
21 January 2010
I find some films very hard to review, however in this case it was quite the contrary. Maybe I'm a little hard on indie flicks in general but I find watching movies like The Penthouse especially easily to slate because I can't help but look at the finer picture; that being the overall message of the film. While this film shouldn't be viewed any deeper than its title, for me personally it's glaringly obvious just how little effort was put into its making. In retrospect this film should have been made in the image of The Hangover or American Pie in its approach toward comedy yet the actual comedy itself is hardly existent.
This film certainly has an appeal about it don't get me wrong... on its shell it has what most people are looking for in a "teen" comedy. Even though it's got all the characteristics of a "teen" comedy, most of its characters are of an adult age (around 30 years old). The reason I mention this is; these are fully grown men acting like they never grew up past the age of 17 or 18. One could almost see the film as an unflattering look at middle aged men who never matured. Nevertheless, it is on this point where the film seems to struggle to decide what kind of comedy it desires for; satire or no-brainer? On both of these levels the film falls flat on its face.
You have all the regular characters that have become familiar with these types of comedies. We have Kieran (Rider Strong) who is the lovable geek boy who wants to move on with his life however he is hampered by his girlfriend, Erica (Kaley Cuoco) wanting to tie him down. Tyler & Heath (Corey Large & James DeBello) are the two party animals who seem to be addicted to drinking & womanising. Finally there's Trista (April Scott) who is Tyler's hot sister (the way she seems fine living in the same penthouse with her brother totally dumbfounds me). The film basically follows a bunch of roommates negotiate their day to day lives in a Penthouse (won on a reality TV show by Tyler).
There's not much substance to the story itself which means the movie trudges along for 90 minutes without really achieving any goals. It's almost a painful & unrewarding experience for the viewer. For me at least it felt like the whole production team couldn't wait for the movie to be finished. All we are really seeing is a group of men drinking, having sex, having parties then starting the next day the same way (hardly inspiring material). Anyway it's really disappointing to see already established actors stoop to the amateurish level that this film did. It was a shame to see a dynamic actor like James DeBello (Cabin Fever) play a narcissistic loser alongside Corey Large, it's a real shame indeed. I must however commend actor Locklyn Munro who was the only real standout character, playing the soul-seeking adventurer, Barry, who to me was a huge contrast to all the other drab personalities (even though he seemed strangely misplaced). That is one of the few credits that I can give this film, which just goes through the motions of being a comedy without ever achieving it.
This is yet another piece of wasted film reel, wasted by a lazy production team who should have abandoned the idea while it was still being thought up on the drawing boards. If anything the film would have been served better as a socially conscious drama rather than being a directionless comedy that stands as its final product. It doesn't surprise me that this film was leaked onto the internet, even before its Direct-to-DVD release. Just goes to show how much financial return the studio thought it was going to get from this stinker!
1.5/5
This film certainly has an appeal about it don't get me wrong... on its shell it has what most people are looking for in a "teen" comedy. Even though it's got all the characteristics of a "teen" comedy, most of its characters are of an adult age (around 30 years old). The reason I mention this is; these are fully grown men acting like they never grew up past the age of 17 or 18. One could almost see the film as an unflattering look at middle aged men who never matured. Nevertheless, it is on this point where the film seems to struggle to decide what kind of comedy it desires for; satire or no-brainer? On both of these levels the film falls flat on its face.
You have all the regular characters that have become familiar with these types of comedies. We have Kieran (Rider Strong) who is the lovable geek boy who wants to move on with his life however he is hampered by his girlfriend, Erica (Kaley Cuoco) wanting to tie him down. Tyler & Heath (Corey Large & James DeBello) are the two party animals who seem to be addicted to drinking & womanising. Finally there's Trista (April Scott) who is Tyler's hot sister (the way she seems fine living in the same penthouse with her brother totally dumbfounds me). The film basically follows a bunch of roommates negotiate their day to day lives in a Penthouse (won on a reality TV show by Tyler).
There's not much substance to the story itself which means the movie trudges along for 90 minutes without really achieving any goals. It's almost a painful & unrewarding experience for the viewer. For me at least it felt like the whole production team couldn't wait for the movie to be finished. All we are really seeing is a group of men drinking, having sex, having parties then starting the next day the same way (hardly inspiring material). Anyway it's really disappointing to see already established actors stoop to the amateurish level that this film did. It was a shame to see a dynamic actor like James DeBello (Cabin Fever) play a narcissistic loser alongside Corey Large, it's a real shame indeed. I must however commend actor Locklyn Munro who was the only real standout character, playing the soul-seeking adventurer, Barry, who to me was a huge contrast to all the other drab personalities (even though he seemed strangely misplaced). That is one of the few credits that I can give this film, which just goes through the motions of being a comedy without ever achieving it.
This is yet another piece of wasted film reel, wasted by a lazy production team who should have abandoned the idea while it was still being thought up on the drawing boards. If anything the film would have been served better as a socially conscious drama rather than being a directionless comedy that stands as its final product. It doesn't surprise me that this film was leaked onto the internet, even before its Direct-to-DVD release. Just goes to show how much financial return the studio thought it was going to get from this stinker!
1.5/5
The Seamstress
(2009)
Campy fun ruined by half baked story
19 September 2009
Warning: Spoilers
Common is the horror genre today where logic & plot development take a backseat for special effects. The Seamstress is one such example of a film that chose to rush the development of a truly chilling story & replace it with a whole bunch of uninspiring supernatural backwash. I refer to this film being 'half baked' on a number of levels. First of all, this film is around 72 minutes long (don't believe IMDb's 85 minute version). It is barely feature length & most likely would of been more suitable not as a film but an episode of the TV show 'Supernatural'.
Not only this, but Jesse Miller's inexperience behind the camera as director is quite evident. His experience previously in the editing department shows up in this film as he seems better at cutting the film to pieces rather than effectively developing it. The premise of the film in hindsight is very simple yet due to the fact that the film is abysmal in its length the plot is consistently rushing through key points that may help the viewer unravel the mystery. I found myself as a critic needing to watch the film twice because many key points hidden in cryptic maps & slurred/low volume dialogue (especially Kevin McNulty's character in the later stages of the film) eluded me. The contextual matter in this film is important to the viewer because most of the time the dialogue is referring to the past.
From what I gather the film follows a young woman by the name of Allie Platt (Kailin See) looking to work out the mystery behind her father, Donny's (David Nykl) disappearance. The establishing scenes at the beginning of the film make no effort in trying to hide his horrible fate at the hands of a sadistic killer. We follow her as she goes on a cross country quest to discover his whereabouts all the while experiencing haunting visions of her dead father. In her childhood town, Sticks Creek she meets a creepy mechanic (Kevin McNulty) who gives her the address to a reclusive man by the name of Logan (Lance Henriksen). A man who seems vague in his responses when discussing just what happened to Donny.
After a heated debate Allie; who blames Logan on her father's disappearance confides in her friends. They discover the location of a remote island that her father talked about in his notes & decide to visit it. On this island is where the story begins to meet its conflict. As the teens snug around the fire talking about the tale of an innocent woman (AKA The Seamstress) brutally killed by a vigilante mob, Allie begins to wonder if the story is more than just a myth. As the hapless teens are slowly picked off & turned into grisly pieces of artwork, the mystery of Donny becomes ever so clear. Did he somehow play a role in the events that occurred on that island 20 years ago? A question that comes begging for an answer as the final act draws to its climax.
The 'campy' side to this film is somewhat the greatest redeeming factor to it. Not only does it cater for your horror/gore fanatics who take delight in watching teens get sliced open but it also has a solid ensemble of actors such as Kailin See & Lance Henriksen, who alone add to the tension as well as general atmospherics of the piece. In my opinion that whole 'campy' feel overrides my general dislike for this film which could of been in a whole new ball park if for 10 minutes the viewer had time to understand the fundamental concepts of everything. This in my opinion is a film not worthy of a cinematic release & will probably pass you a thousand times on your way down the horror isle when it is eventually released on DVD.
1.5/5
Not only this, but Jesse Miller's inexperience behind the camera as director is quite evident. His experience previously in the editing department shows up in this film as he seems better at cutting the film to pieces rather than effectively developing it. The premise of the film in hindsight is very simple yet due to the fact that the film is abysmal in its length the plot is consistently rushing through key points that may help the viewer unravel the mystery. I found myself as a critic needing to watch the film twice because many key points hidden in cryptic maps & slurred/low volume dialogue (especially Kevin McNulty's character in the later stages of the film) eluded me. The contextual matter in this film is important to the viewer because most of the time the dialogue is referring to the past.
From what I gather the film follows a young woman by the name of Allie Platt (Kailin See) looking to work out the mystery behind her father, Donny's (David Nykl) disappearance. The establishing scenes at the beginning of the film make no effort in trying to hide his horrible fate at the hands of a sadistic killer. We follow her as she goes on a cross country quest to discover his whereabouts all the while experiencing haunting visions of her dead father. In her childhood town, Sticks Creek she meets a creepy mechanic (Kevin McNulty) who gives her the address to a reclusive man by the name of Logan (Lance Henriksen). A man who seems vague in his responses when discussing just what happened to Donny.
After a heated debate Allie; who blames Logan on her father's disappearance confides in her friends. They discover the location of a remote island that her father talked about in his notes & decide to visit it. On this island is where the story begins to meet its conflict. As the teens snug around the fire talking about the tale of an innocent woman (AKA The Seamstress) brutally killed by a vigilante mob, Allie begins to wonder if the story is more than just a myth. As the hapless teens are slowly picked off & turned into grisly pieces of artwork, the mystery of Donny becomes ever so clear. Did he somehow play a role in the events that occurred on that island 20 years ago? A question that comes begging for an answer as the final act draws to its climax.
The 'campy' side to this film is somewhat the greatest redeeming factor to it. Not only does it cater for your horror/gore fanatics who take delight in watching teens get sliced open but it also has a solid ensemble of actors such as Kailin See & Lance Henriksen, who alone add to the tension as well as general atmospherics of the piece. In my opinion that whole 'campy' feel overrides my general dislike for this film which could of been in a whole new ball park if for 10 minutes the viewer had time to understand the fundamental concepts of everything. This in my opinion is a film not worthy of a cinematic release & will probably pass you a thousand times on your way down the horror isle when it is eventually released on DVD.
1.5/5
American Beauty
(1999)
American Perversity?
10 October 2006
Warning: Spoilers
This movie has many intertwining factors to it. For one the different sanctions of the American public are basically put as a jigsaw puzzle in this movie & its up to the audience to decide where those pieces fit together. Kevin Spacey again delivers with a tour de force performance as Lester Burnham, an out of touch office worker who seems to be void of any interests. Spacey's character is somewhat of a sarcastic metaphor for the effect that routine has on our lives. Annette Bening is also at her best as the perfect housewife, Carolyn who can only adapt to a lifestyle where she is in complete control. When Lester hits a strange mid-life crisis triggered by his daughters best friend, Angela (Mina Suvari) everything in his neat little world begins to unravel.
As their marriage hits rock bottom, Carolyn makes a grave error when she falls into a passionate romance with an opposing real estate worker. Their daughter, Jane (Thora Birch) also quickly becomes an outcast when she falls in love with an eccentric teen on drugs (Wes Bentley) who's emotionally distant father (Chris Cooper) likes to voice his negative opinions of homosexuals. This movie is so mixed up it would be almost impossible to judge the predictability of the film's ending yet you are so intrigued to know how it will all end up! The film will lead you to believe that in all this anarchy & chaos their is "beauty" but in my opinion it just ends up with more perversity! If you enjoyed watching Crash (2004) or Babel (2006) you may have a little bit of an insight into multi-layered story-lines. What really makes this film a classic is the fantastic dynamics of all the characters & what social message they present. Definitely worth seeing but be prepared to face some issues that are beyond your own reasoning! A good way to end the 20th century with an internal thought provoking film.
4.5/5
As their marriage hits rock bottom, Carolyn makes a grave error when she falls into a passionate romance with an opposing real estate worker. Their daughter, Jane (Thora Birch) also quickly becomes an outcast when she falls in love with an eccentric teen on drugs (Wes Bentley) who's emotionally distant father (Chris Cooper) likes to voice his negative opinions of homosexuals. This movie is so mixed up it would be almost impossible to judge the predictability of the film's ending yet you are so intrigued to know how it will all end up! The film will lead you to believe that in all this anarchy & chaos their is "beauty" but in my opinion it just ends up with more perversity! If you enjoyed watching Crash (2004) or Babel (2006) you may have a little bit of an insight into multi-layered story-lines. What really makes this film a classic is the fantastic dynamics of all the characters & what social message they present. Definitely worth seeing but be prepared to face some issues that are beyond your own reasoning! A good way to end the 20th century with an internal thought provoking film.
4.5/5
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