squir1y Reviews

Rescue Me (2004–2011)

The best show on TV.

[17 February 2006]

SPOILERS! I'm somewhat of a turn off your brain and watch TV kind of guy. At one point I would watch only The Simpsons, Futurama, Beavis and Butt-Head, Married...with Children and MST3K. Some people would be able to find a link between my shows of choice and rapidly plummeting IQ points, but I've never been the type for drama. I like to laugh. I don't like touchy feely programming with the same characters crying every episode.

But when I saw FX running previews for their upcoming series Rescue Me on FX in 2004, it ran as if it was a hardcore cable drama but something intrigued me. That something was the show's star, Denis Leary. Denis Leary is my all time favorite comedian and I remember catching a couple episodes of The Job (also another great show) and knowing that Denis could pull off a great show, I decided to give Rescue Me a try and to this day, I'm happy I did.

I remember watching the pilot episode "Guts" and thinking that I've never seen anything like this before. No TV show has ever shocked me before, but when I saw Leary's character pull a live severed head of a fallen comrade from a pile of wreckage at Ground Zero and the Chief throw a dead puppy in the trash so it's owner wouldn't see it, I was like WOW! I couldn't take my eyes off it. I was actually heavily into a television drama.

I watched the whole first season just get better and better. I was into the intense dying relationship between Tommy and Janet, Chief Reilly dealing with his homophobia by beating up a gay firefighter, Tommy's conflict of entering a relationship with his dead cousin's widow, Franco's growing relationship with his estranged daughter, Mike the Probie's stalker, Lou trying to deal with his feelings about 9/11 through poetry and pretty much anything with Sean Garrity, my favorite character.

I never thought anything could top The Simpsons as my all time favorite show, but Denis Leary and Peter Tolan managed to climb their way to the top. This is a show that is so chock full of moments that you'll never forget from a drunk Janet bedding Tommy to her leaving him at the end of the first season. You'll be laughing as the guys enter a contest to see who has the biggest "equipment" and crying when Tommy's son is tragically killed by a drunk driver. It is an emotionally powerful show that balances out so perfectly with gut busting humor that it makes it more than just your average TV drama.

I couldn't in good conscience give this show anything less than a 10/10. Bravo, Mr. Leary.

Jersey Girl (2004)

I thought it would be good, but I didn't think it would be this good.

[29 March 2004]

Some spoilers within...

I'm a huge fan of Kevin Smith. I loved all of his movies and Jersey Girl is no exception. Who knew Kevin Smith could make a movie without vulgarity and bodily function jokes. I knew he could, but I never thought I'd see it happening. But this was a very good film.

Ben Affleck gives his best performance since Dogma. Liv Tyler is very likable as Maya. I fell in love with little Raquel Castro's performance. George Carlin was brilliant and shows everyone that he can play both funny and serious. Jason Biggs shines in his small role. Even Jennifer Lopez has her moments. Stephen Root and Mike Starr give absolutely hilarious performances here. Will Smith makes an appearance as kind of a Jay and Silent Bob in Chasing Amy type role.

This movie was very funny and charming. There are moments that will make you laugh out loud and moments that were very sad. That argument scene between Affleck and Castro was heartbreaking. The Sweeney Todd production that they performed was very funny.

All in all, I think this was Smith's best film since Chasing Amy. 10/10

Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines (2003)

Oh boy, another Terminator!

[10/10 · 13 July 2003]

Just like everyone else, I had my doubts about this movie. Basically, for the same reasons as everyone else. But damn, this was good.

I love the Terminator flicks. I've been a big fan since I was ten. Yeah, my parents weren't too restrictive when it came to the movies I watch. I love action films and I love Arnold. This guy will always be cool to me. I even forgave him for Batman and Robin.

This movie was really great. It has a great story, outstanding action and good performances. Hence, it's a Terminator movie. In fact, I don't think I've ever been so impressed by action scenes in some of the more recent movies. Watching that bathroom fight, I started thinking to myself,"You know, I don't care if you are a machine. That had to hurt!" As for the performances, I can't say enough about Arnold. The new character I liked the most was Claire Danes' Kate Brewster. I really felt for her character. Her fear, her grief and her confusion. She really gave a great performance. Nick Stahl was good, even though he looked nothing like the John Connor in the previous film. Kristanna Loken is awesome as the T-X. I didn't think her character would be as ominous as the previous Terminators. I was wrong.

If I have any gripes, it's the pacing. This movie just jumped too quickly into the plot and it leaves some questions unanswered. I want to know how Arnold got his shotgun and how he found John and Kate at the beginning. But the ending more than made up for it. It really made me think. In fact, I better turn off my computer now before it's too late! I'll just leave by saying this: They can make as many action movies as they want, but none will ever top the excitement and entertainment of the Terminator series. Bring on T4! 10/10

Star Wars: Episode II - Attack of the Clones (2002)

Not a movie for everyone, but definitely a movie for me!!!

[10/10 · 25 May 2002]

(Some possible spoilers)Ah, Star Wars. Where to start? I'll start off by saying that this movie made it impossible for me to rank the Star Wars movies in order of my favorites, because I love these movies so much.

Anakin Skywalker is now a young man who has become the apprentice of Obi-Wan Kenobi. After an assassination attempt on Senator Padme Amidala's life, Anakin is sent to protect her while Obi-Wan tries to solve the mystery of a clone army that was created for the Republic. Anakin starts to fall in love with Padme and the mysterious Count Dooku has started a war with the Republic.

Things I loved about this movie? Well, pretty much everything. The effects were great and the battle scenes were great. I also really liked the love story and the clone mystery. I was also very pleased with the performances. Ewan McGregor and Natalie Portman(I love you!) are excellent. I love their work in pretty much everything they've done. Hayden Christensen was great too, particularly in the scene with his mother. That was very emotional. Words can't express how cool Sam Jackson was in this. Count Dooku, Jango Fett and Yoda. So many cool characters in this.

A few flaws? Nothing too extreme but yes. I personally would've added a few more scenes with the love story, then it would have seemed a little less rushed. That droid factory scene was cool but it wasn't that special. C-3PO's role got a little strange. I liked the lightsaber battle in Episode I better than this. And I would've gave Bail Organa and Jar Jar Binks(yeah, so sue me.)a little more to do.

This movie is absolutely excellent. I thought Ep. 1 was a little more fun, but this one wasn't as silly. I love Ep. 1, but I would be lying if I didn't say it did get a little silly.

Oh, man. Three more years to wait! 11/10. Long live Star Wars.

Kingpin (1996)

Another dumb comedy. All right!!!

[9 April 2002]

I loved Kingpin, simply because it was a dumb comedy. I like dumb comedies like Half-Baked or Bio-Dome, because they're just plain fun to watch.

Roy Munson is a former champion bowler who has become an alcoholic after losing his hand. One day he meets an Amish bowler named Ishmael and offers to teach him to bowl and they head for Reno for the National Bowling Championship.

Woody Harrelson, Randy Quaid and Bill Murray are as always hilarious. I think I can honestly say this was Murray's best movie after Ghostbusters.

Turn off your brain and enjoy. 8/10.

Saving Silverman (2001)

From the mastermind behind Happy Gilmore comes Saving Silverman.

[7 April 2002]

I loved Saving Silverman when I first saw it. This is one of those movies that only people who just want to laugh at silly jokes. It is a pretty silly movie, but that's what made it fun.

Darren, J.D. and Wayne are best friends. And Darren has just fallen in love with who Wayne and J.D. see as "Emperor Palpatine with great boobs." So they kidnap her and try to set Darren up with the woman who he's truly in love with.

The funniest thing about this movie was definitely the cast. Steve Zahn and Jack Black are probably two of the funniest guys ever. It's impossible for me not to laugh at these guys.

Anyway, if you're up to it, give it a shot. 8/10

Collateral Damage (2002)

I haven't felt this way since Air Force One.

[8 February 2002]

Good old, Arnold. This guy never seems to let me down. (I'm not counting Batman and Robin.)This is one of Arnold's best movies. Now I haven't seen all of his movies yet but I'd put this on his top ten best. It looks kinda like a cross between Predator and Commando. That one man war/personal revenge thing isn't completely new, but it seems rather freshly done here. I'd also like to say that nothing here really reminded me of Sept. 11, it only reminded me of how great action movies were before then. (Note to Washington, how can we return to normal if you don't let us see these kind of movies? You do great at defending us, but please stop taking action movies off the shelf.) Anyway back to my review, the only thing I thought this movie lacked were a small assortment of Arnold's one-liners. Not the cheesy ones like,"When I said you should screw yourself, I didn't mean for you to take it literally." from the 6th Day. But an "I'll be back." wouldn't have been out of place here.

Anyway, T2 or True Lies it ain't, but it still a great movie. 8/10

Trainspotting (1996)

Choose life, choose a future, choose this movie.

[26 January 2002]

Trainspotting is a very cool movie. I like movies that can be both funny and dramatic at the same time. Danny Boyle did a great job on this movie just as he did with Shallow Grave and A Life Less Ordinary.

Mark Renton is trying to kick his drug habit and fix his life. But his flatmates Sick Boy, Spud and Begbie aren't making it any easier for him.

This had to be Ewan McGregor's best performance of his career so far. Can't wait to see his work in the next Star Wars. But I also found a major performance standout in Robert Carlyle as Begbie. He was one creepy guy. Forget slasher villians, nothings scarier than a psychopath with a short fuse. And I also haven't heard anyone say the "F" word that much since Jason Mewes in Clerks.

Entertaining and intriguing. 9/10.

Squirm (1976)

The devil went down to Georgia and he made this movie.

[17 December 2001]

Okay, maybe I'm being a little mean with my summary, but this movie was horrible, even for my tastes. But it was one of the better movies that was featured on MST3K(and it's a damn funny episode, I might add.). Killer worms? Are worms really known for screaming? And why did they use a nerd as the hero(I have nothing against nerds, but come on...)? ("In the north he must be considered handsome."- Crow)The redhead girl was kinda hot though.("A pencil with hair, oh no, it's her".-Servo) Roger? ("If Steve Young and Alvin the Chipmunk had a baby,"-Crow) Is anyone really THAT southern? The only thing I liked about the movie was...sorry, I got nothing. Oh wait, the MSTreatment. Best joke: After Mick says,"If Roger could see, he'll probably try to make it home." Then Crow says,"If Roger could see? Do worms routinely blind people?" In short this movie is pretty dumb, but it should be seen on MST3K.

Shallow Grave (1994)

Very cool thriller.

[19 November 2001]

I thought this movie was excellent. I've seen A Life Less Ordinary several times already and when I saw this movie I thought it was very well made, then I noticed it was made by basically the same people who made A Life Less Ordinary. I have to say though that I found some scenes in this movie to be a little disturbing and depressing, but they were so well-acted and directed that I didn't care so much after I while. Plus the rather amusing twist at the ending, gave me a little cheer-up. Ewan McGregor, as always, was great and I think he gave the best performance. He was the true star of this. I haven't yet seen Trainspotting, but if it's is as good as Shallow Grave, it's gotta be good. 8/10

Four Rooms (1995)

Another gem from Miramax.

[16 November 2001]

We all know Miramax has made some great flicks over the years like Clerks and Chasing Amy. Four Rooms is another great one.

It's the story of Ted the Bellhop as he goes through numerous adventures throughout four different rooms on New Year's Eve.

Some of the stories are better than others though. "The Man from Hollywood" was without a doubt the best one. It was just awesome. It just shows you how crazy people can be when they're drunk. The second best was "The Wrong Man." Jennifer Beals did an outstanding job in this one. "The Misbehavers" came in third. The kids were really annoying but Tim Roth was good here. And last of course is "The Missing Ingredient" which wasn't very great. It was more stupid than clever.

But you should check this out if you're in for a wierd time. 9/10

Vacation (1983)

What a great vacation.

[1 October 2001]

This movie was hilarious. It wasn't as funny as Christmas Vacation but it is definitely funny.

The Griswolds decide to take a trip to Wally World in California. Of course it's a long drive from Chicago to California so some things have to go wrong. And they do. One disaster after another, Clark(Chevy Chase)declares they are going to Wally World or die trying.

This movie was probably Chevy Chase at his best, this guy is awesome. A good supporting cast too. Randy Quaid is great as Cousin Eddie. Not a perfect comdedy, but a great laugh maker. 8/10

Billy Madison (1995)

Not Sandler's best, but still pretty funny.

[12 September 2001]

This movie isn't as funny as Sandler's other flicks like Happy Gilmore, Bulletproof, Airheads or The Waterboy but it's funnier than The Wedding Singer or Big Daddy.

Billy Madison is a rich kid who mooches off of his father's success. But after seeing that Billy is not mature enough to run his business after he retires, Billy's father decides to hand the company over Eric(the bad guy of the story). So Billy makes a deal with his father to go back to school(1st through 12th grade)and if he wins he gets the company instead of Eric, who tries to stop him.

This movie is really funny, even though some of the jokes are rather weak. Check out cameos from funny guys like Norm MacDonald, Chris Farley and Steve Buscemi. 8/10

Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo (1999)

Loads of fun!

[10 September 2001]

I've heard more than a few complaints about this movie because it was so "unrealistic". Well duh, you could've figured that out just by looking at the title. That's why a lot of people go to the movies, they want to see something different. My philosophy is that the more realistic it is, the more boring it tends to get. But that's just me. Anyway, back to the movie. This was one of the five funniest movies of 1999. It was also Schneider's best movie. This guy's hilarious. He actually works better in a starring role than in a supporting role. I also liked Eddie Griffin. I loved his wierd gigolo words. If you like drama go out and rent yourself a boring movie, but if you like fun movies, Deuce Bigalow is the one to see. 9/10

Three to Tango (1999)

Not bad for a chick flick.

[9 September 2001]

I'll admit I'm not a huge fan of romantic comedies but I really liked Three to Tango. It's probably the only chick flick that I have on DVD. Neve Campbell is one of the top three most beautiful women in Hollywood. She's smart, beautiful and funny. My definition of the perfect woman. Anyway, this movie was pretty funny. I found quite a few comparisons to another movie like it called Chasing Amy. (Note: Neve Campbell's character's name is Amy.) While it's not as original or intriguing as Amy, it's still worth a look. 8/10

Road Trip (2000)

Funny! Funny! Funny!

[8 September 2001]

That word describes this movie. It has everything that you need to make a good teen comedy: slapstick humor, nudity, fart jokes and Tom Green.

Josh is in college in New York. He holds a long distance relationship with his girlfriend in Texas. But as we all know what would happen, Josh meets someone else, Beth, and they do you know what. But it was taped and accidentally mailed the tape to Tiffany and with the help of his friends E.L., Ruben and Kyle, Josh needs to get the tape and get back before finals.

This movie was hilarious. Breckin Meyer, Seann William Scott, Amy Smart and Tom Green were awesome. Horatio Sanz also has a really funny appearance as a chef.

Funny, funny stuff. 9/10

Clerks (2000–2001)

This show rules! Snoogans!

[7 September 2001]

This was one of the best TV shows ever. Ever notice how all the best shows are cartoons? I mean we got the Simpsons, Futurama and now, well at least we had, Clerks.

This show followed the further adventures at the Quick Stop with Dante, Randal, Jay and Silent Bob. Together they fought against Leonardo Leonardo, got locked in a freezer, survived through an "outbreak", got sued by Jay, had a little league team and went through the daily machinations in the life of convenience store clerks.

I hated how this show got cancelled. I hope someone will remove stupid shows like King of the Hill or That 70's Show and replace it with Clerks. I would much rather see Jay and Silent Bob hang out with a monkey than listen to Hank Hill whine about how our president has a limp handshake. Which would you prefer?

Pick up the DVD if you're a Kevin Smith fan or just want a good DVD. 10/10

Eraser (1996)

Another great Arnold movie.

[7 September 2001]

I always have fun with Schwarzenegger's movies. Even in some of his bad ones(Batman and Robin and Hercules), he's still fun to watch. This is just another gem for me.

U.S. Marshall John Kruger has been assigned to protect a young woman, who holds a secret from one of the nation's largest weapon making facilities that they are smuggling weapons to U.S. enemies. Kruger must erase her past and protect her future as several people are sent to kill them and the two realize they can trust no one.

Arnold is great as always and this was probably the last good movie he did until the 6th Day. Can't wait to see Collateral Damage. Vanessa Williams and James Caan do great jobs also.

Arnold and action. They were meant for each other. 9/10

Mystery Science Theater 3000 (1988–1999)

The funniest live action show ever made.

[7 September 2001]

I loved this show so much. I'm a huge fan of sci-fi movies and I'm glad someone finally had the guts to step in and make fun of the bad ones. So many bad movies had been on here. Too bad I only caught the last couple seasons. I was happy though that I could watch Mike and the bots make fun of movies like Puma Man, Soultaker, Boggy Creek II, Squirm, Future War, The Girl in the Golden Boots and Diabolik. But I was deeply saddened when they put an end to the show because there were so many bad movies that made it out unscathed that they could have gone on for an extra ten years. Oh well, I'll always have them on video to remind me how great this was. 10/10

Lost & Found (I) (1999)

Kinda good actually.

[6 September 2001]

I thought this movie was pretty funny and one of David Spade's finer moments in his career. I'm not a huge fan of his(I'm more of a Sandler type guy). But he does some good stuff.

Dylan has just fallen in love with his new neighbor, Lila. He can't seem to get her attention though. So he "dognaps" her dog and plans to give it back and be a hero. But the dog ate his best friend's wedding present so he has to get it back and hijinks ensue as he must deal with the dog, his restaurant and Lila's ex-boyfriend.

This movie had several good things about it. Artie Lange had the funniest scenes. People may call him a Farley-wannabe, but I think he's just as funny as him, if not funnier. Jon Lovitz also has a funny cameo.

Good stuff. 8/10

Joe's Apartment (1996)

Singing and dancing cockroaches. Is that ingenuity or what? Ha, ha!

[5 September 2001]

This movie is pretty funny. What it lacks in intelligence, it makes up for in fun.

Joe(O'Connell)has just to New York City and into his first apartment. The only problem: it's infested with thousands of talking cockroaches. They all seem to be a pain in Joe's butt, but the roaches come in more useful for him than he thought.

This movie is no classic, of course I don't think any of MTV's movies will be considered classics. But they are really funny(also see Beavis and Butt-Head Do America and Dead Man On Campus).

It's a hilarious and fun little flick, even for people who don't like bugs. 8/10

Clerks (1994)

The most true to life movie I've ever seen.

[5 September 2001]

I know a couple of people who are convenience store clerks and are absolutely miserable working there.

People like Dante Hicks who works at a lowly convenience store the Quick Stop in New Jersey. He's not even supposed to be there today. He has problems with his best friend Randal Graves who mans RST Video next door, conflicts with two of his loves, a loss of an old girlfriend, a hockey game and he smells like shoe polish. All of this revolves around his day at work.

This movie is great! I like Chasing Amy and Mallrats better but this film is just as fun as the two of them.

Bottom line: Great film, great fun. 10/10

Wrongfully Accused (1998)

Not Nielsen's best but far from the worst.

[4 September 2001]

I thought this was a pretty funny film. It wasn't Naked Gun but I'm glad it wasn't Mr. Magoo. The jokes are pretty funny particularly the opening concert scene and the store scene with John Walsh. But some were pretty dumb, such as the sex jokes. My favorite line: "I got a gun, not here, but I got one." If you're in the mood for a quick, cheap laugh why not see this? It's pretty good. 8/10.

Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back (2001)

Farewell, Jay and Silent Bob. You will be missed.(sniff)

[24 August 2001]

This film brought an emotional tear to my eye, besides the tears of laughter because I knew this would be the last entry of "The New Jersey Chronicles". But it went out with a bang with Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back.

The masters of hanging out at the Quick Stop are on a mission to stop the Bluntman and Chronic movie from being made because they're gettin' no phat cash for it. Along the way the meet new and old friends.

Mewes and Smith are f***in' hilarious as usual. Affleck, Lee, Hamill, Elizabeth, and Ferrel were awesome too. Characters from Clerks, Mallrats, Chasing Amy and Dogma. They're all here.

In the tradition of classic road films like Beavis and Butt-Head Do America, don't miss Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back. 10/10

Mallrats (1995)

Could possibly be the funniest movie ever.

[13 August 2001]

While not as well thought out as Clerks, as moving as Chasing Amy or clever as Dogma, Mallrats is the funniest out of all these Kevin Smith movies.

Brodie and T.S. have just been dumped by their girlfriends and spend a day at the only place that could help them ease there simultaneous double loss. The mall! While there they deal with a proprietor of an upscale wannabe shop and a powerful mall security guard, hang out in an autonamous unit for mid mall snacking, yell about kids on escalators, start some s*** at a comic book shop, and try to stop a game show and save their relationships with their girlfriends.

The best part of this movie were the two men themselves: Jay and Silent Bob. These guys are hilarious. I have yet to not laugh at these guys.

Great cast too. Jason Lee, Claire Forlani, Ben Affleck, Michael Rooker and Joey Lauren Adams. Great actors all here.

Laugh-fest supreme. Check it out. 10/10.

P.S. For more Jay and Silent Bob check out Clerks, Chasing Amy and Dogma and coming soon Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back.