feindlicheubernahme Reviews

Dempsey and Makepeace: The Bogeyman (1985) Season 2, Episode 10

One major drawback

[6/10 · 23 May 2024]

In the pilot episode, Dempsey and Makepeace started out as equals. But as the series has gone on, it's regressed more and more to the traditional 80s (and before) mindset where only the man can do the big action pieces and kill the bad guys, while the woman is there to cover for his maverick actions, console him when he's down, and be the object of his sexist put downs and sexual advances.

I've seen the same thing in other shows of the era that I've been recently watching. I have a suspicion that some of them initially attempted to be more progressive in the area of sexual equality but were forced to abandon the idea because the audiences simply wouldn't accept it. They were too addicted to their Clark Gable & Co memories of the mighty man saving the helpless woman who would then swoon into his bed - no feminists need apply.

Obviously, as we all know, that was the norm back then. But it's a real shame to see another show that initially seemed to try to buck the trend so quickly jump over into the chauvinistic mainstream. And please don't bother with "But Michael and Glynis got married in real life!" People with no better defence invariably come out with that 'bombshell' revelation anytime someone dares to mention the sexism in this series, as if the relationship between the actors had anything to do with the scripts they were given to act out before the camera.

Okay. Now that I've got that off my chest, I may surprise you by saying that I am, nonetheless, still mostly enjoying Dempsey and Makepeace. I remember that I watched quite a few - maybe most - of the episodes as a child, but I'd forgotten everything about them apart from that there was a silly amount of gunplay for an England-set series and that Glynis Barber was beautiful. Watching it now is a real nostalgia trip, especially because I've since been to (and sometimes worked at or near to) a fair number of the locations shown.

Apart from the nowadays-sackable-offence sexism, Brandon's very cool as the typical tough New York cop. Barber's even cooler as the unflappable aristocrat (according to British TV, our police force contains an inordinate amount of members of the peerage.) And Ray Smith is fantastic as the no-nonsense boss - a real throwback to Dobey from Starsky & Hutch and Cowley from The Professionals. In this particular episode, Nick Brimble is also exceptionally good, with an amazingly menacing physical presence. Although I couldn't help but think of him as Robert Z'dar's weak-chinned little brother!

Remington Steele: Steeled with a Kiss: Part 2 (1987) Season 5, Episode 6

Unbelievably dreadful final season

[1/10 · 18 May 2024]

So, after the fourth and presumed final season, Brosnan is all set to become the new Bond and Zimbalist also has other projects lined up. But then The Powers That Be decide to use their contracts to make them return for a fifth season. And what an unholy mess it is.

The main reason for how awful season 5 is can be expressed in just four letters; T-O-N-Y. For some reason, network executives demanded that this new character be added to the show. By doing so, they totally ruined it. Don't get me wrong. Jack Scalia is an actor whom I've liked a lot in everything else I've ever seen him in. But the character of Tony is just a show-killer.

This whole season revolves around him, reducing Steele and Holt to side characters in their own show. The problem is that his "adventures" are not particularly interesting. We have no idea what his actual job is or why he's constantly in our faces. Worst of all, he's an absolute jerk!

I'm no shipper. In fact, I normally find that the inevitable romances spoil most police/detective shows. But even I appreciated the love story between Remington and Laura. After about three and a half seasons of them being together, having Laura suddenly be unable to resist this stalker-like idiot just makes her look like a real something-or-other. Not that Remington seems to care.

Everything is bad here. Mildred makes only brief cameo appearances. Laura spends more time locking lips with Tony than with the man she's supposed to love. The idea that someone who considered Remington as the son he never had would bequeath him a property swimming in debt doesn't make sense. Remington finally finds out who his real father is - only for the father to immediately kick the bucket. The whole thing with Tony and the Russian continually being bashed over the head and taken prisoner is not amusing. The lovely Barbara Babcock is wasted in a nothing role. To understand the solution with the coffins and various parties' actions would require me to watch the final episode again, which I have intention of ever doing. The final insult? The season's - and the show's - end is not so much about the leads we've followed from the beginning, but about Tony still being annoying. That damn ringing phone means that our very last thought is that he'll always be around trying to break them up.

TPTB almost derailed their stars' careers by forcing them to come back for another season when the story had already reached a satisfying conclusion, then they messed things up so badly that there could be no chance of continuing. I'm sure that most RS fans prefer to try and forget this travesty of a season when thinking about the show. I certainly will.

Silk Stalkings: Strange Bedfellows (1999) Season 8, Episode 13

The one simple trick Bond villains don't want you to know

[4/10 · 5 May 2024]

"Detective, you have attempted to destroy us. But now I have you in my power."

"Boss, I'll just shoot her in the head right now, shall I?"

("I'm blonde and I'm hot. Have you seen my bosom?")

"No, minion. Tonight, with everything at stake, we take no chances on such unsure things as a bullet in the brain."

("Hello. Hello. Can anybody hear me? I'm still blonde and I'm actually hotter than I let on before. My rack really should be checked out before anyone makes any irreversible decisions.")

"Just saying, shooting them in the head, that always does the trick. Even works with zombies."

("My chest is a-heaving. Look. Look. It's proper a-heaving.)

"Ignoramus! A foolproof method is essential if we are to rid ourselves once and for all of the threat posed by this woman and her colleagues."

"Please, let's just fill her with lead right here, right now. Or stab her. Or drown her. There are so many ways..."

("No straight men around? Really?")

"Negative. I have already conceived the ideal Modus Operandi. You shall expend considerable time and energy transporting her to some vague, far-away place, then you will hold a gun to her head while minion no. 2 uses a bargain-bin Pimp-My-Ride van to mow her down and end her pathetic life."

"Um, boss, that doesn't sound like the most..."

("Any lesbians in the house? Can I get a 'I hate men'?")

"Question not my judgement, fool! My nefarious plan is perfect. Nothing can go wrong. Now, make it so. Success is assured. The battle is won!"

Remington Steele: Bonds of Steele (1986) Season 4, Episode 22

Milfwatch!

[9/10 · 28 April 2024]

Just how many hot, thirty-something women can you pack into one non-pornographic story? This episode of Remington Steele tries to answer that question. I ended up getting confused as to just which one was which, but the view sure was lovely.

Poor Laura is really put through the wringer. She suffers a frankly Kafkaesque day, becoming increasingly more bedraggled as it goes on. But she remains beautiful throughout. Stephanie Zimbalist really is a very good actress. I've never understood why she didn't have a greater career. Or why she didn't have a cinematic career at all, considering who her father was and that she starred in the fairly big-budgeted - but bad - theatrical release The Awakening with Charlton Heston when she was just 23 years old. Laura Holt is the role she's best known for, but she famously didn't get on with Pierce Brosnan. Apparently, coming in as the bigger name and having been promised the spotlight, she was less than happy to see the the (initially) virtually unknown Brosnan quickly become the show's focal point and the fans' favourite.

If I understand correctly, this episode was supposed to be the series finale and Brosnan was going to be the new James Bond. Ironically, though, the Bond talk brought more attention to the show and the producers decided to renew it. Brosnan was contractually obliged to stay on and missed out on the Bond role (for the time being.) Timothy Dalton became Bond but was never given a fair chance by the public, because everyone wanted Brosnan. And the following season of Remington Steele only lasted 6 episodes before the show was cancelled. Basically, everybody got screwed over.

Deadly Games (1982)

Be careful what you wish for

[1/10 · 25 April 2024]

...because I spent two years searching for this film, and look how it turned out. Atrocious in every way.

It features the absolutely most irritating and unlikeable final girl I've ever seen. Keegan acts like her mental development stopped at the age of 12 and she's spent the years since living on a diet of sugary sweets and sugary drinks. And pure sugar. And acid.

Her talking about being affected by her sister's death rings somewhat hollow when the first thing she does on arriving at the murder scene the next morning is start flirting with the lead detective using her incredibly unamusing jokes. Then, when she eventually gets around to visiting her grieving mother the day after that, she immediately opens with more jokes. Girl, if you want to be a comic, learn to judge your audience. Being funny would also help.

What else? Well, we spend a very long time getting to meet her old high school friends, to the extent that it feels like an episode of Sex and the City. We all also spend a lot of time watching a football game in the park. A lot of time on the achingly boring romance between Ms Annoying and Mr Bland (what's the point in having him being married to one of the schoolfriends - or married at all - if it plays no part in the plot?) A lot of time with them and Mr Bland's weird best friend watching a film, playing a board game and playing football. Real edge-of-your-seat stuff. Meaning that you risk falling asleep and falling out of your chair.

What isn't given enough attention is the slashing (well, to be exact, using different ways to stop women breathing until they die. Yep, even the killing is boring!) After the opening one, there are three more murders and one attempted, which sounds like a healthy body count, but they're filmed pretty perfunctorily and none of the other characters seem that interested in them. That's attested to by the fact that we never see any type of investigative work at all from the police, our lead female or anybody else.

It's a blessing that the film randomly reveals one of the killers late on and the other one reveals himself in the final shot just so that this worthless pile of junk can wrap up. Of course, it makes for a crappy denouement. But when you know that a film has no chance of getting any better but instead can only get worse if it goes on, you're just relieved when the end comes, no matter how bad.

Silk Stalkings: Pirates of Palm Beach (1997) Season 7, Episode 12

Man, the women!

[8/10 · 10 April 2024]

I know that seven seasons in, I should be used to it. But I'm still always awed by the gorgeousness of the women in each episode.

This time, the main female characters are a cop, a diving equipment provider (dibs!), a salvage valuation expert and, unfortunately only briefly to kick off the story, a private detective. Each is super hot. Each is also highly implausible in her role. But who cares? Here in my room in cold, wet, grey London, I can only gawk at these sun-kissed, perfectly formed examples of the fairer sex and say, "God bless America!"

PS - There's a plot, things happen, and people do stuff. But that's a discussion for another time.

Hunter: The Reporter (1991) Season 7, Episode 15

Blow your nose and stop that sniffing!

[6/10 · 10 April 2024]

Nice episode. We get to know Novak a bit better. But the the fact that her daughter is listed third in the opening credits makes me apprehensive. I generally have no time for kids in cop shows. I've criticized the show for becoming too Hunter-centric, but, for once, Dryer takes somewhat of a back seat and lets the female co- and guest stars shine. Kudos. As long as the rest of the season isn't filled with Novak's personal life, the kid being in danger etc.

Of course, the suddenly ridiculously over the top coke fiend of a journalist is totally laughable. But remember, this was the early 90s. Most of us who are old enough will remember that TV shows of the era often devoted subplots or even whole episodes to public safety messaging, warning against the perils of everything from AIDS to drugs to alcohol to smoking to littering to tax evasion. Of those, I'm betting that tax evasion was what most concerned governments. Nevertheless, the campaigns were effective and I have no doubt that they saved countless lives.

In fact, I absolutely know that the only reason I never had many girlfriends isn't that women didn't want me. It's that I didn't want to catch AIDS. Or be forced to submit a false tax return (I hear that's what really turns the bad girls on.) For everything else, I'm a beast. I can even throw an empty Coke can onto the OTHER side of the road. The Man will never keep me down.

Hunter: Oh, the Shark Bites! (1990) Season 7, Episode 7

An okay late Hunter episode

[6/10 · 5 April 2024]

I've really begun to warm to Darlanne Fluegel as Molenski. Molenski will never be another McCall, but I think that a big part of the reason for that is that she doesn't really get anything substantial to do. As I mentioned in an earlier review, the show is now just so concentrated on Hunter's greatness that his partner doesn't get much of a look-in.

It was the same thing for at least the previous season, where McCall herself went from from being co-star to a background figure. For me, one of the main strengths of the show was always that Hunter and McCall operated as equals, not as the stereotypical invincible guy and pretty-but-useless sidekick. I wonder if this change had anything to do with Kramer's decision to leave.

Speaking of which, are Hunter and Molenski even partners? They seem to work pretty much independently of each other. This episode, it seems like she's partnered with another officer. And what's with the constant switching between uniform and civilian wear? That might be something normal within real-life but, without being an expert on US police dress code, it just leaves me confused.

After all that, I still have to admit that this is one of the better episodes of season 7 so far. Very importantly, there's an interesting case. And Molenski does get to take down a bad guy, which is something that, nowadays, only Hunter is allowed to do.

But it's still a far cry from the quality of the earlier seasons. Just because it says 'Hunter' on the tin doesn't mean that the content has to be at least 95% Hunter. It's far more satisfying to have a strong, capable partner doing their faire share of crime solving and fighting, with a fair share of screen time, otherwise things just become monotonous. For the first five seasons or so, 'Hunter' took what was a pretty progressive position for an 80s action thriller - male and female officers working together more or less as equals. Now it's dropped that ideal and gone down the tired old route of "Big Boss Man takes care of everything. Hot female partner... is there to please the male viewers." Shame.

Hunter: Lullaby (1990) Season 6, Episode 16

Accents, accents. Makes sense? Nonsense!

[6/10 · 31 March 2024]

As a Londoner, I can't help but be biased. It's bad enough having to listen to Gary Sinise - freshly graduated from the Dick Van Dyke School of International Britishness - doing an "alternative" take on a London accent. But when Cherry, the ill-fated prostitute (no spoiler; it happens right at the beginning) is being played by an actual Londoner, why the heck would you write her as being from Liverpool? It just leads to her putting on an even worse accent than Sinise.

It's clear that the makers of the show think that most US viewers don't know the difference between London and Liverpool accents, and they might well be right. But in that case, why just not make Cherry a Londoner so that the actress can use her true accent and not make our ears bleed? Do you guys still hate us that much even after over two centuries?

I do admit, though, that, for years, I'd never had cause to think that Clive Revill (the British Consul) wasn't English. Only from reading some background for this episode did I realise that he's from New Zealand. All credit to Kiwis and Ozzies; they're super skilled at US/UK accents. And they are the best at putting shrimps on the barbie.

Anyway, I'm totally grateful that Cherry only lasts a few minutes. If I'd had to endure both her and Gary Sinise (as well as a few minor others) absolutely massacre English accents for a whole 45 minutes, I might have had to commit seppuku. (British accents, Antipodeans, Japanese ritual suicide... Look at me being all international and ting!)

Absolutely no surprises in this episode's plot, except that you have to be prepared to accept that news of a serial killer murdering 25 prostitutes in the UK over the last five years has not reached the ears of the LAPD before now.

Remington Steele: Steele at It (1984) Season 3, Episode 1

Birds do it, bees do it... but Laura and Remington 'steele' haven't?!

[7/10 · 30 March 2024]

You've got to laugh at the sheer audacity of the writers in suddenly trying to sell us the idea that, in all the time we've witnessed Remington and Laura smooching passionately, they still have not actually done the deed.

Of course, it is - as another reviewer points out - an attempt to keep the romance alive, meaning keep the viewers interested in it. Me, I'm happy to see protagonists get together quickly, as they did in the first season here, and thus avoid the never-ending will-they-won't-they cr*p that most shows dish up, which tends to take up an inordinate amount of running time each episode. However, it seems that most viewers love the will-they-won't-they, which is why it's so prevalent and why the RS makers have decided to hit the reset button and start over again with the "possible" romance. Oh, well.

As for the storyline this episode, it's quite intricately plotted but it's not as funny as I've come to expect. And the central object (the dagger) is such a MacGuffin that it's significance/value is explained in about three sentences and that's that. But, again, the plot around it is well written so I can forgive that.

I'll admit I was pretty amazed when I realised that they were actually on location on the French Riviera. Seeing our heroes running around on the beautiful beach surrounded by scores of real-life sunbathing tourists is somewhat surreal, but it's a refreshing change from the norm. This is the perfect series for some exotic locations, and I hope there'll be more in future.

Hunter: Brotherly Love (1990) Season 6, Episode 10

Big Brother's watching out for you

[7/10 · 27 March 2024]

Good episode with some cool guest stars. Rockford Files fans will need no introduction to Gretchen Corbett, who had played the delicious Beth Davenport, Jim's lawyer 'friend.' And Supernatural fans certainly know Mark Pellegrino, who would later portray Satan for years in that series.

The story is a fairly sad one. A teenager who was a drug addict several years ago and has now become a schoolyard dealer accidentally kills his supplier but then makes the huge mistake of stealing his money, which actually belongs to the local drug kingpin. Despite the best efforts of his saintly older brother (Pellegrino. Yes, that's right, the Father of All Evil was actually a cool surfer-type bro in his younger years) things take a turn into the tragic. The end of the episode is especially touching, with Hunter showing a great deal of empathy and being fatherly toward someone in emotional turmoil.

It's true that the last couple of seasons haven't been quite as good as the first few, which are some of my absolute favourite seasons of any police/PI show ever, despite some - how to put it? - laid-back acting. The days of the incredible soundtracks made up of monster rock classics have long gone. There also aren't normally as many well-known (at the time) guest stars. And the levels of violence have noticeably been toned right down. But I can well understand that this is a result of budgetary pressures and anti-TV-violence campaigns. Even without those things, Hunter can still be superior to similar shows.

My major worry is that McCall seems to have been sidelined. She had a bit to do in this episode, but in earlier episodes of the season she was really no more than a bit-part player, turning up briefly at the beginning, in the middle and at the end.

The best aspect of the series for me was always the relationship between the Hunter and McCall, where they were much more equal in solving cases and catching bad guys. It wasn't just a case of The Man and his purely eye-candy partner. It made a very refreshing change. Hopefully, Dryer getting an executive producer credit and the increased power that comes with it hasn't changed that for good. That would be a real shame.

Matlock: The Ex (1989) Season 4, Episode 5

That's it, I'm done

[1/10 · 24 March 2024]

Being a big fan of courtroom dramas, I was looking forward to watching this series. But what a disappointment it's been.

I knew it was a light-hearted, comedic series going in, so I certainly didn't expect any great legal accuracy. But I did expect to see a series with some sort of grounding in reality, and not just the star's ego trip.

I can take having to fast-forward past Matlock's absolutely cringeworthy and unbelievable scenes with Julie, where she just basically tells him (and us) how great he is. I can accept that many cases end up with the suspect confessing despite a total lack of evidence against them. I can even overlook an assistant district attorney being allowed to moonlight as a defence lawyer whenever she feels like it.

But things like Matlock getting continually away with being snapping at or even shouting at judges are just ridiculous. And when we reach the point where he's openly threatening physical violence upon the opposing attorney, that's where my good will and suspension of disbelief have reached their limits. Of course, the much younger and stronger prosecutor lets himself be cowed by the old man into stopping doing his job properly. Of course, the judge says nothing. Of course, the courtroom spectators show no reaction...

...which is yet another complaint of mine with this show. The courtroom spectators never react to anything at all. No matter what shocking accusations, revelations and confessions are made during the trial, they sit there and look on with all the emotion of a dead fish - even those people who are personally involved in the case. When the verdict is read, everyone just gets up and traipses out without saying a word, as if they'd all just been taking a train trip and have reached their destination. It's like the producers are scared that even smiles or gasps among the onlookers will steal the spotlight from our hero. It just removes all the atmosphere from the courtroom scenes, which are the crux of a legal series.

It's rare that I abandon a show after the first three or four episodes. To get all the way to the fourth season and then bail is a first for me. But, in my eyes, "Matlock" has been steadily getting more absurd as it goes along (and it had already gotten off to a pretty stupid start when, in the very first episode, Matlock's daughter dated the client charged with murder) and I don't think that trend's going to change, so I'm out.

Despite my harsh words, I certainly don't hate this show. I've seen far worse. I could maybe even slightly envisage giving it another chance if my legal drama/comedy addiction can't be satisfied any other way. And I'm happy for the very many viewers who do enjoy it - different strokes for different folks and all that - but, for me, it's time to move on. Goodbye, Matlock family... for now, at least.

Der Würger vom Tower (1966)

Would you like your film stuffed, sir?

[7/10 · 26 February 2024]

(What gives? I submitted this review last September and it was approved but I've just seen that it's not here. Oh, well, I'll just reupload it and see what happens this time.)

Entertaining caper about a plundered sacred jewel which was split into five pieces, the owners of which are now being forcefully shuffled off this mortal coil. But around that central premise, the writers have thrown in everything but the kitchen sink in terms of plot elements. We have shady rich people, sinister secretaries, strippers, jewel smugglers, assassins and a strange brotherhood in KKK-like garb, only black.

At the end the detectives look very pleased with themselves, despite the fact that, including bad guys, the body count has risen from 1 into the double digits while they've been conducting their investigation. They don't retrieve the jewels and never even find out about the smuggling operation.

But the police's utter incompetence is actually a good thing here, because it allows the murders to continue. If, like me, you're the kind of person who feels short-changed when a murder mystery restricts itself to one or two stiffs, then this is absolutely the film for you. Lots of fun.

Seven soon-to-be-six-feet-under stars.

The Rockford Files: If It Bleeds... It Leads (1999 TV Movie)

The Press is Evil!

[2/10 · 13 February 2024]

The very last Rockford Files outing is, unfortunately, not even a Rockford Files. It's yet another of the those social dramas that were so popular in the 90s warning people about the dangers posed by different things: unprotected sex, drugs, guns etc. This time it's the press. More specifically, televised news media, the reach that they have, their heartlessness in pursuit of ratings, and the way that they can destroy good peoples' lives.

The problem is twofold. One, we've all seen many of these types of films before. The 90s ones tend to be especially preachy and predictable, so once you've seen a few, you've seen them all. Two, this is supposed to be a Rockford Files film. You know, James Rockford, the private detective. Even if he's now retired (I'm not sure) and Garner is too old and injured to do strenuous physical activity, they could have found a way to still get him to do some sort of investigating to help out his friend. Even just going round, speaking to a lot of different people and piecing together evidence would have sufficed.

Instead, he spends a few minutes talking to a rape victim's mother (who suddenly drops one of those ridiculously obvious clues more suited to Murder, She Wrote), a few minutes talking to a groundskeeper, a few minutes on a police supercomputer, and a few minutes following then easily apprehending a rapist.

The rest of the film is devoted to the uncaring, unchecked power of the media and the hopelessness of Ernie's predicament once he's within their sights. Depressing and utterly predictable. Like I said, if you've seen similar films to this, you know how it's all going to end long before the credits roll. After all, it's the only way for the writers to drive their message home, which is seemingly all they're concerned about.

But even this ending is undone by heavy-handedness. Ernie's been standing on that rooftop long enough for the TV cameras to arrive and for Dennis to get Rita and Jim and take them to the site. Yet there's no one else up there; no police or negotiators trying to talk him down. Because we dumb viewers need a visual representation of the loneliness he's feeling inside.

A very small area is cordoned off to the public but, for some reason, news crews, Jim, Rita and lots of other people are allowed within the cordon - so that when Ernie jumps, he lands about 10ft in front of them. Because we just wouldn't feel the emotional impact if he landed, say, 30ft away. It's all too ridiculous.

Even more depressing than Ernie's inevitable plunge is the nosedive in writing quality represented by the films. One of the very best and most iconic detective shows ever made has been revived not to ride gloriously into the sunset, but instead crawl to an ignominious end.

The Rockford Files: Punishment and Crime (1996 TV Movie)

Unlikeable

[2/10 · 12 February 2024]

I've been very disappointed with the Rockford films so far. Of course, I didn't expect the quality of the original series - you never get that when they come back years later - but I did expect a certain basic standard, which I don't think has been reached. Punishment and Crime definitely does nothing to change that opinion.

I'm one of those who already didn't appreciate Megan after the way she behaved in the original series. Now she comes back and does it all over again. It's just a tired rehash. By the way, I only saw that episode recently so I still remember how surprised I was when, after she'd scolded Jeffrey for coming by without first phoning her and then basically thrown him out to be alone with Jim, we found out that she was going to marry him! Honestly? If I were Jeffrey I would have demanded to know why I had to make an appointment to see the woman I was going to wed in a month's time. And then she went on to sleep with Jim later on in the same episode. Again, a month before her wedding! Not a likeable character.

Speaking of unlikeable characters, thank God Angel only has a short amount of screen time. I couldn't stand him in the series, but in the films they've taken his antics to ridiculous heights. Remember the one where he was a fake preacher, conning scores of believers out of their cash and giving sick and disabled people false hope he could cure them? It was all, as ever, treated as a joke, with the usual gentle telling-offs from Jim. Sorry, I have a sense of humour but I just don't find that funny. Not in real life, not on TV.

Even Dennis acts like a jerk in two scenes. In the first, in the hospital after Molly's rape, he speaks exclusively to Rockford about her condition and what's happened to her, totally ignoring Patrick, her boyfriend, who's standing right there and is obviously the person he should talk to first. In the second, he calls Jim into his office to tell him that Patrick has been murdered, leaving Megan, Patrick's cousin who, again, should be the first to know, waiting outside. I know Jim is the lead character and the story revolves around him, but come on. No policeman - in fact, no one with an ounce of empathy or common sense - would shut out victims' nearest and dearest in that way and give all their information to a private detective.

As for the main storyline, the basic idea is good but it's spoiled by a level of nastiness and brutality that I wouldn't expect from a Rockford episode or film. The rape of Molly is a totally unnecessary element - we understand already that the Russian mafia is evil. Likewise, the torture scene in the music studio, where Megan risks ending up deaf-blind. Ditto for the golf-club-to-the-feet interrogation. The standard Rockford beatings would have fully sufficed for plot needs and would have been in keeping with the show's normal violence levels.

The Rockford Files: Lions, Tigers, Monkeys and Dogs (1979) Season 6, Episode 2

Falls down just before the finish line

[4/10 · 2 February 2024]

This two-parter has some things going for it. It was great to see Dana Wynter, who I really like as an actress. It was also great to see Lauren Bacall - for the first time, I'll shamefully admit. Angel's appearance was kept mercifully brief and Rocky once again made it clear how much he loathes him. I feel you, Rocky!

But despite the positives, it all ended up being a damp squib because of the incredibly weak ending. My money was already on princess Irene being responsible for the attempts on Kendall's life by the end of the first part, just because there were so few other credible suspects and I know the genre. So I spent the second part running through possible motives, all of which turned out to be better than what we were actually given.

Irene wanted Kendall dead so her humble origins wouldn't become known, although most people who'd ever known her were presumably fully aware of her background. Especially since she'd recently been libelled in Fairfield's newspaper and was now conducting a huge lawsuit against him, surely earning her even more press coverage. I know the answer is that her troubled mind didn't realise the futility of her plan. But to arrive at the end of a 90-odd-minute mystery only to discover that the reason behind everything is essentially nothing more than "she's mad" is incredibly unsatisfying. Well, for me, at least.

The Rockford Files: The Man Who Saw the Alligators (1979) Season 5, Episode 16

Rockford's not all there

[7/10 · 23 January 2024]

It's only through reading the other reviews here that I realised that this episode was originally feature-length. The version I've just watched came in at just under 49 minutes. No wonder there was a disjointed feel to it, with certain things seeming skipped over.

For example, no explanation was given as to why Anthony's old boss sent his men after him. I didn't even know if they wanted to kill Anthony or take him back to the boss. Or why his brother had betrayed him. And it was only pretty late on that I realised that Jim and his accountant were an item. Most scenes showing us that they were a couple must have been left out (although I had wondered why she was so conscientious in her job as to invite a client to her weekend retreat in order to finish their tax returns!)

The one thing I am clear on is just what an irredeemably awful b*stard Angel is. Breaking into Jim's trailer to use his phone and order a luxury meal on his tab! Would he have carried on for the whole time Jim was away if he hadn't been interrupted? Probably. I've said it before and I'll say it again: I can't even begin to fathom why Jim is supposed to regard the little creep as a friend.

This is a hard one to score, since I know I missed out on at least half an hour of the original content. But still, even a shredded Rockford Files is better than a full episode of most other shows, so I'll go for a 7. Hopefully, one day I'll get to see the full version.

Murder, She Wrote: Snow White, Blood Red (1988) Season 5, Episode 4

Scream it again, Samms

[8/10 · 21 January 2024]

(Re-upload from review dated 10/10/23. IMDB seems to be losing a lot of reviews or moving them to the wrong episodes as it reshapes. But, to be honest, all my "reviews" are worth losing anyway.)

This is an episode which I'd seen before but was very happy to watch again, because it really is a good one. The cut-off ski resort is a unique location. The atmosphere is also different to your usual MSW episodes. And I do love me a high body count.

The guest cast is great. I've liked Barry Newman in pretty much everything I've ever seen him in, so that's already a big plus there. Then we've got ever-dependable Big Bo Svenson, playing - get this - a Swede ( I wonder if he's ever played his original nationality in anything else.) And the delectable, delicious, divine Emma Samms. I just wish these last two had been given more to do. George Wyner is also a hoot as the doctor who realizes that examining female bodies is actually not the worst job in the world.

It is, of course, totally preposterous that there were at least two armed security guards at the resort all along but we don't even get to see them until the very end. However incompetent they may be, the idea that Mike and Anne decide to leave them out of things completely while their guests are dropping like flies and instead entrust matters to Jessica is unbelievable. But you know what, I like the episode so much that I'll let that slide.

Just one more thing. Mike, I have seven letters of advice for you: D-I-V-O-R-C-E. Someone who's unabashedly carrying on an affair almost literally in front of your very eyes - and with a dirtbag that no halfway sane woman would touch with a bargepole - probably isn't the person to give you a life of married bliss.

7 perfectly beautiful English-rose stars for Snow White, Blood Red.

Crazy Like a Fox: Fox in Wonderland (1985) Season 1, Episode 10

My God! My God! Why have you followed me?

[8/10 · 17 January 2024]

The pre-credits sequence of Crazy Like a Fox lets even new viewers instantly know what the premise of the series is. No matter how much Harrison tries to mind his own business, good old pops will always pull him into his P. I. cases. That always means one thing: trouble - and lots of it -for Harrison.

This time, Harrison is looking forward to a boring week-long lawyer conference in Los Angeles. A day or so before his departure, an old P. I. friend of Harry's is murdered and Harry naturally decides to investigate. But this friend just happens to have lived and worked in LA, which of course means...

Great episode in which, as said, Harry finds a way to rope his son into the case he's working on and causes him numerous near-heart attacks. This case is a particularly clever one. It's logical and well-layered.

And, of course, Tracey Scoggins always adds a whole lot of sexiness to anything she's in. It would take a woman like Joy to tempt a man to cheat on the beautiful Cindy, which is the basis of some comical misunderstandings. Comical for us viewers, that is, not for poor Harrison. If this were real life, it would take him half an eternity to convince Cindy that his time in LA wasn't filled with Joy.

Love Brides of the Blood Mummy (1973)

A horrific experience

[1/10 · 16 January 2024]

...the film, that is. I've never watched such a repetitive piece of trash. First of all, we get an excruciatingly long chase scene in which the hypnotized servant tries to capture the girl. He eventually gets her and takes her back to the castle, where the Mummy strips her (in the "nude" version which you can now find in pristine condition on YouTube) and rapes her. He sucks the blood from her neck, killing her. Then we find another girl and do it all again. It's boring already the second time, let alone the third and fourth. Then the film ends, with no conclusion and no explanation of anything.

It boggles my mind that there was ever a time when rape was considered as legitimate a form of cinematic entertainment as regular sex. But it's obvious here that this, rather than being a horror film, is actually intended to be an erotic one - just that all the sex is non-consensual, either with violence or through the women being mesmerized into accepting and even enjoying it. The only good thing I could point to in this opus is that the women are attractive with nice bodies. But considering the circumstances under which we see them, even that joy is muted. An extremely rare example of a film which I actually regret watching.

Magnum, P.I.: Resolutions: Part II (1988) Season 8, Episode 13

A very disappointing way to go out

[3/10 · 15 January 2024]

With Resolutions, Magnum adheres to the overall poor standards of seasons 7 and 8, which, despite some gems of episodes, have not had nearly the same quality as those preceding them.

Even if I were someone who wrote synopses, I would find it impossible to do so for Resolutions because there quite simply is no major plotline running through it. It's merely a collection of disparate sub-plots, some of which aren't given enough time and just abruptly begin or end, and some of which shouldn't have been given any time at all.

The search for Lily would have been worthy of a two-parter all by itself. Instead, she just turns up and it's instantly happy families. No mention of any continuing threat to her life, the legal procedures Magnum would have to go through to become her legal guardian, problems with adjustment to her new situation, etc. All the feeling is removed from what should be a hugely emotional occasion. (Incidentally, now that she lives in the US, hasn't anyone ever thought it might be a good idea to teach Lily English? In fact, her vocabulary has shrunk to just two French words - "Ma poupée" - which doesn't exactly help in establishing an emotional connection to Magnum or us, the viewers)

Reporter Linda Lee Ellison is back and being stalked. She and Magnum renew their romance. It seems the series will finish with a matured Magnum not only having a daughter but also settling down with one woman - even if I still think Dana Delaney's Cynthia would have been the best choice. But no. He sleeps with her then dumps her. After he catches one of her stalkers (Linda has TWO knife-wielding maniacs after her! Funnily enough, Magnum himself also semi-stalked her in her previous episode) they have a chat and then she disappears. We don't see her again even after he catches/maybe kills the principal stalker.

The appearance of Magnum's previously unmentioned grandfather seems like it's going to be significant, at least sentimentally, but it isn't. He appears, Magnum is cold towards him, he talks about being a wanderer or something, he disappears. He doesn't even get to meet his great-granddaughter. What was the point? That was running time that could have been better spent elsewhere.

And don't even get me started on TC's out-of-the-blue airport kiss with his ex-wife, the is-Higgins-Robin-Masters routine, Magnum reenlisting in the navy despite making it clear for as long as we've known him that he would never go back - and this at just the time that he becomes sole parent to a little child, or the "cliffhanger" ending in which Rick might not be able to say "I do" at his wedding.

One of the previous reviewers mentioned something about a writers' strike. I'll cling onto that idea as some kind of justification for ending the series with such a mess of an episode. And, looking on the bright side, we'll always have the great first 6 seasons and some choice titbits scattered here and there during these final two. Anyway, so long, Thomas and friends. By and large, it's been a blast.

Endstation Rote Laterne (1960)

The Cuban Connection

[7/10 · 12 January 2024]

Joachim Fuchsberger and Christine Görner play a policeman and a journalist, respectively, who are independently investigating a (pretty unbelievable) forced prostitution ring sending women from Amsterdam to Havana.

The side plot portrays Klausjürgen Wussow's revenge on Werner Peters for his mistress' death by sending Peters' young daughter on the same route (although how Wussow could cheat on the absolutely gorgeous Gudrun Schmidt is beyond me!)

I thought I'd seen all of Fuchsberger's police films from the 60s, but I just found this on YouTube - and I enjoyed it a lot. Fuchsberger doesn't have a whole to do, but the supporting cast is full of good actors who carry the story well. They hold your attention and have you caring for their characters' fates. Definitely recommended.

Breach of Faith: A Family of Cops II (1997 TV Movie)

Breach of good scriptwriting

[2/10 · 6 January 2024]

I thought the first Family of Cops film was actually pretty good and so decided to watch this one right after. Unfortunately, the second one is not as good.

For one thing, an inexplicable focus on Bronson's family's religion. Even though the case revolves around the killing of a Catholic priest, from the very beginning we're bashed over the head over and over and over with the fact that the Feins are Jewish (something that I don't remember being referred to at all in the first film) leading us to believe that it will somehow be relevant to the plot. Maybe there will be animosity between the Catholic and Jewish communities because the former suspects the latter of being responsible for the priest's murder. Or, conversely, there might be a coming together of the two faiths to deal with the crisis. Or maybe we'll see the Feins facing anti-Semitism from fellow police officers or the public as they try to do their jobs. But no, none of this happens. The family's faith has absolutely no bearing on the plot, leading you to wonder why it is given such prominence.

Second, I had wondered during AFoC 1 why detective Anne Meyers seemed to have so much screen time despite the actress' acting not being exactly dazzling and the character not serving any real purpose other than to gaze lovingly at old Paul. In 2, she has even more screen time but still has nothing to do apart from spend most of her shift time with him - although she's supposed to be his son's police partner - and show her adoration. After I'd finished watching the film, I saw on IMDB that Kim Weeks (Anne) has only eleven acting credits to her name, three of which are for this trilogy - and that she and Charles Bronson got married the year after this came out. So it's a case of Bronson doing his usual thing of forcing directors to put his current girlfriend/wife in his films. Unlike Jill Ireland, however, Weeks has no acting ability and isn't even given a storyline or justification for being there.

On a related point, none of the women seem to get a fair shake of the stick. For me, the most interesting characters are Kate and Jackie. But they, just like the other ladies, seem to be only there to orbit around the men and/or look after children. I know it's A Family of Cops but with Kate being a lawyer, you would think they could easily do more with her and her job throughout the story, not just at the beginning. Even worse, Jackie, who actually is on the path to also becoming a cop, virtually disappears halfway through. More scenes of her experiences at the police academy and fewer scenes with Bronson's talentless squeeze would give some much-needed life to this film.

Even with the film's violent plot, we have far too many Hallmark Channel-type scenes where we're boringly shown how loving and non-judgemental the Fein family are with each other. As an example, Kate obtains the release of a very nasty 12-year-old at the beginning. The kid proceeds to kill Eddie's partner and place another officer in hospital. This should be the basis for recriminations and tension between Eddie and Kate, at least for a while. It would make for good drama. But no - Eddie has absolutely no hard feelings towards his sister and that whole plotline is just dropped. Because cops apparently don't care when their partners are killed.

Lastly, the Russians are so stereotypically one-note evil that they kill a priest just for knowing about a murder that they committed even though he can't ever reveal what he knows since it was told to him in the confessional. They don't realise that killing him is much more risky than just letting him be? Then they threaten a whole family of cops (and lawyer.) Then they assault them all. Eventually, they try to gun down one of those cops and his wife and kids in their home. Come on! If Russian gangsters were that stupid then there would be no Russian mafia, because they would all be either dead or in prison.

Magnum, P.I.: Transitions (1988) Season 8, Episode 11

The end is nigh

[8/10 · 6 January 2024]

Aspiring novelist Suzi Merrill, played by the stunning Randi Brooks, has had all her manuscripts rejected by publishers because they're so similar to Robin Masters' works. (I must say that, plagiarised or not, the amount of time and effort taken to write all the manuscripts found in her hotel room must have been enormous. No wonder the lovely darling is so desperate.)

But if there's one thing that Suzi possesses in abundance - apart from beauty - it's perseverance. So, rather than trying to be more original or just giving up writing altogether, she comes up with an elaborate plan: steal Masters' new manuscript, inveigle her way into Robin's Nest, assure herself that Higgins and Masters are one and the same (Thomas' fault for spreading his theory all over the island), and then kill Higgins, leaving her free to pass the manuscript off as her own work. She uses her charms on Luther Gillies and accountant Bruce Kunkle to work towards her goals. Both men should have asked themselves if a woman like her could really be interested in them. But even if they did, who could resist?

I loved this episode. It's a throwback to the fun-packed storylines of the earlier seasons, before excessive seriousness, navel-gazing and emoting took over. Admittedly, Thomas' continual voiceover waffling on about transitions and such doesn't really have any relation to the plot. But considering where we are, I see that the writers are aiming for something meta; they're referring to the imminent end of the series and the moving on of everyone involved.

I have my fingers crossed that the final two episodes will be of a similar class to this one. But, no matter what, the journey has been most excellent and reaching the terminus will be a sad, sad occasion. Magnum Team, I beg of you, with the very final flaps of your wings, soar. Soar.

Magnum, P.I.: The Great Hawaiian Adventure Company (1988) Season 8, Episode 9

Life of Bryant

[4/10 · 5 January 2024]

Magnum has had an idea for a business venture and we follow him as he tries to get it off the ground. But we know that it's not going to happen, so the whole plot strand is pretty much wasted time.

Although, talking about "knowing" what will or won't happen, I remember, when we were suddenly introduced to TC's never-before-referenced family, I was convinced that we would never hear of them again again after that episode.

Well, I was wrong - very wrong. In what I would call the main storyline of the episode, one of the family members is back and actually living with TC. Unfortunately, it's the most annoying one: his stereotypical angry teenage son. We have no idea when he arrived, but he's apparently had time to get so obsessed with being in a motorcycle gang that he's willing to commit crimes to be accepted.

We watch as he's jailed twice and each time blames his father... for not trusting him! After that, he still proposes to steal goods that TC is supposed to be transporting. In the end, he speeds away in TC's boat, capsizes and has to be rescued. Yep, truly annoying.

By the way, is it just me or did the teenage motorcycle gang seem to have an awful lot more members than you would expect? Or do teens on Oahu have absolutely nothing else to do? Not an enjoyable episode for me.