Goettschwan Reviews

The Arctic Convoy (2023)

Not as good as i expected

[5/10 · 11 February 2024]

While a huge improvement over movies like Kampen om Narvik, it is obvious that this movie got rewritten several times and changed direction. While the movie still manages to have a grip on the audience in terms of suspense, some of its plot points do not hold up well. It seems the movie went from the idea of a captivating war movie to budget restraints, forcing the movie makers to focus on interpersonal differences between the captain and his crew. That is something i feel detracts from the story, and it also is writing that has been done to death in other movies like Crimson tide. All in all, if you want to see a bit of WWII action, watch this, but if you rather would like something more believable and historically more accurate, then watch Krigsseileren any day over this.

MH370: The Plane That Disappeared (2023)

Blatant conspiracy peddling

[2/10 · 11 March 2023]

This is THE worst "documentary" i have ever seen. Not only does it give an open microphone to anyone having a far-fetched theory on how the plane eventually disappeared, it also doesn't provide easily accessible evidence that contradicts said theories. It caters more to "Loose Change"- fans, such people that think spreading conspiracies is a form of investigative journalism, and keeps that low level of journalism and ultra-sensationalism. Personally, I think the work done in this is way below the standards I have come to expect from Netflix, but from the technical side i have to admit it is well filmed.

Betrayed (2020)

Average movie, just this time it is happening in Norway.

[5/10 · 26 January 2021]

Some people confound the rating system with something existing to advance their ideas. A 10/10 would be the most perfect movie that ever existed, and this one sure isn't. I get the impression that the other reviewers have either a hidden agenda in giving extreme scores, or no idea about what a good movie is. Based on a real story, and going to some lengths with obvious CGI to show second world war locations, some of which don't exist anymore, as they were. The first part of the movie is rather boring character development, complete with a completely gratitious sex scene and frontal nudity that I would have cut and used the time for other scenes. The second half of the movie picks up both in pace and in content, showing what happened further during the war. It is commendable, seen from inside Norway, that the movie shows us that also little Norway, like everyone, had some not so nice characters working with the nazi occupation army. But just as my nephew starts to have the age where he is aware of war and nazi occupation past and starts asking questions about it, this movie will leave the viewer with as many questions. The background to the movie is not explained, there is no mention of anti-semitism in society and seemingly "all is well" for Jews in Norway before the war. So every antisemitic sentiment that characters might have further into the movie is totally out of the blue to the viewer, and understanding that puts the viewer in a position where he does need a lot of background information before watching this. Productionwise the movie has its high points but lacks in execution at places. Some places are on a boring made for TV level, while other scenes excel at underlining the story. Especially the scenes filmed in the prisoner camp are on par with far better productions like Sobibor(2018) in frightening the viewer as to how low a human can sink in treating others. Of course, resistance is scarcely talked about, and this is not a surprise given the source material authors second book about the resistance during the war, which is severly criticised for factual errors. As much as one needs to be able to recognise a Hird or Police uniform to identify which group side characters belong to in this movie when talking, one also needs to understand that the author of the source material has an axe to grind, and keep that in mind. The movie will appeal locally in Norway, because little has been produced on the subject, but I reckon internationally it is the same story that has been told from everywhere else - minus the ghettos and the inhuman conditions before the deportation, because these didn't happen in Norway.

Da 5 Bloods (2020)

Spike Lee, what so you expect?

[5/10 · 17 June 2020]

Well, of course this is a black only lesson in history. Nicely edited in some parts, the movie gets nowhere in the end and just disintegrates. What I take the most with me here is that three white guys died in the helicopter crash and nobody in the whole movie gives a rats a** after that. You bring home a brother, but some who fought by your side don't count, what kind of attitude is that? Maybe should change the shirts to "Only black lives matter".

Sad Hill Unearthed (2017)

very touching documentary

[6/10 · 21 January 2019]

I feel very much with the association and it is (to me) easy to understand why this is a heartfelt labor of love. The feeling of achievement must be strong, also in regards to the appreciation they got from the original involved. I hope to visit the place, I knew it existed but I also thought it was in the state before restoration... now it is very much worth the visit.

The only gripe with the documentary is the space they give Hetfield and Metallica, of course as a sponsor he will be interviewed but giving him seemingly more space as an individual than the people that were there, the people conscripted to build the cemetery and the original editors? I don't know.

Mile 22 (2018)

Built like a 3D shooter

[4/10 · 10 September 2018]

A run of the mill action film story, built on grandiose premises with shadow ops and superpowers involved, it is nonetheless built quite exactly like a 3D shooter video game. Some "cutscenes", another action fest, another "cutscene", a shoot out, a "meanwhile", ... you get the drift. The movie isn't really believable at some point with last ditch defenses to the death, an HQ that has power over everything from traffic lights to (seemingly) which cars are unlocked anywhere in a foreign country, and the military having no time to wait with a cargo plane, while happily flying armed predator drones through the airspace of a country they have an embassy in. All in all it was a nice idea. Somebody must have though "hey, what if the guy from The Raid got caught and the US need to smuggle him out", which is most of the plot right there. A sad note, because the camera is nearly always so close to the actors - or the nearest wall - that you never get a sense of orientation or an appreciation for the moves Iko Uwais dishes out. They could at least spare Uwais the "five cuts a second" treatment of his wonderful fight scenes - he has a lot more talent than that. Your mileage on this one may vary. I for one watch action movies but I don't "leave my brain at the door" like someone in the reviews put it.

This would have been a computer game in the style of Call of Duty, it would probably have gotten rave reviews. As such, I wanted to see an action movie, and was disappointed.

Gutterdammerung (2016)

Not worth the visit if you expect more than a coverband

[4/10 · 15 February 2017]

Saw them in Oslo. I kind of like the concept and the idea, but the execution leaves room for desire.

Basically, the "The loudest silent movie on earth" is not a silent movie at all, but a talky with dialog and sound effects. It has a clicheed, heavily religious as in "Heaven vs. Hell" story that is so corny you will flinch. And if you do not, than the ridiculous overacting of everybody but Lemmy in that movie will make you flinch, and you may have seen better acting in a Russ Meyer movie. Especially Henry Rollins, whom we know to be able to act, is dishing out overacting that is beyond any scale.

All in all, expect a rather average cover band playing some best of program through the years of rock and metal, combined with some video and sparse show effects. Expect large amounts of cliché in the video, all the chicks are thin and beautiful, rock is Satan, all blacks practise voodoo magic. I expected way more to happen in front of the screen, but the band kept on coming from behind it to show off and dance in front of it, totally distracting from the "in the movie" feeling.

They should have kicked the band, hired more actor personnel and more show effects, and played the songs off the really good records that exist.

On a personal note,playing the Rammstein song "Rammstein" to underline a witch burning may be slightly offensive to anybody understanding where the songs lyrics come from. Should've gone with "Burn the witch" by Qotsa instead. And,dear Mr. Drummer, if you want to play that Slayer song, please try to hold the speed and the timing. Slayer getting progressively slower because you can't bother isn't really what I came for.

True Grit (2010)

Solid effort, but boring.

[6/10 · 9 January 2011]

I saw this movie at a very hush advance-advance showing in Norway, as it is only opening in Europe in a months time. To cut this short, I was completely unimpressed, and more so now that I learn via IMDb that this is a remake. While the performance of the respective actors are good under the circumstances and within the limitations of their script, the story lacks fleshing out beyond dissing between characters. The score is overused with too scarce a change in melody, and what seems promising as a western at first turns into a tissue melodrama with the obvious side effects. Motivations, except for the female lead, are obscure, and the further the list goes into supporting, the further the characters and motivations go binary. This is one of the most boring westerns I saw so far, and it doesn't do much to overcome its, granted solid, effort, which I recognize. I shall now seek out the original movie, usually the remake is only a pale copy.

Nokas (2010)

A good film but not without problems

[5/10 · 15 October 2010]

While coherently depicting the original story of the 2004 robbery of this bank in Stavanger, Norway, I have to advise people that I have been motion sick for almost all the film. The camera is mostly behind an actors shoulder, with focus on the shoulder but in many scenes not on what it actually looks at. This, combined with a lot of hand-held filming, made me feel very sick from watching it. The otherwise very fluently and grippingly told story is lacking some overview shots, and as with so many films these days the camera is very very close to the actors, which in combination with the fast editing can lead to a certain disorientation. The ending scenes do benefit from the absence of all this, and rest burned into memory long after the film ends.

Pianomania (2009)

A wonderful documentary about a rather arcane Craft

[8/10 · 27 September 2010]

This movie follows Steinway Piano Tuner Stefan Knüpfer around the various assignments of his work. The movie underlines the point that a piano is a complicated, tricky instrument with multiple facettes in the sound that only the skilled tuner can reveal. Mr. Knüpfer is the central funny point in this movie, him being a positive person delighted by his craft, and he is fully apt at conveying this love of his work on screen. My only grudge with this movie is that it focuses at length on the people that play the piano, where I would have expected to see him work, eg. tune the piano. The end credits of the film use many of those image sequences I would really love to see in the main movie.

Armadillo (2010)

Go see this!

[8/10 · 23 August 2010]

This is hands down the best war documentary I have ever seen. Most of it is beautifully filmed and put together, and it is showing how things are. I am a civilian, with a big interest in these things, and had my attention drawn to this movie because it seemed to get a thumbs up from people in the military. It sure shows controversial things, but balances them all the way, and show us both the civilian side with their troubles, and the danish soldiers side. Even at its controversial high point after a shootout it stays very neutral, and as such is a masterpiece of showing people the daily life of a soldier. My only gripe is that I had wished it a little longer, with more scenes that show the boredom that such a place must surely be, when nothing is happening.

The Expendables (2010)

They nearly could have nailed it

[6/10 · 22 August 2010]

I guess I'll just list up some things here : Pro - Great cast of action actors working very well together - Straight eighties action with mucho kaboom - Keeps you in your seat - Has some fresh ideas about action scenes and really good martial arts scenes (but see below) Con - If they ever should make a part two, they need a fish-eye lens for not just showing an actors t-shirt. ALL the fight scenes are filmed way to close, and it is distracting from the otherwise excellent fights. - same goes for the number of cuts. If Steve Austin fights Stallone, I do want to see the fight, and not at seemingly two cuts a minute. Let the choreography work, this can't be done at this speed. - The CGI is very visible and unbelievable in some. I don't know if it is intended but it counts as bad in my book. CGI'd blood is a sorry excuse for lack of mechanical effects. - The testosterone level in unison with the one-liners may feel pathetic or funny to your audience. Maybe it is meant to be both, keep that in mind.Thank eighties action movies for that ;)

All in all, they could have nailed one of the best action movies for me, but they kind of went off half baked.

Kommandør Treholt & ninjatroppen (2010)

Made-to-be-Z at its best

[7/10 · 21 August 2010]

Arne Treholt, in the real world, was Norways biggest traitor during the cold war. This film dishes out the alternate reality of him being the leader of the kings secret Ninja Elite Forces. Yes, we said Norwegian Ninjas. Expect obvious model miniatures hanging from visible strings, ninjas disappearing into smoke clouds, mixed in real footage of 80s events, made-to-be-bad martial arts scenes, machos with tinted sunglasses in best "Pilot" Heritage, and action scenes straight out of the fake army manual they made for the movie ;) If you take this as a serious try on movie-making, you are in the wrong film. This is over the top Z filmmaking, and as such it blows :)

Mediterranean Holiday (1962)

N° 1 in my list of the most boring films of all times.

[4/10 · 11 May 2010]

While altogether an important German document from the past, this film can show you a great many scenes you will not be able to reproduce like that today. If you can sit through the film, that is.I barely managed to hang on.

Imagine some Germans, having seen windjammer, thinking we can do this too. Imagine stilted dialogs which would today probably count as made-for-TV quality, obviously overdubbed by Germans speaking English in a studio; Imagine the spirit of the German postwar generation,and what they would like to see, which means,in a nutshell : you get parades, marching bands, and vacation destinations not too far away from Germany. Contrary to the beautiful Windjammer everything in this film has a scripted, boring obviousness to it, and most attempts at humor never get out of the proverbial German fug. You are better of with trying to see a copy of Windjammer, which is a far superior film.

Avatar (2009)

Disappointed.

[5/10 · 14 February 2010]

Avatar 3D is a movie with flat,binary characters, a boring story, "lendings" from Hayao Miyazaki (mega-trees, flying mountains, empathic bindings to animals, anyone?), a forest you cant hear because the films music is hysterically applying pathos by the bucket, at least three totally previsible "climaxes" you know will happen eventually because they always do and graphics strangely attached to a 2D world (lens focus in a 3D environment???) It still looks like very good computer game graphics to me, despite all the cg advances, and if eye-candy and popcorn is all you want, by all means go see it. otherwise, do not expect a breakthrough but rather a modern Disney-alike serving of three "for all the family" hours.

Boarding Gate (2007)

I'd Like an hour and a half of my life back

[3/10 · 2 September 2007]

A quick resumé: Almost nonexistent, badly chosen musical soundtrack, steady-cam filming done without the steady but with lots of coffee and a hyperactive cameraman, NO plot, and nothing ever really happens. The film goes from one dialog into another, sounding hollow, never achieving depth, never creating the illusion that you really are inside a cobweb of conspiracy, and the everybody-has-an-affair-with-everybody is just a boring excuse to show the main actress in nice underwear. (which, combined with her rusty voice certainly is nice, but nothing to base a movie on) The high point for me is the opening scene, and the film just degraded from there to a point where I just wanted to quit the film about 45 minutes into the story. I regret sitting it out.

Ultraviolet (2006)

Please.

[2/10 · 27 January 2007]

Last movie I choose : Matrix Revolutions. I wished I hadn't. Now this. Must be my bad luck because it's even worse. To make a long story short, bad cheesy music, badly chosen sound effects (e.g. a minigun firing with the sound of a normal machine gun), completely unexplained strange devices that allow for the most overused (CG animated) stunts, CGI that comes to us straight out of the early nineties (and even back then when they used it it came out cool), mixing of Live action and CGI where the CGI SUCKS, and not even to notice the bad lines they gave to these actors all through the movie.

Stunt (CG) effects are cut so fast and are ridiculously overused in the film it's menacing to the eyes. The contrast with the calm, bad-line scenes only heightens this feeling.

It seems obvious that the powers that be made this movie after an overload of The Matrix, and I don't mean well in saying this.

Two stars because the CG effects are so bad you think it's the unrendered rough edit, but not only one star because (and solely at this point!) of Mila Jovovichs' voice which vibrates a string inside me every time I hear her.

The Matrix Revolutions (2003)

Well, if that's it

[3/10 · 20 January 2007]

23 minutes into the movie (of which I expected nothing much more than a climax on all planes to the three movies) we've got a lost plot getting back on it's rails, scores of incredibly bad lines remarkably similar in niveau to the new star wars parts and perfectly reminiscent of a bad action movie à la lundgren or seagal, an overdose of special effects unnecessarily cut into stroboscopic sequences, silly gun battles worth of a budget first person shooter, and worst of all : the coolness of the characters portrayed so well in the first part is so unbelievable they remind me of hiphopgangsta-wannabees in the streets. Everything in me screams for fast forward, but I suppose I've got to sit through it. Hindsight is probably better: The acting of Keanu Reeves reminds me of "Johnny Mnemonic", which is,well, not on my hit list at all. The only real highlight is Hugo Weavings masterclass bad-guy acting and it is far and few in between. Monica Belluci obviously was casted for her, er, looks. The Music score is discussable, and in some parts I do not at all agree with their underlining of the film, especially the pathos for some really unnecessary lines and scenes. The ongoing plot is predictable and in between bad lines nothing astonishing happens. I'd go as far as to say that some scenes are capable of starring in Plan 9 from outer space, line-wise. The movie seems to be overtly "inspired" from a whole score of other movies, same genre or not. May this be a homage to better movies. All in all they set out to revolutionize films with the Matrix trilogy, but IMHO just the first would have done just right for that, part two and especially three don't really live up to the bar set. The Wachowski brothers showed that they can write good movie adaptions with "V for Vendetta", but here they just leave space for wishful thinking.