The Spectacular Spider-Man Reviews

The Living Daylights (1987)

One of the best of the series

[7/10 · 12 October 2008]

TLD has one of the best opening sequences in the series; it perfectly introduces the new 007 in the middle of a deadly situation, then throws him into a startling action scene, before falling into the arms of an exotic beauty and stating, 'Bond. James Bond." Then bang!, straight into the credits and one of the coolest and most exciting theme tunes of the series.

Daylights is perhaps the quintessential Bond movie, as it contains elements of everything; the serious, Cold War espionage thrills of the 60's movies; the silliness and comedic set-pieces of the 70's movies; the John Glen-ness of the 80's obviously; the larger-than-usual emphasis on romance and romantic atmosphere of On Her Majesty's Secret Service; and the beginnings of the fleshing out of Bond's character which continued into the Brosnan and Craig movies.

And it executes all of this with hardly a misstep. Dalton hasn't the way with witticisms Moore provided, but the suggestion that he is merely a miserable, broody Bond is misplaced. His Bond does glower and seethe with resentment at times, he also displays happiness and every other emotion. Dalton's Bond also smiles more than any other Bond. And most of the other actors simply smiled ironically at suggestion of a sexual conquest, Dalton's Bond is far more genuine with his emotion.

The movie does very little wrong, but although very story-based, lacks a strong forward momentum. It's quite leisurely, even the final act feels like, "Well, where shall we go next?" The film also lacks the strong sense of danger that the best entries do. Henchman Necros is more believable than your Jaws or Oddjob, but completely lacks the threat they provided. It also doesn't help that he is set up as a super-assassin in the first fifteen minutes, then does nothing until his fight with Bond in the finale.

As for the other bad guys, though they have been criticised as weak and forgettable, I quite like them on this viewing. They are smart, scheming criminals, independent of any country or criminal organisation, it makes them quite unique. Brad Whitaker with his plan, ultimately, is most comparable to Auric Goldinger. His obsession with war is a Fleming-worthy character trait, and the waxworks of himself as major historical warriors was clever suggestion of an unbalanced mental state. Also great is the way he rips the legs off his lobster with a complete lack of self-awareness or grace. He's a greedy, childish brat in a man's body. Koskov is annoying, a semi-comedic foil who one senses at the end was intended to appear in the series again.

Bond girl Kara is perhaps a little lightweight in the sexy stakes, but she is a more rounded character than usual, and Maryam d'Abo comes across very sweet and genuine. Unfortunately some old-fashioned, "this girl is useless at everything," humour of the early 70's Bond movies creeps in, but it's forgivable. Her swift rise from being a member of the orchestra to having a world tour is somewhat naive and unnecessary, especially as there seems to be no reason for it. Nevertheless, one of the better Bond girls.

TLD has some of the best action of the series, including a perfectly executed opening sequence on a jeep, the gadget-laden Aston Martin chase, the battle hanging out of the aeroplane (which is still jaw-dropping), and the final shoot-out with Whitaker. Glen's action direction has less punch than in his first effort, For Your Eyes Only, but his skill with tension and sudden shocks (the monkey, the dove, Bond almost getting shot after killing Whitaker) is evident as always.

Mention must also go to one of John Barry's most evocative scores, and the cinematography which really captures the exotic feel of the numerous locations involved. TLD feels like one of the most globe-trotting and global Bond movies, especially compared to the following movie, which was centred in the Americas.

As Licence to Kill took a different turn for the series, The Living Daylights feels like the last 'classic' Bond movie (partly due to the fact that John Barry did not contribute again). At least until Casino Royale. It's certainly one of the best of the series, with one of the best and most rounded performances in the role of Bond himself.

GoldenEye (1995)

Great action, great villains, classic Bond

[8/10 · 5 October 2008]

I've never been fond of GoldenEye. However, I now realise that I didn't enjoy it previously because I wasn't looking at it in context. Coming off the Dalton and Moore films, I was expecting something similar and was disappointed. It was only watching it this time, after Goldfinger, that I realised GoldenEye is trying for the style of the classic 60's Bonds, not the Moore era.

Literally, when I watched the scene of Brosnan dispose of a henchman with a towel, then dab his face, it clicked. That was a deliberate attempt to mimic the sophisticated, witty style of Terence Young and Guy Hamilton. Obviously, GoldenEye has to update this for the 90's, and that's the movie's other bullseye. GoldenEye feels more realistic than before, a world of genuine consequences. Subsequent Brosnan movies clearly lost this, and it's alarming to compare the almost cartoonish figure of 007 from Die Another Day with the believable government killer of GoldenEye. Did I say The World is Not Enough is Brosnan's best performance? It isn't, it's GoldenEye. He's lucky that the script was written for Dalton's more volatile portrayal, and he not only gets to play Bond's genuine hurt at his friend's betrayal, but also open up to Natalia about what makes him what he is. In some corners it is suggested Brosnan didn't live up to his potential as Bond, and this is more the fault of the scripts than the actor. They just didn't build on what was achieved in GoldenEye.

The movie has great villains; an evil Bond in Alex Trevelyan's 006, perfectly played by Sean Bean (who is always great). Famke Janssen takes the classic Bond bad girl and makes her into a ferocious femme fetale. A beautiful woman who gets aroused by killing people? Is there anything more Bond than that? And the Russians are always worthy villains for Bond.

One thing Campbell can do as good as any other Bond director, is action. There is a scene where Bond and Natalya escape from a Russian cell, only seconds, but really poetry in motion as far as action goes. Fast, powerful, unflinching. I'd even say GoldenEye needs more action. Some people think a good action movie simply depends on the budget. To them, I would suggest watching GoldenEye, and then The World is Not Enough or Die Another Day. Campbell is a master of the action scene, those who followed where not. Roger Spottiswoode (Tomorrow Never Dies) is good enough, but his set-pieces lack the precision of Campbell's.

As for the nagative details; the locations lack the glamour of Bond. Campbell is not one for attractive visuals. Alan Cumming's character Boris is just annoying. Bond gets a bit too much criticism for being un-PC, the audience is beaten over the head with it, almost. Judi Dench's M is basically just there for that speech. The music isn't very Bond-esquire, but it is exciting enough.

So to sum up; the combo of the classic Bond style, with the more real world feel, and great bad guys and action, really elevate this to one of the best of the series. There are two absolutely fantastic Bond moments in the pre-credit sequence - the bungee jump and the freefall into a falling plane - that the series has not been able to match since.

So I'm now a fan of GoldenEye, and it only took thirteen years.

Octopussy (1983)

Classic Bond mixed with an overdose of silliness

[8/10 · 5 October 2008]

Though it lacks the sheer style and class of the earlier Connery efforts, Octopussy is in many ways a quintessential Bond movie. The film retains the more serious approach of For Your Eyes Only, and combines it with a somewhat more complex plot than usual. The film has Russians, nuclear weapons, the threat of World War III - it all adds to an epic, dramatic, Cold War feel. The film combines a real sense of danger from the outset - the superbly Fleming-esquire scene of knife-throwers chasing a clown - and a very exotic atmosphere, mainly from the Indian locations. There are also more beautful women here than in any Bond movie (almost every woman in the movie), even Moneypenny has a beautiful young assistant.

Again, the best Bond films have the best villains, and Octopussy has a real wealth of them. Kamal Khan makes for a wonderfully suave master villain. Gobinda and the knife-throwing twins are effective, and believable, henchmen. General Orlov, though prone to over-the-top ranting, works as a lunatic threatening the fragile stability of the world (back in 1983). Octopussy herself, though a somewhat light character, makes a good romantic interest for the older Moore.

The downsides to the movie; Moore gets away with it age-wise, but his magnetic appeal to just about every woman in the film is more of a joke than anything else. Speaking of jokes, there is a clear attempt to add more humour than there was in For Your Eyes Only; some of it is great ("No, ma'am, I'm with the economy tour") and a lot of it isn't, mainly the endless tennis jokes, Bond's schoolboy hijinks with Q, and a lot of the double entendres.

And the crocodile submarine.

And the Tarzan yell.

And 007 dressed as a gorilla.

And the union jack hot air balloon.

Octopussy has some of the best action scenes in the series. The pre-credit aerostar chase is well-crafted and the shots of Moore in the cockpit are convincing. The jungle chase is clearly Raiders of the Lost Ark-derived, but it's exciting nonetheless. Bond doesn't escape this without a hair out of place, he shows genuine fear as he scrambles desperately through the underbrush, and emerges shaken and relieved. Then we have the series of action scenes in, around and on top of the train, including a shootout, a punch-up on the roof, finally Bond's showdown with one of the knife-throwers. To cap it off, one of the most overlooked stunts in the series - Bond hanging onto the roof of a plane. Upside down. I've read reviews of the movie saying it's too ridiculous, no-one could ever do that. It's a real stunt! Someone is doing that. Again, like many scenes in the movie, Bond is really up against it and only gets through it by inches. Compare this to the likes of The Spy Who Loved Me, where Bond very rarely feels in any danger. The fact that even the villains are very wary of the bomb adds to the more realistic, tense feel.

Khan and Gobinda's reaction to their car not starting at first is perfect demonstration of this. It's darkly amusing, and shows this isn't the perfect world. Even something as mundane as this can happen to the characters. Bond himself has to desperately hitch a lift, and only ends up with a cool car because he steals it. Desperation, drama, no time for Bond to be classy.

The best scene isn't action per se, it's pure tension. And it works as pure irony as well. Bond, Moore, dressed as a clown, has to convince a crowd that that he's being serious about an atomic bomb about to explode. This is one of the most dramatic, edge-of-the-seat scenes in the entire series, helped by the normally-unrufled Moore's genuine panic. Also adding to the dramatic feel is that Bond is wearing the same clown outfit as his fellow agent died in at the start of the movie.

Octopussy would be a classic if it didn't jar so much between tense thriller and cartoonish silliness. I love the style John Glen bought to the series (at Khan's fireball death, 007 doesn't have a quip to make as his enemies' spectacular demise - he just lies down, completely exhausted), but it was severely weakened here by some of the most ridiculous moments of the series (minutes later we have 'in, out, in, out"). However, Octopussy is still one of the most entertaining Bond movies and deserved to be Moore's swansong.

The World Is Not Enough (1999)

...but it is such a perfect place to start, my love

[7/10 · 5 October 2008]

As a reaction to the complaints about Tomorrow Never Dies (too much action, not enough plot), EON hired respected director Michael Apted to add more characterisation and drama. He absolutely does that. The central Bond/Elektra dynamic make this far more of a personal story than the usual 007 flick. Unfortunately, Apted's complete lack of experience with action makes this movie as lopsided as Tomorrow Never Dies, just in the opposite way.

Action scenes are generally very weak, slowly paced, badly choreographed and lacking geography. The battle in the missile silo and the opening boat chase are the only decent set-pieces. The buzz-saw helicopter attack on Zukovsky's factory is really rather poor, and the final fist fight with Renard is pathetic. This came out in 1999, the year we saw the Jedi fighting Darth Maul, and The Matrix. In that context it's awful.

But with regards to the storyline, Apted adds a lot. The central story of Elektra, the victim being the ultimate villain, is well-played and surprising. Sophie Marceau is a standout, as is Robert Carlyle as Renard. The latter really engages the audiences sympathy as a man who has lost the ability to feel anything. Bond becomes more involved with the storyline and becomes more vulnerable, and this is perhaps Brosnan's best performance in the role. Look for his reaction when Elektra asks him how he survives.

The movie is full of the awful double-entendres that plagued the Brosnan years. The cinematography is bland, the locations are rarely attractive. I'd also question the costume design (Brosnan's outfit during the climax is horrible). A scene where Zukovsky flees from CGI rotor blades and lands in a pool of caviar matches the worst excesses of Lucas Jar-Jar Binks slapstick. Denise Richards is a ludicrous nuclear physicist but is perfectly passable as a Bond movie nuclear physicist. It's laughable that almost every shot of her during the finale are at chest level.

Though the action is weak, the movie is dramatic and exciting, especially from the half way point onwards. Two of the greatest villains in the series, and one of the best plots, ultimately make this a winner, albeit a qualified one.

You Only Live Twice (1967)

"You only live twice, Mr Bond."

[6/10 · 5 October 2008]

It's hard to take this film seriously now, and not think of Dr Evil and Mini-Me performing Just the Two of Us. But it shows just how much effect this particular Bond movie has on popular culture. YOLT is virtually the template for how the general public see Bond, for better or for worse.

Of course, it's also hard to take the movie seriously when the main Bond girl is not even named. Where the fifteen minutes before the climax are Bond doing nothing in a Japanese village.

The first mis-step of the Bond series, this. YOLT ticks all the boxes necesary for a Bond film, but does so mechanically, without the flow of Goldfinger or the excitement of Thunderball. Lewis Gilbert, who essentially directed the same Bond movie three times, is competent but uninspired. His main man Connery is oh-so-clearly bored, as he has so little to do.

This movie came along when the spy mania of the 60s was at a peak, and with numerous films and TV shows (Mission Impossible, Man from UNCLE) all chasing Bond's territory, the Bond team felt they had to simply be bigger than everyone. You Only Live Twice is so big that it dwarfs Connery, he is almost as much a spectator as the audience.

It's a film that bores me. The opening 'Bond gets shot!" is effective, but from then on (the sea-burial/he's alive really gag is where Bond started to become very self-consciously silly/camp) it's just autopilot. Whereas previous movies had efficient and strong spy/espionage plots, YOLT barely has a plot, it's just an excuse to string together a series of set-pieces. At times, with Connery running around after nameless Japanese women, you wonder if the director knew what was going on.

One of the central concepts of Bond, and it's an effective one, is that the films move so fast, and are so entertaining, the audience doesn't have time to realise any flaws in logic or plotting. Most Bond films get away with this, YOLT draws attention to it. YOLT virtually says to the audience, "No, we don't have a plot or substance for you, but look at this car being dropped into the sea by a helicopter." It's weak...I mean, it's acceptable in that it's a Bond film of the classic era, there is spectacle and some great music. But it is just a collection of scenes, not a proper narrative. It's thankfully no Diamonds are Forever, but it's very, very average compared to the four movies that came before it.

Goldfinger (1964)

Effortless cool, Bond was never greater

[10/10 · 5 October 2008]

Now, we're talking.

What Goldfinger does, that so many subsequent Bond movies forget, is not overdo things. It underplays everything. This is a movie of such effortless cool and style that it's sweeps the viewer along with charm. Many Bond movies also jar between action and non-action scenes (The World is Not Enough, for instance). Goldfinger moves through the gears with aplomb.

Goldfinger is so stylish that even the pre-credit sequence contains more cool than the entirety of most 007 films. You have the iconic wetsuit/tuxedo scene; Bond lighting a cigarette just as an explosion goes off; the unflinchingly brutality of Bond electrocuting a man then just turning away to make a quip; and finally him slamming the door - even than leads perfectly into the Shirley Bassey theme.

Everything is pitch perfect. Goldfinger himself is the ideal combo of vulgar greed and gentlemanly host. A perfect foe for for Bond. Pussy Galore combines the voluptuousness of 60's Bond girls with the spirit of the more modern ones. Connery himself is the epitome of Bond; charismatic, tough, ultra-suave.

There are plenty of standout scenes; the laser-beam table is unmatched in the series for sheer, pure tension; the aston martin chase is again one of the best in the series and shows up similar scenes in the likes of Die Another Day as merely visual showcases - this one is genuinely exciting. Bond's fight with Oddjob set the template for numerous, 'How do I stop this guy?' cat-and-mouse fight scenes, especially in Spielberg movies.

You might argue than Goldfinger could do with at least one more action set-piece, as it does slow down before the climax whilst Bond is Goldfinger's guest. But it wouldn't really fit into the story. As a Bond film, Goldfinger is practically perfect. Connery even has the best wig.

Diamonds Are Forever (1971)

Overly Americanised, action-free camp-fest

[5/10 · 5 October 2008]

DAF is one of the weakest, laziest movies in the franchise.

For a start, where is the action? Apart from a good close quarters punch up in a lift, there is hardly any. What remains is lacking in energy and played mainly for laughs. 007 beaten up by two acrobatic women - until he just holds them underwater in a swimming pool. An awful slapstick car-trashing chase in Vegas. And the big finale is anything but. We have a few of Blofled's henchmen fighting a few helicopters. Bond does almost nothing except swing Blofeld's escape pod around with a crane.

Which brings us to another point - this is without doubt the least serious Bond movie ever. It is borderline comedy throughout, clearly influenced by the likes of The Man from UNCLE and the Batman TV show. Blofeld dresses in drag at one stage. Most of the supporting characters are comic relief. The sinister henchmen, Wint and Kidd, would stand out in any other movie due to their extreme black humour, but here they are just wasted. Jill St John's Tiffany Case is amongst the worst Bond girls, silly and helpless.

We even see Q - in Vegas - cheating on a slot machine.

At least Connery is back right? Wrong. He's clearly on set, but equally clearly thinking about his next round of golf. Even his delivery of 'Bond, James Bond' is awful. He isn't helped by some awful costume decisions, including a brown tweed suit, and a pink (!) tie. Connery's huge payout for this film means everything else looks cheaper than before; by the climax you have embarrassing helicopter explosions, clearly animated, that would have been superbly detailed model shots in previous (and later) movies.

There is virtually nothing good to say about Diamonds. The film is so lacking in energy or excitement that only the plot manages to pull it along. It's a series of weird and comedic scenes that hardly feel like a Bond movie in any way, and it's hard to believe this came after On Her Majesty's Sceret Service. The film scrimps so much on the action that you are left watching a bizarre, parallel universe version of Bond where nothing remotely Bond-ish seems to happen. It feels almost like a live-action version of a Saturday morning Bond cartoon, watered down for the kids (Bond never even uses his gun).

Two plus points; Shirey Bassey's theme tune is superbly atmospheric and mysterious. Jill St John is very sexy. That's it. Connery came back, the director of Goldfinger came back, and the result was this farce.

The Three Musketeers (1948)

Wonderful film

[9/10 · 16 October 2006]

The Three Musketeers is such a terrific adventure story, and one the great Hero Journey stories, that it's very hard to mess up. The Musketeers themselves are hugely appealing characters, drinking, brawling, romancing much of the time but fiercely loyal and devoting their lives to their king.

This 1948 is perhaps the best version, and there are many versions. The 1993 Disney version with Charlie Sheen and Keifer Sutherland and the 1973 version with Oliver Reed and Michael York both entertain, but this version has the spirit of fun and wonder that only golden age Hollywood can supply.

The actors don't just act, the entertain. Gene Kelly shines. The action is dynamic, spectacular and outshines every other musketeer movie. The visuals are bold and colourful. The script is witty captures the slightly whimsical, boisterous approach of Dumas without the slapstick of the Lester movies.

Simply, one of the most entertaining movies you will ever see.

Honey We're Killing the Kids! (2005– )

Absurd and alarmist Daily Mail-esquire shock treatment

[14 December 2005]

This is a real TV show shown in the UK (BBC 1 tonite, actually). And it's hysterically alarmist.

The set-up is simple. Two parents are taken into a big room where the show's presenter, some psychologist woman, tells them their kids are too fat/lazy/unhealthy, and eat/smoke/watch TV too much. Then she shows them a CGI animation of their kids - and what they will look like when they are 40. Which, as you'd expect, is hideous, and even their expressions are angry and sad.

The psychologist lady then says, "You're KILLING your kids." At which point, the mother usually brakes down in tears.

Seriously, this is a real show.

The kids then come in, AFTER the scary future pics of them are gone, and the family are given instructions as to what to do over the next three weeks to SAVE THEIR FUTURE.

The parents come back after three weeks of following the show's instructions, and get to see a new version of their kids at 40 - looking ridiculously healthy and cheerful.

It's my favourite TV show, it's laugh out loud funny and ridiculous. It's also quite disturbing though. Not only does it show just how lame UK parents are these days, but it's got a real 'Do as we say or your kids will die' tone.

Jurassic Park III (2001)

Doesn't even attempt to suggest a hint of a plot

[5/10 · 30 November 2005]

The original JP at least had the plot of capitalists abusing mother nature and the resultant chaos teaching a Frankenstein message. It had a theme park out of control, Alan Grant learning to be a father-figure (you should put that in all your films, Steven - oh, you already have), greedy traitor Dennis Nedry attempting to cash-in on the park's secrets, and Malcolm's whole chaos theory stuff.....

The Lost World was much darker, bitter Spielberg, about how evil capitalism is. The now very-sober, brooding Malcolm's ominous gaze is very much Spielberg's own when regarding the merciless strip mining of nature itself. Technically, it had twice as much story as JP3 - it had people running from dinosaurs, but it also had the fight against the poachers that ended up Godzilla style in NY.

What's the plot of JP3? Kid gets lost on island. People go to rescue him. Dinosaurs on island are smarter than previously thought. That's it.

Only weeks before JP3 went into production, the script was changed, and the producers were all praising the new version, saying they'd gone for a stronger story at the last minute.

I shudder to think at what the previous script must have contained. Is it possible to have less story than JP3? JP3's story is just an explanation as to why everyone is on Isla Sorna, and then into the mayhem. And I saw it THREE DAMN TIMES at the cinema.

Silver Hawk (2004)

All the action Batman/Catwoman/Daredevil failed to provide

[6/10 · 10 October 2005]

I've been looking forward to this for over a year, and it's region 2 DVD release finally came a week or so ago.

It's an Asian take on the traditional superhero movie, with Michelle Yeoh as a Batman-esquire crimefighter. Of course, there is also more emphasis on martial arts. And although it's Asian, all the actors speak English.

The Good points...

• The action scenes. Great martial arts, all sorts of different weapons and situations, all number of different fighters, and the actors all know how to fight properly. You know the problem with modern action movies is the too-fast editing? Silver Hawk gets that just right, so you can see exactly what is happening in one shot, but no more than that, and then it changes. It's perfect. There is a fight on top of a moving truck, a fight with men on bungee cords from the ceiling, and a fight with guys on rollerblades with hockey sticks. This shows Batman & Robin how it's done - but Christopher Nolan could learn a lot from it too.

• The music. Surprisingly good and lush sounding.

• Silver Hawk's background. Her history is told in flashbacks throughout the film, Highlander style. It's simple but effective, nicely creating the relationship between the two principal characters as children at martial arts school.

The Bad points.

• The actors speak English. This is not as bad as dubbing, but it's very obvious some of the actors don't speak English whatsoever.

• Comedy. Very, very bad. And even Silver Hawk is messing around and making jokes by the end. One of the characters has a very bizarre, supposedly funny martial arts stance with a weird noise he makes, and we're shown this repeatedly, much to the audience's dismay and embarrassment.

• Tone. Silver Hawk is good when it's serious, it's dramatic and exciting. Silver Hawk is no way near invincible, and she has to escape from the bad guys at one point. But then we have jokes and Silver Hawk smiling during the climactic fight. There is a silly scene where the main police officer tries to catch Silver Hawk - by dressing as a woman. And then they have a fight. Which is taken seriously. Silver Hawk is only good when it's serious, and that's only for the last thirty minutes.

• The bad guys. Michael Jai White (Spawn) and Luke Goss (Blade II) are wasted on very 2D cartoon characters. They are decent for a fight, but White doesn't even talk, and Goss plays an English Blofeld with bionic arms.

Finally, Michelle Yeoh as Silver Hawk is debatable. No question she has the charisma, as well as the physical and actorly skills to pull off the role. But she is much too old for the role, as Silver Hawk seems to be about thirty in the narrative.

So my verdict on Silver Hawk is......meh. It's entertaining enough, and the action scenes are exactly what you wanted to see but didn't in all those Batman/Catwoman/Daredevil movies. But it's just not serious enough to take seriously most of the time.

Of course it's much better than Supergirl (1984) or Catwoman (2004), it's a solid 7 out of 10 movie, which makes it the best female superhero movie so far. A dubious honor.

Sky High (II) (2002)

Highlander + Ghost = Sky High

[8/10 · 26 September 2005]

It's like a cross between Ghost (the Patrick Swayze movie) and Highlander. Basically, Sky High concerns a young woman who is killed on her wedding day. She finds out what happens after death, which leads to all sorts of mystical mayhem, including sword fights, babes, otherworldy warriors and some really nasty bad guys.

It's directed by Kitamura of Azumi fame. And it's much better. It has much more plot, and relies far less on action. It's not really an action movie per se, but the last twenty minutes is almost pure sword action. The fights have more drama because they are actual duels, and the heroines are in danger, unlike Azumi in which the heroes just hacked down legions of bad guys without a scratch.

More to the point, it's a gripping plot that unravels perfectly and offers a number of twists and some outright shocks. Visually it's almost what you'd expect a supernatural thriller by Bryan Singer to look like: slightly downbeat, sober, with a blue sheen.

There is quite an ensemble for the movie, and the main hero figure changes throughout. At the end of the movie it's arguable who the main villain and hero were. The main actress is Yumiko Shaju of Princess Blade, and she acquits herself well. The bad guys are pretty damn evil, and for some reason most of the cast is very attractive young women.

The main problem with Sky High is the name. It just doesn't fit at all, and is of course, the same as the Kurt Russell superhero comedy. It's a great film, it really kept me gripped. Don't expect loads of gore or violence; Kitamura proves here he can tell a strong story.

The Ring Two (2005)

Not just shocks; a worthy continuation of the story

[8/10 · 3 September 2005]

Just watched this on DVD and I have to say.....hmmmmm. I'm divided in my opinion.

SPOILERS

I love the 2002 original. The sequel is somehow more mainstream, despite the fact that Hideo Nakata, director of Ringu, took the chair.

The best thing about The Ring Two is it's story. It doesn't rehash the original, it continues it in a logical, completely organic way. It makes sense that these events would happen following the first movie. It's disturbing and exciting as you and the characters realise what is going to happen.

The story also goes into Smara's past and reveals more about her, including her real mother, and there are some really strong allusions to Rachel and Aiden and Samara and her mother.

On the other hand... - The acting by Naomi Watts and David Dorfman is good, but in The Ring, they were both excellent. There is a definite sense of contractual obligation here. - Samara is less scary. She is over-used, and the scenes with her in are too special effects heavy. She is scariest when you catch glimpses of her, or when she's slowly moving towards you, not as a Hydroman-like water-based spectre. - Samara's birth mother, played by Sissy Spacek. The first Ring didn't tell us where exactly Samara came from, but subtly suggested it was somewhere very bad indeed. The Ring Two just throws a hysterical mother on the screen. Samara's mother should have been incredibly weird and disturbing. - The infamous deer sequence. The problem is that the deers are CGI. Obviously CGI.

The biggest mistake is that The Ring Two ignores all the rules established by the original. Samara can now come out of the TV when she likes, and do whatever she wants. Her powers have also increased and are less defined. This adds a sense of unpredictability, but also makes it less satisfying. The idea of having Samara drag victims into the TV is potentially very exciting, but is done too literally here.

Enough criticisms; I liked this movie. It was far better than I anticipated, and far superior to most Hollywood horror movies or sequels. It's very well paced, has some really creepy visuals and places the story above sudden shocks and spectacle. It's not just a rehash cash-in, it's a worthy continuation of the story.

Casshern (2004)

.....wow......

[9/10 · 3 May 2005]

Just finished watching Casshern on Region 2 DVD, and all I can mutter is....wowee. This is the movie The Matrix sequels wanted to be. There's even a specific scene, where the hero fights an endless army of huge robots, that makes a mockery of the Neo/100 Smiths fight (plus it knows when to stop as well).

Casshern is a sci-fi epic. It's based on a 1970's anime about a robot-fighting superhero (Casshern of the title). It features a band of 'new humans' who are almost law-suit close to being the Brotherhood of Evil Mutants (Magneto and Toad, certainly). It's incredibly dramatic, has endless scenes of beautiful and imaginative CGI, and wonderful music. The CGI battle scenes are bigger and far superior to those of Attack of the Clones. They even look more realistic, somehow. It features an array of stunning, retro-futuristic buildings and vehicles, has nods to Lord of the Rings and Nazi propaganda films, fantastic costumes...and so on. It's not an action movie per-se, but like X-Men, the characters do fight. There are guns, swords, martial arts, superpowers, giant robots and giant giant robots. Sometimes we flick to a montage of black and white WWII-esquire footage or animation amidst the mayhem.

I could list the amazing stuff here all day. But The Matrix sequels and Star Wars prequels were simply lists of cool stuff with no heart. Casshern is overflowing with emotion. And it's so damn dramatic and exciting that you watch the actors despite all the amazing eye candy around them. This is one instance where the director (Kazuaki Kariya) has used CGI just as a tool to tell his story, just as much as the actors and the music. He's not afraid of dramatic silences, slow scenes that build the tension (and boy is there tension), or small emotion scenes without even anything special to look at in frame.

Some critics have said this is style over substance. A film with this much style (has there ever been a film with more to look at?) invites such commentary. But the theme overpowers the style. The pictures tell the story. I would compare Casshern to Russian propaganda films, in that it uses incredibly powerful imagery to ram home it's point. But the point of Casshern is not simply that war is bad; it's that maybe war is unavoidable, and so what can one man do? Awesome film, you have to see it.

Azumi (2003)

Basic, cheap, hack-and-slash mayhem

[7/10 · 2 August 2004]

It would be easy to call this the film Kill Bill wanted to be. That's not exactly accurate though. Whilst Azumi is closer to the crazy, old-style bloody martial arts mayhem that Tarrantino tried to emulate, it's very different in other ways. It's the story of a band of teenage assassins who must kill a series of warlords who threaten the peace of the country around 1600. The warlords send their own assassins after the assassins, and by the climax, nearly character is dead. This is the a-typical samurai story, warriors who are forced to go on fighting even though they don't want to. Azumi tells it in the most straight-forward, basic way possible. The only difference is, these are teenagers. If you can imagine the BBC producing a six episode kung fu TV series in the 1970's, with a Japanese cast and crew, and then editing it into a movie, you can imagine Azumi. It's episodic. It's very cheap looking, shot mainly on location in woods and fields. The costumes are very over-the-top (to be expected as Azumi is based on a comic strip), yet in most cases very badly constructed. A lot of the costumes look amateur. The acting, however, is fine.

But this is an action movie first and foremost. There is a lot of action, and it's all swordplay. Sadly not sword FIGHTING, but sword PLAY. The difference? Sword fighting is when swords clash and the opponents have a proper battle. Azumi has endless scenes of the heroes chopping down wave after wave of bad guys, without having to even block or parry once. Despite some imaginative shots, this is unavoidably repetitive. And there is virtually no threat to our heroine whatsoever until the climax, and even that is disappointing. After you've seen Azumi slice up an entire village full of thugs (according to the DVD, 200 men!), one more bad guy, no matter how good, is never going to be pose much of a threat.

Our heroine, Azumi, is played by the jaw-droppingly cute 18-year old pop star Aya Ueto. As unlikely as it seems, she makes a pretty convincing sword-swinging killer, and has the 'sad warrior' samurai movie expression down perfectly. When she's cloaked in her jet black cape, she makes quite a fetching heroine. The rest of the cast is barely worth mentioning. All are passable, but none stand out in any way. There are only two faces on display here; brooding (after you've killed) and extreme pain (as you're being killed).

Azumi is entertaining in a low-key way, but never amounts to anything. None of the battles have any build up, and the endless hack-and-slash gets dull after a while. There are some basic attempts to add personalities to the characters, but there is little time for that between the blood-letting.

This is a single disc DVD. There are some excellent documentaries on the disc, but because of those, the picture on the movie is not so good. It's watchable certainly, but it's not quite up to the standard of most new releases these days. This is a shame as the Region 0 DVD reportedly has a stunning picture.

There are so many very similar, and better, films out there. Bichunmoo is what Azumi would be like with real story, real emotion, real characters and stunning visuals. Princess Blade is almost Azumi set in the future, as it also stars a Japanese pop princess as a sword-wielding assassin. But Princess Blade has some of the best sword fights ever - with clashing swords and bad guys who don't get slashed down immediately. Then there's Seven Samurai, which has less action, but is considered one of the best films of all time.

Azumi isn't great, but it had the potential to be. The good news is that Azumi 2 is filming right now; and it has a new director in Shusuke Kanedo, who helmed three smash hit Gamera movies.

Around the World in 80 Days (2004)

Three great leads, plenty of fun

[6/10 · 24 July 2004]

Around the World in Eighty Days is an appealingly naive movie. Rather than focus on the sex, violence and Matrix-cloning of every other blockbuster around today, it's a pure comedy adventure with old fashioned ethics of genuine heroism and friendship. To give you an idea, it's like Raiders of the Lost Ark meets Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, with the odd Shaw Brothers kung fu movie every so often.

Frank Coraci's direction is appealing. He keeps up the pace, makes sure there's always somethig happening and creates a genuine atmosphere of 19th century adventure. His slapstick sequences are weak, but his action scenes are surprisingly exciting, mainly because he lets a shot last longer than two seconds.

The combination of Jackie Chan and Steve Coogan is completely unexpected. But it works because they're so different. Chan plays the emotional, physical clown who has no idea what's happening, while Coogan is the inteligent sophisticate who is emotionally restrained and a lesser physical specimen.

Coogan is not played to his greatest strengths. He smiles too much and laughs when he's funniest when trying to retain his dignity. His lines are not sharp enough and his delivery is too broad. Both stars are given too much slapstick, mainly falling over. Nevertheless, they are always appealing if not always laugh out loud funny.

The surprise package is Cecile De France as the romantic intrest, Monique. Incredibly cute and charming, she has a naturalism in her performance (and a smile) that lights up the screen. She's quite a find, and hopefully will appear in more international films.

Even though Coogan really plays the main hero and Chan his Kato-like sidekick, this is seen as a Chan movie in some quarters, and so there are a number of fight scenes. Chan seems to be going through the numbers here, and the combination of age and Hollywood safety restrictions stop him doing anything too outrageous. Still, these scenes are fun to watch, and you even get two X-Men movies rolled into one when Chan fights a nineteenth century Lady Deathstrike in the Statue of Liberty.

My favourite thing about the movie is it's morality. In most movies today, the definition of a hero is someone who kills someone else for revenge. The definition of romance is two young people sexually attracted to each other. Around the World in Eighty Days has heroes who help people because it's right to do so, risk their lives to help strangers, bare absolutely no grudges and don't kill anybody. There is virtually no sexual emphasis, apart from Coogan seeing Monique's stockings, which is quite innocent and leads up to one of the funnier slapstick uphevals.

To sum up, not a great film by any means, but a good one. Fun and energetic, never less than entertaining, with three great leads and a wonderful find in Cecile De France.

Van Helsing (2004)

Lower your lowest expectations to their lowest - and then lower them

[1/10 · 22 July 2004]

I tried very, very hard to watch it a few days ago - because of Hugh Jackman and Kate Beckinsale. I lowered my expectations to expect a very poor movie, but with the odd entertaining part.

My bad. I could only watch for about 30 minutes. I love brainless action as much as the next man - if it's good brainless action. I love CGI - if it's good CGI. I'd be happy to let Jackman and Beckinsale coast on their charisma - if they had the chance to show any. I'd happily watch a bunch of monsters fighting - if it was done with any degree of competence.

There's a secret rule of action movies that Sommers doesn't understand. If you're going to have no proper characterisation, atleast make the audience like the hero somehow (humour is a good way) so we'll want to see what happens to them.

Bottom line: Steven Sommers obsession with empty spectacle, full of poor CGI and limp action, is infinetly worse than that of George Lucas. Sommers is even worse than Roland Emmerich, he's the worst filmaker in Hollywood and I will NEVER, EVER watch another of his films, even for a minute. I doubt I could if I tried.

Timeline (2003)

Like a brainless, big-budget American Doctor Who

[20 July 2004]

Ever seen an episode of Doctor Who? Then you'll know Timeline's story without having seen the film. A bunch of people travel back in time, including an elderly guy, some typical hero-type males, and a feisty female. They arrive in the middle of a war. They get split up, some captured by the bad guys, some teaming up with the good guys. After endless capture-escape-capture-rescue cycles, there's a huge war, the good guys win, and our time-traveling heroes escape to their own time. All except one, who realises it's his destiny to live in the past with the woman he loves.

What a load of absolute crap. Almost every role is miscast. The script is woefully basic and the characters hollow and unbelievable. It's a shame Richard Donner, responsible for Superman, The Omen and the Lethal Weapon films, is saddled with this garbage.

However, when Hugh Jackman moves on, Gerrard Butler might make a good Wolverine.

Bo' Selecta! (2002–2004)

A man dressed a celebrities swears and shouts about sex

[17 July 2004]

Bo Selecta is notable for a number of reasons. It doesn't conform to standard 'set-up, punchline' routines. It's the raw, random nonsense most young men have in their heads. It's the basic things you laugh at when drunk or with a group of mates. 99% of it revolves around sex. Most of the sketches seem to be thought up on set just before they are filmed, although repeating cathphrases is also a large part of the show. There is atleast one laugh-out-loud scene per episode, but too much of it is so, so basic - a man in a rubber mask shouting obscenities - that it wears out it's welcome fast. Worth seeing atleast once just to wonder how such a weak premise has become so popular (in the UK).

Dead Ringers (2002–2007)

The weakest, laziest impression show on television

[31 May 2004]

To be brief: Dead Ringers is a British sketch show, with a group of impressionists performing various celebrities.

The cast themselves are weak. Very few of the impressions they do are really that much better than anyone could do. Most of the time they go for extreme exagerations just so you are sure who they are supposed to be. The costume department actually contributes more than the cast, truth be told. The main cast member, Jon Culshaw, is one of the best of the bunch, but he is simply a guy who is good at certain impressions. He should be playing the minor roles in a show like this, but since Dead Ringers is so weak, he is the best they have.

All the women are played by Jan Ravens. She doesn't do impressions so much as copy obvious guestures. She clearly enjoys doing the female newsreaders most, as they give her a chance to show off - and does them all the same way. Their is very little difference between any of these impressions. If she wasn't wearing elaborate costumes, standing on replica sets, you would not guess who she was supposed to be.

The sketches are, in general, very poor. Based around schoolboy type observations, they just elaborate on the same point over and over again, rather than setting up a punchline or going for plain silliness. You can imagine the scripts for these sketches: 'Lord of the Rings is long - elaborate for five minutes' and 'politicians are liars - repeat ad infinitum. It's hard to laugh unless you're under twelve. These guys are average impressionists, poor comedians, and terrible writers.

Watching Dead Ringers, only about 70% of the time is it clear who the characters are supposed to be. Comparing this to Alistair McCowan's work is embarassing; let alone Rory Bremner's, whose impressions are incredibly accurate. What makes it worse is that those involved in Dead Ringers clearly think it's so naughty and clever; much in the same way a ten year old does when trying to be 'badass' to impress his classmates.

Dead Ringers is an embarassment for all involved, and it's a shame it even reached TV when there are far more intresting, creative people out there with fresh ideas. The BBC clearly saw the popularity of impression shows, and wanted another - and the show seems to coast on this. Taken on it's own merits, Dead Ringers should never have been broadcast.

So Close (2002)

Possibly the nicest movie about professional killers ever made

[24 March 2004]

Despite the fact that this is a super-slick action thriller with guns, swords, cars and martial arts, So Close is a refreshing and unusual movie. It's NICE, to put it simply. Lovely girls, dressed in white much of the time, hanging around their picturesque house messing around and eating cakes and having baths. Despite all the asses they kick, they actually behave like young women and not ultra-agressive 'I-want-to-be-a-man' type female heroes, like Xena or Sarah Connor.

The action is sleek and graceful - feminine. It's also rather slow and lo-key compared to most films of this nature. The real action doesn't come until the climax, but when it does, director Corey Yuen pulls out all the stops, climaxing in a two-against-one sword fight that ranks alongside that of The Phantom Menace.

Despite how it's advertised, So Close is not a skinflick. The women are certainly not sex objects. They are sexy, but in a wholesome way. It's their natural beauty rather than their sex appeal that is most noticable.

So Close is a great movie, and should entertain any mainstream audience regardless of their farmiliarity of Asian films.

The Duel (2000)

Ninety minutes of mild amusement, ten minutes of magic

[7/10 · 20 November 2003]

This is an intresting movie, certainly moreso than most Hollywood action/adventures. The action is few and far between as this is not an action movie, but the few fight scenes are effective. The characters are likeable and the acting is good enough.

Most of the movie concerns secret agent Dragon Nine's comedy attempts to solve a murder mystery. This is made up of slapstick, James Bond type gags and gadgets and precious little action. Amusing, but hardly gripping or hilarious.

Then the film suddenly becomes great at the climax. It contains more emotion, imagination, action and characterisation than the rest of the film put together. The mystery is revealed, and becomes more complicated and dramatic than it seemed. The final duel is an excellent, ultra-fast sword fight with superpowers - but it IS still mainly about the clashing of blades. The losing duelist has one final desire, and his attempts to reach it are very sad.

If the whole movie was of the quality of the last ten minutes this would be a classic.

X2 (2003)

Bamf! Snikkt! Mmmmbam!

[8/10 · 11 November 2003]

The problem is Singer is still not intrested in the fight scenes. As effective and spectacular as the Nightcrawler opening attack is, it's the only genuinely dramatic one in X2. Wolverine's fight with Deathstrike should be part of the climax. Instead it is pushed out of the way as soon as possible (atleast twenty minutes before the end). And to be honest, it's not better than Wolverine's battles with Sabretooth and Mystique in X1. It's just longer.

Singer needs to watch the Star Wars movies, Superman II, The Matrix movies and Blade to get a real feel for the spectacular and intense fight scenes these films require.

Why have I spent two paragraphs complaining about the fight scenes? Because that's almost the only major fault of X2. It's the best superhero movie since Batman Returns.

Superman III (1983)

One of the better comicbook movies around

[10/10 · 7 November 2003]

Cool things about Superman III:

1. Reeve gives his best Superman performance; no messing about, kick ass and take names heroics. I love it. 2. The junkyard fight scene, the best superhero movie fight sequence ever, outside the Matrix trilogy. 3. When Clark becomes Superman again after that fight scene; the way he stands up, realises who he is and then rips his shirt open to reveal the clean, fresh, heroic S symbol is awesome, and is one of the most stirring and effective Superman moments ever. 4. Best special effects of the series. 5. Richard Pryor IS funny, even though he is clearly in the wrong flick. 6. That nasty Zelda-from-Terrahawks cyborg monster that woman gets turned into at the end - SCARY! 7. Lana Lang is so much better than Lois Lane, you can actually see why Clark would go for her. 8. The way Superman outwits the computer at the climax rather than just using his power to defeat it.

Here's the ultimate cool thing: when most actors play evil versions of their characters, they just play them as 2D bad guys. But Reeve makes the evil Superman a convincingly bitter, currupted version of the Man of Steel, who realises how great he used to be and hates himself and everybody else for his fall from grace. He's a disgraced hero, a fallen angel. Ironically, he's the best villain of teh Superman series. The whole good/evil Superman thing is awesome and for me makes Superman III a very good film. I'll take Superman III over Spider-Man, Daredevil and Batman Forever.

Warpath: Jurassic Park (1999 Video Game)

Possibly the silliest game of all-time, and great fun

[11 August 2003]

Jurassic Park lends itself to various game genres - Tomb Raider-style adventure, platformer (in the old days), first person shooter and sim (build your own Park). However, few people would have thought a Tekken-style one-on-one fighting game was appropriate.

Imagine....Tekken.....with DINOSAURS.

Thankfully, although the layout and rules of the game are the same as Tekken - and every fighting game since Street Fighter II - the dino battles are kept realistic. The giant thunder lizards themselves stomp around the screen, and attack each other with claws and jaws rather than fireballs and hurricane kicks. It's simple, and there are far less moves to learn than your average fighting game, but it's a lot of fun.

The graphics are some of the best ever produced on the PS1. The dinos look great as they furiously collide, roaring and snarling the whole time. The sound is equally impressive, with every snarl and slash perfectly and defeaningly backed up by crashes of thunder, cries for help and police sirens. There's an awesome orchestral soundtrack as well which creates a very exciting, epic and above all, Jurassic Park atmosphere.

JP fans will delight in both the amount of dinosaurs (14)and locations from the movies (why, 14 as well, my stars). Of course the fan-favourites Tyrannosaurus Rex and Velociraptor are first on the list, although the Raptor in this case is a Mega Raptor, almost as big as the T-Rex itself. There's also a Spinosaurus which appeared in Jurassic Park III, but sadly no pteradons. The locations include the Vistor's Centre where the climax of the original movie took place, the rain-drenched paddock where the T-Rex memorably escaped from, outside the Raptor pen, and the deck of the crashed cargo ship from The Lost World. It's not just there to look good though - use the interactive locations to cause explosions, eat helpless humans, and even ram your opponent into an electric fence (that's gotta hurt, Gene!).

Overall, this is a game without much longevity but a huge amount of fun until it's completed. The excellent production values create an atmosphere few games can match and Jurassic Park fans will certainly enjoy it. Plus the chance to fight as a T-Rex is simply too cool to miss...