Vice (I) (2018)

Bill Camp: Gerald Ford

Quotes 

• Donald Rumsfeld : [carrying two drinks]  They gave me the keys to the damn palace! Chief of Staff.

  Dick Cheney : Holy shit! You salty son of a bitch. You did it.

  [glasses clink] 

  Donald Rumsfeld : All right, we have work to do. Kissinger is trying to kiss and make up with the Soviets.

  Dick Cheney : Well, let's make sure that shit doesn't happen.

  Donald Rumsfeld : [laughing]  Yeah.

  [cut to oval office meeting] 

  Dick Cheney : [to president Ford]  If I may, I believe I may have a way to put an oar in the water, on Russia. What if... we create...

  Henry Kissinger : [interrupts]  Mr. President.

  Gerald Ford : Come on Henry, let's hear Dick out.

  Kurt : [narration]  One of Dick Cheney's special super powers, was the ability to make the most wild and extreme ideas sound measured and professional.

  Dick Cheney : What if on a unilateral basis, we all put miniature wigs on our penises and we walked out to the White House lawn, and jerked each other off. So, like a puppet show, but much more enjoyable?

  Henry Kissinger : Hmmm... I do like a good puppet show.

  Gerald Ford : I say we do it.

  Reporter : Henry Kissinger has been relieved as National Security Adviser and replaced by Brent Scowcroft.

  Reporter 2 : They're calling it the Halloween Massacre.

  Henry Kissinger : Mr President.

  Gerald Ford : Hold on, Henry.

  Reporter 3 : Donald Rumsfeld has replaced Secretary of Defense James Schlesinger.

  Reporter 4 : [cut to the chief of staff's office]  And Dick Cheney has been chosen, as the...

  Lynne Cheney : Youngest Chief of Staff in history! It's amazing. It's a dream.

• Kurt : [narration]  And as the new Chief of Staff and with the Presidency weakened by Watergate, Dick Cheney wanted to find out exactly how much power did the President have.

  Dick Cheney : I would like to reinstate Executive Authority... How?

  Kurt : Antonin Scalia, a young lawyer with the justice department who would later go on to serve on the Supreme Court, rocked Dick's world.

  Antonin Scalia : Interesting you should ask. Are you familiar with the theory of the unitary executive?

  Dick Cheney : No. Tell me about it.

  Antonin Scalia : Uh... it is an interpretation that few like myself happen to believe, in Article II of the Constitution that vests the President with absolute executive authority. And I mean absolute.

  Kurt : [...]  The Unitary Executive Theory. Certain legal scholars believed that, if the President does anything it must be legal, because it's the President. To hell with checks and balances, especially during times of war. This was the power of kings, pharaohs, dictators.

  Dick Cheney : This is perfect.

  [dryly chuckles] 

  Kurt : Dick Cheney was a foot soldier in the power games of Washington DC. But with the Unitary Executive Theory, he could become Galactus, devourer of planets. But then, it was election night. And there was one big problem...

  Barbara Walters : [television broadcast]  the winner with two hundred and seventy two electoral votes... we have wondered which of us gonna make this announcement James Earl Carter, the next President of the United States.

  Kurt : And just like that... it was all over.

  Barbara Walters : Dick Cheney, the president's chief of staff, ah... he does not have a job. At one point, he was a broker

  [overlapping dialogue] 

  Lynne Cheney : It can't be. It's got to be some sort of a mistake, or miscalculation.

  Donald Rumsfeld : There goes the neighborhood.

  Gerald Ford : Well... thank you all.

  Reporter : The Republicans have lost the Presidency. They are the minority in Congress in most states. With America demanding change...

  Reporter 2 : The GOP is a party in disarray. Clearly Watergate, the Vietnam war...