cosmo-30 Reviews

Midnight in Paris (2011)

A Real Snorer, Stinker, and Waste

[11 July 2011]

This is Allen's senile swan song. He has lost his muse and can no longer write or direct. Wilson is tough to like in this role, and the plot is a meandering slog of sentimental fantasy, a simple message, mediocre photography, boring script, sans ending. There is a cheap shot at the Tea Party and Allen has to be boorish with his worm's eye view of a conservative who is cast in a typical liberal, stereotypical manner. I nearly fell asleep at this movie, did not like any characters, especially all of them, loathed the stupid story and dead loose ends. Wilson shows no emotion, just his usual whiny, nasal drone you hear in every movie he makes. What a waste of time and film.

Wild Ocean (2008)

Wild Ocean Awful Production

[1/10 · 11 July 2011]

A claustrophobic view of one phenomena off the African coast: sardine shoals. Due to the turbid water and poor visibility, all camera work was close and near the frenzy. The music score was all synthesized monotony....four chords repeated forty minutes long. Staged native African people doing what is stereotypically expected of them. Heavily accented narrator reading a formulaic script....heard it all before. Blame the humans and brand them ultimate predators who have no rights among the wild oceans. IMAX was all wrong for this movie and caused headaches in everyone in my party. Two thumbs and two big toes down. A complete waste of time.

Julie & Julia (2009)

Better Than Sleep Medication

[5/10 · 20 December 2009]

I gave it a 5 just for production quality and great Paris scenery. The Paris unit is the only reason I kept watching this "chick flick", and I am a total foodie and sucker for food films.

The blogger genre rips off Sex in the City.... they should have just cast Sarah Jessica Parker. The film has so many really annoying scenes that I will give those efforts 10 eye-rolls. Just a few of these chick-flick must-have scenes:

(Caution, SPOILERS)

1. The obligatory dreaded restaurant scene with "the obnoxious girlfriends" where there is much multitasking between salad ordering, cell phone gabbing, nattering, gossiping, and gloating about success.

2.The obligatory, painfully insipid relationship argument resulting in the "break-up, storm-out, slam-the-door on the way outtathere" scene to "live-apart mope-about aimlessly lost souls without each other" scenes to "walk around the street corner and there he is all happy again make-up" scene.

3. The I-just-got-published scenes that for some reason make women think the earth just shifted on its axis and began spinning the other way. Have any of you women ever been in a library or bookstore lately? The only person who hasn't been published is watching this stupid movie and dreaming about getting published. Who needs rockets? We could just stack these books to the moon and climb up and down at leisure!

4. The obligatory liberal Hollow-wood agenda worms its way into this foodie story like baked tripe: as Julie is being reprimanded for abusing sick-leave, her boss says: "if I were a Republican, I would have fired you!" I regret not paying to see this film so I could walk out at that moment and demand my money back. Heck, if I were a Progressive Democrat, I would return the DVD with an ice-pick groove across the surface rendering this flick more unwatchable than it already is.

There are just too many more already-filmed, overbaked clichés in this picture to mention.

I put this movie in the "My Big Fat Dumb Stupid Greek Wedding" discard bin as another waste of two hours and four bucks.

The Family Stone (2005)

Kleenex Movie

[10/10 · 8 February 2008]

Not that we need another comment on this movie, sheesh. My wife and I saw the trailer for this movie at the theater and both gave it two naaaaahs. We were wrong, this is a real sleeper movie. I enjoyed the acting, story, and wonderful full-circle ending. The movie is all wrapped-up for you in the end and needed to be that way. The director could have left you craving or wondering at the end, but instead, lets us in all the way. Some of the comments about this movie are unnecessarily vicious and should be tossed out for such venal prejudice. The Stone family parents were obviously grown up hippies that retained their quirky, out-in-the-open, liberal-minded lifestyle. Accept that, mean posters...they aren't normal people; in fact, they are quite functional dysfunctionals. Does that make sense? Enough! See it, and have a box of hankies nearby.

Murphy's Romance (1985)

Could Have Been A Great

[25 June 2007]

This could have been a timeless love story, but the Hollywood management had to assert their liberal policy toward nuclear energy, abortion, and the "ERA". The film is peppered with the agenda. It could have been a love story that transcends time and but not era. So, it is rumored that there is a possible remake. Will it be done right this time? Or will it only continue to echo the Holloywood agenda for the 2000's? Too bad, but the Holloywod agenda of the 80's replays as old hack. Anyone with an LA address will soon regret not building those nuclear power facilities in the 80s when the opportunity struck. The era of cheap energy is gone.

Haunted (1995)

Lacks the Deus ex Machina

[4/10 · 26 April 2007]

I was only awarded an occasional frisson of ghosts and supernatural thrills in this pretty but boring supernatural thriller. The plot was written to mostly mislead the viewer through 90% of the picture, then hit you bluntly with the weak deus ex machina so typical in todays movies. It follows the old formula of older horror flicks that tease you throughout the picture and then make you wait till nearly the end to see the monster. I compare this to the "Sixth Sense", but in 6th, the writers successfully keep you bought-in till the end. In "Haunted", somewhere near the last half of the movie, you will get what the writer is trying to do to you, then the director unleashes his FX budget and the picture moves from very real to hokey Hollywood magic. The best attribute in this movie is Kate Beckensale. She is so pretty to look at, and the erotic scenes are worth the time spent watching. Even if the actual nude actress is a double or stand-in, there is one scene where she is portraying Christine so sexually satisfied, I can't help but think this might be how Ms. Beckensale really looks when she is in her after glow. I was beguiled and bewitched by her. Have you seen her in "Cold Comfort Farm"? Excellent actor.

Mr. & Mrs. Smith (2005)

Hollywood Schlock

[1/10 · 1 January 2006]

If you like typical Hollywood formulaic garbage then this "film" is for you. The computer generated FX will excite your tractable senses at just the right and regular moments, and the synthesized music will lead your emotions with crescendos and decrescendos of sounds that elicit proper responses from you without having to do much thinking. The poor directors and producers that had to watch the dailies without the quizzical music score must have found the dialogues between Pitt and Jolie the perfect sedative. The watchdog groups who count shots-fired from guns will never keep up, and of course, the two pretty actors never get a scratch amidst constant bullet storms. In fact, they can carry on a glib and "clever" 90 minute running "humorous" marital snit while engaging in withering firefights, as if their insipid dialogue is more salient than fighting for their lives. It is too bad that Pitt is only in it for the money these days, and that A River Runs Through It was his only good acting challenge, albeit stroked and coaxed by Redford; and Jolie's lips need a bit more collagen to keep them poofy and vulva-like. The foley artists must have been exhausted trying to cram in the "Most Sound FX of any Motion Picture" for the Academy snobs. This video flik was made for the average American star-struck dunce who will laugh at just about anything and be wowed and entertained by overwrought gunfights, chase scenes, and very sophomoric writing.

Dinner with Friends (2001 TV Movie)

Dinner with Vapid Friends

[1/10 · 10 January 2003]

This movie is a Big Chill wannabe. But, it fails to achieve that noble status through insipid dialogue and contrived plot. I kept thinking...who cares!! Do these people work?...are they productive?, or do they just wallow, wallow, wallow in self-centered pitiful auto-examination? I was amazed that the script was written by a man, because the male leading actors talk like women. What guy follows another guy into a public restroom and talk about masturbation?! And so much attention to detail of sets, yet these wimps slug Heineken from the bottle and I could see it was plain water...probably Poland Springs. And Andy McDowell chopping garlic... the professional cookbook writer chopping the garlic skins with the garlic?! Good actors after a bad script and worthless story. Sorry, not even worth a rental.

My Big Fat Greek Wedding (2002)

I want my two hours back

[10 January 2003]

The only reason this movie did well was because its release timing was perfect, all alone in the romantic "comedy" genre. This movie was a Big Fat Disappointment for me. The leading lady was neither pretty or sexually attractive, and the spark between the bride and groom was phoney, flawed, and unbelievable. Plotless, repetitive gags, simpering characters, awful lighting and direction. Two thumbs and two big toes down.

Last Train from Gun Hill (1959)

Cinematography vs. plot

[4 December 2002]

There is a gripping opening scene setting up the motivation for the entire film. The location of the chase scene, rape, and murder was perfect...an ominously spooky river bottom lined with cottonwoods and tons of deadwood and fallen trees. The cinematography in this film was expertly done with great locations, camera angles, light and shadow, and color tones. The details in the town was the best I have ever seen in a western, very authentic...where is this location?, I would love to visit it in person. The saloon location was meticulously designed with extreme attention to authenticity and detail. These details throughout the film make it worth watching, especially for those in the craft of set design, wardrobe, camera, light, etc. The plot is ponderous, the Marshall shows very little grief or rage, the crime scene was fresh, yet he choses a circuitous route to the murderers rather than get a posse on a hot trail. Anthony Quinn is very good in his role, he loses his accent and adopts an excellent old west speech style. He exuded command and authority as the master of his territory. I would recommend this film from a technical view more than acting or story.

Stir of Echoes (1999)

The fast forward button was created for movies like this.

[15 May 2000]

It simply wasn't necessary to make this picture. It is a Sixth Sense ripoff that is trying to cash in on the popular ghost story genre. Bacon's performance is contrived and forgettable. He seemed to never get the mood or temper of his character. The child actor should leave this performance off his resume. A real dog of a movie.

Box of Moonlight (1996)

A sleeper movie that deserves to be viewed and recommended.

[14 May 2000]

While sitting at home with the flu one day, I watched this gem of a movie and I swear I felt better for it. I was charmed by it's great plotline and symbolism; and the acting is superb from every performer. The movie is nearly hypnotic as it takes you to another reality. It is so believable, and the ending brought me to tears. I have recommended this movie to everyone.

The Big Sky (1952)

Great adventure and script, with meticulous photography

[14 May 2000]

The Big Sky is a classic screen gem, filmed in black & white in the style of Ansel Adams. A great print with delicious contrast that is an eye-feast for photography buffs. The script is rapid paced; be sure to train your ear to catch the snappy, fluent dialogue. Tender care is given to every character development, and many scenes that are so subtle are intended to breath real-life into the story. This is one of my all-time faves.