Make no mistake, I have nothing inherently against a postmodern hodgepodge of well-known literary characters hanging out together and and fighting evil. I'm not so highbrow as to say that the premise itself of The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen is ill- conceived or some affront to the sources which spawned it. (I hear the graphic novel on which the movie is based is actually quite good.) I'm also a big fan of the increasingly popular "comic-book movie," and was there on opening night of some of the most recent hits like X-Men United and SpiderMan. Those disclaimers out of the way, I would like to proceed to unreservedly pan The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen as a movie of extraordinary crappiness.
Sean Connery's portrayal of the adventurer-hero Allan Quartermain was more like a lifeless caricature of Ernest Hemingway. Yes, Mr. Connery is growing old gracefully, but grace shouldn't mean a downright sluggishness onscreen. He is often seen throughout the film staring, we are meant to assume in some kind of reverie, perhaps of his lost son or of the lonely horrors of an adventurer's life, but it comes across as a deadening gaze, one without purpose or meaning. The usually remarkable Mr. Connery is decidedly unremarkable here.
Most of the main characters and their performances are largely unremarkable as well, which is, in a way, a kind of relief from the singularly awful performances given by Peta Wilson as Mina Harker (of Dracula lore) and of her love-interest Dorian Gray as played by. Mina sounds like a transvestite on valium as she chews up the scenery with her over-the-top drawlings of her (rather stupid) lines, and Dorian, whom we all know from Wilde's novel as a foppish dandy, comes across as some strapping uber-stallion who's tough as leather (and likely to use it). The two of them together generate no heat and no chemistry, as the actors are clearly too self-conscious to make a real connection. Their scenes, both together and separately, are embarassingly painful to watch.
Speaking of embarrassing, the CGI used for the Nautilus (nice bling bling on that sub!) and for the change between Jekyll and Hyde is much too opaque for a movie with this kind of budget. And why is Hyde more like the Hulk, anyway? Contrast this sad attempt at SfX with the rather pathetic hairy attachment on Nemo's face that we're asked to believe is a beard. Come on, folks, this is Hollywood, not high school.
And then there's the "plot," which I'd mention in detail except there doesn't seem to be any.
Cars in Venice? Dorian Gray is immortal? A submarine the size of the QEII in the canals? Run that plan about how to stop the bombs in the piazza de San
Marco by me one more time? What happened to the summit meeting? What exactly were the evil duo (character names intentionally
deleted) planning to do with all the personal effects of the League again? Voodoo?
This movie hasn't got a leg to stand on, nor a canal to swim in. I don't mind things being unbelievable if they're extraordinary...that's what fantasy is all about and part of the reason we go to see movies like this. But when the extraordinary turns ridiculous, the only thing that's unbelievable is that I paid $10.50 to sit there through it.
Sean Connery's portrayal of the adventurer-hero Allan Quartermain was more like a lifeless caricature of Ernest Hemingway. Yes, Mr. Connery is growing old gracefully, but grace shouldn't mean a downright sluggishness onscreen. He is often seen throughout the film staring, we are meant to assume in some kind of reverie, perhaps of his lost son or of the lonely horrors of an adventurer's life, but it comes across as a deadening gaze, one without purpose or meaning. The usually remarkable Mr. Connery is decidedly unremarkable here.
Most of the main characters and their performances are largely unremarkable as well, which is, in a way, a kind of relief from the singularly awful performances given by Peta Wilson as Mina Harker (of Dracula lore) and of her love-interest Dorian Gray as played by. Mina sounds like a transvestite on valium as she chews up the scenery with her over-the-top drawlings of her (rather stupid) lines, and Dorian, whom we all know from Wilde's novel as a foppish dandy, comes across as some strapping uber-stallion who's tough as leather (and likely to use it). The two of them together generate no heat and no chemistry, as the actors are clearly too self-conscious to make a real connection. Their scenes, both together and separately, are embarassingly painful to watch.
Speaking of embarrassing, the CGI used for the Nautilus (nice bling bling on that sub!) and for the change between Jekyll and Hyde is much too opaque for a movie with this kind of budget. And why is Hyde more like the Hulk, anyway? Contrast this sad attempt at SfX with the rather pathetic hairy attachment on Nemo's face that we're asked to believe is a beard. Come on, folks, this is Hollywood, not high school.
And then there's the "plot," which I'd mention in detail except there doesn't seem to be any.
Cars in Venice? Dorian Gray is immortal? A submarine the size of the QEII in the canals? Run that plan about how to stop the bombs in the piazza de San
Marco by me one more time? What happened to the summit meeting? What exactly were the evil duo (character names intentionally
deleted) planning to do with all the personal effects of the League again? Voodoo?
This movie hasn't got a leg to stand on, nor a canal to swim in. I don't mind things being unbelievable if they're extraordinary...that's what fantasy is all about and part of the reason we go to see movies like this. But when the extraordinary turns ridiculous, the only thing that's unbelievable is that I paid $10.50 to sit there through it.
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