Luke Kirby credited as playing...
Lenny Bruce
- Miriam 'Midge' Maisel: I just can't think of anything funny to say.
- Lenny Bruce: Me either.
- [a beat]
- Lenny Bruce: It's kind of nice isn't it?
- Miriam 'Midge' Maisel: [They're both sitting opposite each other on a small table in a club, smoking] You're staring.
- Lenny Bruce: Am I?
- Miriam 'Midge' Maisel: Do I have a hair out of place?
- Lenny Bruce: [Softly smiling] I didn't know how to tell you.
- [They continue to simply stare at each other for a few seconds]
- Lenny Bruce: What do you think?
- Miriam 'Midge' Maisel: [Jokingly] I just wish it had a little more atmosphere.
- [pause]
- Miriam 'Midge' Maisel: You're still staring.
- Lenny Bruce: So are you.
- [They continue with more silent staring]
- Lenny Bruce: Come on. We're gonna dance.
- [He gets up and heads nearer to Midge]
- Miriam 'Midge' Maisel: You dance?
- Lenny Bruce: Well, we're certainly gonna to find out.
- [He holds his hand out for Midge to take, which she takes. They both head towards the dance-floor]
- Brye Adler: [Talking about a woman looking over at Lenny, while she handed Brye a drink] I think she likes you.
- Lenny Bruce: She's just never seen a circumcised schmeckle before.
- [laughs]
- Lenny Bruce: Uh, but actually, Brye, I'm here with someone special tonight. Someone I love dearly, almost as much as I love myself.
- [Looks around in the direction of where Midge is sitting backstage]
- Lenny Bruce: Uh... uh, sweetheart? Where are... Ah, there you are.
- [Walks on over towards Midge]
- Brye Adler: Lenny... Looks like we have a wandering Mr. Bruce.
- Miriam 'Midge' Maisel: What are you doing?
- [She throws some donuts behind her quickly before she takes Lenny's outstretched hand]
- Lenny Bruce: [For the cameras] Well, it's time everyone knows, don't you think?
- [They begin to head over towards the cameras]
- Miriam 'Midge' Maisel: [Whispers] Uh, I need to powder things.
- Lenny Bruce: What is on you hands?
- Miriam 'Midge' Maisel: Frosting.
- Lenny Bruce: Other hand. Other hand.
- Brye Adler: Oh, he's back. Well, who do we have here?
- Lenny Bruce: Brye, I'd like you to meet my wife--or possibly my sister.
- [Turns to Midge]
- Lenny Bruce: What are you, my wife or my sister?
- Miriam 'Midge' Maisel: Depends on what state we're in.
- Lenny Bruce: Let's go wife. What the hell?
- Brye Adler: Well, it's nice to meet you, whoever you are.
- Miriam 'Midge' Maisel: It's nice to meet you too.
- [They both sit down on the sofa]
- Lenny Bruce: She's a very big fan. She called in sick to work tonight just to be here.
- Brye Adler: Oh? What do you do?
- Miriam 'Midge' Maisel: I'm a Mountie.
- Lenny Bruce: Yes, she's very good with horses.
- Miriam 'Midge' Maisel: And moose.
- Lenny Bruce: [Turns to Midge] And squirrel.
- Brye Adler: A female Mountie? I didn't know there were female Mounties.
- Miriam 'Midge' Maisel: Are you kidding? Have you seen the hats? There's only female Mounties.
- Brye Adler: So, how long have you two been married and/or related?
- Miriam 'Midge' Maisel: [They both turn to one another] Oh, it's been six...
- Lenny Bruce: Uh, seven. You forgot our time at sea.
- Miriam 'Midge' Maisel: Yes, lost at sea. I almost killed you and ate you.
- Lenny Bruce: But then we remembered fish.
- Miriam 'Midge' Maisel: Seven fun-filled...
- [At the same time]
- Miriam 'Midge' Maisel: years.
- Lenny Bruce: [At the same time] Weeks.
- [Chuckles]
- Lenny Bruce: We got to rehearse this next time.
- Brye Adler: Well, you make a very handsome couple.
- Lenny Bruce: Oh, well, we get our looks from our mother.
- Miriam 'Midge' Maisel: Ooh! They just put out some new onion dip, and I heard Betty Bacall is a notorious double-dipper. I've got to go.
- [She stands up]
- Brye Adler: Well, it was nice to meet you...
- Lenny Bruce: [At the same time] Rhoda.
- [laughs]
- Miriam 'Midge' Maisel: [At the same time] Scheherazade.
- [pause]
- Miriam 'Midge' Maisel: Scheherazade Rhoda Maisel. Quite a culturally confusing mouthful.
- Brye Adler: [Both Brye and Lenny watch Midge walk away] Great girl.
- Lenny Bruce: Well, you should see her rob a liquor store.
- Miriam 'Midge' Maisel: [Having been mistaken for a high-class hooker, by a guy who sat himself beside her] Yeah, look Mom, I'm not a hooker. I'm working on my act, and I can pay for my own drinks.
- Andy: Okay. Modern woman. Maybe I should just keep you company so no other man makes the mistake I just did.
- Miriam 'Midge' Maisel: I appreciate you wanting to be the savior of my reputation, but I'm just writing dick jokes, so if you don't mind...
- Lenny Bruce: [Lenny suddenly stops beside Midge, looking over at her jokes in her notebook, who's unaware he'd be there] Number three really paints a picture.
- Miriam 'Midge' Maisel: [Surprised] What on earth are you doing here?
- Lenny Bruce: I am living here.
- Miriam 'Midge' Maisel: In Florida?
- Lenny Bruce: At some point, every Jew must live in Florida. It's in the Torah.
- Miriam 'Midge' Maisel: Wow. You know, it's weird, I never picture you living anywhere. You just exist.
- Lenny Bruce: Well, sorry to disappoint you, but I do live places, and right now, it's here. I got a key, I get mail, I wear an apron.
- Miriam 'Midge' Maisel: Must go good with that tie.
- Lenny Bruce: I heard Shy was in town, so I thought I would stop by and say hello. Hello.
- [Turns to the guy at the bar still sitting by Midge]
- Lenny Bruce: Goodbye.
- [the guy begrudgingly leaves]