Castle (TV Series)

Death Wish (2016)

Jon Huertas: Javier Esposito

Quotes 

• Kevin Ryan : I could really use a genie right now. I would wish that my kid was already born and sleeping through the night.

  Javier Esposito : Bro, fatherhood has made you so damn boring. If I had a wish, I'd use it to become the top MMA fighter in the world, and take home a different hot chick every single night.

  Kevin Ryan : Okay, now that I think about it... I would wish... that I could be a Broadway star. Play Jean Valjean in front of sold-out crowds, win a bunch of Tonys.

  Javier Esposito : You'd wish to wear tights and sing showtunes for a living?

  Kevin Ryan : You'd wish to wear Speedos and grapple sweaty men for a living?

  Javier Esposito : And hook up with a different hot chick every single night. Don't forget that part.

  Kate Beckett : [approaching]  You know what I wish? That my detectives would actually get some work done for a living. While the two of you were on Fantasy Island, *I* found a lead.

• [Ryan and Espo are in the elevator about to leave] 

  Kate Beckett : If you find that lamp and Castle's not there, I'm never gonna hear the end of it.

  Javier Esposito : We'll have him meet us there.

  Kate Beckett : Okay, great.

  [elevator starts to close] 

  Kate Beckett : Oh... Can you just... Can you make sure that he gets dibs on the first rub, please?

  Kevin Ryan : Mm-hmm.

  Javier Esposito : Mm-hmm.

  Kate Beckett : Good. Thanks. I owe you.

  [elevator doors close, to herself] 

  Kate Beckett : Can't believe I said that.

• Javier Esposito : Why are you playing with the carpets?

  Richard Castle : I'm checking if they're magic.

  [taps Esposito on the head] 

  Richard Castle : Think about it.

• Javier Esposito : *So*, I opened Lars' safe-deposit box and found 400 G's in cash. Gots to be drug money. Beat that.

  Kevin Ryan : Easy. I got Lars' encrypted laptop from Mark, found out what he was smuggling, and it wasn't drugs.

  Javier Esposito : What?

  Richard Castle : No... Lars wasn't a drug dealer... he was a tomb raider. Ryan, can you zoom in on that, please?

  [Ryan zooms in on a picture] 

  Richard Castle : I've seen that symbol... Yes, um... At Lars' apartment. You remember there was all those books on "1001 Arabian Nights"? I think that symbol was on one of the books. Yes. Here it is... The Seal of Solomon.

  [reading] 

  Richard Castle : "The Seal of Solomon was believed to be imbued with mystical *powers*, including the ability to seal genies into lamps. In the tale of 'Aladdin and the Magic Lamp', Aladdin finds a lamp containing a genie in a cave. Many people believe this cave was actually King Solomon's tomb, which is most likely located near the border of Syria and Turkey." You guys, you know what this means?

  Kate Beckett : [under her breath]  Oh. Please, no.

  Richard Castle : Come on. The money, the Porsche. Lars wished for them, and his wishes were granted...

  Kate Beckett : And here we go.

  Richard Castle : ...by a genie... Lars found Aladdin's lamp!

• Kevin Ryan : By the time we put a net over the neighborhood, the truck and treasure were gone. And because you didn't get a license plate, we have little chance of finding them.

  Richard Castle : It all happened so fast.

  Kevin Ryan : Oh, right. And yet you did have time to creep over to the lamp, examine it, get held at gunpoint, rub the lamp, make a wish upon the lamp, and have a genie appear in a puff of smoke and knock the 'woman thug' over the head with a 2x4.

  Richard Castle : You forgot the part where it was dark and super dusty.

  Kevin Ryan : Castle, you're just lucky that Lanie was able to pull DNA off Yuruk's body.

  Richard Castle : Did she manage to get a match?

  Kevin Ryan : No, but she was able to determine that the killer was a female.

  Richard Castle : Most likely the woman holding me at gunpoint.

  Kevin Ryan : Or your magical blonde genie.

  Javier Esposito : [approaching]  The one only Castle's seen.

  Kevin Ryan : Hmm.

  Richard Castle : Wait a minute. So neither of you believe me?

  Javier Esposito : Oh, no, bro, I... I do believe you. I actually... I was able to ID the genie based on your description.

  [hands Castle a folder] 

  Richard Castle : Good work.

  [opening the folder, he finds a picture of Barbara Eden as Jeannie from "I Dream of Jeannie"; Ryan and Espo both laugh] 

  Richard Castle : Laugh it up, you guys. I still have two wishes left and I'm not above using them for evil.

• Richard Castle : If he was just fired, how could he afford all those wonderful new toys?

  Javier Esposito : That's nothing. He's got a brand-new Porsche 911 downstairs that he apparently paid cash for. And he just leased a safe-deposit box at a bank down the street.

  Richard Castle : Well, detectives, I deduce that our victim's sudden influx of cash had something to do with the fact that...

  [he pulls open the body bag, revealing the corpse's head is missing] 

  Richard Castle : ...*He has no head*!

  [he turns away, gagging] 

  Richard Castle : Dudes, seriously. Give a guy a heads-up.

• Kevin Ryan : Well, our victim's sister is meeting me in the precinct. Maybe she can shed some light on what that thing was.

  Javier Esposito : I'll pull a warrant for Lars' new safe-deposit box. See if there's a clue as to what our killer was after.

  Richard Castle : [phone rings]  Oh! This is Oprah's assistant. Um, I'll take this. Uh, you guys... head out without me.

  [Espo and Ryan aren't amused] 

  Richard Castle : I'll... be heading to the precinct in just a little while. Guys, these are comedy gold. Seriously.

• Kate Beckett : Hey, Castle, um, what was the name of that woman that you interviewed? Lars' neighbor.

  Richard Castle : I didn't get her name.

  Kate Beckett : I think my unis forgot to put her statement in this file. I swear, most of my time is spent checking people's paperwork.

  Richard Castle : You're suffering from a little buyer's remorse. Yeah, it's one of life's cruel jokes. You get exactly what you wished for, only to find that it wasn't what you wanted at all.

  Kate Beckett : No, I love being a captain. It's just sometimes it feels like I'm more of a kindergarten teacher.

  [Ryan and Esposito enter, bickering] 

  Javier Esposito : I'm a sergeant, Kevin.

  Kevin Ryan : Hey!

  Javier Esposito : I just broke this case wide open.

  Kevin Ryan : Actually, I did. So, I'll go first.

  Javier Esposito : No, I think I'll go first. Mine's bigger than yours.

  Kevin Ryan : Yeah, you wish, pal.

  Kate Beckett : Guys, play nice. Indoor voices. Espo goes first.

  Javier Esposito : See? She knows.

• Richard Castle : Look at this. These books from Lars' apartment on "1001 Arabian Nights", they all have handwritten notes in them.

  Javier Esposito : This one has... maps drawn in it.

  Kevin Ryan : This one has his theories of where King Solomon is buried.

  Richard Castle : These books were his research that he used in conjunction with his skills as a sonar engineer to unearth King Solomon's tomb.

  Kevin Ryan : Yeah, we're with you on that.

  Richard Castle : And find the magical lamp with the genie in it.

  Javier Esposito : That's where you lose us, Castle.

• Kate Beckett : The only thing magical about that lamp is the millions of dollars that private collectors are willing to pay for it.

  Kevin Ryan : Come on, Castle, you don't really believe in genies, do you?

  Richard Castle : I *believe* that until I hear a more viable theory as to where Lars got all that money, that this is the best theory I've got.

  Javier Esposito : So, a genie is your best explanation?

  Kate Beckett : Not that Lars sold one of the items in Turkey before smuggling the rest back here?

  Richard Castle : Okay, that's a... pretty good theory.

  Kevin Ryan : Or that Lars double-crossed his partner, and that's probably where all the cash came from?

  Richard Castle : Fine, that's a good theory, too.

  Kate Beckett : No, no, no. That's- That's better than good. It explains why the killer tortured him. If it was his partner, then he would've wanted to find out what happened to the antiquities.

• Alexis Castle : The mystery blonde is real.

  Richard Castle : Thank you.

  Alexis Castle : But she's not a genie. Her name is Genevieve Sutton. She has an office on Second Avenue. She's listed as a security consultant.

  Kevin Ryan : A fixer, by the sound of it.

  Javier Esposito : Now, how did you get this info, Alexis?

  Alexis Castle : Well, after dad left, I dusted his desk for prints. Got a little help from Hayley, who ran them through the DMV database, and voila.

  Richard Castle : So, she's not a genie?

  Alexis Castle : Sorry.

  Richard Castle : Genevieve is short for Genie. I- I mean, seriously, if she can grant wishes, then a driver's license, that would be a piece of cake.

  Alexis Castle : Mm-hmm. But why would a genie want to do that?

  Kevin Ryan : Oh, seriously, who cares?

  Javier Esposito : Make-believe time with Castle is over.

  Kevin Ryan : We're gonna bring in Genevieve and find out the real story.

  [Ryan and Espo leave] 

  Alexis Castle : Someone needs some ice cream?

  Richard Castle : Me.