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El Duce
Reviews
The Old Man: IV (2022)
Dan Chase, Master Spy, outfoxed by an annoying, sad divorcée.
I'd hate to see Dan pitted up against her ex-husband. You know, the guy that took Zoe to the cleaners. He'd have Chase down on his knees, begging for mercy.
Unhinged (2020)
This happened to me once
But they never caught the guy. He wiped out my entire contact list. It was sad.
Shadows of the Dead (2004)
Nobody would act this way!
I rented this movie hoping to find a low-budget gem. Instead, I watched one of the lamest films I've ever seen. This one ranks up there with "Howling: New Moon Rising" in total ineptness.
The storyline has much promise: a young couple on a drive through the woods stumble upon a "body", they come into contact with the "body" and are infected with a disease that starts to turn them into zombies, they find a cabin and proceed to act like total morons while they rot. As you can see, this is where the storyline takes a dive.
Nobody would handle this situation like they way these two do. Here are some major flaws: 1. A flat tire means that the vehicle will not start. The girl asks the guy to turn the headlights on and he doesn't want to because the battery will drain. Turn the damn thing on! 2. A flat tire means that the vehicle will not move. Your lives are in danger, do you run through the woods or drive away on a flat? Heaven forbid you drive on the rim. That could damage your vehicle. Running through the woods is the obvious choice.
3. The girl wants the guy to check on things that don't need to be checked on. Go see if that's a body; the bodies gone, go check things out, here's a shovel. Are you kidding me? 4. Getting help is instantly out of the question. Why? What are they hiding? Are they fugitives? 5. The cabin becomes their safe-home. Where were they coming from? Where were they going? Do they have friends or family? None of this seems to matter. Even the girl, who isn't infected for a while, doesn't seem to want to do anything but sit around the cabin. There's a hospital around the corner!!! There's more to write but I've realized I'm wasting my time. No more time needs to be wasted on this movie.
Runaway Bride (1999)
One of the years worst films!
Watching this movie was enough to make me puke. If you want to see a good Julia Roberts film this year watch Notting Hill. Runaway Bride was very boring and unrealistic, for some reason people have claimed that is was full of fun, but I thought that Richard Gere and Roberts both participated in the worst films of their brilliant careers. If you want to see Gere and Roberts tonight go watch, Sleeping with the Enemy and The Jackal
Any Given Sunday (1999)
Waste of Film
Unlike "The Program" and "Varsity Blues", "Any Given Sunday" did not portray modern day football at all. It was far too long and the "live" football shots were not real at all. I play football and that is not at all what you see, if it was then the offenses would constantly be at a stand still at the 50 yards line. Overall this movie was very disappointing and I am a huge football and movie fan so I was extra disappointed. Save your money at the theatre and at the movie store!
The Blair Witch Project (1999)
Neo-"Horror" Fans Won't Understand
If you love Scream, I know what you did last Summer, Urban Legend, Carrie 2 and Bride of Chucky and have never seen true horror movies like Texas Chainsaw Massacre, The Exorcist, Evil Dead, Maniac, Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer and Night of the Living Dead then you might not like TBWP.
See, you need to understand "originality". It takes an open-mind and common sense to do so. Most mainstream trend followers have neither of those. It saddens me.
The Blair Witch Project is a scary movie. It scares, period. I got in my bed that night and started thinking about the ending. I got chills. I got chills the next day at work thinking about it! That is the first movie from the '90's that has done that to me.
Basic "Scream Fan" Complaints: "I never got to see the monster" "Where was the blood?" "I didn't get the ending" "Why were there all those long, dark scenes?" "Where was Neve Campbell and Usher?" "That sucked. Let's go rent The Faculty!"
You will not see any tag-teaming, ghost masked wearing teenagers. You will not see a big, immortal fisherman with a hook on his hand. You will not see a curly-haired Revlon model brutally murdering her college classmates. What you will see is a truly original movie. If your brain allows you to understand, you will enjoy it
Howling: New Moon Rising (1995)
Wow.
I can die now. I have seen THE WORST MOVIE EVER MADE!!! The reviews you are reading about the movie are entirely true. You have to see it to believe it. Please, go find it and watch as much as you can. I can't believe I watched the whole thing. WHY!!!