Change Your Image
h23076i
Reviews
Curse of the Black Widow (1977)
Jaw-dropping made-for-TV Dan Curtis nonsense
Take Patty Duke, Donna Mills, June Allyson and June Lockhart. Add schizophrenia, were-spiders (similar to -wolves, but with eight legs), 1977 Los Angeles and Dan Curtis. Sprinkle with a bit of nepotism (Tracy Curtis, daughter of director Dan, has 15 seconds showing off on a balance beam that's grafted on like a third arm), add a pinch of bad cinematography and annoying commercial fade-outs, and bake well for what seems like forever.
Garnish with stereotypical "Injuns", gay morgue directors and sassy streetwalkers, then soak in brine for two hours. Prop dialogue firmly on stilts and spit in its eye. That's this movie. I loved it.
Right down to the meaty, slappable smile of the implausible leading man, every detail seemed just a bit ... off. And happily so. If this one doesn't generate derisive howls of laughter at your next homocockail soiree, sweetie, you need to redecorate or something.
There's No Business Like Show Business (1954)
One big flimsy plot excuse to hoof and holler and boo hoo hoo
My GOD ... I find Ethel Merman as likeable as the next person, and her semi-grating voice much more endearing than annoying. And the woman could even act. But this bit of Irving Berlin fluff was SO pointless and silly that it might have been conceived by a five-year-old!
Apart from a few (a very few) witty lines and Marilyn Monroe's "buh-die-YAM-a-sewious-actwess" scenes, and of course a Berlin score that is, at worst, musically interesting, I found myself rolling my eyes at random leaps in time and logic, underwhelming characterization and some of the worst editing I've ever seen in feature film. This eye-rolling occurred, by the way, when I wasn't closely examining my much-more-interesting cuticles.
If you get off on observing American cinema wallow in the very waste and self-aggrandizement that gave rise to the modern horror film, pick this one up. If George Romero saw "Show Business" in his youth, I'm sure he also imagined that only four zombies chasing Ethel and her brains could nudge the dreck back toward reality.
ABC Afterschool Specials: The Great Love Experiment (1984)
Exquisite!
So lovably formulaic that the "dramatic equation" the piece works from is practically flashed on screen at regular intervals, like the telephone number for an infomercial ordering line! Jennifer Grey is outstanding as the coldly Machiavellian "popular girl" who foolishly creates her own rival out of Nerdly Chick Numero Uno. Watch the hunky high-school footballers trip over themselves with sexual anticipation the moment this homely creature applies some eyeliner. A hoot!
The Watcher in the Woods (1980)
Exquisite cinematography, despite a plodding plotline
Bette Davis is the reason most of us will ever watch this movie, but her scenes are only half the reason we'll remember it down the road. While her performance certainly adds needed energy to this dreary little tale -- despite the onset of her glassy-eyed, skeletal period near the end there -- I think you'll be quite impressed with the cinematographic work put into the film. It has a spooky, if unscary, premise, which would have fallen flat on its face without the many quick cuts and interesting camera angles with which the eye is treated. Worth watching. Hint: Whenever you see (a) a dog or (b) either parent, feel free to fast-forward. You'll thank me.