Family Guy (TV Series)

How the Griffin Stole Christmas (2016)

Seth MacFarlane: Peter Griffin, Brian Griffin, Stewie Griffin, Glenn Quagmire, Santa Claus

Photos 

Quotes 

• Stewie Griffin : My sled has Dora on it because my parents got it at a yard sale. It... it's still for boys though. She's about language acquisition, not gender.

• Chris Griffin : Dad, look! Santa's here!

  [gestures to a mall Santa] 

  Chris Griffin : I wanna sit on his lap.

  Peter Griffin : Jeez, Chris, come on. You're in high school.

  Chris Griffin : I'm gonna ask for a family trampoline.

  Peter Griffin : Holy crap! Get your ass up there!

• Peter Griffin : And that's the story of the Christmas I would never forget, until I went home and had 50 beers and did forget, but not until after screaming myself into a blackout as my family held me down.

• Stewie Griffin : Oh, God, I've ruined Christmas. Like the Little Drummer Boy when he got really into Neil Peart.

• Peter Griffin : All right, come on now, pal, seriously, who are you really?

  Santa Claus : I already told you, I'm Santa Claus.

  Peter Griffin : Oh, yeah? Well, if you're Santa, then what did I ask for for Christmas when I was 12?

  Santa Claus : Nothing. Because it was the year you found that Penthouse in the woods.

  Peter Griffin : [gasps]  You really are Santa! Am I really heavier than you? I-I got to, I got to take control.

  Santa Claus : Look, I'm not very happy with you. You can't go around in that suit pretending you're me and acting like a complete jackass.

  Peter Griffin : What are you talking about? People love me. They give me free stuff.

  Santa Claus : No, they love me. You're just exploiting my brand for personal gain and destroying my reputation.

  Peter Griffin : So there's, like, no toilet on the sleigh, so you're, you're just, you're just crapping in people's houses, right?

  Santa Claus : You're not hearing me. Stop wearing that suit, or else.

  Peter Griffin : Or else what?

  Santa Claus : Or else I will put you at the top of my naughty list.

  Peter Griffin : You know, you're not talking to a little kid anymore, so get the hell out of my face, Santa. I like this suit, and I'm keeping it. Now, if you'll excuse me, you're standing in my strip club spaghetti. I got to get this home to my family for supper.

  Santa Claus : You better watch out.