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Reviews
Bad Taste (1987)
Kiwi metalheads save the world from hungry aliens
Earth is being invaded by a group of mushy latex aliens who intend to sell humanity as hamburger meat. So who does the New Zeland government call on? A group of gun happy metalheads, of course. Well an hour and a half of excessive gore, vomit guzzling and REALLY flat acting later, Earth is saved by the mulleted, tank top clad warriors.
The first time I saw this movie, it was a really bad quality tape completely dubbed in French. I haven't laughed that hard since I first saw Dead Alive. This movie was such an excellent example of how to make a great low budget movie. Allthough it lacked the much more thought out visuals and cinematography of Jacksons later work its camp value and non stop onslaught of inappropriateness makes it quite possibly his funniest movie (Meet the Feebles rivals it).
Slumber Party Massacre II (1987)
No plot? No problem.
Has there ever been a movie that would have been hurt by having a plot? I point to Slumber Party Massacre II. Who was the killer? Where did he come from? Why was he killing them? Where can I get a guitar like that? Why did he continually do the intro to "wipe-out?" Was it all a dream? Or was it a memory of a dream of a hallucination of a dream? Does the director want me to believe that break-dancing is frightening? Why didn't the girl with large breasts get naked? Why did the ugly girl get naked at all? Why the blow-up doll? Why did they build up the romance of the girl from Wings (the sitcom, not the parade of stock footage from the Discovery channel which was much more entertaining) and Rob Lowe's little brother , only for him to be the first to get drilled? Was the killer made out of oily rags? What was happening at all in this movie!
Frankly, I don't care. A lucid plot would have been a dead weight on this movie, dragging it down and holding it back from becoming the paragon of movie making that it is. All movies should be written and directed while drunk and filmed over a weekend in a housing development while the foreman was in the port-a-jon. A rocker with a drill on his guitar! Breakdancing! Blow-up dolls! Unlike the killer, I got satisfaction!
Spookies (1986)
since when is death flammable?
Spookies is shy and unsure of itself at first but its confidence grows and shows us what its got starting with Duke's "What's behind this door?!" and subsequent chair smashing. All it needed was a little encouragement, encouragement that other reviewers are denying it!
Farting muck monsters in the basement! A Grim Reaper made out of oily rags! (apparently) An un-dead Winona Rider lookalike! A zombified Michael Jackson impersonator! More movies should be like Spookies! The movie doesn't take itself seriously and so neither should the audience. The American public can only take so much terrorists at sporting events-world being saved by greasy wife beater shirt wearing hung over Bruce Willis-Nicolas Cage types from Brian Depalma until our souls are empty, minds numbed, and we become zombies. Wait! If that happens we can make more movies like Spookies! My optimism and hope for the world has been renewed!
Coyote Ugly (2000)
I have nothing good to say.
This movie was, in a word crap. I am kind of depressed to know that I live in a world where millions of dollars are used to make movies like this and Kazam. Can't Hollywood think of a better way to spend money? Like, I don't know, burn it?
Anyway, pretty much every aspect of this film was poorly executed. The plot was less believable than Weekend at Bernie's II. The editing was confusing at best and the acting...well, John Goodman was as usual, a solid performance, but aside from him it was a slew of WB rejects(mind you this is the network that allowed the Wayans brothers their own show.) Well...I take that back, there was one other glimmer of light in the otherwise foul smelling mire of Coyote Ugly...TYRA BANKS! Just kidding She made me yearn for the master thespians of Cleopatra 2525.
Being the sad fanboy that I am I was reading an interview with the stars(I really don't think that word is appropriate, a much better term would be "people who the camera was on the most") they went on and on about how this movie was a celebration of womens sexuality and their newfound freedom to be whatever they(all women) want to be. Well I guess that makes sense, after leaving the theater I realized that most women in this sexually and culturally open minded world, do in fact have the right to work in any Hooters restaurant they want. Seriously though, Maybe I'm just hyper sensitive but the movie seemed slightly demeaning to women. I found it in the same vein as Pretty Woman; using your body to make money will make all your dreams come true. What a great message for a PG-13 movie.
Well, in a nutshell, this movie really sucked on every level. It is a sad reflection on the intelligence of the American consumer(as I glance across the room at my ticket stub).