Change Your Image
jenkinsm
Reviews
Master of Dragonard Hill (1987)
Carribean Mandingo and trashy boddice-ripper combo
Contains Spoilers
"Master of Dragonard Hill" aka "Dragonard" is a combination of a "Mandingo" rip-off crossed with a boddice-ripper romance aet in a Carribean island during the 1750s. In short, a trashy exploitation flick with great scenery. The plot, what little there is of it, revolves around the plantation holders, their slaves and the salacious revelry at Eartha Kitt's bordello. Patrick Warburton ("The Tick") plays a hunky Scottish nobleman (with a strictly American accent) sold into slavery and lusted after by Claudia Udy the slutty daughter of the island's governor and Annabel Schofield the repressed wife of his new master (she's actually her husband's SISTER, adding some twisted incest shadings to their relationship). Warburton is more interested in Schofield and the soundtrack keeps blasting "Tristan and Isolde" ad nauseum during their scenes together. Hubby finds out and has Warburton whipped in public (this punishment is the "Dragonard" of the title.) Eartha bribes the executioner to spare his life and hides him at the bordello. Claudia blackmails Eartha for his services during a masquerade party where she does a bump and grind kooch dance dressed as Cleopatra! (This really is as silly as it sounds). Eartha's support of an impending slave revolt pays off. Oliver Reed shows up occasionally (for no apparent reason) as the drunken captain of a slave ship to act sauced and get into bar fights.
This film could have been good trashy fun if everyone were chewing the scenery with as much gusto as Reed and Kitt and the direction wasn't so pedestrian. What you get is lots of unintentionally hilarious sleaze, lusty love scenes and a pretty nasty whipping. The climactic slave revolt is staged well enough but seems almost anti-climactic after the amount of build-up it is given. Bad film buffs or fans of Eartha might want to give it a look, otherwise don't waste your money or time. I give it a 3 out of 10 rating.
Moon Zero Two (1969)
Groovy SF/western from Hammer
"Moon Zero Two" was the most expensive film ever produced by Hammer Studios and is one of the oddest they ever created: a psychedelic western set on the moon in 2021 complete with claim-jumping, gunfights, zero gravity bar fights, candy colored space suits and go-go dancers. SF fans will enjoy early appearances by James Olson ("The Andromeda Strain") and Catherine Schell ("Space 1999"). Also Hammer alumnae Warren Mitchell as the chief villain, Adrienne Corri as a cop (loved her boots), Bernard Bresslaw as a heavy and, of course, Michael Ripper scarfing up distilled rocket fuel at the saloon. The special effects are not that bad. Great '60s kitsch and fun if you don't take it seriously, "Austin Powers" fans may dig it.
When you see Eddie Murphy's upcoming "Pluto Nash" you'll be surprised just how many ideas were taken from this film.
Razor Sharpe (2001)
Shot on video feature that plays like a demo tape
"Razor Sharp" is a shot on video feature co-written, produced and directed by Troy Nikolo Ashford designed to showcase the martial arts prowess of its star, Troy Nikolo Ashford. It plays more like a demo tape to be shown at auditions than a real feature as it has an obvious home movie quality not much more advanced than "The Blair Witch Project." On the plus side Ashford shows he can whup ass and gets into a scrape every five minutes. The action scenes are well choreographed and shot considering the shoestring budget Ashford had to work with.
Plot? Ashford plays Justin "Razor" Sharp, struggling actor aspiring to be the next VanDamme or Lundgren. After being wrongfully fired from a supporting role in a martial arts flick by its tempremental star, Sharp finds himself blacklisted and set up as the patsy for an armed robbery suppossedly staged as part of another film shoot. (This is about as believable as the cameras which are nowhere in sight). On the run, Sharp looks for those who framed him. You already know where this leads.
As an actor Ashford has an ernest eager to please air to him which any struggling actor can identify with. Unfortunately he has no discernable screen presense and his love scenes are the most awkward I have seen in years as he clearly wants to be somewhere else.
Hopefully Ashford will find a better vehicle to showcase himself than this. This film is recommended only for the indiscriminating martial arts fan. You've seen worse, but you've seen much better too. I give it a 3 out of 10.