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Reviews
Wednesday: A Murder of Woes (2022)
E1-7 9/10, E8 2/10
Why oh why. You did so well with the first seven episodes, setting up character arcs, and back stories, and overall plot, and then you just threw that all in the bin, and hired the LOTR ROP writing team for the last episode. This made no sense. Wednesday all of a sudden acts like a rash idiot, Weems walks into a perfect trap for the 'villain' and then has no backup, no plan. It was idiotic, dies like a moron. You then drag Crackstone, this villain from the past, that owned the land and could have set up a great master villain, only for him to die within minutes. Also he has magic..... how, why, he hated the outcasts. Wednesday 'dies' only to be just magicked back to life. She then takes an arrow for Xavier, why is she Captain America. Tylers dad, did he shoot him, not sure, and did he know, why was zero time spent on this. This all made zero sense. The show is great and well worth the watch, but they really tried to GOT the ending of this one. Season 2 better learn the lessons.
Solo: A Star Wars Story (2018)
95% brilliant movie with the other 5% tanking it so damn hard its not funny.
Lets assume that the whole movie is wonderful, except for.
The Kessel Run is just a confusing mess. Did the writers even know what they were dealing with. The whole point of the brag was about speed, and the entire scene just drags. I mean it looks like if the blockade was not there just a normal craft would have been faster. I mean he gets to the end of the difficult part, then turns around and has the stupid as hell sequence that follows. Ok so lets put that to one side.
Qi'ra story arc. Makes perfect sense all until the point she takes over. What the hell, did they specifically get the writers from GOT to write another out of the blue implausible and stupid change of character for another Emilia Clarke role?
Han speaking 'wookie' Ok it makes perfect sense, because in a New Hope its clear he can communicate with an understand Chewie, but it just was cringe worthy in its deleivery. You don't have to show everything. Please Hollywood writers, YOU DONT HAVE TO SHOW EVERYTHING for something to be good.
Ok this is why my review is a 5 not a 7. DARTH MAUL. WTF. Lets do a little maths here (because the people writing this movie didn't). If Darth Maul is still alive it means its pre Phantom Menace. At that time Anakin Skywalker is like 8 years old. Let us be really generous and say that Han is 25 in Solo. So Anakin has Luke at say 18, that would make Han 43 years old WHEN LUKE IS BORN. If Luke is 18 when he meets Han, Han would now be 61. How did no-one see this coming, how did no-one notice that the timeline makes no sense.
Crimson Dawn. Remember the scene in the desert cantina when the woman goes to write a symbol on the mirror and she does the circle with the line through it. I was like, um, WTF is this. They are mentioned, never seen and we only know the symbol from Qi'ras arm, but only if you pay attention. You cannot create a bad guy feeling out of thin air.
Chewie in an elevator with Woody Harrelson (because I don't care for his name). How is that next scene not Chewie ripping his arms off?
But credit where credit is due, Han was too bumbling and stupid all movie, I was glad that he finally became competent in the last act, his actual cross-double cross worked well.
Run Hide Fight (2020)
Refreshingly brilliant
We have had Die hard - on a boat, on a bus, on a train, on a plane, in space, in a hospital etc etc. Now we have Die hard at a High School. Great popcorn movie, and a few great moments, where people are allowed to be badass, maybe a little more badass than we are used to seeing. I would have gone higher but the Monther-Daughter thing just felt like it could have been done a little different, it kind of killed the moment a little for me. A movie very much relevant to our times.
Imawa no Kuni no Arisu (2020)
Enjoy for what this is
If you loved Independence Day despite the infinite problems and plot holes, then this is in a similar fashion. If you dont want to think too hard this is quite enjoyable. The unknown keep the story moving along nicely. The 'games' are the star of the show. They make you want to solve them. I mean in E8 how many people spent a lot of the time wondering who the 'witch' was. If you did then this show was made for you.
Enola Holmes (2020)
So much to like but gets lost in its own ideas.
I think this movie had an idea but got lost somewhere along the way. Enola is almost a Mary Sue, but with just enough flaws and failures to not be. What starts with a great intrigue about her mother and puzzles disappears and never really revisits. No real complex solve, just a very obvious 'who stands to gain the most' crime. The role of Sherlock and his Sister was what I felt worked best. I just never really felt anything for any of these people. Something was missing, maybe it was the sparodic 'down with the patriarchy' message which were jettisoned in for reasons. A smarter writer would simply display her character as a rebuttal to the society, you didn't need absurd caricatures to push an unbelievable representation of the 1800/1900s. A missed opportunity.
Hannah Gadsby: Nanette (2018)
Would rate higher, if not considered a comedy.
Barely funny. Get that through your head before watching, and you will enjoy more. Powerful story, You cannot call something 'comedy', if you get to end devastated like watching Requiem for a Dream.
Black Mirror: San Junipero (2016)
Have a think before showering praise
Great episode, right up until the end. Yes this is like a 'woke' notebook but think harder. This isn't a love story. This is how a dying woman throws away the legacy of her husband and daughter, over a woman she has a 'online' sexual encounter with. The story was excellent, and would be a 7/8 if the last two minutes didn't happen. Swap the players, remove the woke and this story is pathetic. Imagine a man that is still married, for over 50 years to a wonderful woman, and they lost a child together. On his bucket list he decided to bang a hooker he meets in Brazil. This hooker gives him good sex so he divorces his wife to stay for eternity with his hooker. That is what this story is. As a side note, I would get bored of San Junipero in about 3 weeks. Want a definition of hell, this is pretty close.
The Letdown (2017)
For those that hate aussie shows, sitcoms, and romcoms. This show is for you (if you are a parent)
To all parents, you see yourself somewhere in this show. Never seen anything so representative. Enjoy.
The Orville: Lasting Impressions (2019)
Best of both worlds
I rate this as the funniest episode of the Orville so far (was in stitches at every smoking related scene), yet at the same time the Gordon story-line was at the other end of the straight up drama end of the spectrum. Well done.
Brooklyn Nine-Nine: He Said, She Said (2019)
Stop preaching just be funny.
This whole episode worries me about the future of the show, it really does. It was a shallow as hell by the number me too episode. It was so pathetically designed I am surprised that feminists are not upset over it. Smoking hot successful business woman check (because really and ugly woman who would care, this is Hollywood the biggest hypocrite organisation in the world), all white business members (except the other minority woman victim) check, big bad rich boss tries to buy her out check, Amy 'it happened to me too' coz her boss tried to kiss her and try to use his position of power to get a kiss. Yeah bad date but really? Woman goes through but it shows that the system of the world is against you check, jake has his realisation moment, check. I don't watch television because I need to be given a moral lecture. This kind of thing turns me off, not because the causes are wrong, but the message is just pathetic, and the vessel is not needed. This climb to the top of the 'we aare the most' pile is just pathetic. I don't mind certain aspects of society being used in a television show for effect, but this kind of lazy crap is just sloppy. Be smart. My point is this, you could do this episode, but just don't be so damn lazy. Even better, or smarter. Don't be so obvious, I was almost waiting for a moment when they both talk to the screen.
Sucker Punch (2011)
The uncut review.
This movie deserves its bad reviews and ratings for a few reasons. The main one being the uncut version is almost essential to make the movie plainly clear. I mean you could figure it out from the standard cut but the uncut is crystal.
It still would not make everyone happy because people hate it when a movie give them the finger (unless it is Deadpool and does it for comedy).
This movie is action porn in its most pure sense. The action is beautiful, well choreographed. The set pieces cover it all. You have your Japanese Samurai monsters with a big mini-gun, you have faceless steampunk Nazi's with a big mech robot boom boom boom. You then have knights and orcs and a dragon with a steampunk plane, finally futuristic train with evil i-robots and the old move along the train combat. A noble death, a bittersweet getaway. The bad guy loses, the good girl (baby) dies (kind of, see another nod to every Japanese Samurai movie ever when the main guy has to die). Mix in some music, tiny girls in skimpy gear and you have a soup of "everything a teen boy wants to watch".
And that is the point. This is what annoys people. This movie really has no point, but unlike others movies, this one shows you that. The rest still pretend they have substance. Total Recall (the real one) ends essentially with a 'then he woke up' flash in the sky (well a then he gets lobotomised) that we all buy. This is the same thing but we get offended.
I love it, and this is why I give it 9 stars. Not because I am smart. This all came from reading other reviews and then finally watching the uncut version. I hated the 5th Element the first time I saw it, but now its in my top then. This one also grows on you the more you watch it.
Law Abiding Citizen (2009)
What a stupid way to end a great movie
I have watched a lot of movies recently and nothing drew me in like this. This was brilliant. It was over the top as hell, but who cares. If a man loses his daughter you can nuke the world and be happy. I mean John Wick kills half a city coz his dog got killed and we all cheer.
So for all the genius of Clyde, all his planning and meticulous design, he gets thwarted by the most stupid of stupid nothings? They move the bomb to under his bed. The logistics make barely any sense, and his grand finally was a damn bag hidden in plain sight? Seriously? He kills a Judge from a mobile phone probably setup months beforehand, yet he has to break out of prison to do a grade one terrorist bag.
Also no-one is happy at the end. What the scum lawyer goes to the recital. We think that makes it all good, that he learned a lesson?
If they took this back, made the last 20 minutes a grand finale, where Clyde pulls off something crazy, and then 'usual suspects' go through how he did it, it would be an 8+ star movie. Why do all that to just poop on the screen is beyond me.