Designated Survivor (TV Series)

Grief (2018)

Timothy Busfield: Dr. Adam Louden

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Quotes 

• Tom Kirkman : She called me, you know.

  Dr. Adam Louden : When?

  Tom Kirkman : Right before she was killed. Left me a message. Said she loved me. I never got to say it back.

  Dr. Adam Louden : How were things left between you two?

  Tom Kirkman : It was a tough time. We weren't in the best place.

  Dr. Adam Louden : What place do you think you're in now?

  Tom Kirkman : I don't know.

  Dr. Adam Louden : I do. You're standing still. You console your children, not yourself. You can't read about your wife's killer. You can't pick her headstone. You hold yourself responsible. You're angry.

  Tom Kirkman : I'm not dealing with any of it.

  Dr. Adam Louden : No, you're not. You need to find a concrete way to acknowledge your grief. To move on. If you don't, you'll just be treading water. And you know what happens to someone who treads water for too long?

  Tom Kirkman : They drown.

• Dr. Adam Louden : Wonder if you had any reaction to the front-page profile in today's "Times" on Evan Beeman.

  Tom Kirkman : Didn't read it.

  Dr. Adam Louden : But you read the "Times", right?

  Tom Kirkman : Articles that I'm interested in. But an article on the man who killed my wife because he ran a red light while texting isn't one of them.

  Dr. Adam Louden : And you didn't attend his sentencing hearing, either, right?

  Tom Kirkman : No.

  Dr. Adam Louden : Why not?

  Tom Kirkman : Because I'm President of the United States. It wouldn't have brought my wife back.

• Janet : Sorry to interrupt, Mr. President. The delegation is here.

  Tom Kirkman : Thank you.

  [to Adam] 

  Tom Kirkman : We're going to have to reschedule. My office will be in touch.

  Dr. Adam Louden : Good, I can suggest another therapist.

  Tom Kirkman : Excuse me?

  Dr. Adam Louden : You wanted to see me after your wife died, but every time I raise her death, you change the subject. Cut the conversation short. Reschedule the session.

  Tom Kirkman : Just so we're clear, I didn't want to see you. My senior staff demanded it. And in case you haven't noticed, I have a rather busy job.

  Dr. Adam Louden : And if you're too busy for our sessions, then let's discontinue them. But if you want to continue seeing me, we're going to finish this one today. And we're going to talk about what happened to you when your wife died. Because that matters.

• Dr. Adam Louden : Do you have a strategy?

  Tom Kirkman : A strategy for what?

  Dr. Adam Louden : For processing everything. The story you tell yourself about what happened to Alex.

  Tom Kirkman : I know exactly what happened.

  Dr. Adam Louden : Well, there's what happened, and your consciousness of it. For example, who do you blame for Alex's death?

  Tom Kirkman : Evan Beeman killed my wife.

  Dr. Adam Louden : That's who's responsible. My question is who do you blame?

• Dr. Adam Louden : You wanted to be president.

  Tom Kirkman : Given the circumstances, it was my duty, so yes.

  Dr. Adam Louden : Do you think Alex would still be alive if you turned the job down?

  Tom Kirkman : Yes.

• Dr. Adam Louden : So Alex was the reason you took the HUD job. Meaning you wouldn't have been the designated survivor...

  Tom Kirkman : You're not going to get me to blame my wife for her own death.

  Dr. Adam Louden : That's not what I'm trying to do.

  Tom Kirkman : Then what the hell are you trying to do?

  Dr. Adam Louden : Get you to accept that causation is complicated. That every decision has an antecedent.

  Tom Kirkman : She... she... she was my wife. She supported me. She had my back. But the choice was mine. I'm the reason we stayed here. And that's the only antecedent that matters.

• Dr. Adam Louden : So, your kids. How are they handling things?

  Tom Kirkman : We're not here to talk about my kids.

  Dr. Adam Louden : No, we're here to talk about you, but your kids are a big part of your life, right?

• Tom Kirkman : Penny reacted like you'd expect any little girl to react who'd just been told her mother was killed.

  Dr. Adam Louden : How did Leo react?

  [flashback sequence] 

  Tom Kirkman : I watched his youth vanish before my eyes in a second.

  Dr. Adam Louden : That must have been difficult.

  Tom Kirkman : Yeah, it was.

• Dr. Adam Louden : You know, Tom, there's no one way for a person in Leo's position to react, or a little girl. It's different for everybody. But what I find interesting is ten weeks in, you're finally opening up about your kids.

  Tom Kirkman : What are you getting at?

  Dr. Adam Louden : Why were you so reluctant to talk about your children?

  Tom Kirkman : Because they're not the ones in therapy.

  Dr. Adam Louden : No, you are. And you are protecting them. Which is a way of protecting yourself.

  Tom Kirkman : From what?

  Dr. Adam Louden : If you don't share their reactions, you don't have to share yours. And the one thing you don't want to confront.

  Tom Kirkman : Which is?

  Dr. Adam Louden : Grief.

• Tom Kirkman : I grieve for my wife every day.

  Dr. Adam Louden : Do you grieve in public?

  Tom Kirkman : No.

  Dr. Adam Louden : So you grieve in private.

  Tom Kirkman : Yes.

  Dr. Adam Louden : Have you cried?

  Tom Kirkman : What the hell does that matter?

  Dr. Adam Louden : Because grief is a ritual. And if you don't engage in the ritual, either in public or in private...

  Tom Kirkman : What the hell do you expect of me?

  Dr. Adam Louden : It's what you expect of yourself, Tom. And if you think your behavior is adaptive, I'm not sure why you want to see me. And don't tell me it's because your staff made you.

• Dr. Adam Louden : Do you think your wife's death traumatized you?

  Tom Kirkman : I think you know the answer to that.

  Dr. Adam Louden : But do you?

• Tom Kirkman : Of course my wife's death traumatized me. Why is it so important that I acknowledge that to you?

  Dr. Adam Louden : Do you think it's important?

  Tom Kirkman : I think for $800 an hour, you should stop asking me such obvious questions.

  Dr. Adam Louden : You're right. You should be asking yourself. But I will make an observation. You're the president. And to do your job, you need a clear head. If you bring unresolved emotion into the decisional process...

  Tom Kirkman : I don't.

  Dr. Adam Louden : Unintentionally, Tom. But that's the problem. It's what you're doing unintentionally.