Sharkenstein (2016) Poster

(2016)

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2/10
At least it was short.
13Funbags13 March 2019
Of course there's bad acting and terrible cgi, what would you expect? I didn't expect one of the 3 kids to have gray hair, wearing his hat sideways to appear young and another to be a stripper in a one piece bathing suit acting like an intellectual prude. That helped distract me from the lack of story and action. There is a giant plot hole that I won't mention because I don't want to spoil it but over all it's exactly what you would expect from a movie with this name. I'm not sure why they say it's a comedy but I did laugh once.
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1/10
worse than garbage!
shortblokesmurf8 September 2016
I decided to give it a go, thinking it was going to be just another SYFY channel film that's cheesy but watchable, how the hell this got 3.7 stars is beyond me, I'd rather watch the contents of my daughters nappy. Unlike things like the "Mega Shark" films this has no redeeming qualities at all. It's filled with anachronisms like someone wearing Adidas trainers in 1942 among other things and the CGI was probably done on something like a commodore 64. Worse than the "special effects" is the acting. Seriously, it stinks so badly that I couldn't bear it any longer and turned off after 5 minutes. If you're thinking of watching this, save yourself the aggro. Any time you spend watching this rubbish is time you will never get back.
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1/10
Shark experiments gone horribly wrong...
paul_haakonsen6 October 2016
I was initially intrigued by the somewhat interesting and nicely made movie cover for "Sharkenstein", but when I started to watch it I knew that this was going to be a stinker. It is hard to fathom that movies like this are still being made, and we are now writing 2016.

I made it 10 minutes into the movie before I was ready to end it all. I just gave up out of sheer hopelessness and a lack of will to go on. This movie was bad, unbelievably bad in every aspect.

The CGI animated shark was so poorly made that it was a literal eyesore to witness. And with CGI effects so poor, a creature feature is just doomed to fail horribly.

The acting in the movie was as to be expected. It was wooden, rigid and stiff at best. And from the 10 minutes I watched, then I just knew that there was not going to be anyone capable of salvaging this train wreck of a movie.

I will not be giving "Sharkenstein" a second chance, because there literally is nothing entertaining or worth wasting an hour and thirteen minutes on here. Sure, it had a really good movie cover, but it just proves that you can't judge a movie by its cover!

It is rare that I actually give up on a movie. Which just indicates that a movie has to be unfathomably horrible and boring, which was the case with "Sharkenstein".

Stay well clear of this one.
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5/10
Yeah, it's just what you think it is.
PeterBradford11 July 2019
Where do I begin? First of all, there is an attractive and capable female lead (Greta Volkova) and her hunky friend Coop (Titus Himmelberger). Then there's a third wheel named Skip who seems out of place. Oh, and our "hero" is named Duke. And then there's a shark. Not just any shark. But "Sharkenstein," which is exactly what you think it is. Frankenstein's brain transplanted into a shark. Clever, huh? Sharkenstein features lots of stock footage, tons of aerial footage of beaches, aimless shots of a lifeguard with his back to the camera, lots of white men with hairy forearms, and a posse with guns running through trees sporting fall foliage. Only director Mark Polonia would call this a movie. And he appears uncredited as the mute driver of a boat (did he have to pay himself less for not speaking?). His character's name, Hoskins, is mentioned more times than any of the four principals. Oh, and our director/editor must have run short of Wild Eye Releasing's requisite 70 minute running time, because there is a completely random scene of a long-in-the-tooth "model" getting photographed. The scene is completely unrelated to the rest of the "movie." It appears to be inserted to pad out the running time. The mercifully short running time.
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1/10
How not to make a movie
ArchieIsCool26 May 2018
Oh dear what a total piece of crap this movie is, the special efffects out of a child's paper mache lesson! The shark was so badly made it was comical a rating of 0 if I could rate it that. The actors were awful it was a pain to watch them, how this got to dvd is a laugh it needs to be binned along with mr paper mache shark.
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1/10
Be afraid ..... be very unafraid
katana122 November 2018
An experience ill grant you that . Mark Polonia must be congratulated on his ability to buy cheap film given he had so much to throw away . He is clearly a better buyer than film maker .... i suspect this could have been shot using a phone .

Film kicks off with whom can ever know what they are trying to say .... something about brains . Then it cuts to people in a car .... 5 minutes of chatting to lay the plot out , not that theres much of a plot , On hols for example ( for 8 hours ) so have a boat booked but wait .... theres an evil scientist and a shark and hitlers brain and .... you get the picture .

Quality wise it rates above a father playing with his children using a sock monster but not by much . Special effects are really really special , you will say wtf a few times . Not sure which i liked the best the rain that didnt get anyone wet orrrrrrr no , sorry there just isnt a 'best' associated with this film. IMDB rating is 2.2 ... not sure why its so high .
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1/10
Half-arsed pish
Bezenby27 January 2017
There's enjoyable cheap films and enjoyable bad films, but when the makers of such films start pishing in the faces of the viewers by making no effort whatsoever to entertain anybody, and instead serve up a whole load of 'aint we ironic' elbow nudging, references to other bad films, and no much else, then I hope this isn't what the future holds for b-movies.

Basically a Nazi shark is on the loose killing folk as part of an experiment involving the Frankenstein monster's brain. There's some character that do some gurning for the camera and even mention 'They Save Hitler's Brain' which is also a terrible film, but it's better than this crap! I know the shark was supposed to look cheap and such like, but there was no effort put into this film whatsoever. I see Brett Piper's name was attached to this one - I liked his Draniac and hoped some of that would rub off here, but it hasn't. If they can't be bothered to offer up even half a decent film, I can't be bothered going on with this.
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4/10
Crapenstein
shawnblackman3 October 2016
A really low budget horror comedy from Mark Polonia who recently brought us Bigfoot Vs Zombies (2016). This one has the Nazis in possession of Frankenstein's brain and heart which are in turn used to control a Sharkenstein composed of other dead sharks. Years later the device is being still being used for experiments.

This stitched up shark is sometimes cheesy CGI or an claymation creation. He must use the same effects as David DeCoteau uses. This one is not as good as Polonias others. It is very campy and some parts are funny but it just falls flat after a bit. It does get better when Sharkenstein hits dry land and starts eating people using his fins that are more arms than anything to scurry along the land. This one makes the Asylum shark movies look amazing. This flick misses the boat
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1/10
Couldn't figure out how to give a zero, but I'll give you a rant
mrreierstad19 June 2020
It looked to be from the same series as Megashark and those other gems, so i wasn't expecting the second coming of "Jaws." I thought it would be one of those stinkers that's fun to laugh at. It wasn't even close! Where to begin? How about calling a body of water "the ocean" when it looked more like an inland lake? Or the aerial shots of some islands clearly nowhere near where it was filmed? Or the underwater diving seen that looked more like someone's scuba trip in the Caribbean? Or the "German" scientist with the world's worst accent who looked like the guy from the "Video killed the Radio Star" video? Or some of the sorriest acting I've seen outside of a Trump speech? Or the "CGI" shark that looked part Claymation, part Stopmotion App? Or the pseudo Goth girl who swam in those knee-high cat boots (if they were indeed boots)? Or the "Nazi" shark with Hitler's brain, if that's what it was supposed to be? Since we're dealing with Nazi scientists, I'll list the biggest crime against humanity: those two clowns who, by wearing their hats backward and sideways, were apparently supposed to be teens or twenty-somethings. First, that apparently failed Ray Liotta butt double. Then, that other slob who could only wear his hat sideways. He looked more like a middle aged Greek restaurateur than any kind of hipster or young person. He deserved to be taken out to a public place and flogged just for the hat. It's a crime against nature for guys over 10 to not wear their hats properly. Of course, whoever bankrolled the film school dropout who made this needs the same treatment, if not worse. Good Lord! This joke makes "Sharknado" look like "Citizen Kane."
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1/10
Absolute Gem with a capital G .... jk this movie is a war crime
blackanthony-309425 July 2019
Your watching a movie called Sharkenstein .... what do you expect ... a gem that's what. In all seriousness though, this is hands down one of the worst films ever made. Most people watch movies like this for fun to see a terrible movie, but the truth is this movie is so bad, it will upset you that someone decided to spend money on it. Do yourself a favor and watch the first 10 minutes, get your laughs, and turn it off. The acting is more linear than a Super Mario game and has the production value of a Grand Slam from Dennie's.
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10/10
One of the best movies I've ever seen
llamapiano20 September 2020
Horrible quality, very fake looking, very hilarious
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7/10
Jaws, eat your heart out.
Humdinger6918 November 2018
The remaining Polonia brother knocks it out of the park and delivers some of the most frightening shark attack scenes ever committed to film.

The special effects are really something to behold, never has your child's toy shark you tried to stitch back together after the dog got a hold of it looked so menacing. The writing is still as sharp as ever, with intelligent, witty banter on par with the great Quentin Tarantino delivered with astonishing conviction by lovable characters you will certainly not forget instantly once the movie's over.

The villain of the movie, a Nazi carrying on the inhumane experiments of his forefathers, is acted using the tried and true formula:

Replacing "W" with "V" every once in a while = German accent

The man exudes so much pure, unadulterated evil that I dare anyone not to get cold sweats whenever he appears on screen.

Even with all this said, I assure you, nothing will prepare you for the film's third act, a harrowing dive into complete insanity.

All I can really say after experiencing this movie is thank you, Mark Polonia. Thank you for making movies, thank you for being alive, thank you for sharing this masterpiece with the world. It seems like only yesterday he put Jurassic Park in its place with his classic Saurians. Now with Sharkenstein, he's rendered another critically-acclaimed piece of celluloid completely obsolete. Sorry Jaws.
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5/10
Highly enjoyable if flawed killer shark effort
kannibalcorpsegrinder13 August 2019
Arriving in a small ocean-side community, a research group looking to vacation in a small coastal community find that the series of mysterious disappearances around town are the result of a monstrous shark created by a secret Naxi experiment and loosened upon the world, forcing them to stop the creature.

This one was every bit as cheesy and goofy as expected. Most of what makes the film so cheesy are the outright ludicrous and laughable storyline that we're supposed to take seriously. The idea of melding together sharks and the Frankenstein legend by way of a Nazi experiment in WWIII is a truly goofy concept here, and that's in addition to the full-on explanation sequence where this one pulls off the connection between the fictitious story and real-life events. This explanation gives the reasoning for the sharks' ragged appearance and ties into the sequence of the group assisting in the operation to revive the shark. As well, that also stretches to the creature attacks throughout here. With the reliance on short shock scenes of the shark jumping out of the water to attack those on the beach, there's a goofiness and overall sense of cheese that makes this a lot of fun. When it starts getting to the bigger scenes like the boat attacks or the chases away from the island, these have a bit more suspense than expected which offers a great contrast to the finale involving the creature sprouting legs and attacking on land as there's some goofy fun to be had involving the creature running through the woods attacking locals and leading up to the explosive finale in the lighthouse. These here are what hold the film up for the most part. The main issue holding this one back is the expected lackluster special effects featured here. The shark is completely lackluster, never once looking more than a puppet superimposed over the action in a manner that renders such impossible changes in size dimensions across the scenes that it stands out every time it happens. That the CGI is arguably worse, not just for the creature's attacks but other scenes including shots of the villains' hideout superimposed into the scene which is not only unnecessary but adds an extra cheese factor which lowers this one significantly by looking cheaper than it should. This is an issue with the effects work as a whole that lowers this one which is more detrimental than the practical effects also featured here. The other problem with this one is a wholly muddied explanation for why the creature turns into a humanoid mutation. The fact that there's no reason as for why the creature, which was a shark-body, gets struck by lightning and turns into a monstrous, humanoid deformity that was never an issue in the original story so why it happens to the shark here is quite curious. Along with a questionable rape scene on a villager that doesn't need to be there, these are what hold the film down.

Rated Unrated/R: Graphic Language and Graphic Violence.
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3/10
Low budget film but fun enough.
dasa10817 May 2021
This film is a classic Z-class production that pays homage to the smallest budget cinema. We have the following topics: crazy doctor, Frankenstein's monster, Nazis, a shark and a group of actors each worse off whose mission is to entertain us for the hour and twenty that the film lasts. Greta Volkova, the main character, has the same versatility as a porn actress trying to make a serious film. Still the film entertains if we accept the rules of the genre; If our expectations are consistent with the film, this one will not disappoint us.
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No Big Shock But Another Awful Shark Movie
Michael_Elliott3 October 2016
Sharkenstein (2016)

* (out of 4)

Towards the end of WWII a German scientist is working on a shark made from various shark parts. Nothing happens until the current times when a nut gets control of the shark and sends in on a killing spree.

SHARKENSTEIN is obviously a film that you shouldn't expect too much from. The title pretty much tells you what you're about to get into you and if you're expecting SyFy type of material then you've still got your expectations a bit too high. Some might find this mildly entertaining if you like really bad movies with awful monsters.

The CGI shark looks horrible but I'm really hoping the filmmakers knew this and purposely set loose a bad looking shark. It really does look like an ugly doll at times so I'm sure no one really expected it to scare people. In fact, my kid watched this and could tell something wasn't right with this shark. The CGI blood effects really aren't much better and there's no other bits of exploitation to make the film stand out.

As it stands, SHARKENSTEIN is pretty much a really bad movie but the badness of the shark brings some mild entertainment. The performances are pretty much bland, the characters silly and what plot is here isn't worth talking about.
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1/10
Oh, it's bad.
matt-diteresa6 May 2021
Oh, it's bad. Almost BIRDEMIC bad. Horrible acting, cheesy CGI, and a storyline full of holes. The only redeeming qualities are that is unintentionally funny at times and it is mercifully short.
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4/10
CG fire-Bad
nogodnomasters10 October 2017
Warning: Spoilers
The Frankenstein experiment was interrupted during WWII, but his brain and heart were saved. Now sewn together parts of a shark....oh this is just too silly to continue.

The Polonia brothers are known for making bad campy films. To that extent, the rubber shark and bad CG special effects were in full swing. They mentioned another famously bad film, "They Saved Hitler's Brain" however what Mark Polonia may not realize is that if you want to make a bad cult classic film, you don't do it by trying extremely hard to make a bad film. Also if you are going to claim to name all the Universal Studios Frankenstein films, don't leave off "Abbot and Costello Meet Frankenstein" one of their finest. The jokes were not funny enough to laugh at and when you expect a bad film, getting one isn't that funny either. PLOT SPOILER: irritating Skip, dies too late to save the film.

If you like their other work, you should enjoy this one. No surfers in film as depicted on cover.

Guide: No F-word or nudity. Was that supposed to be sex?
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2/10
Totally cheesy!
AndyVanScoyoc16 July 2017
Warning: Spoilers
The acting was BAD, at best, the guys should have left their shirts on, and the "mad scientist" should have fed himself to the shark... but the shark itself, was adorable!

The CGI is some of the worst I've ever seen, but seriously, the shark was so cute!

Here's an idea for a movie...rather than waste your money making such a crap film, take all that beautiful underwater footage and release that, as a film.

I doubt the ratings on that kind of film, could be any worse than this garbage.
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1/10
Shark is not fine
ArchieIsCool6 November 2016
Warning: Spoilers
Please do not purchase this it's so awful it's crap. The special effects are horrendous and the shark looks like a cloth made shark it is so bad, when it jumps out of the water it looks so amateur like students made it. Don't get me started on the actors they are all awful they can't act at all. At least make the shark look real not like it is a dreadful mess. Somehow the shark is made of other sharks all stitched together during the war to be a killing machine or something like that. I wanted to switch it off as it was so bad but kept watching just in case it got better but no it did not. A mad professor putting human brain in it and heart shall I say more, awful dreadful and I can't see how this was fit for release even on DVD.
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1/10
1 star for the shark doll
xrxatz-553435 September 2019
I believe 1 star is enough. Even the fire in this movie was awful.
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1/10
I Only Spent 10 Minutes Watching
trickmiester11 June 2023
Initially, I was watching a Law & Order SVU episode. It was the episode where ADA Barba leaves the show after making a life changing decision of a comatose baby. I found that episode thought-provoking and sad; there really were no good decisions to be made regarding the baby.

After the SVU episode ended, my family was preparing to watch this movie, and I decided to join them. I had no idea what this movie would be except for the title. So, I assumed the film would be a "Sharknado" competitor...

Anyone that watches the first 10 minutes of this film will understand that this film is a comedy! Enough said.
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8/10
Trash Cinema Masterpiece
Fukucifer7 November 2022
And by "masterpiece" I mean Trainwreck, that thing you can't stop looking at even though you know full well it's a disaster.

From the evil scientist who's German accent is SO bad, I am actually offended for the Nazis, to the 45 year old who put his hat on sideways to trick us into thinking he's a teenager named Skip !!

This movie ticks all the boxes: Ridiculous premise Terrible script Overacting Zero budget CGI The best part about it all is in their sincerity that they made a great film.... It's not. But it is.

This is the kind of movie to enjoy with a group of friends, some adult bevies and low expectations, you won't be disappointed.
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7/10
So Bad its Worth a Laugh
hhigolfpro27 January 2019
My teenage son and I laughed our way through what might be one of the worst made movies of all time!!
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5/10
Not a bad idea
gabrielrolos30 March 2022
I'll not lie, the idea of combining Frankenstein to a Killer animal doesn't sound bad, and a Shark is a nice animal to start. BUT, the idea was not very well used here. The Shark props doesn't look that bad, but are not good enough, maybe if there was a bigger budget they could have built a life sized Sharkenstein, that according to other shark movies I watched would have been pretty better.
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8/10
Waiting fo the sequel, can only get worse
kgpir-4562623 May 2020
I was given this movie as a gift from my daughter. She knows I will watch ANY movie all the way through. This one was not as trying on my soul as the other two on the 3 for a dollar disc. The acting was good for what they got paid; big credits during opening and closing credits. The shark was amazing for the time, 1960 I believe. Over all I rate this an eight because it contains all the needed points for a horror/monster movie: a semi to unbelievable monster, a hero/heroine, a mob of villagers, comic relief, subtle humor, and a short runtime. A must watch for the true lover of bad monster/shark movies.
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