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Reviews
The Beatniks (1958)
Get over the title already...
If you're going to watch an old, low budget crime movie, "Beatniks" isn't the best, but it's genuinely entertaining and has kept me coming back to it about once a year for the last couple decades. The dialogue isn't great but the acting is decent enough, and when it's not, at least it's comical enough to enjoy. I think the low rating is mostly due to people complaining about the false advertising in the title. If you can get over that, the only horrible thing about this movie is the video quality. But it's not unwatchable by any means.
The plot is about the leader of a gang who gets "discovered" by a talent agent while singing to his girlfriend in a diner. At first he's only in it for the money, but he soon realizes that maybe he can really make something of himself. Now he has to decide whether to be loyal to his gang, or move on to stardom. But will the gang let him go so easily?
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Mutant Mayhem (2023)
The only thing new and modern is the animation.
This unique reimagining of the TMNT franchise has an appealing aesthetic and enough action that can satisfy both kids and adults, but the "wow factor" wasn't there. After so many iterations, I'm fine with my turtles looking different and backstories being changed. And I could care less about any race/gender swapping. It doesn't matter. If you want the classic vibe, watch the original movies or the 1987 cartoon.
But here's what didn't work for me. There were so many mutants that I was excited to see, and aside from Super Fly and Mondo Gecko (who I love), no one got much screen time. I was so excited to see Leatherhead and he (she?) had only about 2 lines as I recall. Bebop and Rocksteady only has a slightly larger role and didn't even play off each other. And I know there are a lot of stories that don't have Shredder as the villain. However... I missed Shredder! I just did. (And no Casey Jones either??)
The plot is another generic "no one knows who the turtles are. Then when they try to go up to the streets, they're mistaken for monsters. Then they win the hearts of NYC by defeating some supervillain" story. Nothing new. We've all seen it before.
Finally, it took me a while to get past some things. Like all the turtles had teenager voices but Donatello sounded like he was 10. And of course, most of the dialogue is inundated with the "awkward realism" that everyone thinks they need today. It's fine in small doses but they're really on it too much and skip necessary and much more original dialogue.
In the end, I was bored. It just never came together for me. I'll love them forever, but as with the 2007 animated movie, I probably won't be revisiting it.
I Spit on Your Grave: Deja Vu (2019)
Missed Opportunities
How come nobody can feel their genitals being ripped off in these movies until they look down? Seriously. It's like they're all Looney Tunes characters running off a cliff.
Also, bad over acting that was never toned down by the director for some reason. And the movie is 45 minutes longer than it should be.
They started off in the right direction making Jennifer's character a badass. They should've continued with that theme, like with Sydney (Scream), Laurie (Halloween) or Reggie (Phantasm).
And the characters' relationship to the original victims/rapists are confusing to me. Wikipedia says one character is the brother of the other but he'd have to be like 30 years younger. Not sure if that's an error or what. I'll have to watch it again to clarify but I don't want to.
Family Camp (2022)
A movie with an identity crisis
I saw this in the theater with my 5 year old. It was too silly for me and not funny enough for him. Probably best for pre-teens. Still, the jokes didn't land. I imagined them performed by A-list comic actors and could see how the writers might have thought the script would've been funny but there were very few laughs. Also there were times when they tried to be too emotionally dramatic. The movie is set up to imply that you're about to see a slapstick comedy but then they try to get a little too deep. It's awkward when you're constantly late to realizing that what you're watching is suddenly supposed to be serious rather than funny. The balance just isn't there. And is it supposed to be preachy? I would have to assume so based on the fact that the movie wouldn't have to change at all if it omitted the religious aspect. Classic straight man/comic foil structure done much more poorly than most of the similar low budget B movies of the 90s.