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beffie
Reviews
The Ring (2002)
scared the living cr@p out of me...
i normally don't get creeped out by "cerebral scary" films as most aren't intelligent enough to lift a hair. i always leave the theatre disgusted as the film is dumbed down to the point where any sort of redeeming qualities are overshadowed. "Signs" anyone? can you say "spoon-fed ending?" on the other hand, "The Ring" made my skin crawl. every hair on my body is standing up. i want a warm bath. i want a cup of hot chocolate. i want my mommy. then, i'm renting the original.
Swordfish (2001)
the longest, most irritating Dell commercial ever
man, i thought Dell's prime time commercials with that stupid kid were horrible. oh no...oh no. toss in Halle Berry's t**s, John Travolta's doughnut glaze charisma, industrial "at buttcrack of dawn" lit cinematography ripped from every sci fi flick from "Bladrunner" to "the Matrix," LARGE pulsating organs(i mean)guns and some very, very fast typing and we get "Swordfish." look out! the server cluster at the World Bank is all Dells! let's hack it with our Dell laptop! with a "Hydra" worm. "laser." "Alan Parson's Project." "Death Star." there's some sort of plot about saving someone's daughter from her porn star, alcohol soaked mother tossed in. and something about some guy named Torvalds from Finland. and that guy who was Wolverine in X-Men. he squints a lot to show he's no Botoxed creampuff. no, we're not sure what we're doing, except saving the world from terrorism and stuff with lots of typing and pretty graphics. yes, the car is very nice. let's shoot it up.
every time i see the title "Swordfish," i have to say it like "Shohwn Cohnnery...Yesh...Shhhahken, not shtihrred. Yesh... Operation Schwordfish." if this was a Bond film, with tongue firmly implanted in cheek, it'd be fun: boobs, things blowing up, silly fake computer hacking, tequilla shots and blowjobs.
suck-o-meter reads 8/10 on this one. 10 being a very large black hole in the cold, hard vacuum of space.
did i mention the fake, throbbing techno?
The Laramie Project (2002)
Overdone but a Necessary Reminder
Having had more than a few friends beaten badly for their sexual preference 10 years before Matthew was killed and watching the police and the school cover it up, I can see making much of the subject. Kid died horribly because he was an openly gay guy (and rather fey, no less) and, finally, everyone paid attention. Yeah, the film is preaching to the choir for a lot of us "queers" (me included) but, albeit heavy handed and loaded with well-meaning stars who want to make a "statement" about their politics, is necessary and sufficient to wake up a few more people to the amount of violence out there towards others simply because these people are "different" in some way. Now that we've covered this poor kid's death, how about a heavy-handed film about the horrors going on in the Middle East orchestrated by the US Government? (I'd like to see Clea in that one, btw...)