This is a rather bland remake of the story of Sgt. John Basilone, the first Marine to earn the Medal of Honor in WWII. It strays too far from the real story to be an actual biopic, yet steals so much from Basilone's story that the filmmakers should be ashamed of themselves for misappropriating his heroism for the sake of a tacky made-for-TV movie. People not familiar with John Basilone probably won't understand just how cheesy and tasteless this film is, but those who are familiar with their WWII history likely won't appreciate this effort. If the film had taken a different approach, it might have made a decent movie, but as is, it's a tawdry joke.
Reviews
18 Reviews
Okinawa
(1952)
Not Sure if Its Short Runtime Is a Good or Bad Thing
29 June 2023
This is a 67-minute "movie" filled with tons of stock footage. It's full of the usual cliches both in characters and dialogue. Ostensibly about the battle of Okinawa, it is, in fact, about a destroyer on picket duty around the island. It has absolutely nothing to do with Okinawa despite its title and could have been set on any number of islands, even fictional ones. There's no tension, no drama, and very little action (much of which is stock footage anyway). This movie was clearly made on the cheap and it really shows. So, on one hand, its runtime of barely over an hour makes the viewer feel like they're getting gypped, but on the other hand, the agony is over quickly.
Perry Mason, Superman!
17 August 2022
This was a really stupid episode. The series jumped the shark on this one. The clients go to Mason because he's better than US State Department despite his being nothing more than a criminal attorney. Please. Just a dumb, implausible premise.
Just a Terrible Episode
11 November 2021
Warning: Spoilers
The writers of this show obviously wrote themselves into a corner, so their solution was to pretend none of it ever happened and send the characters back to the beginning of the episode without any sort of explanation--even a half-assed one. The episode wasn't helped by Kate Mulgrew's lack of acting talent which is on full display here more than in other episodes.
Days of Glory
(2006)
Could Have (and Should Have) Been Much Better
14 April 2020
Warning: Spoilers
I had high hopes for this movie, but was rather disappointed. It did have its moments which made it so frustrating. Unfortunately, the script didn't follow through on these high points. Case in point: the main actor in real life has a disability with his right arm. This should not be a major drawback. For instance, Gary Burghoff of M.A.S.H. also has a disability with one hand, but both the movie and the TV series covered it so well with camera angles and prosthetics that you never know it. However, no attempt was made in this film to shoot around this issue. Instead, we have scenes in which the disability is awkwardly ignored such as when he doesn't salute an officer while everyone else is and when he tosses away the rifle he's been carrying to engage in combat with an ineffectual handgun. Clearly, this man wouldn't have been accepted into military service. The disability could have been written into the storyline (albeit rather implausibly, but it would have been better than what they did). Early in the movie, the character's disability is pointed out to military authorities and he shows that he is worthy to serve by demonstrating an uncanny accuracy throwing rocks with his left hand. It would have made sense, then, to have him fight by throwing grenades, but this is never done. Instead, they give him the previously mentioned virtually useless handgun. There are more of these disappointing near misses in this film which makes one frustrated with how good of a movie this could have been.
D-Day: Battle of Omaha Beach
(2019)
Another Inmate of the Asylum
24 March 2020
Whenever you see Asylum as the production company, run, don't walk, to the EXIT button of your remote. I actually watched long enough to hear a lot of the ridiculous opening narration, but gave up seconds later when they showed GIs coming ashore with black stripes on their faces warpaint-style. It looked as ridiculous as it was ahistorical. That was enough. Another God-awful Asylum movie. EXIT button!
Forsaken
(II) (2016)
Another Unadulterated Mess from Justin Price and Uncork'd Entertainment
28 November 2019
Warning: Spoilers
Ok, I get it. You have a tiny budget so you have to hire crap actors who couldn't deliver a line properly to save their souls. You have to settle for lousy music consisting of a single, loud, long-drawn-out musical note that has the advantage of drowning out at least some of the hideous dialogue. You have to stop filming when you run out of film leaving the viewers with the following question: "Huh?" You can't afford a professional screenwriter so you have to rely on your own meager talent to string together a long list of cliches. But is it really impossible to come up with a script that at least has a coherent story line? You know, one in which things happen for a reason and characters have actual motivation to do things that make sense. Or at least doesn't have disjointed scenes that have nothing to do with anything else in the movie. Instead, what you have here is a chaotic piece of garbage in which nothing makes any logical sense made worse by bad acting, editing, and direction. The story has something to do with some anti-religious act, perhaps selling one's soul to the devil or something like that (it's never made clear), and then there are zombies for some reason and then it ends. As meager a description as that is, the movie never gets any better than that.
Dark Moon Rising
(2015)
Lon Chaney Jr Would Shoot Himself in the Head with a Silver Bullet After Watching This
24 November 2019
Well, this movie has something to do with werewolves. Exactly what, I was never able to determine. The story is so muddled, you never can figure out what is going on. In fact, nothing ever really goes on. The whole movie is characters reciting bad dialogue without any semblance of a story whatsoever. So, about that dialogue...it falls into two categories: incredibly trite and cliche-ridden or totally incomprehensible nonsense masquerading as deeply philosophical. Example of the latter: "I can see everything you're hearing right now. You'll never speak freely again." Huh? What on Earth does that mean? You tell me. It's so bad that whoever was in charge was occasionally forced to resort to narration telling us what the characters are thinking.
Making matters worse is that the dialogue is spoken by actors who can't deliver a line in any way that resembles actual talent (with the notable exception of Eric Roberts who is a consummate pro even in this awful dreck--which leaves open the question of why he's even in this awful dreck. Does he really need a paycheck that bad?). Anyway, the massively bad acting compounds the massively bad dialogue. One actress, whose character has no discernable function in the film, deserves special attention for her mind-numbing inability to speak with any sort of natural inflection and pacing. To avoid a defamation lawsuit, I won't name names.
I've already mentioned the non-existent plot. This is compounded by hideous editing and a complete lack of continuity. Senseless scenes pop up out of nowhere and just as incomprehensibly return to the same place. For example, for some reason, there are a couple of scenes of an American soldier in Viet Nam crawling through some high grass with what is obviously a toy AR-15 in his hands. The soldier has mid-back length hair which the US military would never tolerate. All just pointless and stupid. In fact, the editing is so bad, the editors are credited as Mr. X and Mr. Sushi. Everyone involved in this movie should have used false names.
The CGI is absolutely laughable. The fake wolves walk with all the natural fluidity of an arthritic 95-year-old with frostbitten feet.
And then, all of a sudden, the movie ends. It's as if they just ran out of film. I would complain that there's no resolution to the story except that the plot is so non-existent, there's literally nothing to resolve.
The only bright spot in the movie besides Eric Roberts is the music. Oh, yeah, like almost everything else in this disaster, it's god-awful, but it does have the advantage of drowning out some of the terrible dialogue.
So why did I watch this entire mess and take the time to write this lengthy review? Because somebody has to save the world from the travesties that come out of Uncork'd Entertainment. Please don't take seriously any review of this movie that gives it more than one star. Any of those glowing reviews were clearly written by people--or maybe even just one person--involved in it.
Meet John Doe
(1941)
Not Terrible, but Extremely Flawed
23 November 2019
While hailed as a minor classic, "Meet John Doe" has major flaws that belie that reputation. First off, it doesn't know if it's supposed to be a screwball comedy or an uplifting drama, particularly early on. Like virtually all screwball comedies of the Forties, those elements of the movie don't hold up well. Furthermore, as the film progresses, the plot and storyline become more and more outlandish and roll-your-eyes unbelievable. Finally is its overbearing preachiness. Instead of just letting the story carry you along, this film slams you unmercifully with its message with all the subtlety of a runaway train. Not really worth watching unless you're a big fan of Frank Capra, Gary Cooper, or Barbara Stanwyck. Even then, it's a tough slog to get through the preachiness and the increasingly absurd story.
The Dawnseeker
(2018)
Worth Watching For One Pathetic Reason
6 November 2019
Yes, this movie is one of the worst ever. It isn't even good enough to be better than nothing. Its failings in script, dialogue, acting, special effects, costuming, etc. are well documented. However, it is worth watching so you can truly appreciate some of the absolutely hilarious put downs of this hideous movie that have been written in these reviews.
The Frozen Front
(2017)
Maybe It Was Better in French
4 October 2019
The dubbed-in English dialogue is so cliche-ridden, it's hard to believe that it was an accurate translation from the French. Can a screenwriter really be that bad in two different languages? Plus, the voiceover actors are so bad, it just calls further attention to the awful dialogue. On the plus side, the historically inaccurate large white parachute emblems on the front of many of the helmets--the ones that blared out to the Germans, "Shoot here! It's where my forehead is."--was a creative touch.
His Girl Friday
(1940)
Absolutely Terrible
6 May 2019
Warning: Spoilers
Somewhere along the way, someone got the idea that if you have two, three, or even four characters all simultaneously screaming sentences that no sane person would ever utter, it would be funny. It's not. It's excruciating. The main plot has something to do with a morally-challenged newspaper editor trying to keep his ace reporter/ex-wife from quitting and remarrying. After numerous lies and deceitful ploys, he eventually resorts to criminal activity to meet his goals because, well, you know, that's hilarious. Why any woman would want to be married to such a jerk in the first place is beyond me. Add in a ludicrous subplot (a pathetic clod, convicted, possibly unjustly, of murder must be hanged in the morning so the mayor and local sheriff can be reelected in three days). Yeah. Because that's how elections are determined. Never mind that mayors and city sheriffs have absolutely nothing whatever to do with capital punishment. Can't see how this chaotic, frenetic mess can possibly be considered a classic. It's just plain stupid beyond human understanding.
Troy the Odyssey
(2017)
Bad....Everything
6 January 2019
Really bad acting from everyone on screen (yes, it's that terrible--Agamemnon was apparently portrayed by an evil, overgrown yeti of some sort) , bad dialogue, bad (make that hideous) casting, bad direction, bad costumes, bad cinematography, you name it. It's as if no one involved in any way with this production had a lick of pride in what they were doing except to cash a paycheck they didn't deserve.
Hell Raiders
(1969 TV Movie)
Worth Watching Now That Pot is Legal
8 December 2018
Bad script, bad production values, bad editing, bad dialogue, bad plot, bad historicity, bad sound effects, bad music, you name it, this movie has it including every war movie cliche and stereotype you can think of. The only thing in this movie that isn't bad is the acting--and that's because it doesn't rise above the level of level of hideous. So incredibly bad on every level that it's unintentionally funny. Great to sit around and laugh at with your cronies and plenty of beer. Or whatever else.
Rather Odd Goings On
22 October 2018
Despite the all-star cast, this story just doesn't cut it. Barry Nelson and George Kennedy are badly miscast and their acting shows it. Lola Albright is better, but plays a character who must be one of the most naive people alive. Worse, the plot is ridiculously--and quite unnecessarily--convoluted.
Gish's Delightful Performance Ruined By a Ridiculously Implausible Story
8 October 2018
Lillian Gish is delightful to watch any time, but this storyline was so absurd, it ruined the experience. I really don't want to get into spoilers, so let's just say that the way the justice system is portrayed is rather more like how a sixth grader perceives it than anything actually related to reality. It was so far off base, it totally ruined the concept of "willing suspension of disbelief" for me. By far, one of the worst of the Alfred Hithcock Hour presentations--in fact, a good argument could be made that it is the all-time worst. Worth watching for Lillian Gish, but nothing else.
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