- Penny Hofstadter: This is about science. Why'd you come to me?
- Sheldon Cooper: Well, because it's also about my reputation. And somehow, you managed to hold your head high despite your checkered past.
- Penny Hofstadter: Checkered past?
- Sheldon Cooper: It's a figure of speech referring to how sexually promiscuous you were.
- Penny Hofstadter: Really? Well, I've got a figure of speech about how sexually promiscuous you can go be with yourself.
- Sheldon Cooper: And what is it?
- Leonard Hofstadter: Hey, how's Bernadette handling bed rest?
- Howard Wolowitz: Well, she lies around all day eating Mallomars and hollering at me, so her transformation from my wife to my mother is complete.
- Sheldon Cooper: Congratulations. I know that's what you were hoping for.
- Sheldon Cooper: I'm working with Bert, but I don't want anyone to find out.
- Penny Hofstadter: Well, you just told me, so strong start.
- Sheldon Cooper: Penny, this is serious. My reputation is on the line. What are people gonna think when they see us collaborating?
- Penny Hofstadter: I don't know. "Poor Bert"?
- Ruchi: Are you sure you're okay with this?
- Raj Koothrappali: Honestly, Ruchi, I don't have a lot of experience with casual relationships. I have some experience with serious relationships and a ton of experience with no relationships.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Sheldon, you've never cared what people thought, even when you really, really should. That dinner with my parents comes to mind.
- Sheldon Cooper: If I'm not gonna use "your momma" jokes when I meet your mother, why'd I bother to learn them?
- Amy Farrah Fowler: I'm just saying if you think the work is interesting, nothing else should matter.
- Sheldon Cooper: You're right, Amy. That is sage advice. Which is surprising, considering your momma is so dumb, she...
- Amy Farrah Fowler: [standing and leaving] Nope.
- Sheldon Cooper: ...she studied for a urine test.
- Raj Koothrappali: I mean, Ruchi's nice. We're just so different.
- Howard Wolowitz: I know. Sometimes when you're dating, you meet weird people. I once met a girl who didn't like juggling.
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: And she still doesn't.
- Raj Koothrappali: Hey, uh, who's free tonight?
- Leonard Hofstadter: Oh, I think I'm...
- Sheldon Cooper: Hang on. We've made this mistake before. It's how we wound up at his cousin Deepak's Tupperware party.
- Raj Koothrappali: Hey, you use that collapsible bowl all the time, and you know it. And it's not like that. I just thought we could, you know, hang out and go to a bar.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Sure.
- Sheldon Cooper: Very well.
- Howard Wolowitz: Sounds fun.
- Raj Koothrappali: And watch cricket.
- Howard Wolowitz: That sound you hear? Ironically, crickets.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Sheldon, what are you doing? Bert's one of the top guys in his field.
- Sheldon Cooper: And somewhere there's a mime who's top in his field, but you don't see me rushing to collaborate with him on new ways to be stuck in a box.
- Howard Wolowitz: Also something I would watch instead of cricket.
- Sheldon Cooper: I've been thinking about it, and I suppose I... I could help you with your research.
- Bert Kibbler: What changed your mind?
- Sheldon Cooper: Bert, I'm a gift horse. Don't look me in the mouth.
- Sheldon Cooper: I am a respected theoretical physicist. I aspire to win a Nobel Prize someday. But nobody's gonna take me seriously if they find out I've been dabbling in geology.
- Penny Hofstadter: Well, why not? They're both sciences. And I know because they're classes my high school counselor said "weren't for me".
- Sheldon Cooper: They're very different. Physics answers the question "What is the nature of the universe?". Geology answers the question, you know, "What'd I just trip over?".
- Penny Hofstadter: All right, well, then don't work with Bert.
- Sheldon Cooper: Oh, but I like the work.
- Penny Hofstadter: Then work with him.
- Sheldon Cooper: Yeah, but I'm ashamed of the field.
- Penny Hofstadter: Then don't work with him.
- Sheldon Cooper: Yeah, but we could prove dark matter.
- Penny Hofstadter: Then work with him.
- Sheldon Cooper: But I just think that people...
- Penny Hofstadter: How many times are you gonna do this?
- Sheldon Cooper: My record is fourteen.
- Raj Koothrappali: So Ruchi and I decided to keep things casual.
- [Penny lets out a scoffing laugh]
- Raj Koothrappali: What? What? I can handle casual.
- Penny Hofstadter: [with another derisive laugh] Oh...
- Raj Koothrappali: Why do you keep doing that with your face?
- Penny Hofstadter: Because you keep saying stupid things with yours.
- Bert Kibbler: Hey, Sheldon, you left your jacket in my office last night.
- Sheldon Cooper: Uh, oh. No-no, I didn't. That's-that's not my jacket.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Then why does it say "Property of S. Cooper. Stop touching it"?
- Sheldon Cooper: It sounds like someone named Scooper doesn't want you touching his jacket.
- Howard Wolowitz: Are you guys working together on that meteorite project?
- Sheldon Cooper: Yes, fine. You found me out. I'm doing geology. Just, please, don't tell anyone.
- Bert Kibbler: Are you embarassed of me?
- Sheldon Cooper: Oh, no, no, no, not you. No, just the work that you've devoted your entire life to.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: What's going on?
- Sheldon Cooper: What if there was something I wanted to do, but I was worried other people would think less of me?
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Is that other person me, and does it happen in the bedroom, in which case I think I'm cool with it?
- Sheldon Cooper: No. It's about working with Bert on... you know what? I'm not even gonna say it. I am just gonna say the letter it starts with and "-ology". G... oh, no, that's not gonna work.
- Sheldon Cooper: Leonard, what are you doing here?
- Leonard Hofstadter: Bert asked for my help.
- Bert Kibbler: Yeah, he's an excellent scientist, and he doesn't tell me what time I can go to the bathroom.
- Sheldon Cooper: It's called bladder training. When you're in your 80s, you'll thank me for it.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Look, Sheldon, you were a jerk to Bert, and he walked away from you. So I feel like there's a lot he could teach me.
- Sheldon Cooper: Bert, please. I know I behaved poorly in the past, but things will be different this time. You'll see. Come on, let me in. We'll have some laughs, we'll calculate some isotope ratios.
- Bert Kibbler: I'm sorry, Sheldon.
- [he closes the door]
- Leonard Hofstadter: So you just shut the door in his face? I got to start writing this stuff down.
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: So you're not gonna see her again?
- Raj Koothrappali: What's the point? We're never gonna be in a real relationship.
- Howard Wolowitz: Right, so you'll only be in a physical one?
- Raj Koothrappali: Exactly. Why would I want to spend time with someone like that?
- Howard Wolowitz: Someone who is just interested in sex?
- Raj Koothrappali: Yeah.
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: Raj, do you real...
- Howard Wolowitz: Whoa, hold on. Give him a chance. He's gonna get this.
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: [seeing Raj's blank expression] I don't think he is.
- Raj Koothrappali: What is there to get? She doesn't want to fall in love. At that point, all we are is two single people who find each other attractive and enjoy having...
- [realization dawns on him]
- Raj Koothrappali: Oh, got to go!
- Leonard Hofstadter: Hey, Bert. How you doing?
- Bert Kibbler: Well, you know, we geologists always get a little sad when Rocktober's over.
- Sheldon Cooper: Wordplay?
- Leonard Hofstadter: Yes.
- Sheldon Cooper: Funny wordplay?
- Leonard Hofstadter: What do you think?
- Sheldon Cooper: [distastefully] Eh.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Trust your gut.
- Bert Kibbler: Sheldon, I've got these four billion year old meteorites. I thought maybe they'd show signs of neutrino interactions. I could really use someone like you to help me with the math.
- Sheldon Cooper: Oh, so they would act as natural dark matter detectors.
- Raj Koothrappali: That sounds interesting.
- Sheldon Cooper: It does, but it's still geology. Sorry, Bert, I don't have time to play rocks with you.
- Bert Kibbler: I'm not asking you to play rocks. I'm asking you to collaborate on a research project. Although, if there's time, I guess we could play a round of "zinc, zinc, piece of quartz".
- Howard Wolowitz: Does sound better than cricket.
- Howard Wolowitz: I don't get how you can enjoy cricket. It makes no sense.
- Raj Koothrappali: Did you just come here to complain?
- Howard Wolowitz: Yeah. That's the sport of my people.
- Howard Wolowitz: Hey, I think that's Bernadette's friend over there.
- Raj Koothrappali: Oh, yeah. Hey, Ruchi!
- [as she approaches]
- Raj Koothrappali: I-I hope this isn't awkward. The last time we met, I kind of embarassed myself.
- Howard Wolowitz: Let's see if you can go two for two.
- Sheldon Cooper: Hello, Amy. What do you mean, where am I? I'm in my office.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: No, I'm at your office, and you're not here. I thought I'd surprise you with dinner.
- Sheldon Cooper: For future reference, the best surprises are the ones I know about three days in advance.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Sheldon, where are you?
- Sheldon Cooper: It's a surprise! There, doesn't feel very good, does it?
- Howard Wolowitz: Look, while Bernadette's on bed rest, we're gonna have to divide and conquer. I've got one monitor for her, one for the baby. Which do you want?
- Stuart Bloom: I'll take the baby. She's less emasculating.
- Stuart Bloom: So, you and Ruchi?
- Raj Koothrappali: Yeah, I'm sorry. I know you liked her, too, but we just bumped into each other last night and hit it off.
- Stuart Bloom: No, that's fine. You're my friend and I'm happy for you.
- Raj Koothrappali: Oh, thank you, Stuart.
- Stuart Bloom: Plus, I don't know how you're gonna screw it up, but I know you will.
- Raj Koothrappali: What's there to screw up? She just wants to keep things casual.
- Stuart Bloom: Oh, great. That's how you're gonna screw it up.
- Raj Koothrappali: Hey, I can be casual.
- Stuart Bloom: Mm-hmm. I should get a haircut; this thing's going south fast.
- Raj Koothrappali: Okay, fine. I'm not great at casual relationships, and I don't want to scare her off.
- Penny Hofstadter: All right, just give her some space, all right? Don't call, don't text, don't e-mail.
- Raj Koothrappali: That's crazy. What if I see a sunset that reminds me of her?
- Penny Hofstadter: All right, when do you see her next?
- Raj Koothrappali: Uh, we're having dinner tonight.
- Penny Hofstadter: Okay. Put a rubber band around your wrist, and any time you start planning your wedding or naming your children, I want you to stab yourself in the hand with a fork.
- Raj Koothrappali: What's the rubber band for?
- Penny Hofstadter: To slow the bleeding.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: What you got there?
- Sheldon Cooper: A rock.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Did some mean boys throw it at you?
- Sheldon Cooper: It turns out I'm the mean boy. Although I did drop it on my own foot, so kind of.
- Bert Kibbler: What do you want, Sheldon?
- Sheldon Cooper: I would like us to work together again. And I promise to keep my geology comments to myself, becaue while some of them are funny, all of them are mean.
- Howard Wolowitz: So, how was your night with Ruchi?
- Raj Koothrappali: Oh, great. We ordered in some food, we had sex, I left. I didn't even ask if she enjoyed it.
- Howard Wolowitz: I can field that one for her.
- Raj Koothrappali: I mean, I did get a little misty when we said goodbye, but I played it off as allergies. I don't know if she bought it.
- Howard Wolowitz: Again, I know.
- Sheldon Cooper: I need to talk to Penny alone.
- [Leonard chuckles and leaves]
- Penny Hofstadter: What's up?
- Sheldon Cooper: Just a moment. I need to see that Leonard's not listening. I brought a box of cupcakes!
- [Beat]
- Sheldon Cooper: Okay, we're good.
- Ruchi: What people call "love" is actually a series of biochemical reactions in the brain that fade over time.
- Raj Koothrappali: Yes. Like the old song, "When a man has a biochemical reaction for a woman."
- Ruchi: Raj, we're scientists. We don't need to feel threatened just because we understand the mechanisms that give rise to romantic feelings.
- Raj Koothrappali: It doesn't take anything away from the experience. Yes, it does. Actually, it takes everything away from it. Love isn't just science. It's-it's spiritual. It's an acknowledgment of a mystery that's greater than ourselves. It's what makes people write songs and poems, and what has kept "The Bachelor" on TV for 21 magical seasons.
- Ruchi: Don't you think the fact that love is given away as a prize on a game show slightly undermines your argument?
- Raj Koothrappali: Uh, yes. But I've never missed an episode, and I dare science to explain that.