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JohnnyChill
Reviews
Two Thousand and None (2000)
Another 90 minutes I will regret on my deathbed...
A 'comedy' about death which makes you think of many questions such as 'When is this thing going to end?' 'Why is it called a comedy?' 'How did this picture get made?'
I really did not understand what the point of this picture was. It was just a mishmash of boring scenes with the main character not going through any pronounced transformation beyond giving away a few of his possessions and voicing his desire to go on vacation before he dies.
Thankfully as promised, Benjamin Kasparian finally does die meaning there is no chance that this bore fest will spawn a sequel.
Men with Brooms (2002)
A Broom not to View
Cheap laughs abound in this movie. Coupled with an overriding lack of believability it amounts to a pretty BIG disappointment.
By the time the seriously flawed ending arrived, I found myself not caring who won the curling match or which girl Paul Gross wrapped his arm around.
The subplot involving Paul Gross' former flame being an astronaut was a waste of time and added nothing to the film. Perhaps it might of worked better if she had been orbiting the earth while the movie was being shot.
Paul Outerbridge reminded me of a low rent William Hurt circa The Big Chill.
Jed Rees seems to play the same character he plays on The Chris Isaak Show. But please, showing him at a sperm bank about to donate?
Leslie Nielsen always adds something to a movie, but has precious little to work with here. The scene where he 'introduces' himself to a cow bordered on pathetic.
The script needed four or five more rewrites at least. After the fifth rewrite they should of thrown it away and started over.
I'm not saying this film is a national embarrassment, but it's close. If Atlantis is going to promote this movie like it's the Canadian equivalent of 'Lord of the Rings' shouldn't they first make sure it's a good film?
Out of ten this movie rates a solid two rocks. The other eight rocks exploded.
The Royal Tenenbaums (2001)
I remember when comedies were suppose to be funny...
Having seen and enjoyed 'Bottle Rocket' and 'Rushmore' I was really looking forward to 'The Royal Tenenbaums'. The previews made the picture out to be a comedy.
After seeing 'The Royal Tenenbaums' I can't help thinking to myself 'why is this movie receiving any positive reviews at all? Is it me? Am I missing something?'
I would not even recommend to people that they wait for the video to see this movie. My only recommendation would be; not to see it at all.
The only humour in this movie takes place in the preview.
Bill Murray is wasted as Ms. Paltrow's husband. I couldn't help thinking from his and Gwyneth's expressions that a funeral was about to break out around them.
Ben Stiller has never been unfunnier (I know unfunnier' is not really a word). He seems shorter in this movie (can't blame the director for that I suppose).
The recurring Dalmatian mouse gag is annoying, unfunny, and too obvious.
When the movie focused on the relationship between Danny Glover and Anjelica Huston, it was even more boring than the other boring parts in the movie.
Rushmore' and Bottle Rocket' were clever and witty. 'The Royal Tenenbaums' is neither. Are peculiar characters alone funny? Anderson and Wilson seem to think so.
By the end of the movie you really don't care what happens to the characters, you just want to get out of theatre and start warning people not to see this movie.
I know people will disagree with my views regarding this movie, and so be it.
But if you read this and go see the movie, you can't say Johnny Chill didn't try to warn you.
Simply Irresistible (1999)
How did this mess even get made?
The plot is as follows:
SMG has a failing restaurant. This weird looking guy shows up at the start of the movie and leaves her with a crab to help her out. (He doesn't appear again.)
The crab has the power to make her food simply irresistible hence the title.
To give you an example of how bad it is, her token male confidante tells her that when guys adjust their belts they are thinking of sex.
The next few scenes show guys adjusting their belts.
Then she meets her dream man and he doesn't wear a belt. She even asks him about the theory.
Then it shows a shot of him adjusting his suspenders.
Amanda Peet has a few scenes but thankfully (for her career) she exits soon after. When she was sent the script she should of used it to kill bugs.
This is the type of movie that everyone who sees it, leaves the theatre as an aspiring screenwriter.
Unbreakable (2000)
Unbearable
This movie was pretentious, at times ridiculous, and very very boring. The biggest mystery about this movie is how anyone can give it a positive review. In one scene I swear I saw the paint drying on the wall. Sometimes I feel that critics give movies like this positive reviews based more on 'trying to be hip' than any serious evaluation of the movie's entertainment capacity. I rated this movie one out of ten only because it wouldn't let me rate it zero.
Eight Days a Week (1997)
Even with eight days a week life is still to short...
Calling this movie bad is being far too nice to it. It's like calling Jack the Ripper a heart surgeon. I cannot say enough mean things about it. It actually gave me a headache. How Writer/Director Davis (II) managed to get this film classified as a 'comedy' is beyond me. Calling it a 'war film' would have been just as inaccurate. I would criticize it more but it has wasted too much of my time already.