Quotes

Fast & Furious Presents: Hobbs & Shaw

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British Customs Officer: [sees the name Mike Oxsmaull on Luke's boarding pass] My cock's small?
Luke Hobbs: [Embarrassed] I go by Michael.

Deckard Shaw: This job requires stealth. Look at you.
Luke Hobbs: I'm trying to save the world, which, for the record, will be my fourth time. 'Cause I'm really good at it.

[middle-credit scene]
Locke: Can you believe that Game of Thrones' ending?
Luke Hobbs: I didn't see it.
Locke: You watched the shit of it, you dirty little liar!
Luke Hobbs: [impatiently] What's the problem? You said there was a problem.
Locke: My problem is that Jon Snow had sex with his aunt, then killed her, and nobody wants to talk about it!

[Brixton nabs Hattie and he and his thugs scale down the skyscraper. Hobbs and Shaw decide to chase after them through ropes]
Luke Hobbs: On my three.
Deckard Shaw: Sure.
Luke Hobbs: One, two, three!
[Hobbs jumps and grabs his rope, but realizes that Shaw doesn't do the same. Shaw waves at Hobbs and takes the elevator, engaging the emergency release to drop him faster than Hobbs. Hobbs then jumps and knocks out a thug by sending him crashing head-first to the elevator window]
Luke Hobbs: [muffled] Fuck you!

Luke Hobbs: Pick a door.
Deckard Shaw: [thumbs at the door behind him] All right, then.
Luke Hobbs: No. That's my door. Pick another door.
Deckard Shaw: What's wrong with you?
[Shaw picks his door and opens it, revealing eight thugs inside]
Deckard Shaw: You know what? You're right. This is your door.
Luke Hobbs: What's the matter? You got a lot of bad guys behind that door?
[Shaw fights off the thugs behind his door. Hobbs opens his door and sees a 7-foot thug in front of him. The thug throws around his monkeywrench, but Hobbs knocks him out with one punch. Hobbs grabs the thug and shoves his face against the facial recognition pad]
Computer: Access granted.
[Shaw takes the last thug in his room and shoves his face against the facial recognition pad]
Computer: Access denied.
[Shaw tries again]
Computer: Access denied.
[Shaw tries again]
Computer: Access denied.
[Hobbs shrugs as Shaw lets go of the thug and tries another thug against the facial recognition pad]
Computer: Access denied.
[Shaw tries the other thugs but gets denied access again and again and then tries the thug at the other end of the room against the facial recognition pad]
Computer: Access granted.

Sefina Hobbs: My baby's come home!
Luke Hobbs: I'm sorry to bring trouble here, Momma, but I need my brothers. This family is going to war. We're gonna need cars... and guns.
[Hobbs opens the armory and discovers that all of the guns have been replaced with traditional Samoan spears and handheld weapons]
Luke Hobbs: Momma, where's all our guns?
Sefina Hobbs: I get rid of them.
Deckard Shaw: Very noble, Mrs. Hobbs.
[whispers to Hattie]
Deckard Shaw: We're in serious trouble.
Hattie Shaw: That's an understatement.
[Hobbs grabs a spiked club]
Luke Hobbs: Let's get old-school.

Luke Hobbs: [looking for his seat on the aeroplane] Oh yeah, where's my seat? F 1, F2
[sees Deckard Shaw]
Luke Hobbs: F U.

[Hobbs and Shaw are on a stealth jet]
Deckard Shaw: On my three! One...
[Hobbs suddenly ejects Shaw]
Luke Hobbs: Ha ha ha ha! Whoo! All right, you see the look on his face? You have no idea how long I've been waiting to do that.
[Shaw opens his parachute and gives Hobbs the double finger]

Luke Hobbs: Jonah, I hear you, but we ain't kids anymore you better watch how you talk to me.
Jonah: It's not the size of the dog in the fight, boy it's the size of the fight in the dog.
Luke Hobbs: No, it's always the size of the dog.

Brixton: Shaw's sister took something from me. A virus that could wipe out half the population. And I want it back.

Sefina Hobbs: You have some respect for your uso. If he needs anything, we're gonna give it to him. The food off our tables, the clothes off our backs, even the mana of the islands.
Sefina Hobbs: And you boys, all of you boys, you show our guests here fa'aaloalo, or so help me God, I'm gonna take this here slippah, and I'm gonna sasa your big, fat heads! You boys hear me?

[Post-credit scene]
Deckard Shaw: [On the phone to Hobbs] Let me guess. You have a mission to save the world. You just can't do it without me.
Luke Hobbs: No, man. I was just checking in on you. Seeing how my good friend is doing. And I, um... I really wanted to hear this.
Police Officers: Police! Come out with your hands up! We know you're in there Hugh Janus.
Deckard Shaw: You bastard.
Luke Hobbs: I warned you, you bald-headed sumbitch. When you least expect it... expect it.
Deckard Shaw: You have no idea what you've started.
Luke Hobbs: I'm pretty sure it involves rubber gloves and a body cavity search.
Deckard Shaw: Not a chance.
[Walks out of the pub]
Police Officers: Police! Get on the ground Hugh Janus!
Deckard Shaw: This ain't gonna go down how you boys expect. I'll be seeing you Hobbs
[hangs up]
Luke Hobbs: Looking forward to it, Shaw.

[walking into a basement hideout of Shaw's below a bar called The Carpenters Arms, along a row of parked sports cars, together with Shaw and Hattie]
Luke Hobbs: Wow, look at all these. Somebody's overcompensating.
Deckard Shaw: If anything, I'm undercompensating.
Luke Hobbs: [coming up on a Mini Cooper] And a teeny tiny one. Just your size.
Deckard Shaw: Used it for a job over in Italy. Shame we didn't need a weightlifting bus driver. Woulda given you a call.

Brixton: I'm indeed the future of the planet. I'm the necessary shot to the system. I am human evolutionary change. Bulletproof. Superhuman.

[first lines]
UK Police Leader: All right, touchdown in two. Rules of engagement: electric rounds only. MI6 wants him alive for questioning. The target's in a metal coffer. Every agency and terror cell is looking for it.

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