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Reviews
Cobra Kai (2018)
Stingray's a real hero
I thought Kenny's outfit was amazing, I was shocked when Andrew and his friends began destroying it. Though I am a hell of a geek and weird so it may seem strange that as a 27 year old man I want to dress up as a cartoony overgrown beaver like thing that has a lab coat on and spend all day dresed in it hopping about like a smart beaver all day in public. Stingray stole the show at the end and he was so inspiring in how powerful he seemed to make himself out to be and I think he's like a strong superhero from Marvel comics. I think Stingray knows he will get extra powers the day after Kreese was arrested/the beginning of Season 5 so he tricked Silver into thinking he was going to keep his dirty little secret. After getting his powers Stingray will save Kreese and accidentally kill Silver by ferociously shouting at him too much or alternatively accidentally kill Silver by burping on him.
Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (2005)
I'll be very sad if they remake this
The Harry Potter films helped make my childhood a very exciting time indeed, playing with my friends with sticks on the playground pretending they were wands and we were duelling. I fondly remember seeing this when it first came out, I thought it was amazing and met up with my best friend at Burger King straight after it had finished and mischievously trying to eat our Burger King food like Buckbeak the hippogriff.
I found a lot of things funny in this movie, especially as a child. It causes me much mirth imagining Peter Pettigrew changing baby Voldemort's nappies. I find it very amusing how Voldemort has no nose and continue to call people Voldemort if they have a very small nose. What makes it funnier is his followers really wanted be like Voldemort and therefore I suppose they may have wanted slits instead of a nose as well.
I took great inspiration from the Yule Ball and Ron's dress robes during my school years, I loved how much Ron's dress robes made him stand out and made Padme Patil so stunned when she saw them like as if she was close to crying tears of joy! I dressed in similar dress robes as the ones Ron had on at the Yule Ball during my Prom Night. I made quite a sight which left me beaming with joy at all the attention I received, so thanks so much Ron!
I learned from this movie to ask girls out on a date very fast indeed and to not delay any proposal to a girl or woman at all. This influenced me to ask a girl out on a date for the first time, who happened to be my cousin and we fell in love and now live happily together. This movie teaches valuable life lessons and is very smart in how it executes these lessons in such a complex way which leaves one thinking deeply about even just a certain quote for hours on end at times. The film is deep, magical and above all heart warming to very core which allows this film to exist most prominently in my soul/heart for all eternity more than any other film.
Game of Thrones: The Iron Throne (2019)
Brings back so many great memories
Well I was quite pleased with Bran's fate.
Samwell Tarly seemingly struggling to sit in his chair close to the table well reminded me of Hot Pie whom in turn reminded me of his delicious dire wolf biscuits and his delicious pies he no doubt ate pretty much all the time due to their deliciousness and Hot Pie's impressive build, this scene therefore always gives me a lovely appetite full of love and energy.
However Tyrion and Jon's scene together was far too short and I wanted some more food and Hot Pie mentions! Overall this is a brilliant episode and I love it with all my ancient black heart has to offer.
Star Wars (1977)
A piece of rubbish compared to the Prequels
The fast paced mind dulling action scenes of this movie are still somewhat entertaining, even though they look fake and underwhelming nowadays. This film is simplistic and most of the characters are simple characters with no personality, unlike the Prequels which have CGI which still looks realistic unlike some of the crap in this movie. The film is basically just a simple fairy tale set in a futuristic setting, the hero (Luke) is guided by a wizard (Obi-Wan) and they go on to rescue the princess and then of course save the day! It's just boring and the plot is so overused in so many ways that it's so mediocre to the point of it being kinda boring. Obi-Wan and Vader are the characters that really save this movie from being a complete bore fest.
I think only people who grew up in the 70's or 80's can like this movie or of course Prequel haters who despise movies with a much more complex unique plot with characters that actually have character to them unlike many characters in this movie who are pretty much average joe's. I respect the people who liked this movie back in '77 when it came out as back then entertainment sucked compared to today as there were no DVD's, good video games, streaming sites and VHS tapes weren't massively popular yet, but I think you lot need to get over your childhood fantasies and realise this film is now washed up and far too old to compete with modern competent movies.
Coronation Street (1960)
A soap that has too much fish & chips and a stupid title
I've been scratching my head ever since I first watched a Coronation Street episode wondering why anyone hasn't been coronated in any of the Coronation Street episodes I've seen yet. I'm still dreaming of the day where I'll see Patrick the pink starfish from SpongeBob get coronated King of England in Coronation Street and I thought new Kings or Queens would be coronated at least once a week but that's NOT the result rather horribly!
The characters in Coronation Street are also always typically characters that make me feel really depressed and I have problems that all Corrie characters seem to be mentally impaired as well, I mean is this show meant to be for mentally disabled people or something? It also makes me sick watching the characters in this soap stuff their faces with Fish and Chips so often as well as other unhealthy greasy foods. The characters with bald heads on this show always look like they've had greasy boob rubbed chips rubbed all over their heads and that just makes me feel disgusted and sick! If you care about people's diet, hate fish and chips and greatly anticipate someone getting coronated in this show,, then please DON'T watch it!
Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix (2007)
Snivellus Snape gets what he deserves!
Oh you can shake Snape up! Oh you anyone can shake Snape up! Like boob fat, shake shake Snape, shake shake Snape, shake shake! Oh I love this film so much!
Bellatrix is such a lovely lady and she always cheers me up and turns my usual frown upside down every time I see her lovely nurturing motherly nature on display in this terrific top notch film. Bellatrix is the most sexiest and kindest woman alive in my humble opinion and I wish she was my Mother, tells me I'm a naughty boy and looks after me every day so that's a great testament to how much I adore this film. I know nothing bad will happen to me when I'm watching this film because I know Bellatrix Motherly instincts will protect me from any harm that comes to me, oh I love her so much, I wish I could hug her all the time to show her how much I love her.
James Potter was a great man, my 2nd favourite fictional character of all time and he showed that sobbing little man baby known as Snivellus Snape who's boss and I always cheer and clap every time I see that lovely Snape memory scene in this film as Snape gets some payback for having fashion sense that gives people nightmares, an annoying tendency to read and study things all the time and forever being an evil know it all. James and his friends are really complex memorable characters full of enlightening personality traits and they are great role models for British boys and this film always makes me appreciate that I have friends like James Potter did that I can have great fun with. This film is guaranteed to make you smile if you're a British boy crying out for some motherly affection.
Independence Day (1996)
Made my country feel weak
As a British person, I disliked how the United States led the world's armies against the aliens. I also dislike how this film is called Independence Day and all the quotes in the film which make it appear this film glorifies American independence despite all those British lives that were lost in that truly barbaric conflict. Is this the kind of thanks the United States' parent, Great Britain, gets for birthing the United States into this world and nurturing it so it can stand on it's own two feet? As a British man I felt like my country was weak and helpless in this movie as the rest of the world just seemed to rely on the USA for protection and bent over backwards to please the United States lustful desires.
I will say though that this film has great special effects and great scenery with some great entertaining, albeit mind numbing action scenes. Don't watch this film if you're a British nationalist who nurtures every American they communicate with like a genuinely civilised human being.
Snowpiercer (2013)
So stupid it's funny
People are stupid generally speaking and this film sums that up perfectly. You'll laugh in parts if you're a human genius like myself due to perhaps thinking about more advanced extra-terrestrial life laughing as they see people do bizarre things but overall it's a very boring, insane film which will make you feel depressed at the lack of intelligence people have if you have any real level of creativity or indeed, logic.
The Invisible Man (2020)
A very patronising film
Not cool man! This film was so simplistic that it made me feel like I was watching a babies movie! I felt like the movie was mothering and nurturing me which was totally unnecessary! Don't watch this movie if you're an adult!
Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets (2002)
Feels like it was made by drunk children!
This beast of a film felt like it's writers and directors were drunk children and I love that!!!! The film's childish makers made this film truly magical and a spectacular sight to behold with unlimited creativity, this film has no limits, the characters feel invincible and gives the viewer a great special feeling of being invincible if they were on the sexy island known as Great Britain.
El hoyo (2019)
Looks like something out of a PS1 Crash Bandicoot game
The CGI was terrible in this and the sloppy platforms felt like something out of a old platform video game like Crash Bandicoot, I was disappointed that Crash Bandicoot in his PS1 animation didn't show up and start bouncing up and down on the platform like he was on a bouncy castle. I did like the platforms in the sense that liked to fantasise two of the platforms coming together, having sex and forming a sandwich and then myself eating the sandwich platform so overall bad movie with one nice touch to it.
Victor Frankenstein (2015)
A movie about the most civilised era
This movie is exceedingly British and I love that. I don't want to go into too much detail with this review, but there were so many great things about this movie to the extent I could write a lengthy book about the things I admired in this film.
The accents were sublime and posh, the technology of the era was just about right without going too over the top and making people weird and anti-social and due to the lack of cars and relatively slow movement of people it makes me appreciate my lovely electric bike much more, when I'm doddering along at 15 mph on it I think back to those Victorians in this film who would've been delighted with such quick speeds, I fantasise about Victor accompanying me on his steampunk steam powered bike doing 15 mph and having a great laugh with him, my imaginary friend known as Victor Frankenstein wouldn't be possible if it wasn't for this film. All the characters seem so politically sane in this film which is a very refreshing breather from today's harsh, stupid political climate.
Also the monster at the end of this film looks very tasty so this film always gives me a great appetite and gives me a longing for some delicious rats, balut, black pudding and mum's foot sweat every time I watch this amazing film. The scenery was truly beautiful and the scenes of London outside made me smell the sweet smell of steam power which made me nostalgic for the old steam ralleys I went to as a kid. You'll enjoy this film if you're British but I don't recommend it to Americans as Americans would probably get too jealous of Victorian London.