Reviews
Matt Baker: Our Farm in the Dales (2021)
Sadly Spoiled by Obnoxious ,Pushy , Knowit All Mother
Could have been an interesting, this is the current mould of a UK feel good country based series.
However the ever interrupting, trappy mother takes the shine off the program.
You just want to tell her to " Just Shut Up ! " and is a constant thought through the whole program.
If only the rest of the cast knew half as much as she constantly interrupts to point out to everyone else.
Shame one unpleasant personality can ruin what might have been mildly entertaining. Not anywhere as interesting as Our Yorkshire Farm , well to be honest probably the weakest of the current television documentary trend, with much less pleasant cast.
Good Luck to You, Leo Grande (2022)
A Proper Adult Movie
A well crafted story of two damaged souls who connect through a male sex worker booking, made by a lady of a certain age.
Beautifully written, acted with style and tenderness by the two main leads.
For those expecting a sex romp, forget it, this is too sophisticated and dialogue driven for that. Their past and probable futures laid bare, the journey of only a few weeks is fascinating for those interested in the human condition
A clever, at times tender, often amusing British film for people who actually want a movie with a good script, well acted and thought provoking.
Don't let this put you off. A movie for the over 40's for once.
Glass Onion (2022)
Dul, Dull, Dull
Crammed with poor, wooden acting, in fact probably Daniel Craig's worst performance. This droll cliche of a movie is at time frankly embarrassing. In a desperate race to cash in on Knives Out, this awful, awful script should have been thrown in the bin long before casting. Whoever gave the go ahead on this project obviously put dollars before content. This movie alone may have put to death the who dunnit genre before it could re learn to walk.
The plot line is paper thin, the so called story twists are honestly childish.
The whole thing is a grotesque waste of millions of dollars. Let's forget this and please, please no more in the " series ".
The Tournament (2021)
Inane Compare for a Low Brow Show
Wow the BBCs frantic scrabble for all inclusiveness reaches new depths. With one of the most inane chattering compares yet seen and unfortunately heard on a broadcaster who long ago sold out to the lowest common denominator. The endless grinning or should it be gurning really is quite nauseating. I appreciate the at times scruffy contestants aren' t looking to be masterminds but surely they deserve better than the frankly at times stupid questions they have to reply to. Ten years ago the BBC would have been ashamed to broadcast this rubbish, such is their lowering of standards they now think it suitable for peak viewing
This is dumbing down dumbing down at its worst. The endless mindless drivel is at times stomach churning, if this is the best that the Beeb can offer at the start of peak viewing time , boy are they in trouble. Please make it stop or I will have to follow the flood and stop buying a TV licence which is funding this rubbish.
Island of Bryan (2019)
Pretend Realty TV
Another supposedly true real life story that follows the path of all others. The main couple tell you that they must be open within 6 months or they are completely broke, yet 18 months later they still don't have the building finished and not opened for paying customers yet are buying multi hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of fishing boats, vehicles, bulldozers etc. Their dilemma is pure b******t and contrived.
The series is worth a view perhaps for the totally obnoxious wife, who strolls around constantly changing clothes, doing very little except getting in the way and complicating even the simplest job.
The patient hard working husband frustrates with his placid handling of her frankly revolting nature and you wish he would tell her to go away in more direct words. After several episodes you rapidly tire of the endless complaints about time constraints and cash flow problems yet from their actions it is clear these are manufactured for the tv cameras.
The Gentlemen (2019)
Poorly Constructed with Appalling Acting
Look I know Ritchie has the geezer approach to directing, but really you have to be more proffessional than this. With a stellar cast the whole thing should have been sleek and well put together , which it isn't.
Lets forget the numerous continuity mistakes which litter the film , some listed on this site, lets forget the wooden acting of Hunnam who at times appears to freeze as if waiting for a prompt, the fact that his supposed regional accent which appears to roam the UK like a group of itinerants, but can we really forgive the clumsy direction as this movie stutters along from a disparate collection of images.
The implausability at times is frankly breath taking. The group of druggies , well known for DIY, miraculously have a hammer on the coffee table in order to give the guy a weapon with which to attack the heavy. The upmarket daughter druggie who just like that gives up her friends and the life in the squat, just like that. The fact that the Hugh Grant character is there, with a camera, at exactly the right second to snap the fallen youth. The Hannam character runs through the street coat tails flapping chasing the guy with the phone, but amazingly a few seconds later , withdraws a big f off assault rifle just when he needs it from beneath the said coat. Lets not go into the ludicrous scene where the trainee boxers do cart wheels etc in the theft of the grass.
I know it's only a movie but unless you are appealing to the slapstick market, you must do better than this, much, much better Ritchie. Likewise Hugh Grant, his pivotal role was played like someone from a rep company at times, it wasn't funny, it wasn't vaguely threatening as he was hinting at, it was just well blah, pretty much like the whole offering.. I thought Tarantino could ruin a good story with childish amateur directing, well now he has a rival.
The Great British Bake Off: Cake Week (2019)
Cheap and Nasty
My goodness how are the mighty fallen. From an entertaining show which even non cooks like me found interesting at times, to this childish drivel with cheap sexual inuendoes spattered around in a frantic attempt to " liven up" a tired and frankly juvenile cast list.
The introduction of the two " new" compares has been a disaster , Sandy Toksvig surely must be truly ashamed of her opening shots where she dresses up as the scarecrow from Oz. I expected nothing better from her pathetic co presenter , but Sandy, Sandy, Sandy , I always thought you were an intelligent creature. Apparently I was wrong, you will indeed humiliate yourself for money. What a shame.
My god what a travesty this once fine program has become.
Den of Thieves (2018)
Cheap remake of HEAT
I am not sure if Butler had fantastic make up or has seriously gone downhill physically, but boy does he look gross in this flick.
It's hard to take what a totally awful person the main character ( Butler ) is. Rude, ignorant, slovenly , with his associates not much better. If the film makers expect the viewing public to accept this gang of dross as an elite police unit, what does this say about either our society or the movie industry .. This basically is a remake of HEAT without well any heat. The usual foul mouthed dialogue from running to fat tattooed morons ( and that's just the "good "guys) makes this a B grade homage to men who aren't tough but really think they could be if they have no manners, ethics or even dress sense. Butler has made some very bad movies and this is right down there in the pile.
Life at the Extreme (2016)
Avoid At All Costs
This series has probably one of the worst hosts/hostesses I have ever experienced in a so called nature program. The series is littered with inane comments, pretended fear , shouting and almost hysterical noises in areas where she knows one has to keep quiet in order not to disturb wildlife .One can only feel incredibly sorry for the animals, the local guides and of course anyone forced to watch this travesty of a program. A huge amount of money wasted here and one can only hope that Ms McCall and her grinning, gargoyle like face isn't plastered all over the screen in the near future. I've got to say I switched off after ten or so minutes, in two episodes this woman gives female presenters a bad name,a very bad name . You have been warned.
Gravity (2013)
Is This a Joke ?
Well IMDb.com reviewers, you have me stumped , how the hell anyone can give this movie anything higher than a 5 has me beat. With an impossible to fathom script, too many maudlin sections , total impossible story line , wow I could go on. Other than the top drawer CGI , everything else really is awful . The totally unbelievable episodes in this , to be frank , boring effort made me switch off mentally after the first 15 minutes. This isn't a sci film as claimed , it's a chick flick set in a claustrophobic setting. Clooney is type cast to the point of banality and Bullock well, other than cry , can't think of much else she did, s'pose she knows he limits.
Wow this really is a case of Emperors' new clothes, don't believe the hype, if you are unfortunate to see the movie, think about the illogical series of events that our heroine overcomes, phew what a stinker .
Django Unchained (2012)
Eperors New Clothes
Well lets come out and say it, this is an awful movie, I don't care what blinkered Tarantino fans say, this is trash. No one dare say anything against this guy , but hopefully one day someone other will seriously look at this and will see through the hype and say no the stuff he makes isn't pastiche of films from yester year, lets be fair about it , the movies of this ilk were crap then and nothing has changed. The camera shots are those of an amateur, the acting for most part is wooden, (Fox in particular acts like a Pinochio puppet with all the emotional charisma of clotted cream ) De Caprio is perhaps the only sparkle in this drab, very drab affair. The script is laughable and the repeated shots of the worst Kensington Gore I have ever seen being thrown up walls is quite truthfully childish. As for the end shots , surely a candidate for the raspberry awards. Sorry, if this thing had been made by anyone other than this director then audiences, even American ones, would have given it the thumbs down. But I guess all will hail this masterpiece of garbage and not see it for what it is. A poorly made piece of amateur stuff whose plot just doesn't hold up, made by actors who at times look embarrassed to be there, shame they were really.
Alice in Wonderland (2010)
Well You Can't Win Them All
You would think it was a perfect recipe, Burton, Depp and Lewis Caroll, yet from the moment very early on in the film when I saw the dreadful acting of the child Alice and her father in a mawkish bedroom scene , surely too badly done even for a school play, I knew this was going to be bad. The movie stuttered badly with poor performances from most of the human players, Depp appeared to be puzzled as to how to play his role as the Mad Hatter, surprising since I for one would have thought this would have been a gift for him, he was at times well frankly boring. Like wise Hathaway who could have been missing from her role and I'm not sure I would have noticed, she really acted VERY badly. Seen by me in 3D this was a wasted opportunity for the film makers to prove the worth of this format, very blah effects all the way thru'. On reflection, I'm now becoming alarmed as the animated characters clearly acted their human counterparts off the screen, what does this say for the future of the Oscars ? Having got used to animated/part animated movies with a kids theme but definitely aimed at the adult market, this is a film aimed at the adult market but really isn't up to viewing by anyone over the age of 8 years. An expensive, wasted opportunity .
The Black Balloon (2008)
Old Hat Nothing New Here
Well I hate to say it,but another very average offering from the Australian film industry, once more gazing into Australians , own navel. How many times has this story already been told ? A claustrophobic, kitchen sink type tale of two brothers, one "normal" , one not so normal. This scenario has been played out numerous times before and on a couple of occasions much better than this one . Collette plays her usual, vaguely scruffy, vaguely down trodden female role she seems trapped within,again nothing new being said . This one should have been left on the shelf, for true Aussie film obsessives only, can't imagine many but the home market would rave over this plain fare, very parochial indeed.
Samson & Delilah (2009)
Emerors Clothes
Well yet again , loads of hype not much of a movie . If this is a love story I'll be a wombat . an overlong dreary half story where the male lead is an unhygienic , sullen, lazy, petrol head thief whose only way of showing his interest in anyone is to follow the girl in question around until her resistance is worn down .
Racial stereo typing abounds, the story does have one surprise , there isn't a storyline as such, the little there is makes no sense . It is unbelievable that in a small community where the grand daughter takes her grandmother everywhere in a wheel chair as we are endlessly shown, to the clinic, church etc. The girl is then badly beaten by the female elders for what, why of course NOT taking her to the clinic etc etc etc which we have just watched her do repeatedly . It seems that these days of movie reviewing, if the first two reviews give glowing reports no one appears to have the savvy to say, "well hang on a sec , actually I don't think the film IS that good. This is a poor film of it's own or any other genre, most subsidiary characters are clumsily drawn and as previously mentioned , there is no dialogue, uninteresting in the extreme.
State of Play (2009)
Pale, Pale Imitation
For those who saw the original BBC UK TV " State of Play " you will wonder how they could have made such a listless 2d version of a great plot line. Afleck is very good the best I've seen him act for years. Crowe is well, ordinary, his character, a grumpy, scruffy, almost unhygienic journalist is very one pace. The newspapers editor played by Helen Mirren is likewise played on one note , that of your tough mainly shouting Brit . The female sidekick of Crowes' is a token role inserted to try to involve the female viewer I guess , which is a shame as she wastes screen time which didn't allow what should have been the main female lead i.e. the wronged politicians wife to shine thru' as it did in the BBC version. In this adaptation her part was by passed with hints to an affair with Crowe, an unhappy marriage etc but absolutely nothing was fleshed out , so you cared little for her situation in all of this murder and intrigue. The at times slack pace of the movie was proved to me as the director constantly intercut scenes with those of a mysterious helicopter scanning the skies of Washington , a very amateur attempt at trying to create tension which isn't necessary in a truly thrilling movie and wasn't needed in the original The two glaring no-nos though were in plot lines which to me showed either lazy scriptwriting or masses of footage on the cutting room floor . In the hospital scene , where the female reporter bumps into the killer on the third floor as she emerges from the elevator. She proceeds to walk a few paces into the treatment room , within seconds a snipers rifle kills the would be witness. Now hang on , the same guy she has just passed has within ten paces of her walking, he has descended three floors, left the hospital , crossed the street , gone into another building, ascended at least four floors into a convenient room and fired his weapon to kill the guy , mmmmm OK suspend disbelief ( and time)
But then towards the climax of the whole two hours plus, Crowe suddenly realises the true nature of events and without speaking , crosses Washington to confront Afleck . As he leaves him amazingly this same killer is waiting for Crowe outside Afleck's office !!. So now the killer is a clairvoyant as well as moves at super speed . This makes no sense and unfortunately my suspension was now too tired to shift my disbelief . Sloppy , sloppy plot .
After transatlantic copies like this you can understand why film fans groan when they hear Hollywood is to make their version of a loved play/film. My advice , either get the original and enjoy the real thing or don't get the original , see this copy and miss a great tale, well told, your choice .
Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (2008)
Desperate, Desperate Film Studio
Wow, how are the mighty fallen ?, with more plot holes than a T.V. soap, this hopefully final film in the series, really is clunky . Even with belief fully suspended, the story makes no sense, the script is not what one expects from this stable and several performances are amateur ( apologies to amateur actors )
The use of Reds under the Bed, Aliens, a long lost partner AND an unknown son really is too much and I mean TOO MUCH . The baddies just aren't bad and the goodies are well, just plain boring. Previous chapters at least had a plausible story line and amusing script, this has neither . The special effects are o.kish but nothing better than that. All of the poor actors seem to be just killing time so they can take the money and go work on a proper movie . How on earth anyone can vote this movie up to a score over an 8 really amazes me, is it a question of no one dare criticize the Royal Spielberg and the Indie franchise ? , sorry this is one movie re-hash too far for me .
Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End (2007)
Avoid at All costs
Well, what a boring load of tosh this film is, the story line makes no sense, the script would be laughable if only it was that good, I really , really didn't like this short on ideas, lets take the money and run 2nd sequel.
What a shame the 'series' had to end and please God let it be the end, like this, all the actors appeared as bored as I was with the whole thing, even Depp who has been brilliant as Sparrow, appeared not to care either way and the film had that run out of ideas , so lets do this anyway feel about it. Other than the poor quality of this rubbish, I'm even more amazed that any movie fan could score it over 4, or is a case of the Emperors New Clothes ? etc what a shame.
Babel (2006)
So Called Stars Flop
I'm sorry if you've not seen the movie yet, do not believe the hype. The film tells an obvious if at times disjointed tale with few characters you get to care about. The cinematography is better than average but for me the sloppy editing and stereotypical performances from Pitt and Blanchett left me cold. It's time Blanchett played something other than a sulky harridan and extended her acting wings a little. Koji Yashuko totally out performed Blanchett , in fact the North African section of the movie, which should have been the driving force for the whole film was turgid to the extreme. Due on the whole to lack luster performances from the so called Hollywood stars. The African performers did well but sadly couldn't make up for their supposed acting betters poor contributions. I was completely underwhelmed by this offering and couldn't wait to get out of the theater to some fresh air .
Casino Royale (2006)
Best Bond Film for Years
Finally, a Bond who is believable, athletic and actually appears capable of carrying out some of his characters actions. Who could believe that Roger Moore or Brosnan could fight their way out of trouble ? but this guy !!!! Excellent casting, may be worth remaking some of the earlier Bond films , especially Man with the Golden Gun, On Her Majestys Secret Service and any of the ones with Moore as Bond. Dark , cruel and a much more adult James Bond.
The gizmo's mostly gone, childish double entendres, busty, mindless females, all rightly thrown away. This is the way the novels were written and at last they have got it right. I've got to say, move over Connery, you've just been out acted and replaced as THE James Bond. One slight negative, The Vesper Lind character was miscast or someone should beat her hairdresser with a length of rope whilst they sit on an open seated chair .......... Superb film
Inside Man (2006)
Superb thriller that is a heist movie or is it ?
Great stuff, good acting, tight script, superb interaction between the two main characters, Fosters performance is so so not enough menace or polished baddie for me. That said one of the best flicks so far in 2006. The "minor " roles all pulled out the stops, not to be missed, and don't walk out until you see the credits run , a twist in the last minute keeps you involved. Possibly Owens best screen turnout to date and the two cops have some great lines in humour and put down. Plummer does well and the almost film noire lighting of some stages of the movie are excellent and well chosen. Even the film score and opening theme are top notch and set the mood for a tight edgy way to fill two hours of your life