- "Crying Game Show" announcer: Welcome to America's most emotional game show: "The Crying Game Show"! And now, Here is the host of The Crying Game Show. The man with the teeth: Sonny Friendly.
- Sonny Friendly: THANK YOU! THANK YOU! I'm Sonny Friendly, And are we having a nice day, or what?
- Audience: WHAT?
- Sonny Friendly: And NOW, Let's meet our contestants on The Crying Game Show. First up. All the way from Wisconsin, We have Luke Warm.
- Luke Warm: Thank You, Thank You. And how do you do, Mr. Sonny Friendly?
- Sonny Friendly: I am doing very well. And now, All the way from Kansas, We have Ida Normer!
- Ida Normer: Please, Calle me Mrs. Normer!
- Sonny Friendly: Okay, I can do that! And now, All the way from Paris France, We have Pierre Blue.
- Pierre Blue: Bonjour, America. Bonjour.
- Sonny Friendly: Whatever you say. Okay, Here is how we play "The Crying Game Show". I will be giving you a very sad story. And who ever cries the hardest. According the audience, Will win today's grand prize.
- Kermit the Frog: This is Disgracing the Frog returning to your regular schedule program!
- [to the Dwarfs]
- Kermit the Frog: WOULD YOU GUYS TRY TO CONTROL YOUR EMOTIONS, HERE?
- Sonny Friendly: Voting is over. Let's show today's best cryer today's grand prize!
- "Crying Game Show" announcer: Today's best cryer will win The offficial Sonny Friendly and it goes to, Pierre Blue!
- Pierre Blue: WOW! I won...
- Sonny Friendly: WAIT! MY TEDDY BEAR? THAT'S TODAY'S GRAND PRIZE? BUT,
- [Voice Breaks down]
- Sonny Friendly: BUT I LOVE MY TEDDY BEAR, YOU CAN'T DO THAT!
- [Sobs harder than the contestants]
- "Crying Game Show" announcer: Sonny Friendly? You are the cryer in the Crying Game Show! YOU WON!
- [Fanfare plays and the audience applause]
- Sonny Friendly: WHAT? I WON? You mean I can keep my teddy bear? WOW! THIS IS THE HAPPIEST DAY OF MY LIFE! Now let's give some contestants some consolation prize, Shall we?
- "Crying Game Show" announcer: NO!
- Sonny Friendly: What do you mean?
- "Crying Game Show" announcer: There is no consolation prize!
- Luke Warm: WHAT? NO CONSOLATION PRIZE?
- [Voice Breaks down]
- Luke Warm: This is awful!
- Ida Normer: [Whines] THAT'S NOT FAIR!
- Pierre Blue: [Voice Breaks down] That makes me so sad!
- [All three contestants sobbing in failure]
- Sonny Friendly: [while holding his teddy bear] Well, I guess we can't all be winners. Huh?
- [laughs]
- Sonny Friendly: Well, Thank you very much, Audience. And we will see you next time on "The Crying Game Show!"
- [to his teddy bear]
- Sonny Friendly: Oh, Teddy. It's so good to have you back!
- [Kisses his teddy bear]
- Sonny Friendly: [to the audience] Are we having fun for what? Yes! This is terrific. Thank you very much, audience.