Breuse Sans Piete Reviews

The X Files (1998)

These reviewers probably liked The Blair Witch Project, too

[3 March 2000]

I love Dr. Who, the old BBC sci fi tv series. But when Fox announced they were making a tv movie of it, I was apprehensive. Americans don't generally appreciate British tastes. But, I loved the show, so I held out hope. When the movie aired, it was awful. Hideous. The only redeeming part being that it had Sylvester Mccoy in it.

What's the point? The X-Files movie is awful. It's a complete disaster. I was a fan of the series and when I saw the movie I gave up on the show. I watched 3 or 4 years for *that*?? The government is working with the aliens, because they'd wipe us out if they didn't? Huh? I don't even care if I'm getting the plot wrong. That's the whole point.

Whatever. Talk about your serious letdowns. I think it's obvious that Cris Carter has no creative energies left. Millennium tanked. Harsh Realm lasted what, 15 minutes of its first showing?

This movie is just a bunch of different episodes patched together. We get the informant that gets killed. Ooh! Shocking! That's never happened on the show before! We get Mulder and Scully reassigned. Gasp! Scully gets kidnapped! Holy god! How original!

I've joked to other friends about this. Mulder should call the guinness book of world records people. Scully obviously has to have the record for most times being kidnapped.

Another problem, and this is one I have with the tv series too. Why do they keep referring to each other by name, even when they're alone? If someone did that to me, I would be very worried. But then all of Hollywood has nameitis. How many times was the name Jack spoken out loud in Titanic? Enough already! Give us some credit for remembering characters names the first time they're mentioned.

This movie is awful. Just horrible. The only people I can see liking it are people who bought into the hype, or were uberfans of the show to begin with. I was able to analyze the Dr. Who movie separately from my appreciation of the series. Why can't the same people who liked this movie?

Vampires (1998)

I hope someone would slay me before I had to watch this again

[1/10 · 3 March 2000]

This movie is on right now in the other room. The fact that I'm in here writing a review for it should tell how much I like it. I had the misfortune to rent this movie rather than catch it on cable, so not only did it suckle, it cost me more money while suckling. This movie has the absolute worst dialogue I've ever listened to. How could James Woods keep a straight face while saying it? I suppose with the same fortitude he used to accept the role to begin with. James, obviously your career is on the downside, but please. Some of us have fond memories of your performances. If this is the best you can do, go out gracefully, or get a sitcom. Daniel Baldwin... I wish my brothers were famous and influential and could get me work too. I think Sheryl Lee's legs and cleavage have deluded the rest of these reviewers into thinking she acted well. Memo to screenwriters: there is no convincing way to portray a woman under a vampire's telepathic control. See Ryder, Winona: Bram Stoker's Dracula. Let's drop that little gimmick, yes? Surprisingly, the only thing I liked about this movie was Thomas Ian Griffith. He *DEFINITELY* had the master vampire look going. Too bad he had to open his mouth, speak, and ruin the effect. How idiotic a method to kill vampires. Harpooning them and dragging them into the sunlight. If the turncoat priest warned the master about the attack in the beginning, why wouldn't the master have moved the nest? wouldn't that be easier than having to go out and get more vampires, and risking the possible death of the master, however unlikely?

wait..

that would be logical.

here's hoping John Carpenter is abducted by Vulcans and forced to be their concubine before he makes another movie.

Payback (1995)

Where's Mel Gibson??

[7/10 · 3 March 2000]

Oh wait, wrong movie. He's not needed here tho. This is an above average movie. Joan Severance should be a much bigger star than she is. Why isn't she? She's completely gorgeous and can act. This movie has a few surprises here and there. Nothing mindblowing or completely out of the blue. But definitely worth watching the next time it comes on cinemax.

The Blair Witch Project (1999)

The most over-rated movie in history

[1/10 · 19 February 2000]

This movie is awful. I wish Blockbuster let you destroy videos you truly hated. I've seen pornos from the 70's with better acting. Maybe it was better in the darkness of the theaters surrounded by hundreds of others who were fooled by the hype. The setup is creative, I'll concede, but the execution is hideous. Please god never let these people act again. I'll even start going to church again if you'll do that for me. The worst part was their reactions to the first "mysterious" events going on outside the camp. You can barely hear the noise that's terrifying them, so you can't identify with how scared they are. They're acting like little kids who want to be scared. The best part of this movie is the end. Why? Because that meant it was over!! Boo! Hiss! Death to the Blair Witch! Again!

Swimming with Sharks (1994)

The perfect verge of greatness

[8/10 · 19 February 2000]

This movie comes so close. Kevin Spacey gives what I think is an Oscar worthy performance. What holds this movie back is Frank Whaley. I'm going to disagree with most of the other comments and fault his performance. I just don't buy him in any scene except for the very first at the restaurant. He shouldn't even be in the same room as Spacey for the torture scenes. He's far too aware of himself. When Buddy throws his throwing fit in the office, he laughs to himself afterwards. That laugh is such a remarkable demonstration of Spacey's abilities. Buddy knows what he just did was funny, but Spacey doesn't let his own amusement surface. We can see that Buddy thinks it's funny, but we don't see Spacey thinking what Buddy did was funny. Compare that to Whaley's scene where he sits in Buddy's chair and yells about the delivery. You can tell that Whaley, as Guy, knows he's conveying the cold as ice executive type image.

The romantic angle between Guy and Dawn (Ensign Ro Laren!!)came off more like a plot device, which it was. The ending is a bit lame as well. This is a very good movie that could have been great, despite Kevin Spacey's godlike performance. It's worth seeing for that alone.

Cutthroat Island (1995)

Could this movie have been worse?

[1/10 · 19 February 2000]

That's scary to consider. The only redeeming thing in this entire movie was one stunt. Geena Davis' character Morgan was fighting on top of a carriage, which went underneath an overhanging roof. Davis jumped on top of the roof, ran up it, jumped thru a window, ran thru a room, jumped out a window, and did a forward somersault off the edge of the roof down into the seat of the carriage sitting in an upright position next to Matthew I Haven't Given A Good Performance In Years Modine. The forward somersault is amazing because either Davis did it herself or has a twin sister who is a stunt person.

The rest of the movie is absolute garbage, with the standard modern day dialogue in the past, and the extremely tired action hero banter and catchphrases, none of which is funny. Did pirates spend so much time keeping their ships in such pristine condition? You'd think that even after going thru a tropical storm there'd be some wear. Maybe I just have too low an opinion of 17th(?) century shipbuilding techniques. If you want to see a better pirate movie, rent Jaws. At least Dreyfuss does a 2 second impression of a pirate that's more entertaining than anything this movie has to offer.

Confessions of a Serial Killer (1985)

Excellent

[9/10 · 19 February 2000]

I haven't seen Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer to be able to compare the two, but after seeing this movie I don't need to. I saw it late one night on Cinemax and figured it to be one of the usual $20 sexfest type that fill up that particular programming slot, but after five minutes I knew I was wrong, surprised, and hooked. The low budget treatment is *very* effective. Compared to how envelope pushing 8MM was supposed to be, this is shocking stuff. Gruesome and compelling.