Castle (TV Series)

Death Wish (2016)

Nathan Fillion: Richard Castle

Photos 

Quotes 

• Richard Castle : [seeing Ryan yawning]  Early morning or late night?

  Kevin Ryan : Oh! Both... Jenny can't sleep. Which in her crazy, nine-month-pregnant logic means, out of solidarity, I'm not allowed to sleep, either.

• Kate Beckett : Hey, Ryan and Espo have caught a homicide. Do you want to join them?

  Richard Castle : Why? Got a crime scene right here. My mother just killed the mood.

• Kevin Ryan : Apparently, Lars was *really* into the Middle East.

  Richard Castle : Oh, a region known for its sordid history of beheading. And yet... Lars was beheaded here in Manhattan. Hmm.

  [picks up book] 

  Richard Castle : Perhaps Lars made the mistake of telling the king the ending of the story. Am I right?

  [Espo, Ryan, and Lanie all look at him blankly] 

  Richard Castle : "1001 Arabian Nights".

  [still no reaction] 

  Richard Castle : *Truly*, I am shocked. How is it that none of you know the story of "1001 Arabian Nights"?

  Lanie Parish : We weren't nerds in high school.

  Richard Castle : Fair enough. Lucky for you, class is now in session. In the story "1001 Arabian Nights", a jealous king would sleep with a new young maiden every night, then have her beheaded so no other men could have her.

  Lanie Parish : So, it's a story about a misogynistic serial killer?

  Richard Castle : No. Well, yes. But no. In the story, to stop the bloodshed, a young maiden by the name of Scheherazade wove a fascinating tale for the king, but she refused to tell him the ending, forcing him to keep her alive 'till the next night so she could finish the story. She told him a new story every night for a thousand and one nights, until, finally, the king married her. Which really says a a lot about the power of a good storyteller.

  Kevin Ryan : Yet tells us nothing about why our victim was killed.

  Richard Castle : Or does it? Our victim was tortured because the killer, like the king, wanted something.

• Javier Esposito : Why are you playing with the carpets?

  Richard Castle : I'm checking if they're magic.

  [taps Esposito on the head] 

  Richard Castle : Think about it.

• Richard Castle : Couldn't you have just flown us out of there on a carpet?

  Genevieve : What are you talking about?

  Richard Castle : You can't make carpets fly?

  Genevieve : Can you?

  Richard Castle : I'm not a genie.

  Genevieve : Neither am I.

  Richard Castle : Yeah, that's something a genie would say, because they're liars and tricksters.

  Genevieve : By that logic, any liar could be a genie.

  Richard Castle : Well, we've caught you now, and you're not going anywhere. The cops are right over there and you're gonna tell us everything you know.

  [he turns and sees Genevieve has vanished into thin air again] 

  Richard Castle : Come on!

• Kate Beckett : So, if you see that, uh, genie again, you mind telling her I said thank you?

  Richard Castle : Oh, I think I'm all done with genies.

  Kate Beckett : What? Why the change of heart?

  Richard Castle : Well, because of you, of course.

  Kate Beckett : Oh, really? So, after eight years, some of my common sense has finally rubbed off on you.

  Richard Castle : No, no, no, no. Nothing like that. Um... I have no need for genies, mainly because I already have everything I could ever wish for.

  Kate Beckett : I... Right back at you, handsome.

  [they kiss] 

  Kate Beckett : Oh, wait, um... So, you wouldn't even wish for a working lightsaber?

  Richard Castle : [thinking for a moment]  Nope.

  Kate Beckett : Okay, transporter? Like the ones in "Star Trek"? You would never have to fly again.

  Richard Castle : I like flying.

  Kate Beckett : Huh... Time machine?

  Richard Castle : Only to go back and fall in love with you all over again.

  Kate Beckett : Wow. That was a good answer.

  Richard Castle : I know, right?

• [suggestively, as Castle cleans up a mess in the kitchen] 

  Kate Beckett : You know, once you clean that up, maybe we could go for a, um, round... three?

  [she takes off her kimono, revealing she's wearing a sexy negligee] 

  Richard Castle : Whoa... You do not have to tell me twice. Or should I say thrice?

  [they move in to kiss when the front door opens; Beckett rushes to cover up and hides behind Castle] 

  Martha Rodgers : Good morning, my darlings!

  Richard Castle : Mother, I really wish you would call before you came over.

  Martha Rodgers : Well, I don't want to risk interrupting you two love birds in the middle of you-know-what. And it looks like I have interrupted you in the middle of you-know-what. And with a melon? My, my. I'm not judging, but, room temperature.

• Javier Esposito : *So*, I opened Lars' safe-deposit box and found 400 G's in cash. Gots to be drug money. Beat that.

  Kevin Ryan : Easy. I got Lars' encrypted laptop from Mark, found out what he was smuggling, and it wasn't drugs.

  Javier Esposito : What?

  Richard Castle : No... Lars wasn't a drug dealer... he was a tomb raider. Ryan, can you zoom in on that, please?

  [Ryan zooms in on a picture] 

  Richard Castle : I've seen that symbol... Yes, um... At Lars' apartment. You remember there was all those books on "1001 Arabian Nights"? I think that symbol was on one of the books. Yes. Here it is... The Seal of Solomon.

  [reading] 

  Richard Castle : "The Seal of Solomon was believed to be imbued with mystical *powers*, including the ability to seal genies into lamps. In the tale of 'Aladdin and the Magic Lamp', Aladdin finds a lamp containing a genie in a cave. Many people believe this cave was actually King Solomon's tomb, which is most likely located near the border of Syria and Turkey." You guys, you know what this means?

  Kate Beckett : [under her breath]  Oh. Please, no.

  Richard Castle : Come on. The money, the Porsche. Lars wished for them, and his wishes were granted...

  Kate Beckett : And here we go.

  Richard Castle : ...by a genie... Lars found Aladdin's lamp!

• Alexis Castle : Dad, what are you thinking?

  Richard Castle : Lars found the lamp, and, clearly, he rubbed it. But that makes him the genie's master, right? But if no one has rubbed the lamp since, and I were to discover it... then that would make me the genie's new master.

  Alexis Castle : Okay, let's just pretend that all this is real. You do realize that if Lars was the genie's master, it didn't work out so well for him in the end.

  Richard Castle : What are you saying?

  Alexis Castle : Be careful what you wish for. It just might come true. And in this case, it might just get you killed.

• Phoebe : Who the hell are you?

  Richard Castle : Nobody.

  Phoebe : What are you doing here?

  Richard Castle : Nothing.

  Phoebe : So you're nobody doing nothing?

  Richard Castle : Pleased to meet you. I... would love to chat, but, uh, you are obviously busy, whatever clearly legal endeavor you're engaged in.

  Phoebe : Are you a cop?

  Richard Castle : [laughs]  No, no. Not a cop.

  Phoebe : Good.

  Richard Castle : Whoa, whoa. What if- What if- What if I was a cop?

  Phoebe : Either way, I'm gonna kill you.

  Richard Castle : You shoot me, I drop this and it breaks into a million pieces.

  Phoebe : It's okay. I've got a dozen more.

  Richard Castle : But do they have a genie?

  Phoebe : What are you, five years old?

• Kevin Ryan : By the time we put a net over the neighborhood, the truck and treasure were gone. And because you didn't get a license plate, we have little chance of finding them.

  Richard Castle : It all happened so fast.

  Kevin Ryan : Oh, right. And yet you did have time to creep over to the lamp, examine it, get held at gunpoint, rub the lamp, make a wish upon the lamp, and have a genie appear in a puff of smoke and knock the 'woman thug' over the head with a 2x4.

  Richard Castle : You forgot the part where it was dark and super dusty.

  Kevin Ryan : Castle, you're just lucky that Lanie was able to pull DNA off Yuruk's body.

  Richard Castle : Did she manage to get a match?

  Kevin Ryan : No, but she was able to determine that the killer was a female.

  Richard Castle : Most likely the woman holding me at gunpoint.

  Kevin Ryan : Or your magical blonde genie.

  Javier Esposito : [approaching]  The one only Castle's seen.

  Kevin Ryan : Hmm.

  Richard Castle : Wait a minute. So neither of you believe me?

  Javier Esposito : Oh, no, bro, I... I do believe you. I actually... I was able to ID the genie based on your description.

  [hands Castle a folder] 

  Richard Castle : Good work.

  [opening the folder, he finds a picture of Barbara Eden as Jeannie from "I Dream of Jeannie"; Ryan and Espo both laugh] 

  Richard Castle : Laugh it up, you guys. I still have two wishes left and I'm not above using them for evil.

• [going to question Genevieve, Castle rushes ahead and locks Beckett out of the interrogation room] 

  Richard Castle : You may have everyone else fooled, but not me.

  Kate Beckett : [from outside]  Castle, let me in.

  Richard Castle : I am your master. I command you to tell me the truth.

  Kate Beckett : Castle!

  Richard Castle : Are you a genie or not?

  Genevieve : Can you let her in? Because you're seriously weirding me out.

  Richard Castle : I'm gonna take that as a maybe.

  [unlocks the door] 

  Kate Beckett : I'd apologize, but his behavior is the least of your worries. You are accused of two homicides and connected to the theft and trafficking of millions of dollars in antiquities. So, your best bet is to start talking.

  Genevieve : Look, I didn't kill anyone. And I was trying to keep the relics from falling into the wrong hands. And I would've, too, if I hadn't had to save your... reality-challenged husband.

  Richard Castle : I prefer "fantasy-augmented."

• [having a romantic moment with Beckett interrupted] 

  Richard Castle : Mother, what- what is it you want?

  Martha Rodgers : I want for my son to grant me a very simple wish. Now, it seems that my publisher says that for my self-help book to make the bestseller list, I need a celebrity endorsement. And not just any celebrity endorsement. *The* endorsement of endorsements.

  Richard Castle : Mother, I would be happy to write something for your book.

  Martha Rodgers : Oprah... I need Oprah.

  Kate Beckett : Uh, do you even know Oprah?

  Richard Castle : No, I do not.

  Martha Rodgers : Well, you must know someone who knows Oprah.

  Richard Castle : If I promise to try, will you leave?

  Martha Rodgers : Poof! I am gone.

  [to Beckett] 

  Martha Rodgers : Oh, you know, it's so funny, darling, 'cause I have that same negligee, but, of course, it's in a little tiger print. So it's...

  [she pantomimes claws and snickers] 

  Martha Rodgers : Well, resume your lovemaking, darling.

• Richard Castle : If he was just fired, how could he afford all those wonderful new toys?

  Javier Esposito : That's nothing. He's got a brand-new Porsche 911 downstairs that he apparently paid cash for. And he just leased a safe-deposit box at a bank down the street.

  Richard Castle : Well, detectives, I deduce that our victim's sudden influx of cash had something to do with the fact that...

  [he pulls open the body bag, revealing the corpse's head is missing] 

  Richard Castle : ...*He has no head*!

  [he turns away, gagging] 

  Richard Castle : Dudes, seriously. Give a guy a heads-up.

• Kevin Ryan : Well, our victim's sister is meeting me in the precinct. Maybe she can shed some light on what that thing was.

  Javier Esposito : I'll pull a warrant for Lars' new safe-deposit box. See if there's a clue as to what our killer was after.

  Richard Castle : [phone rings]  Oh! This is Oprah's assistant. Um, I'll take this. Uh, you guys... head out without me.

  [Espo and Ryan aren't amused] 

  Richard Castle : I'll... be heading to the precinct in just a little while. Guys, these are comedy gold. Seriously.

• Richard Castle : So, what do you think Lars was smuggling?

  Kate Beckett : Well, he was in Turkey, which is the heroin pipeline from Afghanistan.

  Richard Castle : Hmm. No. Wasn't drugs.

  Kate Beckett : Why not?

  Richard Castle : Because Lars was beheaded by a scimitar. Well, the storyteller inside me craves an explanation far more...

  Kate Beckett : Farfetched?

  Richard Castle : Yeah.

  Kate Beckett : Pirate's booty. Cold fusion. Alien cadavers.

  Richard Castle : No, those are all ridiculous theories.

• Kate Beckett : Hey, Castle, um, what was the name of that woman that you interviewed? Lars' neighbor.

  Richard Castle : I didn't get her name.

  Kate Beckett : I think my unis forgot to put her statement in this file. I swear, most of my time is spent checking people's paperwork.

  Richard Castle : You're suffering from a little buyer's remorse. Yeah, it's one of life's cruel jokes. You get exactly what you wished for, only to find that it wasn't what you wanted at all.

  Kate Beckett : No, I love being a captain. It's just sometimes it feels like I'm more of a kindergarten teacher.

  [Ryan and Esposito enter, bickering] 

  Javier Esposito : I'm a sergeant, Kevin.

  Kevin Ryan : Hey!

  Javier Esposito : I just broke this case wide open.

  Kevin Ryan : Actually, I did. So, I'll go first.

  Javier Esposito : No, I think I'll go first. Mine's bigger than yours.

  Kevin Ryan : Yeah, you wish, pal.

  Kate Beckett : Guys, play nice. Indoor voices. Espo goes first.

  Javier Esposito : See? She knows.

• Richard Castle : Look at this. These books from Lars' apartment on "1001 Arabian Nights", they all have handwritten notes in them.

  Javier Esposito : This one has... maps drawn in it.

  Kevin Ryan : This one has his theories of where King Solomon is buried.

  Richard Castle : These books were his research that he used in conjunction with his skills as a sonar engineer to unearth King Solomon's tomb.

  Kevin Ryan : Yeah, we're with you on that.

  Richard Castle : And find the magical lamp with the genie in it.

  Javier Esposito : That's where you lose us, Castle.

• Kate Beckett : The only thing magical about that lamp is the millions of dollars that private collectors are willing to pay for it.

  Kevin Ryan : Come on, Castle, you don't really believe in genies, do you?

  Richard Castle : I *believe* that until I hear a more viable theory as to where Lars got all that money, that this is the best theory I've got.

  Javier Esposito : So, a genie is your best explanation?

  Kate Beckett : Not that Lars sold one of the items in Turkey before smuggling the rest back here?

  Richard Castle : Okay, that's a... pretty good theory.

  Kevin Ryan : Or that Lars double-crossed his partner, and that's probably where all the cash came from?

  Richard Castle : Fine, that's a good theory, too.

  Kate Beckett : No, no, no. That's- That's better than good. It explains why the killer tortured him. If it was his partner, then he would've wanted to find out what happened to the antiquities.

• Kate Beckett : What do you got there?

  Richard Castle : The woman who wrote this book, Dr. Marion Baker, she's a professor of Middle Eastern literature at Hudson University. We should go talk to her. Knowing more about the lamp will help us figure out why Lars was killed for it.

  Kate Beckett : You just want to find out more about genies and wishes.

  Richard Castle : Well, yeah.

  Kate Beckett : Fine. Go ahead. Meet with Dr. Baker. Maybe she can talk some sense into you.

  Richard Castle : Your wish is my command.

  [he kisses her on the cheek] 

  Richard Castle : [whispers, while waving hands]  Smoke. And he's gone.

  [seriously] 

  Richard Castle : Okay, now I'm gone.

• Richard Castle : You.

  Genevieve : Hey.

  Richard Castle : You broke into my office?

  Genevieve : No. The redhead let me in. Said I could wait inside.

  Richard Castle : You went through my desk.

  Genevieve : To look for a pen to write you a note. Wow. You are a very distrusting person.

  Richard Castle : Yes, I get that way when I'm lied to.

• Richard Castle : I see what's happening here. The, uh, wandering ronin genie is angry with Harlan for killing her master. That's why she prevented him from finding the lamp.

  Kate Beckett : Yeah, Castle, the man is either delusional or he's laying the groundwork for some BS insanity plea. What's your excuse?

• [Ryan and Esposito in the interrogation room] 

  Kevin Ryan : That explains the cash that we found in Lars' safe-deposit box.

  Kate Beckett : Right, but how the hell did Lars get his hands on 400,000 bucks?

  [in the observation room Castle is about to tell Beckett] 

  Kate Beckett : Don't... Don't say that he wished for it. He probably got the money from the financier. Wait a minute, but the one thing that doesn't make sense is if Lars already had the extortion money, then why did the shipper kill him?

  [Castle starts to answer] 

  Kate Beckett : Uh, don't... Do not say that it was to gain control of the genie.

  Richard Castle : I wasn't gonna.

  [sees her expression] 

  Richard Castle : Okay, I was, but there is another possibility. Maybe the shipper kept the treasure for himself.

  Kate Beckett : Well, then why torture Lars? I mean, what information could he possibly want if he already had the artifacts?

• Kate Beckett : Hey, are you okay?

  Richard Castle : No. I've been doing some digging into that mystery blonde.

  Kate Beckett : Uh... You mean the reporter?

  Richard Castle : She is no more a reporter than she was Lars' neighbor.

  Kate Beckett : What? She lied to you again?

  Richard Castle : [handing over his tablet]  This is the real Lindsay Dillon, a 65-year-old black woman living in Tallahassee.

  Kate Beckett : Oh. So, what's this blonde's angle?

  Richard Castle : I wish I knew. She lies out of one side of her mouth, helps with the investigation out of the other. It just doesn't make any sense.

  Kate Beckett : Well, I mean, for all we know, she could be working with the killer, trying to steer us in the wrong direction.

  Richard Castle : Twice, she just vanished on me... Vanished on me.

  Kate Beckett : Castle?

  Richard Castle : Appearing and disappearing at will. Being both deceptive and helpful. The mystery blonde is Lars' ronin genie! Wandering the earth, waiting for someone to find her lamp. She's chosen to appear to me.

  Kate Beckett : [taking his glass of Scotch]  That's it, I'm cutting you off.

  Richard Castle : No, no, no, no. She's- She's giving me clues, Beckett. She wants *me* to find the lamp. I think she wants me to be her new master.

  Kate Beckett : And you know what I think? You need to call me the next time you see her, so I can question her.

  Richard Castle : I've got to come up with a wish list. Oh, my God, I have so many! How am I gonna whittle it down to three?

  Kate Beckett : That's funny, I just have one.

  Richard Castle : What's that?

  Kate Beckett : That my man would stop talking about being some skeezy blonde's master and would start talking about taking... his wife to bed.

  Richard Castle : Oh. Well... I don't need a genie to grant that wish.

• Richard Castle : Guys... this carpet's bleeding.

• Alexis Castle : The mystery blonde is real.

  Richard Castle : Thank you.

  Alexis Castle : But she's not a genie. Her name is Genevieve Sutton. She has an office on Second Avenue. She's listed as a security consultant.

  Kevin Ryan : A fixer, by the sound of it.

  Javier Esposito : Now, how did you get this info, Alexis?

  Alexis Castle : Well, after dad left, I dusted his desk for prints. Got a little help from Hayley, who ran them through the DMV database, and voila.

  Richard Castle : So, she's not a genie?

  Alexis Castle : Sorry.

  Richard Castle : Genevieve is short for Genie. I- I mean, seriously, if she can grant wishes, then a driver's license, that would be a piece of cake.

  Alexis Castle : Mm-hmm. But why would a genie want to do that?

  Kevin Ryan : Oh, seriously, who cares?

  Javier Esposito : Make-believe time with Castle is over.

  Kevin Ryan : We're gonna bring in Genevieve and find out the real story.

  [Ryan and Espo leave] 

  Alexis Castle : Someone needs some ice cream?

  Richard Castle : Me.

• Dr. Marion Baker : Oh, my... King Solomon's tomb. Remarkable. It's arguably the greatest discovery in the last fifty years.

  Richard Castle : Now, this, Dr. Baker, is what I need your expertise with.

  [shows a photograph of the lamp] 

  Dr. Marion Baker : Certainly. Well, you see these grooves? They indicate it was a wheel-made lamp, versus the mold-based ones that became so popular in the 4th...

  Richard Castle : Uh, fascinating, Doctor. But can you skip ahead to the part where King Solomon seals a genie inside of it?

  Dr. Marion Baker : Ah... Did Sidney put you up to this?

  Alexis Castle : Who's Sidney?

  Dr. Marion Baker : The schmuck I beat out for tenure.

  Richard Castle : Dr. Baker, I do not know Sidney. This is not a joke. I am very serious.

  Dr. Marion Baker : But you're acting as if you believe in genies.

  Alexis Castle : Doctor, it's not an act.

• Dr. Marion Baker : Well, the story of "Aladdin and the Magic Lamp" is a romantic metaphor, nothing more.

  Richard Castle : Of course, but what if, and I- and I'm only saying, what if, the legend of genies were based in fact?

  Dr. Marion Baker : Well, I certainly hope it isn't. Genies are frightful creatures.

  Richard Castle : You're saying they're not the cheery '60s housewives or singing blue cartoons?

• [last lines] 

  Richard Castle : Make way, Daddy.

  [hugs Ryan] 

  Richard Castle : How's Jenny?

  Kevin Ryan : Ah. She's exhausted.