Shameless, yes, but STRIKE COMMANDO works as a beyond-insipid "unstoppable warrior with a vendetta" vehicle for the incomparably bad Reb Brown. Brown is so bad as "Michael Ransom" that he actually makes the movie more enjoyable; factor in Bruno Mattei's typically doltish direction, and you've got a movie that may make your brain stem separate from your skull. Thing is, you might enjoy it! I found myself laughing through most of it; perhaps it's best enjoyed at that level, or ignored altogether. Give Mattei credit, though--he had the cajones to make a sequel, as well. That's some cheek!
Reviews
9 Reviews
42K
(2001)
Goofy, pointless, and funny
9 June 2001
Ultra-silly low-budget comedy takes the usual oversexed teenage(?) boys, in unwitting possession of a hexed necklace, being torn from a crazy night of shenanigans with the babes for some mano-a-mano with machete-wielding nuts, loopy suburban ninjas, and doctrine-arguing, break-dancing Christian warriors. There's definitely a Monkees influence here, and the humor is often predictable, yet I found myself laughing out loud at several points. The dialogue is often hilarious, too. It's cheap as all get-out, but 42K scores frequently enough to merit a look and/or a rental, particularly if you have a sweet tooth for wacky humor.
No Dead Heroes
(1986)
Makes Chuck Norris look like George Kennan
23 June 2000
Addle-brained stupidity that the cartoon "Bullwinkle" made fun of a quarter-century beforehand, NO DEAD HEROES proves that you can rip off a good movie (THE MANCHURIAN CANDIDATE) without copying a single sliver of quality from the object of your plunder. The acting barely registers on the cable-access TV scale, the plot is less nuanced than an old "Sgt. Rock" comic, and only Boris J. Badanov-style "bad guy" mustaches are missing from the Commies. This movie achieves the unusual feat of being too bad, too stupid to be enjoyed by anyone with opposable thumbs.
The Opposite of Sex
(1998)
Cynicism masquerading as intelligence
27 May 2000
Ricci, a wonderful actress, is an intolerable (and all-too-common, especially in "indie" films) bitch throughout--and she's narrating. If that doesn't drive you
away, Lisa Kudrow's constant whining and the usually solid (but lackluster here) Martin Donovan's masochistic
simp should finish you off. The script is loaded with the lazy
young Turk's approach to "clever observations about modern life"--namely, two-bit cynicism, which was mildly
fresh about 10 years ago. Potshots aplenty at Christians
and gays--wow, how "revolutionary"! Oh, and Lyle Lovett
does Lyle Lovett to a "T." Still, this movie had potential; too
bad it was utterly squandered by unimaginative direction,
bad writing, and insufferable characters. What could've
been a wry, dark comedy falls apart under the weight of all
the post-modern pretense, nasty attitude, and Ricci's grating narration, a vapid effort at a clever conceit. Thank
heavens she redeemed herself completely in later projects!
away, Lisa Kudrow's constant whining and the usually solid (but lackluster here) Martin Donovan's masochistic
simp should finish you off. The script is loaded with the lazy
young Turk's approach to "clever observations about modern life"--namely, two-bit cynicism, which was mildly
fresh about 10 years ago. Potshots aplenty at Christians
and gays--wow, how "revolutionary"! Oh, and Lyle Lovett
does Lyle Lovett to a "T." Still, this movie had potential; too
bad it was utterly squandered by unimaginative direction,
bad writing, and insufferable characters. What could've
been a wry, dark comedy falls apart under the weight of all
the post-modern pretense, nasty attitude, and Ricci's grating narration, a vapid effort at a clever conceit. Thank
heavens she redeemed herself completely in later projects!
The Legend of Dolemite
(1994)
Essential for a blaxploit/Rudy fan, but too much filler...
10 May 2000
Rudy Ray is great, of course, and we're treated to clips from relatively recent performances (yep, he can still do it!) and plenty of prints from his "party record" comedy days, and of course, loads of the clips you love from his four movies. Also, it's a blast hearing him tell his own story--and no one can rhyme like the legend himself! If that were all there were to it, it'd be perfect; unfortunately, we get plenty of inane commentary from people with nothing to say. Worth renting, but you'll want to FF through the scenes Mr. Rude isn't in.
Full Metal Ninja
(1989)
Godfrey Ho strikes again...
30 March 2000
This isn't just a bad movie; it's two movies edited together by a director notorious for wasting good fight footage by slapping it onto an unrelated plot(s). The far-more-interesting story involves a vengeance-seeking man, Eagle, who battles every manner of treachery to pay back the ruthless warlord who destroyed his family. Had Ho left it at that, he'd have had a decent movie on his hands--but no, not Ho. Instead, he cobbles onto that a laughably inept waste of celluloid involving two caucasian (French? French-Canadian?) "ninjas" (you know they are because their headbands read "Ninja!") also carrying out a vendetta, but the events leading up to that are offscreen. So what does this have to do with the other? NOTHING! But you do get to chuckle at the site of pink- and purple-clad "ninjas" (who look like dropouts from hair-dressing school) play-fighting with each other. Only the guy who made a mess of the other "Angel" series (the nonsensical trio, not the HK classics) could get by with something this atrocious. If you're a real fan of martial arts movies, don't waste your time and money on this stinker.
Death Line
(1972)
A unique cannibal movie--strange though that might sound...
1 February 2000
DEATH LINE is the only cannibal movie I've seen that portrays its "monster" as a poignant, even tragic figure, yet doesn't soft-peddle the violence and ferocity of his need for human "food."
Christopher Lee's cameo is sadly very brief; the plot would've benefited from more MI-5 intrigue, a thread that is introduced but abandoned.
By the way, if you don't think the idea of someone living under a subway station is "believable" visit New York City some time. There are THOUSANDS of people living under the streets and subways there.
Christopher Lee's cameo is sadly very brief; the plot would've benefited from more MI-5 intrigue, a thread that is introduced but abandoned.
By the way, if you don't think the idea of someone living under a subway station is "believable" visit New York City some time. There are THOUSANDS of people living under the streets and subways there.
The Naked Prey
(1965)
A magnificent tale of survival
1 September 1999
As elemental as the story it tells, THE NAKED PREY eschews the usual Hollywood trappings (voice-over dialogue, most notably) in following a safari guide who survives by instinct and guile. The camera work alone is worth renting this film for--the location shooting is top-notch, and the soundtrack is absolutely perfect for the action on screen. An unheralded winner from one of Hollywood's great mavericks.
The Prey
(1983)
Yawn...
21 August 1999
Even by the lowered standards of '80s slasher movies, this one stinks. The usual gaggle of oversexed teens heads for a "forbidden" part of forest, which burned in the 1940s and apparently left a sole angry survivor. Fast forward (actually, you'll want to fast-forward through much of this mess) to the present day, where a couple of campers are butchered; the teens follow in their wake, while a semi-concerned park ranger (a sleepwalking Jackie Coogan) and his healthier cohort (who spins a lot of time tuning his banjo) succeed partially in steering our attention from yards of run-of-the-mill nature-footage padding. Finally, more killings--but nothing you haven't seen a zillion times before. If you want to see the kids butchered, opt for SLEEPAWAY CAMP or the first FRIDAY THE 13TH over this
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