- Piper Chapman: You have taught me... that... love hurts. You've taught me that life... it hurts. And I want to be there for you. I want us to be there for each other. So that maybe... it hurts a little less.
- Linda Ferguson: That's extortion.
- Big Boo: Oh! I'm sorry. Do you think I was in here because I made an honest living?
- Desi Piscatella: We have *nothing* in common. You're a prisoner and I'm free and the likelihood that ever changes is something that I'd bet my life on.
- Galina 'Red' Reznikov: I take that bet.
- Lorna Morello: You're not mad at me anymore?
- Nicky Nichols: Look, it turns out that mad is a luxury I cannot afford at this time.
- Vince Muccio: Are you saying she's really pregnant?
- Nicky Nichols: I'm guessin' it really wasn't your intelligence that attracted her.
- Lorna Morello: It's like, uh, what Dr. Oz says about inanity when you do the same thing over, over, over, over again expecting different results.
- Nicky Nichols: Uh, I think it was actually Einstein, but proceed.
- Maritza Ramos: No, down there if you're *super cute*, you don't have to do crime. You just marry a drug boss or something.
- Piper Chapman: How about a Chinese character that says tranquility?
- Larry Bloom: Oh, come on! A Chinese character can never pronounce tranquility.