- Lucifer Morningstar: In human terms, once upon a time, a boy met a girl, and they fell in love. They had sex. The only trouble was, they were celestial beings, so that moment created the universe.
- Linda Martin: Mm, the Big Bang?
- Lucifer Morningstar: Never knew how appropriate the name was until now, did you?
- Ella Lopez: I think the Devil gets a bad rap
- Lucifer Morningstar: [Perks up] Oh! You do, do you?
- Ella Lopez: Sure. I mean, what did he really do that was so bad? What, rebel against his dad? Ask some naked lady if she wanted an apple?
- Lucifer Morningstar: Be still my heart. Do go on.
- Ella Lopez: I suppose he does run Hell. That's not so great, you know, with the torture and eternal damnation.
- Lucifer Morningstar: I'm retired. And besides, I didn't create Hell. I just worked there.
- Ella Lopez: You must be Detective Decker's civilian consultant.
- Lucifer Morningstar: Lucifer Morningstar.
- Ella Lopez: Cool.
- Lucifer Morningstar: I was expecting a different reaction considering your choice of bling.
- [Looks at her cross necklace]
- Ella Lopez: Oh. Dude, I had a friend named Adolf, okay, Adolf. I didn't hold it against him.
- Chairperson: [Running AA meeting] Uh, the theme of the day is your lowest point.
- Lucifer Morningstar: Right, my lowest point. Well, geographically, that would be Hell, of course. Hard to get much lower than that.
- Lucifer Morningstar: Where were you, Maze?
- Mazikeen: Wait, you think I'm helping her? Have you forgotten who *actually* tortured her in Hell?
- Lucifer Morningstar: Well, desperation makes for strange bedfellows... I've just pictured you in bed with my mom. Oh, I can't un-see that now.
- Linda Martin: Sounds like there's a lot of blame to go around.
- Lucifer Morningstar: Yes.
- Linda Martin: Is there anyone you might be leaving out?
- Lucifer Morningstar: Anyone I'm leaving out. Um... Oh, you're right. Yes.
- [Dr. Martin looks hopeful]
- Lucifer Morningstar: If you'd fixed my existential problem earlier, none of this would have happened. Well, good on you for taking responsibility, Doctor. It's very noble.
- [She sighs]
- Lucifer Morningstar: My name is Lucifer Morningstar and I... love drugs! Love them! Mmm! Yummy, yummy, yummy. Can't get enough. And... I've got lots of money...
- [Flashes roll of cash]
- Lucifer Morningstar: Mmm, that I love spending on drugs. Not even picky. I'll do any of them. Mix them together sometimes.
- [Turns to the group]
- Lucifer Morningstar: You ever done a he-she? No? A neon nod? A donk? Ah. Yeah, he knows what I'm talking about.
- [Points to a guy]
- Lucifer Morningstar: That man has definitely donked.
- Roberta Beliard: She has so much cocaine up her nose, it would snow if you shook her.
- Lucifer Morningstar: Yes, I've tried that.
- Amenadiel: Listen, what you have to understand is that my brother and I had a very difficult childhood. And to deal with it, he created this persona for himself... Lucifer Morningstar, the Devil, incorrigible and invincible.
- Chloe Decker: So he's a liar?
- Amenadiel: Chloe, he means well, but in the end, the only person he ever truly lies to is himself.
- Lucifer Morningstar: Well, I've assumed a lot about my mother, including the fact that she wants revenge for what I did to her.
- Linda Martin: And now she doesn't?
- Lucifer Morningstar: Well, it doesn't appear so, no.
- Linda Martin: And why is that a bad thing?
- Lucifer Morningstar: Well, because, Doctor, if she's not coming to kill me, then I don't know what she's doing. And...... that's truly terrifying.
- Linda Martin: You don't think you deserve any of the blame for what happened with your mother?
- Lucifer Morningstar: No. That's between her and Dad.
- Linda Martin: Then whose fault is it?
- Lucifer Morningstar: Well, I suppose none of this would have happened if Amenadiel had been watching over Hell like he was supposed to.
- Linda Martin: I thought that was your job.
- Lucifer Morningstar: Well, it was, but when I abdicated, it became his. Sort of like a game of hot potato.
- Linda Martin: You've never mentioned your mother before. Why is that?
- Lucifer Morningstar: Well, you wouldn't understand, would you?
- Linda Martin: I'd like to.