Quotes

Win, Luthor, Draw

[first lines]
Emily Locke: Guess who just got her first place?
Van Wayne: Me, although you can't really call a tiger a place and it's not my first one.

[inviting her co-workers to a condo-warming party]
Emily Locke: Well, no excuses, 'cause it's super close. In fact you can see it from here. It's right there - that tall black building right where that weird thing is flying.
Jackie: The thing that's shooting space rays?
Emily Locke: Yeah.
[the spaceships blast Emily's condo building with their ray guns]
Emily Locke, Jackie, Ron, Wendy: OH!
Wendy: That's why I rent.

Ron: What's going to happen to our jobs?
Chairman Dean West: [breaking the fourth wall] Will this ragtag collection of plucky performers keep their positions or will they be thrown to the wolves? Find out next week.
Teddy: What's next week?
Chairman Dean West: Oh, that's when the head of HR gets back from vacation.

[Emily's division has been purchased by LexCorp]
Van Wayne: I don't know about you, but I'm making a play to stay.
Emily Locke: Oh my god, Van! Did you shave your head just to suck up to Lex Luthor?
Van Wayne: Emily, this is a fresh start for me. I got a new ass to kiss, a new nose to brown. If anyone asks, I've always been bald.

[using her newly acquired super-speed, Jackie rescues the gang from Lex Luthor's henchmen]
Emily Locke: Oh my god! Jackie, are you the Flash?
Jackie: No! These dummies gave me super powers.
Teddy: It worked!
Emily Locke: How did you find us?
Jackie: I saw on Emily's Twitter account that you were at LexCorp, so I searched all the rooms at super-speed, got a Froyo, went to California, learned ju-jitsu - which is how I knocked out these guys - and then I found you.

Ron: So, you have super-speed and you're not going to use it?
Jackie: No, I hate it. You get a bunch of bugs in your teeth, it's murder on your shoes and I don't have any excuses now for being late.

[last lines]
Chairman Dean West: [apparently speaking to the camera] What will become of our little gang of scrappy underdogs? Will Bruce Wayne bail out our heroes or will the treacherous Lex Luthor seek revenge?
[the gang slowly reacts to Chairman West's speech as the camera reveals he's speaking to a potted plant]
Chairman Dean West: What do you think, tree? You always tell me the truth.
Van Wayne: Why is he talking to a plant?
Teddy: Are we even sure he works here?
Emily Locke: You know, we might still have our jobs.
Van Wayne: I'm going to call Bruce.

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