vanstonejason Reviews

Samaritan (I) (2022)

A wonderful film....

[9/10 · 29 August 2022]

That portrayed the BLM / Antifa movement (Nemesis + Gang) showing their hatred for who-knows, and demanding a "revolution for the people", by destroying their own cities' local shops and rioting, with violence-fueled attitudes.

A good demonstration of a director slipping the hidden, subtle messages of how childish, irresponsible, and purely juvenile absurdity, these people can get.

We need good Samaritan's all over the U. S. A.

Thank you. Thank you for this message.

And I thank the writers who made this message as clear as day. With enough people in the world that see what's going on, we can push towards a comeback.

Like in the end of the movie quotes, "we can turn bad, into good, and it's up to you to make the right choice".....in 2024

So grateful for this movie's message...the movie itself....4/10 xD.

An American Werewolf in Paris (1997)

Re-watching this after many years...

[4/10 · 19 August 2022]

And don't know what I was thinking really liking this movie when I was in my teens.

Lmao this movie is so stupid. It has it's moments, but for the most part, it's overall, pretty dumb. There's really not even one likeable character. Their lines and attitudes are all over the place.

It tries to be funny at the weirdest times, and to top it all off, the CGI is so corny.

It looked bad even back then, but it was still kinda cool (back then). The actual make-up FX looked great though.... The story is dull, the writing is even worse.

The Jackal (1997)

Ugh...the very rare times I agree with the Critics...

[4/10 · 12 August 2022]

I'm going to say, I never seen either movie... But this particular movie, is a really corny cat and mouse chase, movie.

Despite the horrible directing, acting, lines... It barely keeps you in just enough to want to hurry up and finish it.

The C. I. A. Act like a bunch of high schoolers in every meeting they're in.

Declan (Gere), seems to be the only one pulling ideas, and tricks out his a$$, while the C. I. A. Wait around, basically. On top of that, he's an I. R. A. Terrorist, but roams free, under extremely light supervision to help track The Jackal....you can't make this up.

Eventually they give him a gun, too lmao.

There's about 8-10 unnecessary disguises for Bruce Willis' character, that literally will have you asking "why?"...it's like they're trying to top the movie 'The Saint' on purpose.

Isabella, (who's supposed to be secured by the secret service and her family for protection) ends up saving the day by shooting The Jackal. How she even located and/or knew where Declan and The Jackal were? Who tf knows...shoddy directing, yet again.

Everyone in this movie, looks like they were trained by Steven Seagal on how to aim a gun every 2 seconds everywhere, then quickly hold back to your chest, then aim everywhere again while trying to look "tough". It's so damn absurd. It looks identical to how children play with water guns.

Assassin's Creed (2016)

Love the people claiming...

[6/10 · 2 August 2022]

That they have "tried the game" or "played the game"...uhh which one, liars? Tf does that even mean, you "tried" THE game? This isn't TRON.

You played one of the 9 games that were out before this movie? You don't know which one? I can tell/ignore right off the bat, the reviews from the one's that never actually sat through an AC game.

I played through 8 AC games...that being said...

This movie was great for what it's worth. I'm not even going to bother getting into depth with comparison, via Video Game v.s. Movie. It's pointless, no one cares. The choreography was pleasant, the story was pleasant, the action was great, and the acting was great. Not the best, not the worst video game to movie adaption. But a great popcorn flick, for sure. The end.

6.5/10.

Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues (2013)

Falls faster than a 'Brick'...

[4/10 · 18 June 2022]

Ugh... Just because there were some semi-comical lines delivered in the first movie from Brick (Carrell), you didn't have to push his character beyond 'Dumb and Dumber', and give him so much dumb s*** to say and screen time. He ruined this movie for me, to the point where whenever his character was on screen and I knew it'd drag, I just ffwd.

Who seriously sits there and laughs at that dumb s***?

Overall, the movie seemed like it was written by 10 year olds.... I'm not even exaggerating.

80% of the dialogue out of the stars mouths was so absurd and ridiculous, it wasn't funny, It was just really stupid.

The first one was a great comedy.

This one was horrible with a couple laughs, but almost every scene ended with yelling, crazy talk/ramblings or eye rolling scenes.

The Lost City (2022)

A 'dumb-it-down' action/comedy...

[4/10 · 5 June 2022]

Full of clichés.

Brad Pitt was in it a little longer than George Clooney's appearance in 'A thin red line'.... From the moment it starts, you'll know how this will end if you're smart enough.

Nothing new here.

A very dull "action", comedy.

It has some "Adventure" and is mainly focused on Sandra and Channing, non-stop. Dialogue, after dialogue, with cuts back to their manager doing absolutely nothing helpful.

The trailer makes it look like they'll be on a non-stop action thrill ride, Indiana Jones-esque style, which is definitely NOT the case.

It has some decent shots and a couple giggles. If you're looking for a fun adventure flick, this isn't it.

The Voyager with Josh Garcia (2016– )

This host is such a pompous dweeb...

[2/10 · 2 June 2022]

I can't watch him for over a few minutes. The type that walks with his nose in the air in his $150 cargo shorts and acts like he's King know-it-all.

The shots of him going through his "journal" that we can't see, grinning like an idiot, acting like he's reading it, over his narration, is embarrassing to watch. He asks the dumbest questions that we already know the obvious answers to...

I also want to add his little intro "since i was a kid, I've always wanted to travel" and they show ONE picture of him (probably 5 years old), sitting on a rock 🤣 He boasts to the people he's visiting, and tries to up-stage them in their own cultures, whether it's dancing or banging Japanese drums....avoid this hack. It's insulting and his persona is garbage.

The Kids in the Hall (2022– )

I've got a brand new pair of roller-skates...

[7/10 · 29 May 2022]

Lmfao!! This was such a treat. They kept to their original style and it was such a blast. A couple sketches were kinda bland, but that's ok. Everyone has their opinions.

It made me miss watching the 90's series.

The Girl Who Got Away (2021)

Pretty decent, but the Asian "actor"...

[5/10 · 4 May 2022]

Was downright laughable. Such horrendous "acting". How the hell did the director let that slide?

Other than that, and a couple flaws, not bad. Pretty decent story.

Free Guy (2021)

It's really over the top, lame.

[3/10 · 6 March 2022]

Really wanted to like this one. Turned it on to watch with my wife when we both finally got a chance.

They drived so hard to make this for audiences who don't understand what is going on, and for gamers as well...that It's just a bunch of mashed up slop.

Story is dull, yet had potential. I liked the idea of a movie based around an ordinary NPC, getting involved somehow with a video game protagonist, conceiving a role for theirself. (been gaming all my life, since the late 80's) but the direction of it went south.

This is ideal for "gamers" that play all the newer, literal crap they push out on mobile, consoles and PC/Steam lately, that target pre-teens/teens.

Oh, and don't forget to throw in a couple "woke" messages in the movie as well.

Loved the "white privilege" line. 🙄

Bored of Ryan Reynolds basically playing the exhausting same role he's been playing the past years as a 'hero'. This movie tried so hard to be edited like 'Deadpool' , that it was embarrassing.

United States of Tents (2019)

Interviewing drunks and people that don't care.

[2/10 · 29 January 2022]

Such a stupid documentary. Turned it off after 20 min. This dude seriously has no idea wtf he's doing asking people (who could give af if they're homeless or not), these stupid questions.

It's like people on Skid Row. 90% of them don't care to get help or jobs. This guy obviously is ignorant to a lot of what's really going on and has no clue about how a majority of the homeless actually don't care.

It's legitimately in the damn documentary within 10 min.... "We're going to help you get out of here, living like this" Homeless lady: "Why?" "You don't mind living like this?" Homeless lady: "I've been doing it for a year and a half, I have a couch"

I live in Southern California. I lived in Los Angeles, and Riverside county. I've witnessed it all, before you start judging.

Mission: Impossible II (2000)

The Corniest one so far...

[5/10 · 22 January 2022]

I'm on a binge because the new one is out soon... I forgot how ridiculously cheesy this one was. It was technically made in the late 90's (released 2000), so any hint of a car-chase scene by John Woo...there is bound to be explosions galore, and craptastic rock/metal riffs.

The choreography had some great scenes at times, but way over-done to the point of: "how tf are they still standing??" moments. I get it, it's an action-packed....but it started to get eye-rolling. I never really cared too much for this one, even back then...but the series definitely picked up for the better.

Premonition (I) (2007)

...

[4/10 · 19 December 2021]

When the high tense, super dramatic music kicked in as she's washing her hands from the dead bird, I turned it off. So dumb. Can only imagine how worse it gets.

Pinocchio (2019)

I made it to an hour, and shut it off.

[3/10 · 30 April 2021]

A few years ago, I heard Guillermo Del Toro was supposed to make a dark version of Pinocchio....too bad it fell through and we got stuck with this garbage.

Absolutely mind numbing, and dumb.

I wasn't even the one who turned it off...my Wife did, and I couldn't thank her enough. I thought she wanted to finish it, so I left it on.

The Acting is ridiculous. It's Zany like an 80's Jim Henson movie. In fact, I think that's where they got their motivation. Scenes are all over the place.

The scene where Pinnochio was lying, and his nose grew, and then flew in 4-5 birds, pecking away at his nose, but that didn't hurt? His legs were hurting in the beginning when he burned his feet off!!

Right before we turned it off, there was another scene where he's lying to a Gorilla Judge, yet his nose doesn't grow? Shoddy directing.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III (1993)

So damn dumb.

[2/10 · 23 January 2021]

Was a fan of the first two....that being said, it basically starts off with a showcase of a slow martial arts display (that look like brown belts do in their spare time at home) by each turtle to some corny early 90s hair-metal. Raphael ends up throwing a temper tantrum, as usual. April brings gifts she bought for the turtles, one being an ancient scepter, (because those things are just everywhere) that sends her to 17th Century - Japan, and sends a Japanese prince in her place and the turtles are pretty nonchalant about the ordeal.

Casey comes in out of nowhere to a guitar riff playing in the background on que, like it's some t.v. Show reunion. The acting is horrid, the voice acting is cheesy, the costumes look worse than the first two movies. Splinter looks like some 70's Jim Henson outcast puppet.

Turned it off after 30 min. I can only imagine how much worse it gets.

Tenet (2020)

I think I need a PhD in Astrophysics to maybe understand this movie.

[6/10 · 9 January 2021]

It started off superb. Great introduction, fast paced...then just rolls into questions later on.. "wait, what?" "What just happened? Now what are they doing?" "Ok, it'll explain itself later", but.....it doesn't simplify, it just gets more confusing, even up to the end. The acting was incredible, the musical score was intense, but extremely loud. Towards the middle/end, my wife and I were so lost that we just stopped caring what happened and tried to enjoy the action sequences, (which we did). I'm not going to watch it twice to try and understand it. My brain hurt too much the first time.

Spy (2015)

Pretty damn funny, unexpectedly

[7/10 · 5 October 2020]

Went to watch this with the bar lowered, and it turned out to be pretty damn funny, (minus the airplane scene). I still quote some of Stathams lines from this movie xD

This movie is not the perfect comedy, but it was worth even buying.