JdMoV Reviews

Tie Me Up! Tie Me Down! (1989)

Unfunny Spanish comedy/romance/thriller

[27 April 1999]

Antonio Banderas plays Ricky, a young "saucy" ex-convict who gets out and kidnaps B movie actress Victoria Abril. The result is a dumb, unfunny little spanish film.

The NC-17 rating is unnecessary. It was used for a steamy scene between Banderas and Abril, and a scene where a toy scuba diver dives into Abril's err... underwater cave in the tub.

Not funny, dumb. Two-Stars

Return to Two Moon Junction (1995)

Zalman King should be outraged; Louise Fletcher should be ashamed!

[1/10 · 21 April 1999]

"Return to Two Moon Junction" is a horrible sequel to the underrated original, written and directed by Zalman King and starring "Twin Peaks" star Sherilyn Fenn. This one stars unknown no-talent Melinda Clarke as the sister of Fenn's character April who returns to find out that grandmother Louise Fletcher (what was she thinking?) Obviously the person who bought Two Moon Junction is some Fabio-wannabe with no acting talent what-so-ever. They then engage in corny, sudden, and silly sex. Blah. Blah. Blah.

Horrible. OnE STaR

Black and White (II) (1999)

Typical Bad Cop/Good Cop flick that is saved by Gershon.

[6/10 · 27 March 1999]

"Black and White", like Traci Lords' "Exramarital," the bachelor party turned deadly "Stag," and the Alyssa Milano clunker "Below Utopia" (or "Body Count" as it says on video) before it, premiered on HBO as if it was too bad for theatres. Unlike the other three though, "Black and White" is a decent movie. Gina Gershon stars as a "bad cop" who may be on a killing spree as well as fighting the law. "Dazed and Confused" star Rory Chochrane, who is a good Catholic boy, is teamed with her. Gershon's character has been seen before, possibly as Katherine Martell in "Basic Instict." But with the strong performance from Gershon, she seems more real.

Gershon is an immensely talented and underrated actress. Thanks to her "Black and White" is worthy of a look. 2 aND a HaLF STaRs OuT oF FoUR.

Lover Girl (1997)

Quirky, silly drama

[4/10 · 27 March 1999]

Fresh talent Tara Subkoff, who was excellent in the little seen teen angst drama "All Over Me," stars as Jake, a teen girl whose sister (Kristy Swanson) refuses to let her stay with her. So Jake meets Sandra Bernhard, a masseuse/whore who takes her under her wing. Jake then becomes interested in the job, so she also joins, against Bernhard's will. The plot makes this seem like a dark, gritty drama, sort of like the massage parlor "Whore," but "Lover Girl" is really light and quirky, and not very funny or dramatic.

Besides to see Subkoff, there is no reason to check out "Lover Girl". 2 STaRs OuT oF FoUR.

Terrified (1995)

Not bad, but far from good suspense/thriller

[6/10 · 27 March 1999]

TERRIFIED stars BOOGIE NIGHTS's Heather Graham as a young woman who become "terrified" that someone is stalking her. It starts off pretty good, and fairly scary, but the last half is confusing and dumb. Graham isn't great, but there are signs that she will become a big Hollywood player, which she has.

Could be better; Could be worse. TwO aND a HaLF STaRs OuT oF FoUR

The Lover (1992)

BLAH!!!

[2/10 · 27 March 1999]

I'm sorry, this may be based on a popular novel, but I think that the whole story is just an excuse to see the untalented March nude or having sex with the also untalented Tony Lieung.

Tedious, unerotic, and LONG. OnE STaR OuT oF FoUR