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Reviews
NCIS: Sydney (2023)
DREADFUL
I can only sum this up in 1 word,Dreadful.
Half of every episode centres on the nuances between Aussie and Yank culture and words the rest is lazy scriptwriting using every tired trope possible to make Aussies look like local yokels with a nice but ridiculously placed backdrop(no we dont have secret dungeon style police stations in wolloomooloo bay inside Russell Crowes apartment complex) .
And whats this BS about cops not having guns?
Yes we have guns in Australia people,we just dont carry them around lookingnfor a shootout,and yes our police and yes our law enforcement carry
The "American" Actress is probably the most unlikable character in tv history, she is just a smug mole with barely any redeemable qualities .the male lead is overplaying the "knock about Aussie bloke" complete with over exaggerated stray'n accent ,for all its worth and William McInnes is woefully under utilised and stuck playing his Schultz character from blue heelers but its not compatible with the Americanised script so he just comes across as a bit of a rude d ckhead
Most of the characters are poorly written with really cr@p American and Ocker accents.and the main support characters are largely forgettable.
This is just like every other bad Aus/US crossover
It may improve,but i doubt it.
The Nun II (2023)
Solid,but not Brilliant
A few jumpscares,not many appearances of the Actual Nun in question ,long periods or slowdome and forlorn looks.
I enjoyed it,but I probably wouldn't watch it again. For me the first movie was better,this was just a little too slow and a lot of the events didn't make a lot of sense
Like why does Valak want the eyes of the Saint,like what for,what are their purpose to Valak??
Its never explained
Probably have to wait for the next conjuring(which is hinted at in the post credit scene)
And diversity casting for diversities sake isn't a great idea when youre inserting an African American character into a film set during a time period that was not historically great for African Americans or any black people living in western countries for that matter,then having them play the smart-ass non French speaking, chain smoking rebel nun who doesn't even have faith ,it doesn't even make sense because she would never have even been put there in a French monistery/school to begin with and definitely wouldn't have been afforded that kind of status and leniency
Its not great but its entertaining, and there are a couple of well made scenes that were pretty cool and its well acted and presented,just needs a meatier more intricate story since we've all invested in 8 of these films now.
Valak is a great Character in concept,but in story and execution, shes pretty lame.
The Upshaws (2021)
My wife and kids for grown ups
Im not going to write a profesional reveiw with all the $5 words and story spoilers but i am going to say this show is great,i really thought it would be like most modern all black cast shows where they just bash white people constantly which is funny for an episode or 2 but gets old and exclusionary real quick but this 1 isnt so bad . Yes there are a couple of white people jokes but its not the lead theme like most others
Its fun ,easy to watch and has some great adult casting,support casting and interesting storylines
The worst part of this show is the kids,or should i say the little girls theyre very unlikeable and obnoxious characters except for Aliyahs best friend who is a a more realistic and likeable character played by a wonderful young actress.
Now for the sensitive types there is a little bit of swearing and implied drug use everynow and then but its relative to the story
Wanda Sykes is the stand out on this show and gets most of the good lines
Overall this is a really easy watch and you could go through a whole season in a day without any trouble because each episode is a continuation and you will want to know what happens next.
This is enjoyable and worth a try if its on your netflix list so dont be afraid and give it a try.
Vivarium (2019)
waste of time if you like endings
I really enjoyed this movie up to a point.
It had beautiful Stepford wives 1950s visuals in beautiful technicolour, much like Dont worry darling(a stepford wives rip off)brilliant acting and a great script right up to the end
If you dont really like traditional horror and like bougie art House "Horror" like A 24,stop reading and just watch it
You'll love it!
HOWEVER if youre a normal horror viewer and youre looking for closure or a reason or a pay off for the time you put i to watching it,you will be sorely disappointed.
As with most of these artsy fartsy faux Horror movies now they just have no endings ,no reasons,no motives to reveal and call themselves elevated horror because you have to do all the work by making up your own story
Sadly its just another shiittty no nothing no reveal ending
Is it aliens? Is it a govt conspiracy? Is it a dream? Is it supernatural?
Why are they there?
Why did it choose them?
What's the point of the place?
Who TF knows??
Mindhunter (2017)
Sheer Brilliance
1 of if not the best tv crime show ever made
Like criminal minds on steroids
If you love crime dramas,you will be hooked after 5 minutes. But be prepared for sheer disappointment after you have binged season 1 and 2 in a matter of days ,because there is no season 3
The director apparently lost interest in making this show after leaving fans hanging for more than 2 years waiting for more.
I was dying to see more of Ed Kemper, he was played so brilliantly and word perfectly that you will struggle to believe its not really him
Fantastic nostalgia, brilliant casting and dialogue,just all round genius
Its absolutely criminal that there will be no season 3
Just imagine game of thrones finished after the red wedding and you never found out what happened next
THAT'S the sad reality you will face watching MINDHUNTER.
Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves (2023)
Not great
This movie had the potential to be an instant classic in the same ilk as Lord Of The Rings or willow,however it falls miserably flat with its poor casting and writing
Theres little character development, Zero chemistry between Pine and Rodriguez and the support cast look as disinterested as the scriptwriters appeared to have hipster this story
The Special effects are quite good and some of the action sequences are actually quite entertaining, its just the useless dialogue and story that ruins this film
Its written in an extremely basic and lacklustre way, like an episode of Hercules with Kevin Sorbo.
The Thinning (2016)
Surprisingly entertaining
I won't give away any spoilers but I will say this....
I was fully expecting to hate this film given Logan Paul(Blake) and the annoying angry girl from Cobra Kai, Peyton List(Laina) are the stars and it seems to have quite a low budget,however I have to admit they were surprisingly good in this film and its actually quite a solid movie
Stacey Dash gives a reliable performance as the helpless teacher as does Mathew Glade(sen Redding) as senator and presidential hopeful who also happens to be Blake's dad and main antagonist of the film
Paul and list star as students in a dystopian "what if?"America that has decided that the only way to curb overpopulation is to cull all the dead weight by testing school kids and bumping off all the ones that fail the thinning exams.
Reminds me of a teenage version of the purge crossed with the maze runner series
A different spin on the usual post apocalyptic future when resources are scarce
Only real fault with this film is you don't actually see any of the suffering or resource shortages that would require a culling so that opportunity to soak it all in and understand the thinning isnt there.
Its no Oscar winner but if you're looking for some sci fi entertainment with a bit of action thrown in,then this will do the trick!
**There is also a decent sequel and talk of a 3rd installment.
Skinamarink (2022)
Don't do it
I had been keen to see this film after reading all the online reviews in horror forums and seeing all the love and absolute hate this films gets
So I hunkered in on my day off and prepares to have my mind blown.....
I tried so hard to find something redeeming in this film and I sat through the entire thing just waiting for something, anything to happen.....but something never came and nothing ever happened
What an absolutely steaming pile of pretentious, deliberately obscure, grainy, dark garbage
If I didnt have subtitles on my TV telling me what the random noises were in the completely dark film,I would have no idea what was going on.
And if you have to Google a films plot just to know what you just saw,odds are its a big fat piece of crud
Theres no plot,no story ,no reasons, no bad guy, no motive,
And there's no spoilers here coz I didnt see anything and nothing happened
For a mind numbing 140 minutes.
Johnny Bago (1993)
Excellent
This show was the best ,I cant believe it got axed because Italian groups didn't approve
Considering the plethora of Mafia shows that have come before AND after it that have not shown italians in a positive light
It was a slick,funny well written show full of fun and adventure
Sure it might be a little dated now and
Theres only a handful of episodes but theyre absolutely worth checking out if you are lucky enough to stumble across them
Just like freaks and geeks, its a travesty that this show didn't get more seasons.
Wounds (2019)
DONT WASTE YOUR TIME
Terrible is the only word I can think of to sum this dogs breakfast up
Never has a movie set up what could have been the most original story in ages and turned it into this jumble of noise and pointlessness
The cast were good,all solid performances but the plot
WTF was it all about?
Who the hell knows🤷♀️
There was random cockroaches, throbbing face wounds,promise of some sort of demon,and a random culture type gang of uni kids who supposedly summoned said demon
But none of thise eventuates into anything that actually occurs
Are their plot spoilers in this post??
Not really because I still don't know wtf happened because nothing actually happened.
And then if they build up to nothing isn't bad enough,it just ends
Just like that.
Becky (2020)
BRILLIANT
I had never seen or heard anything about this movie other than the small blurb I read on the NETFLIX page when it came up on my feed
But let me tell you this movie is BALLS TO THE WALL from the moment Kevin James hits the screen
Without giving too much away Becky is an angry and troubled teenager whose mother has recently passed away with a dad who is a bit clueless and ready to move on and start life with a new woman and her son,so of course Becky is not happy about this AT ALL
So Becky and her dad head off for a getaway in cabin out in the middle of nowhere but Beckys dad neglects to tell her that he's invited the new woman and her kid along and that sets Beckys tone for the rest of the movie
Enter Kevin James and his criminal crew of dirt balls and things really start to hit the fan
Kevin James is absolutely brilliant as the bad guy and its a real revelation to see him outside his usual comedic sidekick roles
And Becky,where do I start
Becky is badass 😎 and definitely not to be trifled with
I dont want to give away any spoilers or tell you too much as its 1 of those films you need to see without seeing the whole story in a trailer or review
But suffice to say if you like Horror ,or revenge films or just looking for something new to watch
This is the film for you
Now there is loads and I mean LOADS of violence,theres nothing sexually explicit and there's some swearing, so its not a film for little kids or people who are soft and sooky side
Honestly I wish I had never seen it so I could watch it again for the first time
10/10.
Are We There Yet? (2005)
Triggered
Let me just start by saying that Jay Mohr is absolutely wasted in this trainwreck of a film, hes in it for about 6 mins so don't invest too much time in his character
And there are a couple of genuine chuckles to be had in a few of the scenes but theres not enough to call this film a comedy
This could have been a decent film had it been a tad more realistic in its story telling
The things Nick puts up with from these nasty a** kids is just so far over the top it actually isn't funny
The children's characters are so awfully written and they're so unlikeable you will be yelling at the screen telling Nick to leave them by the side of the road for a stranger in a white van to grab. Theyre so mean and horrible that the parts that are meant to be funny will actually trigger you into wanting them to be abducted.
Ice Cube is playing Ice Cube,hes not going to win any oscars but he's the best part of the movie,BUT his character is such a pushover in this film you will be wanting him to grow a set and stop pandering to these nasty little s***s
Nia Long plays the same character in everything she's in so there's no real point discussing her character except to say:what kind of mother would let a stranger she has known for a day take her children across country and then have the Gaul to chastise his parenting skills when things go awry??
Her and her kids are straight up A***OLES
If you want to be absolutely triggered and want a reason to never have children or date someone with children...then this is the movie for you!!
Stowaway (2021)
Snoozefest
3 people go into space on a 2 year mission to Mars and a random dude falls out of the ceiling and there's not enough air and zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
This is literally 1 of the most boring movies I have seen
I love Toni Collette but even she couldn't save this dogs breakfast
There is absolutely no urgency or dramatic prose for this supposed life or death scenario ,it has the most insipid and mundane dialogue between characters that you will feel absolutely no empathy of connection to because it is like listening to someone reading out the telephone book
I streamed this from Netflix and within 10 mins I had lost interest so bad that I began facebooking and ended up having no idea wth hell was going on
THATS how disengaging it is
Did they run out of air or die at the end? Who the hell knows because I wasn't paying attention anymore?
I give it 3 stars only because I like Toni Collette.
Uncut Gems (2019)
Unexpectedly brilliant
I hadn't heard alot about this film previously and was not expecting it to be the sort of film that it actually is.
This is a story about a man who is constantly juggling debts and almost quite literally robbing Peter to pay Paul in order to keep on top of his mounting gambling debts,the best way to describe it is thats its a Jewish Gangster flick
Adam Sandlers Howard is the most annoying,grating,obnoxious, loud ,stupid, horrible character you will ever encounter but strangely enough he is also quite sad and human
You will start to root for the bad guys in some parts just so he will shut up,but by God he plays this character so well you will almost forget his forte is comedy and formulaic rom coms like the wedding singer
Adam Sandler an absolute stand out in this more serious role and absolutely kills it
Without spoiling the film Howard finds himself in very hot water with some heavy dudes and has to lie cheat steal and manipulate his way into making money to pay off his debts all while trying to keep hold of and sell his big break ,a rare gigantic black opal
This movie is VERY slow for the first half which is its only real downfall .
The 2nd half picks up the pace when things start to go awry for Howard and his life starts to spiral
The last 15mins will make you feel so tense-nervous-anxious that you have to stop and basically tell yourself to chill because its just a movie ,it plays out THAT well
And even better is it has a great finish unlike alot of other films like this that become unrealistic and predictable
Im so glad I took the plunge and watched this
Its not going to be for everyone because of the pace and how irritating Howard is but its definitely worth giving a go.
You won't be disappointed.
Extinction (2018)
Great twist on an old theme
I really enjoyed this ,it had all the elements of a good sci-fi movie with a very original and very surprising twist.
Michael pena and lizzy Caplan were fantastic as the beligered parents in this end of the world knock down ,drag em out Armageddon film
Michael Pèna experiences nightmares which are distancing him from his family but is he going crazy or are they premonitions about things to come?
This is quite captivating from the get go the only drawback as in all these sorts of movies are the annoying kids who keep putting themselves and everyone else in danger because they wont listen to simple instructions ,especially the little one who just won't stop squealing and taking off for stupid reasons
The last part of the film could have been a bit meatier instead of focusing on the banality of the families life in the first part but you can't have everything
This is a great popcorn movie
Its not the sort of film where you are talking about the special effects afterward,its the sort of film where you're talking about the story itself and the crux of the movie which you won't see coming
There is a little bit of underlying preachy-ness within the message of the film (which i can't really disclose without spoiling it)but its not IN YOUR FACE
Don't believe all the bad reviews,if you like a good action or sci-fi movie and aren't an Art house snob, then you will enjoy this.
Unspeakable (2000)
Wrong
I love Horror ,thrillers and Gore but this movie is another beast altogether.
If you're unfamiliar with Troma this will change your DNA and leave you in such a state of shock you'll need the paddles to revive you lol
The nursing home/hospital scene alone will ruin you for life,theres not enough bleach to clean your eyes
It's so so very bad that you just have to see it to say you've seen it
And once you see it you cannot unsee it
And you will never forget it lol
Rim of the World (2019)
Fantastic
I LOVED this movie, I came across it on Netflix by accident and was absolutely blown away by how much I enjoyed this film
It had a very 80s Goonies,sandlot kids adventure type vibe not seen in a very long time.
The cast was perfect and very likeable and its filled with enough adult like 1 liners to entertain everyone
I probably wouldnt reccomend it to really young kids because there is a bit of violence and toilet humour but the jokes would most likely go over young kids heads.
The only people who would hate this movie would be sooks ,killjoys and people who are generally offended by everything and anything
Its crass,its fun ,its an adventure ride and that's what makes it perfect
Extremely Wicked, Shockingly Evil and Vile (2019)
Surprisingly good
I actually enjoyed this adaptation of the Ted Bundy Story
Zac Effron was quite the revelation in this role,which is as far removed from High School Musical as it gets.
He was a stand out performer in this film and you actually forget that it's him you are watching .
It's a very up close and personal adaptation without all the gore and violence of the murders and more of a veiw into the psyche of Ted Bundy,his personal relationships and his narcissism and the follies of his over estimation of his intelligence and abilities as a lawyer representing himself
So dont be put off with your preconceptions about Zac Effron, because he smashes this 1 out of the park and it is indeed a very good thought provoking film about a very charismatic and despicable human being who pulled the wool over everyone's eyes