Lucifer (TV Series)
They're Back, Aren't They? (2017)
Tom Ellis: Lucifer Morningstar
Photos
Quotes
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Josh Hamid : I thought you weren't real cops. I mean, a guy named Lucifer and the chick from Hot Tub Hotel?
Lucifer Morningstar : "High School". Hot Tub High School. She wasn't in the sequel.
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Amenadiel : So what happened?
Lucifer Morningstar : It was terrible, Brother. I was kidnapped.
Amenadiel : No, Luci. I meant Mom.
Lucifer Morningstar : Oh. Well, didn't you get my text?
Amenadiel : What, you mean the string of nonsensical emojis? Fire, Sword, Doughnut, Spaceman, Clock, Dancing Lady, Flashlight, Thumbs Up?
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Lucifer Morningstar : What's your name?
Lee : Said out, bitch.
Lucifer Morningstar : Mr. Said Out Bitch, tell me, what is it you really desire?
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Lucifer Morningstar : It's quite simple... it's just snip, snip, and Bob's your uncle.
Linda Martin : Well, God's your Father, Lucifer. And things are never simple with Him.
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Lucifer Morningstar : Isn't that ironic? You want your wings back and didn't get them, and I...
[Stops himself from admitting the truth]
Lucifer Morningstar : ... Get whacked over the head and hauled out to the desert.
Amenadiel : That's not ironic.
Lucifer Morningstar : Well, not "ironic" ironic. More... Alanis Morissette ironic.
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Marcus Pierce : You must be Lucifer.
Lucifer Morningstar : Morningstar, pleasure.
[puts out his hand]
Marcus Pierce : There was an investigation last year. We interviewed, what was it, 92 of your sexual partners? I think I'll refrain from physical contact if you don't mind.
[Lucifer scoffs]
Marcus Pierce : You don't seem reckless. Narcissistic, hedonistic. That I see.
Lucifer Morningstar : Well, thank you very much.
Marcus Pierce : Not a compliment. Your file's as long as my johnson.
Lucifer Morningstar : Quick read then?
Marcus Pierce : Hardly.
Lucifer Morningstar : Well, I for one don't need a file to ascertain you haven't even had a snog in ages, have you?
Marcus Pierce : Accurate.
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Chloe Decker : [Angrily] What are you doing?
Lucifer Morningstar : Consulting!
Chloe Decker : Then consult less.
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Lucifer Morningstar : How did we get stuck with the "B" team, anyway?
Chloe Decker : Lucifer, this is Lancaster PD. The crime scene is on the L.A. border, so they're here helping.
Ella Lopez : I mean, I think they're doing a great job.
Dan Espinoza : [Arrives at the scene] Geez. These Lancaster guys are a bunch of tools.
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Amenadiel : My ego should never be an issue. I am an angel. A soldier of God. His favorite son.
Lucifer Morningstar : Oh, that's gonna be a thing, isn't it?
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Linda Martin : I didn't know that they could grow back. Are wings like... body hair?
Lucifer Morningstar : No. Don't be so ridiculous. This is Dad's latest stunt. A celestial spanking, if you will. I suppose that's what I get for giving Mum her own universe.
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Officer in Charge : Partner name and badge number!
Lucifer Morningstar : Oh, for goodness' sake. Detective Decker. I'm afraid I don't know her badge number. But I'd say with certainty she's a 34-B, if that helps.
Uni : Checks out.
Lucifer Morningstar : Well, of course it does... I'm never wrong when it comes to cup size.
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Chloe Decker : [to Dan] If you're upset about what the lieutenant said, you're not alone. He's not a fan of mine, either. And I still can't believe he called me "Lucifer's partner."
Lucifer Morningstar : You are my partner!
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Lucifer Morningstar : I'm sure your full powers will come back in no time. You probably just need... a good nap. Or eat some mangos. I've heard they work wonders.
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Sam : I don't know your dad. Unless, is your, is your dad the Sinnerman?
Lucifer Morningstar : Quite the opposite.
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Lucifer Morningstar : Have you ever heard of someone named the Sinnerman?
Amenadiel : The Sinnerman? No. Why?
Lucifer Morningstar : That's who kidnapped me. At first, I thought it was a... an emissary on Earth working on Dad's behalf, but then, the more I think about it, the more I think... maybe this isn't our Father who art in Heaven at all. But something much, much darker.
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Linda Martin : You don't know why for sure your wings have returned.
Lucifer Morningstar : They've returned because Dad is a control freak. He's pissed off that He can't get Mum back, so He stuck my wings back on. But I am not His Mr. Potato Head.