Duellist Reviews

The Three Musketeers - Part I: D'Artagnan (2023)

All sizzle, no steak

[4/10 · 22 April 2024]

I'll start with the good: The fight scenes are excellent and the 2nd fight scene (Musketeers vs the Cardinal's men) is one of the best I've ever seen and appeared to be shot in one take. Even if it wasn't, it's well choreographed and a blast to watch. Scenery/sets/set-decoration is lush and well done.

The Bad: Most of the costuming is great and feels period-accurate; however, there are a couple of clangers like the guy wearing glasses and one hat that clearly has machine-stitching in the brim. It's these sorts of details that are so glaring and can't be un-seen that turn into a distraction.

The Ugly: What happened to the zest/verve of the book? The Dumas' book has great humor, a great depiction of camaraderie and is fun to read. None of those elements are here. There are also a couple of extra elements that serve no purpose. The producers have turned the story into a glossy action movie that has all of the character development and story of a generic superhero movie.

My initial reaction to the movie was an 8/10, but upon consideration, I've dropped it to a 4.

Law & Order: Driven (2008) Season 18, Episode 5

This is why we watch L&O

[8/10 · 22 February 2023]

The story starts with a shooting of a white kid and a young black girl at a playground and no one in the neighborhood talking. After some arm-twisting by McCoy, members of the community come forward to start to offer pieces of the puzzle...which then gets significantly more complicated. The elements of the story (racism, gentrification) are well played and not heavy-handed. The legal complexities (self-defense, murder, etc.) are teased out in an excellent trial with even a defense lawyer offering a "defense" to an objection.

Overall, it's probably one of the best episodes of Law and Order. It's why we watch.

Spirited (2022)

Fun movie, forgettable songs

[6/10 · 21 November 2022]

This movie was clearly written/designed by someone who ate way too much sugary cereal for breakfast. It's lots of fun to watch, almost hyperactive. The dance routines are excellent. I was shocked at how well Ryan Reynolds did - he's not a song and dance man (no Gene Kelly or Derek Hough), but he holds his own in this, and his first number at the Christmas tree convention was worth the price of admission. Will Ferrell was fine, but he's clearly out of his element in a musical.

That being said, the songs are VERY forgettable, you will not be singing/humming any of these in the shower the next day (I could barely remember any of them when I was walking out of the theater). It's also in serious need of editing, it dragged a bit and 15-30 min could have easily been cut. There's some material in the movie that's quite dark and other bits that aren't "family friendly," but the dark material makes sense for the movie. And, as a Christmas Carol buff, this was a great recycling of the story (I wonder if this would have done OK as a more serious version?)

New York Ninja (2021)

A glorious disaster!

[6/10 · 16 May 2022]

Yes, the acting is wooden. Yes, the fight scenes will never compete with anything from Bruce Lee. The plot is all over the map. The dialog isn't great, but that's a combination of the fact that it probably wasn't great to begin with and the the fact that Vinegar Syndrome basically had to make it up based on what the actors might have said. But, it's fantastic. If you know what 80s DTV movies like this are like, you will not be disappointed. John Liu does some real stunts, too, like dangling from a helicopter (no CGI here).

I reluctantly give this only 6 stars because while what VS did is worthy of 10 stars, the movie itself is really only 2 or 3 stars.

Malena (2000)

What a stinker

[1/10 · 25 March 2021]

I gave up on this movie after about 30 minutes. I didn't really care about any of the characters or what was going on. No real compelling storyline had developed. Even Monica Bellucci in her birthday suit could have saved this movie.

Shinjuku Triad Society (1995)

Tedious

[3/10 · 21 October 2020]

The story line is pretty good (tough cop with a brother who works for gangsters he's fighting), but the execution is rather tedious. Miike seems to be obsessed with stuffing sex/rape into the story where it has no bearing or help advance the plot. Was it supposed to be shocking? If so, then it's shock for the value of shock, which is even more annoying. I didn't mind the gore/violence, since that's part of the story (it is a gangster/cop movie, after all).

Upgrade (2018)

Wow!

[9/10 · 6 October 2020]

It's a story that's been done before (human gets computer/AI/chip upgrade), but never like this. A great, taut storyline, great fight scenes and just enough wit to keep it it interesting. It also looks VERY good, it's hard to believe this was a low budget movie. Well worth the money to "rent" or buy. You won't be disappointed.

Jack of Diamonds (1967)

OK burglary movie done in by ghastly soundtrack

[2/10 · 9 September 2020]

Can a soundtrack wreck a movie? Watch Jack of Diamonds and find out. This movie is otherwise unremarkable fare, a decent plot, paint-by-numbers acting, burglary sequences, etc. But....the soundtrack. It's just annoying for the most part, but when George Hamilton does the burglary at the end, the music was so hideous it totally distracted from the suspense of him getting into the vault. It completely destroyed the vibe of the movie and took what was a 5/10 movie down to 2/10.

Burn After Reading (2008)

Look up the phrase "deux ex machina" before seeing this

[3/10 · 13 September 2008]

First, I will start with the good parts. I liked Clooney as the over-paranoid Fed. Some comedy is done with facial expressions and timing and he was very good. David Rasche and JK Simmons absolutely steal the end of the movie. Brad Pitt was semi-amusing, but he wasn't given much to work with. Tilda Swinton was great as the ice princess, but, alas, she wasn't given much to work with either. This ends the good parts. The rest of it was awful. Sure, there were some funny parts, but, overall, the movie was a bust. The pacing was very strange - it seemed like there was about 20 min of movie left on the cutting room floor that could have helped it and a bunch of stuff that was easily ditched that would have helped immensely. There was definitely a funny, dark movie idea somewhere, but it was lost. And, the end was just inexplicably awful, hence my summary "deux ex machina" - it's like the movie was a low-budget indie film that ran out of budget/film and they realized they needed to wrap it up, so, they did. Don't bother paying to see this; if it comes on cable TV some night, but if there isn't poker on TV or a good infomercial, then this is OK to watch.

Color of a Brisk and Leaping Day (1996)

Almost...but not quite

[5/10 · 13 February 2008]

I really wanted to like this movie. The visuals are spectacular and the filler shots of vintage Los Angeles are amazing. A lot of work and care went into crafting all of the visuals, from the scenery to props and the whole railroad itself. The story has some serious possibility, even being based on an actual railway (the Yosemite Valley RR did exist and ended operations in 1945 and an 18 yr old kid named John McFadden who worked at the Pacific Electric Railway DID try to save the RR). But, alas, that's where it ends. The acting was painfully flat and almost felt like a first reading of a script at a high school play. None of the characters were even very compelling, except the YVRR itself. There were a couple of throw away scenes that depicted the racism against Asians, but they could have easily landed on the cutting room floor with no loss to the movie. The soundtrack is appropriate, but the abysmal acting kills this movie. It breaks my heart to say it, but with just better acting and a slightly better script and you have a great love letter to railroading history.

Sleeping Dogs Lie (I) (2006)

You can't handle the truth

[10/10 · 30 January 2008]

Sorry to start off with a quote from another movie, but it sums up the movie quite nicely. Amy and John are engaged and on a trip to visit Amy's parents, she reveals a deep, disgusting secret that blows everything apart. It's a very interesting story about the lies we tell and the secrets we keep to maintain some semblance of order and peace in our lives. For example, Amy's Dad knows she smokes, but doesn't say anything about it to either Amy or Amy's mom. Is he lying? Or keeping the peace? The movie is very funny in parts and very sad/bittersweet in others. Its short runtime (87 min) packs a heck of a punch with great characters that you'll care about, even Randy. The acting is all top notch and the directing is very good.

Be warned, however, that if you are sensitive to "adult themes," (note the MPAA rating, it's dead on), this movie is NOT for you.

Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street (2007)

The sum is less than its parts

[4/10 · 22 December 2007]

I still can't figure out why this movie didn't strike a chord with me (sorry, horrid pun). I'm not much of a musicals fan, so maybe it's me, not the movie. Tim Burton's direction was spot on and he captured (or imagined) mid-19th century London perfectly. Depp is a great singer and the role was almost written for him. Helena Bonham Carter was fine (but not as good as Depp). Sasha Baron Cohen absolutely stole the two scenes he was in and he can sing pretty well, too. Scenery/decoration/technicals were all amazing.

So, where did it go wrong? That's a very good question. The music wasn't very good. But that shouldn't have been enough to detract from the movie.

Beware, this movie has lots of gore, so if you're the squeamish type, don't see this movie.

Shoot 'Em Up (2007)

Thin on plot, thick on action

[10/10 · 27 July 2007]

I rated this movie a 10 in the context of other action movies; it's nowhere near a 10 when compared to classics like Casablanca, but in it's genre, it accomplishes exactly what it sets out to do.

Clive Owen stars as "Smith" a guy with a past (that's slowly revealed during the crazy gun fights) who shows up as a knight in shining armor to a lady who is about to pop a baby and is being chased by baddies, headed up by Paul Giamatti. After he rescues the kid, he links back up with an old flame, DQ, played by Monica Bellucci. The movie starts out with a bang, quite literally and doesn't settle down the entire time. There's a plot somewhere in the movie, but if you think too hard, it'll disappear in a puff of logic.

That being said, the gunfights and car chases are stellar. They are lots of fun, with ridiculous things going on the entire time. Just suspend your reason & logic, strap into your theater seat and enjoy the ride.

Michael Davis spoke before the preview and said he was an action movie buff since the beginning and made the movie he wanted to make. As an action movie fan, I thank him!

The Sweeper (1996 Video)

Surprisingly good B action movie

[7/10 · 30 April 2007]

I'm not going to re-hash what others have said about the storyline in this movie, so, I'll comment on the other aspects. As a B-movie, the action scenes are rather well directed. They are easy to follow, with lots of bullets and explosions. The stunt work is very good, with lots of good surprises. The movie has 2 fairly good car chases, the first with the exploding gas cylinders, the last ending with a biplane. The acting in the movie is nothing to write home about, but really, this isn't the Royal Shakespeare Company, it's a manly action movie.

Bullets? Yup. Bad words? Yup. Bare breasts? Yup. Booms? Yup. What else could you ask for?

Smokin' Aces (2006)

Fun action picture

[8/10 · 27 January 2007]

Smokin Aces has the "plot" of a bunch of assassins trying to kill one guy staying in a penthouse at a hotel in Lake Tahoe. That ends all of the plot that you need to watch this movie. In fact, the "plot" is fairly thin, but don't let that scare you off. It's a fun ride of an action movie.

The acting in the movie stands up fairly well for a shoot-em-up style movie and the cast of (seemingly) thousands all fit their role well, including the seemingly minor roles like the Tremor brothers and the security guards at the penthouse.

But you're not going to see this for acting or plot. You'll see this for some great action sequences that are well directed, very crisp and very enjoyable. Even though this is Joe Carnahan's 3rd or 4th full-blown movie, he has a sense for the timing and camera work needed to make a great action picture. I'm looking forward to more good stuff from him.

Sweet Revenge (I) (1987)

Why was this movie even made?

[1/10 · 6 January 2007]

This movie fails on so many levels it's hard to catalog them all, but I'll try. Acting. Directing. Script. Plot. Voice dubs. Miscellaneous goofs and errors. With the "plot" of sex slavery, there was a chance for the typical sexplotation in these sorts of movies. None of that (though there is a brief scene with Gina Gershon and one of the other "actresses" doing some skinny-dipping, hardly worth the effort.)

The "movie" is a muddled attempt at...something. It tries to be a "kidnapped girls get revenge" movie, of which there are plenty, but "Sweet Revenge" does not offer any of the "best" of this genre.

If you have 90 minutes to spare, organize your silverware drawer or watch infomercials...don't watch this "movie."

The Black Dahlia (2006)

A muddled mess of a movie

[1/10 · 16 September 2006]

I'm not sure where to begin. The cinematography/editing of this movie was terrible. Colors were frequently washed out, the 360-degree shot in the briefing room was out of focus, on and on...Continuity/fact checking left much to be desired, too, like the cash register at the diner that clearly shows "4d" on it's "display" (4 pence? in an American diner?) All of the actors were just abysmal. The dialog was laughably bad. And the story: It made no sense, bouncing like a pinball from here to there and then wrapping everything up in a nice, tidy package in the last 5 minutes as if DePalma said "Uhoh, running out of film, let's wrap this up!" There are great movies, good movies, mediocre movies, bad movies, and then there's the Black Dahlia.

Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest (2006)

What a muddled mess

[3/10 · 8 July 2006]

I really like the first Pirates; it was witty fun and wasn't over the top with anything (except Depp's Capt. Jack Sparrow, who was appropriately over the top).

This movie, however, everything is over the top, which creates a yawn-inducing movie. The special effects are over the top, the characters are caricatures (or cardboard cutouts) and the length is way over the top. The "plot" was simply an excuse to connect super-loud, super-grossout action sequences which would have been fine in smaller doses.

There's really no reason to see this mess.

I'll Sleep When I'm Dead (2003)

I wanted to like it, but couldn't.

[3/10 · 4 July 2004]

Clive Owen was great in his role, however, he was not enough to carry this painfully dull picture. What masqueraded as taut and gripping came across poorly and wound up being a very slow paced movie. There are many great movies built around conversations ("Reservoir Dogs") and the stories that the conversation revolve around; this movie has neither great conversations or a great story to build upon. None of the audience I was in even seemed to be caught up in the movie (I even heard someone snoring behind me). The scene that caught the most gasps and comments was when he uncovered his Jaguar. That should tell you something about the rest of this boring, overly talkative movie.

So Close (2002)

Wretched

[1/10 · 13 September 2003]

I wish I could get these 2 hours of my life back. There was no real point to this movie, other than the production staff seeing how cool they could be. There were maybe 3 amusing points during the movie, but the rest of it was just horrid. The action scenes were sterile and had no pop or pizzaz to them. The "story" was a poor excuse to string together a few boring fight scenes. As someone else mentioned here, the window smashing scenes were painfully obvious CG. I don't mind movies with subtitles, they need to learn that if they are going to use white subtitles, they need to not put them against white backgrounds in the movie (like the white clothes the "heroes" wore or the brightly-lit-from-beneath table).

Once Upon a Time in Mexico (2003)

Cool stuff

[8/10 · 13 September 2003]

In most action pictures, the plot is just a device to glue together action scenes. Once Upon a Time demonstrates that concept, but the action in this picture is well worth it. The plot is something about an assassination attempt on the President of Mexico. Or something. And some double crossing. Johnny Depp deftly plays a CIA agent who is doing more double crossing. The only characters we know about for sure are El Mariachi (Antonio simply rehashing his previous role) and his 2 compadres. But if you don't get wrapped too around the who is doing what to whom and just hang on for the ride, you won't be disappointed. No stupid wire tricks, just some great stunts and lots & lots & lots & lots of gunfire.

Secretary (2002)

Boring and slightly amusing

[4/10 · 23 September 2002]

Except for a few witty parts to this movie, the movie isn't really worth seeing. The "porn" aspects aren't really porn. The movie plods along after the initial "encounters" between the 2 main characters, making it feel like it was about 45 min too long. I'm sorry I spent $9 seeing this turkey. It might make an OK 99c rental.

Moulin Rouge! (2001)

Tedious

[2/10 · 2 June 2001]

I really wanted this movie to be good. But it was just *DULL*. The songs weren't that amusing (except for the Like a Virgin bit). There were a few decent acting jobs here, but I started hoping I would get paged during the movie so I would have a legit reason to bail out. And NO-ONE clapped when this movie ended (and only a few people laughed out loud).

Mission: Impossible II (2000)

Yawn.

[3/10 · 5 June 2000]

I love John Woo flicks. Hardboiled is still one of the best action/gun fight movies ever made. However, MI2 is just totally cliche - a cliche action movie, a cliche John Woo flick. I think John Woo was much better when he made low budget flicks because he had to help the movie out with other elements (plot, characters); MI2 is all about style and Tom Cruise. Ok, Tom is great in the action sequences, but other than that, who cares? I wasn't excited, didn't want to cheer, or anything.

Romance (1999)

Can a movie get -10 Stars?

[1/10 · 2 October 1999]

This movie stunk! I can't believe I paid $7.25 to see this dog. I didn't care about the characters & I didn't care what they went through. There was nothing in the movie that was that 'shocking' that you can't see in any old porno flick (the Story of O comes to mind). If you want to see a good movie about a similar subject, see Belle Du Jour. Much better, much more intelligent. A person (don't know who she was) gave a little spiel before the movie and said that Catherine Breillat was having a hard time getting her movies made and is rather obscure. There is definitely a reason.