- Himself - Cafe Proprietor: I don't drink coffee. I can't stand the crap, it's the nastiest tasting stuff I've ever tried, and I've tried it twice just to make sure.
- Himself - Neighbour: If I had one wish, I wish I could find me a nice woman. I even posted it online: "I'm looking for a nice woman, to stay with me - do the cookin' and cleanin' - do my laundry..." And everybody said: "You want a maid - you don't want a fucking wife!"