The problem is neither the wanting acting, schizophrenic cinematography, exorbitant overuse of sexual imagery, nor the writer/director/actor's grossly inflated self-admiration; it is that collectively, there is maybe 10 minutes of anything remotely coherent to a story being told.
3 Reviews
0 stars
capdelemn13 October 2020
A "movie" about a man that loves his junk passionately.
adrenilinmatt-5606215 March 2024
Warning: Spoilers
Do you want to watch an entire movie which was made for no other purpose than for the director/actor to show off his above average junk? In which, he purposefully places himself in multiple real pornographic scenes, none of which actually have a hint of romance to them, and all of which suspiciously and rather conveniently include the director/actor himself just repeatedly receiving oral stimulation from what i consider to be a rather unfortunate and DEFINITELY underpaid actress that, not even for one moment, looks as if she is enjoying herself? Then, boy, do I have the "film" for you.
This is a masterful exercise in narcissism, from a man that, by all accounts, and outside of the perfect example given by this movie, is quite the arrogant piece of work. (You can read up on that yourself if this movie hasnt told you everything you needed to know about this guy, AND if you care to suffer another 5 minutes of thinking about this guy) There are a fair few directors that, in the past, have "directed" themselves into unsimulated sex scenes (as Chloë Sevigny is all too aware) and, in what seems to be not such a coincidence after seeing it for the umpteenth time, there are some fairly obvious trends that seem to be present within most examples of this. Firstly, often the director himself will be the one "taking one for the team" for these extremely necessary unsimulated scenes that im sure the movies would entirely fall apart without. Secondly, you'll find that the directors doing this, 100 percent of the time, are fairly well endowed and are VERY CLEARLY extremely proud of this, made obvious by how lovingly filmed their meat usually is. Thirdly, and perhaps most telling, its almost always exclusively the director receiving extended oral simulation, quite often to completion, without even a look in for the woman, who again, almost ALWAYS looks entirely uncomfortable and entirely unconvincing if the idea was to sell to the audience that she's just "lovin' it". I imagine this discomfort comes inherent within the act they're being asked to perform as is. However, as we all know, directors are wont to "redo" scenes multiple times to "get it right" which, as is suggested by the very sudden appearance of tears in the eyes of the actress in this particular movie after a sudden cut in one of the many fellatio scenes, is a regular indulgence, atleast for this director. There's absolutely no WAY these scenes where one and done for these guys. I wonder how many "shots" (pun absolutely intended) these guys squeezed out before saying "okay we got it". I can just hear the "that was great but can we do it again without the gagging and tears?"
Anyway, its funny how that works, huh? Those trends. It's almost as if... these men are absolutely in love with themselves and, im sure, if possible, of they could, it'd be them on their knees doing what these unfortunate women have been coaxed into doing, only, the directors themselves would be having A LOT more fun. Oh well, i suppose the next best thing to self worship and self fellatio is having some woman do it while you lovingly film, perfectly frame and light your oh-so impressive member.
And to all of the directors out there that do/ have done this (you know who you are) i say, thank you. Thank you for being so brave, taking one for the team, and begrudgingly, oh so begrudgingly, exposing yourselves like that on camera while a VERY lucky actress gets to, scene after scene, take after take, choke on your mighty talent. I understand why you would take the fall for the cast on that specific scene. Wouldn't want to put one of your actors through the traumatic experience of being blown repeatedly. That would suck.
And so does this movie.
This is a masterful exercise in narcissism, from a man that, by all accounts, and outside of the perfect example given by this movie, is quite the arrogant piece of work. (You can read up on that yourself if this movie hasnt told you everything you needed to know about this guy, AND if you care to suffer another 5 minutes of thinking about this guy) There are a fair few directors that, in the past, have "directed" themselves into unsimulated sex scenes (as Chloë Sevigny is all too aware) and, in what seems to be not such a coincidence after seeing it for the umpteenth time, there are some fairly obvious trends that seem to be present within most examples of this. Firstly, often the director himself will be the one "taking one for the team" for these extremely necessary unsimulated scenes that im sure the movies would entirely fall apart without. Secondly, you'll find that the directors doing this, 100 percent of the time, are fairly well endowed and are VERY CLEARLY extremely proud of this, made obvious by how lovingly filmed their meat usually is. Thirdly, and perhaps most telling, its almost always exclusively the director receiving extended oral simulation, quite often to completion, without even a look in for the woman, who again, almost ALWAYS looks entirely uncomfortable and entirely unconvincing if the idea was to sell to the audience that she's just "lovin' it". I imagine this discomfort comes inherent within the act they're being asked to perform as is. However, as we all know, directors are wont to "redo" scenes multiple times to "get it right" which, as is suggested by the very sudden appearance of tears in the eyes of the actress in this particular movie after a sudden cut in one of the many fellatio scenes, is a regular indulgence, atleast for this director. There's absolutely no WAY these scenes where one and done for these guys. I wonder how many "shots" (pun absolutely intended) these guys squeezed out before saying "okay we got it". I can just hear the "that was great but can we do it again without the gagging and tears?"
Anyway, its funny how that works, huh? Those trends. It's almost as if... these men are absolutely in love with themselves and, im sure, if possible, of they could, it'd be them on their knees doing what these unfortunate women have been coaxed into doing, only, the directors themselves would be having A LOT more fun. Oh well, i suppose the next best thing to self worship and self fellatio is having some woman do it while you lovingly film, perfectly frame and light your oh-so impressive member.
And to all of the directors out there that do/ have done this (you know who you are) i say, thank you. Thank you for being so brave, taking one for the team, and begrudgingly, oh so begrudgingly, exposing yourselves like that on camera while a VERY lucky actress gets to, scene after scene, take after take, choke on your mighty talent. I understand why you would take the fall for the cast on that specific scene. Wouldn't want to put one of your actors through the traumatic experience of being blown repeatedly. That would suck.
And so does this movie.
See also
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