The Big Bang Theory (TV Series)
The Geology Methodology (2017)
Jim Parsons: Sheldon Cooper
Photos
Quotes
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Penny Hofstadter : This is about science. Why'd you come to me?
Sheldon Cooper : Well, because it's also about my reputation. And somehow, you managed to hold your head high despite your checkered past.
Penny Hofstadter : Checkered past?
Sheldon Cooper : It's a figure of speech referring to how sexually promiscuous you were.
Penny Hofstadter : Really? Well, I've got a figure of speech about how sexually promiscuous you can go be with yourself.
Sheldon Cooper : And what is it?
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Leonard Hofstadter : Hey, how's Bernadette handling bed rest?
Howard Wolowitz : Well, she lies around all day eating Mallomars and hollering at me, so her transformation from my wife to my mother is complete.
Sheldon Cooper : Congratulations. I know that's what you were hoping for.
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Sheldon Cooper : I'm working with Bert, but I don't want anyone to find out.
Penny Hofstadter : Well, you just told me, so strong start.
Sheldon Cooper : Penny, this is serious. My reputation is on the line. What are people gonna think when they see us collaborating?
Penny Hofstadter : I don't know. "Poor Bert"?
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Amy Farrah Fowler : Sheldon, you've never cared what people thought, even when you really, really should. That dinner with my parents comes to mind.
Sheldon Cooper : If I'm not gonna use "your momma" jokes when I meet your mother, why'd I bother to learn them?
Amy Farrah Fowler : I'm just saying if you think the work is interesting, nothing else should matter.
Sheldon Cooper : You're right, Amy. That is sage advice. Which is surprising, considering your momma is so dumb, she...
Amy Farrah Fowler : [standing and leaving] Nope.
Sheldon Cooper : ...she studied for a urine test.
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Raj Koothrappali : Hey, uh, who's free tonight?
Leonard Hofstadter : Oh, I think I'm...
Sheldon Cooper : Hang on. We've made this mistake before. It's how we wound up at his cousin Deepak's Tupperware party.
Raj Koothrappali : Hey, you use that collapsible bowl all the time, and you know it. And it's not like that. I just thought we could, you know, hang out and go to a bar.
Leonard Hofstadter : Sure.
Sheldon Cooper : Very well.
Howard Wolowitz : Sounds fun.
Raj Koothrappali : And watch cricket.
Howard Wolowitz : That sound you hear? Ironically, crickets.
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Leonard Hofstadter : Sheldon, what are you doing? Bert's one of the top guys in his field.
Sheldon Cooper : And somewhere there's a mime who's top in his field, but you don't see me rushing to collaborate with him on new ways to be stuck in a box.
Howard Wolowitz : Also something I would watch instead of cricket.
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Sheldon Cooper : I've been thinking about it, and I suppose I... I could help you with your research.
Bert Kibbler : What changed your mind?
Sheldon Cooper : Bert, I'm a gift horse. Don't look me in the mouth.
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Sheldon Cooper : I am a respected theoretical physicist. I aspire to win a Nobel Prize someday. But nobody's gonna take me seriously if they find out I've been dabbling in geology.
Penny Hofstadter : Well, why not? They're both sciences. And I know because they're classes my high school counselor said "weren't for me".
Sheldon Cooper : They're very different. Physics answers the question "What is the nature of the universe?". Geology answers the question, you know, "What'd I just trip over?".
Penny Hofstadter : All right, well, then don't work with Bert.
Sheldon Cooper : Oh, but I like the work.
Penny Hofstadter : Then work with him.
Sheldon Cooper : Yeah, but I'm ashamed of the field.
Penny Hofstadter : Then don't work with him.
Sheldon Cooper : Yeah, but we could prove dark matter.
Penny Hofstadter : Then work with him.
Sheldon Cooper : But I just think that people...
Penny Hofstadter : How many times are you gonna do this?
Sheldon Cooper : My record is fourteen.
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Bert Kibbler : Hey, Sheldon, you left your jacket in my office last night.
Sheldon Cooper : Uh, oh. No-no, I didn't. That's-that's not my jacket.
Leonard Hofstadter : Then why does it say "Property of S. Cooper. Stop touching it"?
Sheldon Cooper : It sounds like someone named Scooper doesn't want you touching his jacket.
Howard Wolowitz : Are you guys working together on that meteorite project?
Sheldon Cooper : Yes, fine. You found me out. I'm doing geology. Just, please, don't tell anyone.
Bert Kibbler : Are you embarassed of me?
Sheldon Cooper : Oh, no, no, no, not you. No, just the work that you've devoted your entire life to.
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Amy Farrah Fowler : What's going on?
Sheldon Cooper : What if there was something I wanted to do, but I was worried other people would think less of me?
Amy Farrah Fowler : Is that other person me, and does it happen in the bedroom, in which case I think I'm cool with it?
Sheldon Cooper : No. It's about working with Bert on... you know what? I'm not even gonna say it. I am just gonna say the letter it starts with and "-ology". G... oh, no, that's not gonna work.
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Sheldon Cooper : Leonard, what are you doing here?
Leonard Hofstadter : Bert asked for my help.
Bert Kibbler : Yeah, he's an excellent scientist, and he doesn't tell me what time I can go to the bathroom.
Sheldon Cooper : It's called bladder training. When you're in your 80s, you'll thank me for it.
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Leonard Hofstadter : Look, Sheldon, you were a jerk to Bert, and he walked away from you. So I feel like there's a lot he could teach me.
Sheldon Cooper : Bert, please. I know I behaved poorly in the past, but things will be different this time. You'll see. Come on, let me in. We'll have some laughs, we'll calculate some isotope ratios.
Bert Kibbler : I'm sorry, Sheldon.
[he closes the door]
Leonard Hofstadter : So you just shut the door in his face? I got to start writing this stuff down.
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Leonard Hofstadter : Hey, Bert. How you doing?
Bert Kibbler : Well, you know, we geologists always get a little sad when Rocktober's over.
Sheldon Cooper : Wordplay?
Leonard Hofstadter : Yes.
Sheldon Cooper : Funny wordplay?
Leonard Hofstadter : What do you think?
Sheldon Cooper : [distastefully] Eh.
Leonard Hofstadter : Trust your gut.
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Bert Kibbler : Sheldon, I've got these four billion year old meteorites. I thought maybe they'd show signs of neutrino interactions. I could really use someone like you to help me with the math.
Sheldon Cooper : Oh, so they would act as natural dark matter detectors.
Raj Koothrappali : That sounds interesting.
Sheldon Cooper : It does, but it's still geology. Sorry, Bert, I don't have time to play rocks with you.
Bert Kibbler : I'm not asking you to play rocks. I'm asking you to collaborate on a research project. Although, if there's time, I guess we could play a round of "zinc, zinc, piece of quartz".
Howard Wolowitz : Does sound better than cricket.
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Sheldon Cooper : Hello, Amy. What do you mean, where am I? I'm in my office.
Amy Farrah Fowler : No, I'm at your office, and you're not here. I thought I'd surprise you with dinner.
Sheldon Cooper : For future reference, the best surprises are the ones I know about three days in advance.
Amy Farrah Fowler : Sheldon, where are you?
Sheldon Cooper : It's a surprise! There, doesn't feel very good, does it?
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Amy Farrah Fowler : What you got there?
Sheldon Cooper : A rock.
Amy Farrah Fowler : Did some mean boys throw it at you?
Sheldon Cooper : It turns out I'm the mean boy. Although I did drop it on my own foot, so kind of.
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Bert Kibbler : What do you want, Sheldon?
Sheldon Cooper : I would like us to work together again. And I promise to keep my geology comments to myself, becaue while some of them are funny, all of them are mean.
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Sheldon Cooper : I need to talk to Penny alone.
[Leonard chuckles and leaves]
Penny Hofstadter : What's up?
Sheldon Cooper : Just a moment. I need to see that Leonard's not listening. I brought a box of cupcakes!
[Beat]
Sheldon Cooper : Okay, we're good.