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Reviews
Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter (2001)
Behold his Glory!
Jesus returns to fight an army of lesbian vampires, atheists, and mad doctor and a confused white guy. Helping him are Mary Magnum and El Santos, the Saint of the Wrestling ring. A mix of funny characters and ridiculous fight scenes make this one of the coolest movies on the planet. If your into weird, sacrilegious humor, this movie is for you!
Bedazzled (2000)
An okay film
This remake of the Peter Cook/Dudley Moore comedy from the sixties wasn't as disappointing as i thought it would be. Liz Hurley is hot as the Devil. A lot hotter than chick Elliot (Fraser) is so set on getting. The movie retains the basic idea of the 1967 film, but most of the movie is a totally new film. One could even argue that this film fits into the continuity of the first movie (assuming the aforementioned "One" is extremely sad and has a lot of time on his hands). Not as good as the original but a hilarious film none the less despite a depressingly disappointing ending. Now where are those pictures of Liz...
Jui kuen II (1994)
I love this freakin' movie
Anyone that says drinking is bad for you should see this movie. The actions of one legendary drunk save China's treasures from being plundered right under its nose. When Fei-hong (Jackie Chan) gets plastered he becomes an unstoppable machine. Even when he's not plastered a man wielding a burning chain or an attack from about 500 Ninja can stop him, but the fight scenes where he's drunk are some of the best action sequences you'll ever see! Why couldn't I have been born Jackie Chan? WHY!?
The Parent Trap (1998)
Isn't there some kind of law against this?
I saw this piece of garbage because my then girl friend insisted we see it and refused to let me sleep in the theater. To this day I can't make the Psycho Hose Beast understand that I hated this movie. All of the characters were stupid in this thing. Everyone can see that the girls are exactly identical to each other, yet nobody can figure out that they're twins until they find a picture of their parents. About half way through, the film makers realized they had no plot, so they wrote in some weak thing about some snobby chick trying to marry her way into Dennis Quaid's money, so the girls decide that the best is to get their parents back together. "Sure, they drove each other nuts and grew to hate each other the first time, but I'm sure it will work perfectly this time." Anyone over the age of five who can sit through this entire thing without wanting to strangle those two brats is either in therapy or belongs there.
Switchblade Sisters (1975)
The funniest thing since "Attack of the Eye Eye Creatures".
When I first ran into this little gem at two in the morning on some premium channel, I thought "Oh boy." This thing is terrible. It's badly written, badly acted, and just plain bad. But it hilariously bad. I mean there's nothing funnier than when Lace hesitates to shoot Maggie during the big gun fight grits her teeth and says "It's gotta look like an accident!" The clothes are stereotypically tacky! You know things are bad when the rival gang leaders wearing a fruity looking shirt. I recommend you see this at least once, trust me, you will regret it.
Psycho Cop Returns (1993)
A blow for Social Darwinism
In this fine film Bobby Ray Shafer gives a gripping performance as Officer Joe Vickers. Officer Vickers over hears plans of an office party where he might find a lot of illegal activity. I found Officer Vickers to be a devoted Police Officer/Satanist, a man who loves his work, and very entertaining. The other characters, however, are so dumb and annoying that they should probably be removed from the gene pool anyway. You can't say he doesn't follow procedure, after all who could forget him reading that guy his rights. Why Oscar passed this one over is beyond me.
Sorority House Massacre II (1990)
Predictable but funny
Five girls buy a new sorority house and find out there's a killer in the house. Okay, so it's not Oscar material and all these movies are pretty much the same, but it's still funny in that "I can't believe somebody actually wrote this crap" way. The movie plays pretty much as you'd expect it to, so if your the kind of guy that likes T&A mixed with fake blood and freaked out teenagers, then this film is for you. Otherwise, why read the rest of this page?
Helter Skelter (1976)
Manson was crucified!
This movie from 1976 is an account of the Tate/LaBianca murder trials. Based on the account by prosecutor Vincent Bugliosi, this movie shows how Charles Manson was screwed by the system. When the prosecution and Judge became fearful that Manson would get acquitted had he continued to defend himself, they unjustly denied Manson's right to represent himself! Charles Manson is funny, friendly, and charismatic making him without a doubt the most likeable character in the movie! A highly recommended movie. Remember: If you rent this movie, be kind and rewind or I'll kill you with my mind!
Candy Goes to Hollywood (1979)
I want Candy!
"Candy Goes to Hollywood" is a fun movie about Hollywood hopeful Candy Christian who gets caught in the tangled web of Hollywood. Candy appears on "The Dong Show" and even scores a spot "The Last Night Show" with Johnny Farson. This movie is as funny as it is stimulating, and damn this is stimulating. A fun movie, Carol Connors is great, highly recommended.
Star Hunter (1996)
My God, this is lame!
The makers of this film should be ashamed of themselves! These really stupid kids are being hunted by a slow, noisy and easily confused robot who can't make a single decision with out calling Roddy McDowall on a palm pilot. Fortunately for the kids, one of them has been taken over by an alien sent to help them. Unfortunately, it doesn't do anything. This movie is filled with bad dialogue, dumb characters, VERY oddly placed items (like a rifle on the ground outside a Police station). Like good special effects? Don't look here.