Quotes
McLean Stevenson/Gene Hackman/George Carlin/Gloria DeHaven
The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson
- McLean Stevenson: On Friday night at the Olympic Auditorium, to sort of celebrate our new Smoke and Sweat Week here in Los Angeles, uh... they have the world's largest athlete. This person is 7 feet 5 inches tall, weighs 425 pounds, goes by the name of André. André will, in addition to eating a '37 Plymouth, wrestle 42 tag-team wrestling champions.
- McLean Stevenson: Can you imagine a couple of cowboys or somethin', ridin' across the desert, guy says, "Hey, Denver - let's hold up here a minute. I gotta go back to that rock and go potty... I've needed to go potty ever since we left Dodge City."
- Johnny Carson: Well, it - it beats "tinkle".
- McLean Stevenson: [on performing in Las Vegas] A steak dinner there, when you go for the dinner show, costs you 16 bucks. OK? So that means that if you went to Ralphs, to get the same size steak, it'd cost you 3. OK? So I figure all I gotta do is be five times funnier than the butcher at Ralphs, and I'm home free. And that guy don't come out unless you ring a bell.
- George Carlin: The airlines are strange. They search you with, uh, magnetometers and every kind of device there is - make sure you're not carrying a weapon - and you get on board, they give you a knife and a fork and all the wine you can drink.
- George Carlin: The San Diego Freeway was the scene of a freak accident today when six freaks in a camper crashed into three freaks in a van.
- George Carlin: The Supreme Court has reversed a lower court ruling which had upheld an earlier decision by a circuit court judge allowing an injunction which would restrain a defendant from contesting a court order forcing him to show cause why he should not be enjoined from initiating a lawsuit.
- Gene Hackman: I get a lot of calls where - people just breathing hard. And if it happened to my wife or one of my daughters, then I would understand that, but with me, I don't - that I don't understand at all.
- Gloria DeHaven: [on her feathery white outfit] I found out that it was going to be all gentlemen, and I thought, "This is my moment." You know...
- Johnny Carson: Sure.
- Gloria DeHaven: Why come out looking like - you know, in the turtleneck and the slacks, and looking like a fella?
- Johnny Carson: A female lumberjack, or something.
- Gloria DeHaven: Yeah. I - you know, I want to be a girl.