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masalsky
Reviews
Savage County (2010)
You've seen it before
Why not just call it "The Director has seen Texas Chainsaw, Wrong Turn & House of 1000 Corpses". Nothing new here and all those other films did it better.
The acting was fine. Nobody stands out too much but they all do a decent enough job to keep you watching. There are a number of annoying camera angles that I guess are supposed to disguise the fact that they didn't have an effects budget, but it doesn't work. Also, they have one character doing all her scenes to a web cam and this really ends up being for absolutely no reason whatsoever, except possibly in an attempt to make the film seem more modern. In the end though, it's just rehash.
Cabin Fever (2002)
Abso-freakin'-lutely fantastic!
I just got back from Cabin Fever, and I'm happy to say it lives up to the hype. It's a throwback to the fun thrill-ride horror movies of the 70's. Very well done and not OVER-done like most of the recent attempts to recapture the era. A no-name cast, but they do the excellent script justice. Just remember, Do NOT sit next to DENNIS!
The Order (2003)
Worst movie ever?
I previously thought that "The Avengers" was the worst movie I had ever seen, but this may have surpassed it. However, I keep thinking that's only because it's been a while and I have blocked out much of that other movie. Anyway, this one is a real stinker. Did this guy really write the screenplay for L.A. Confidential? There isn't one line of dialog in this "film" that sounds remotely believable. I want my money and my time back.
Ling (1999)
What's with all the confusion?
This is "The Ring Virus" made in Korea and not the original "Ring" (Ringu) made in Japan, even though the reviews here are a mix of the 2. Don't be fooled! Ringu is a great work of horror, but this remake is horrible!
I'm not sure why anyone would take a great horror film and remove all of the elements that make it scary or creepy. Apparently, no one will go see a film in Korea unless they add in some ridiculous sexual twists to the plot? Skip this and go right to the original. Even the English language remake is far far superior to this.
Dreamcatcher (2003)
OK Mr. King, you can retire now
As a longtime fan of Stephen King, I was really disappointed by his decision earlier this year to retire from writing. After seeing Dreamcatcher, I feel much better. The script is awful, the plot ridiculous, the characters unappealing and the special effects are sub-par. My main reaction to this movie was "It doesn't make sense and I don't even care". As a fan of the horror genre, I can put up with a lot, but this one... hoo boy. Don't want to waste any more of my life even writing about it....
Donnie Darko (2001)
Falls short of a complete success
After watching Donnie Darko, and thinking back on all of the trippy details, I felt the overall vibe it left me with was excellent. There are some terrific ideas here and it really makes you think about it long after viewing. HOWEVER, if I'm honest, my experience while actually watching it was not quite as positive.
Most of the characters in the film are cartoony stereotypes which really kept me from getting fully caught up in it. A few of the actors manage to infuse some subtleties that lift their characters above this (most notably the family) but most do not. Most notably, I must say i had an easier time believing Drew Barrymore as a Charlies Angels superspy than an English teacher in this one. Also, it seemed like there were way too many scenes where it was more about playing a song for the soundtrack (which are all very good by the way) than advancing the plot.
This is a film that should be seen, and I hope to see more from Kelly. Right now, though, any comparisons to David Lynch and Mulholland Drive are extremely premature.
Darkness Falls (2003)
Not all bad, but falls into formula (spoiler warning)
Darkness falls starts out a little weak, with a voice over narrative detailing the back story. It would have been nice if the back story could have been revealed naturally through the course of the movie, but whatever. However, after that bumpy start the movie begins to show real promise. The first appearance of the tooth fairy coming into a young boys room is truly creepy and shows that the director really understands how to build tension. It builds on the natural fears that most children have about being alone in the dark and hearing creepy noises. I really had high hopes at this point.
I'm sorry to say that it's all down hill from there. Instead of sticking with what makes the tooth fairy scary, hidden in shadows and haunting young children, the story turns into a standard hollywood action picture. Suddenly the tooth fairy is smashing up the town, killing everyone and even engaging in car chases.
The movie doesn't hold up to logical criticism, which would be ok if it was actually scary. I mean, why has this tooth fairy been unable to get at this guy for 12 years but now she can find ways to come after him every 5 minutes. The townsfolk mirror the movies lack of logic at every turn. Seriously, the darn tooth fairy won't come in the light, but when she's chasing them in a car, nobody ever thinks about turning on the interior light? And when a blackout engulfs the town, how about lighting something on fire for crying out loud! That makes light last I checked!
Of course, in the end, every character ends up dead except the protagonists, yawn. Nice try and shows some promise, but next time don't let the formula water down the horror.
They (2002)
Skip the movie, watch the trailer
If you saw the trailer, then you saw this movie. Every single plot point is revealed in the trailer. It even shows the scene at the very end. Absolutely nothing else happens in this movie, period. You barely get to see the creatures and the female lead just walks around with a blank stare finding situations that will "almost" require her to show some nudity. Snooze fest.
National Lampoon's Van Wilder (2002)
Exemplifies all that is wrong with comedy in the 2Ks
I can't believe what classifies as comedy nowadays. If you think fake vomit is hillarious, this is the movie for you because it tries to get laughs out of it numerous times throughout the "film". The main actors in this movie are fine, and they aren't the problem. The problem is the lack of actual jokes. Instead they go for the gross out humor, which isn't even well done because it is done in such a cartoony manner that it wouldn't gross out my grandma. National Lampoon needs to get out of the movie business. Animal House was a 10, Vacation was a 7 and this movie is 2. By my calculations, their next theatrical release will most likely rate a minus 5, so why bother.
Austin Powers in Goldmember (2002)
Still very funny
OK, so most of the jokes in this are retreads of the first two. Having said that, I still laughed quite a bit! The opening sequence is especially hillarious. I found the last 1/2 hour kind of boring, but all in all a good time at the movies.
Star Wars: Episode II - Attack of the Clones (2002)
Dud installment rescued by great finale
Even when you hear the negative pre-release buzz for a new Star Wars movie, you have to say to yourself "Hey, It's Star Wars, how bad could it be?". Well, for the first three quarters of "Attack of the Clones", George Lucas sets out to show you just how bad it could be. The dialog is weak and the story moves at a snail pace.
Hopefully, it is not too early in the movie season that critics will forget Hayden Christiansen in their year-end lists of "worst actors". This guy barely changes expression during the entire film and seems programmed to spit out the lines. Even normally good actors like Natalie Portman get sucked into his wooden vortex.
If I had to sum up the theme of this movie, I would say "George Lucas likes when people fall". Obi Wan falls about a mile after letting go of a flying droid, Anakin jumps from a flying car and falls even further and the Princess falls from a fast moving spacecraft. Did I mention that this never has any ill effects? Apparently folks are much tougher in a galaxy far-far away. Those aren't the only scenes at which I laughed out loud, check out the scene between Anakin and his mom for some great unintentional humor.
Anyway, I was prepared to come here today and scathe this movie as the year's worst, when along comes the final half hour. Once Anakin returns to Tatooine things pick up a bit thanks to evoking some fond memories of the first Star Wars. After that, it kicks into high gear with a great "Gladiator" scene that has some neat computer generated creatures. The ensuing battle involving the Jedi Knights, bad guys and a bunch of clones is very exciting and visually stunning. Even the obligatory light saber fights have some nice new twists that make them seem fresh.
In summary, the first three quarters of the film gets a D rating. The last one quarter is worthy of an A. Final rating C.
The Scorpion King (2002)
Retread Garbage
This is something you have seen many times before. Take any of the other barbarian type movies from your past (Conan 1&2, Beastmaster, etc.), plug in the Rock as the hero and you can watch it again for another $7. The jokes aren't funny, the action sequences have too many quick takes and the acting is horrible. I like the Rock as a personality, but he is not enough to make this movie tolerable.
The Astronaut's Wife (1999)
Taking Up Space
"The Astronaut's Wife" is far and away the worst movie I've seen this year. Aside from actually nothing of interest actually happening in the movie, we have to put up with the incredibly annoying camera work. I can only guess that director Ravich was at the top of his class in film school, and that's how this stinker got green-lighted. Every single scene is in some architecturally interesting room so that Ravich can shoot from different angles. The main characters even live in one of those impossibly expensive New York City apartments that we've come to expect from over-produced films.
Theron is adequate in the lead role, but Johnny Depp is stiff as a board and seems to wish he was anywhere else than filming this movie. I know I felt like I wanted to be anywhere but in this theater.