David Tennant credited as playing...
Crowley
- Crowley: I never asked to be a demon. I was just minding my own business one day and then... oh, lookie here, it's Lucifer and the guys!
- Crowley: Come on. There must be a way across it. Burning roads. You predict this, Agnes? Why isn't there an index?
- Duke of Hell Hastur: [took his shades and then breaks it, but Crowley looks at him] You'll never escape London. Nothing can.
- Crowley: Hastur. How was your time in voicemail?
- Duke of Hell Hastur: Funny, ha-ha. Joke all you like, Crowley. There's nowhere to run.
- Crowley: Aren't you to be lining up, ready for battle around now?
- Duke of Hell Hastur: Hell will not forget. Hell will not forgive. You know where the real Antichrist is, don't you? You'll never reach him. You're done, Crowley.
- [looks and points at the burning roads]
- Duke of Hell Hastur: Think you're going to get across that? There's nowhere to go.
- [chuckles a little]
- Crowley: Let's find out.
- [puts in the Mozart CD and listens to it while driving]
- Duke of Hell Hastur: What-- what--why are you driving? That's-- what-- Stop this thing.
- Crowley: You know the thing I like best about time, is that every day it takes us further away from the 14th century. I really didn't like the 14th century. You'd have loved it, then.
- Duke of Hell Hastur: Yeah.
- Crowley: They didn't have any cars back in the 14th century. Lovely, clever human people inventing cars, and motorways, and windscreen wipers. You got to hand it to them.
- Duke of Hell Hastur: Yeah.
- [looks at the burning roads then screams]
- Duke of Hell Hastur: Aah! Stop it. It's over. YOU'RE DOOMED! You hear me, Crowley? YOU'RE DOOMED. WHATEVER HAPPENS. "DOOMED"!
- Crowley: See? This day's already got better.
- [looks at the burning roads again and drives inside]
- Crowley: So, thanks to three computer hacks, selective bribery, and me moving some markers across a field one night, the M25 London Orbital Motorway which was supposed to look like this...
- [places a schematic on the projector]
- Crowley: ... will, when it opens in 1986, actually look like this...
- [places a different one]
- Crowley: ... and represent the dread sigil O Daegra in the language of the dark priesthood of ancient Mu. O Daegra means, "Hail the Great Beast, Devourer of Worlds. Can I hear a wahoo?
- [the assembled demons give an anemic "boo"]
- Crowley: Once it's built, the millions of motorists who grumble their way around it are gonna be like water on a prayer wheel, grinding out an endless fog of low-grade evil that will encircle the whole of London.
- [Hastur raises a hand.]
- Crowley: Yes, Duke Hastur?
- Duke of Hell Hastur: What's a computer?
- Duke of Hell Hastur: [crying] STOP THIS! YOU'LL DISCORPORATE US BOTH!
- Crowley: [cackling while Hastur was screaming] HA HA HA HA HA HA!
- Duke of Hell Hastur: [yelling] THIS IS NOT FUNNY!
- Crowley: COME ON! If you've got to go, then "GO WITH STYLE"!
- Duke of Hell Hastur: [caught up on fire then crying with his last words] I HATE YOU!
- [exploded away]
- Crowley: [cackling then angrily driving] You are my car. I've had you from new. You are "NOT" going to BURN. DON'T EVEN THINK OF IT.
- [growls then yells, after that he grunts]
- Crowley: Ha-ha!
- Narrator: Crowley has something no other demons have especially not Hastur, an imagination.
- Crowley: [yells out loud] YEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!
- Narrator: Right now, he's imagining that he is just fine, and that a ton of burning metal, rubber and leather is a fully functioning car. He had started the journey in his Bentley, and he was damned if he wasn't going to finish it in the Bentley as well.
- Crowley: [yelling out loud again] YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!